The New New Quote Thread

[D'Snowth]

GEORGE: I knew I shouldn't have worked out today, now I'm gonna be sweatin' all through the meeting.
JERRY: So what? You took a shower.
GEORGE: Nah, it wouldn't take. I can feel it, I'm like a human heat pump.
KRAMER: You ought to take cold showers.
GEORGE: Cold showers? They're for psychotics.
KRAMER: Well, I take 'em.
GEORGE: (Blank stare)

And, from the same episode:

ELAINE: Hey, do you know that blonde guy who's always on the exercycle at the health club?
JERRY: No, I don't think so.
ELAINE: No, you know, he's just really, really handsome, with--
JERRY: Elaine . . . I wouldn't know.
ELAINE: You can't find beauty in a man?
JERRY: No. I find them repugnent, and unappealing.
KRAMER: (Enters)
JERRY: To wit.

 

[D'Snowth]

MIKEY: (Runs up) T.J.! T.J.!
T.J.: What is it Mikey? I'm practicin' my kicks.
MIKEY: Will you walk Bonky and me to the bathroom? We gotta go potty!
T.J.: You what?!

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

[after Vince, Ashley, Gretchen, Mikey and the gang are about to leave for the school bus]

Gus: Well, Teej? There's my transport.

[to TJ]

Gus: Hey, why don't you come with? Military camp's gonna be a blast!

Captain Brad: Griswald, you maggot! Get your fanny over here, NOW!

TJ: Eh. Thanks, Gus. But, I think I'll stick it out at home this summer.

Gus: Okay. But, you don't know what you're missing.

[He runs to him]

Gus: Hi, Captain Brad.

Captain Brad: I don't like you, Griswald! I am not your friend! Do I make myself clear?

Gus: Yes, sir! Not looking for friendship, sir!

TJ: Good luck, Gus. You're gonna need it.

[Gus gets on the bus, waving goodbye to him and Captain Brad nabs him]

TJ: Man, this summer's gonna whomp.

 

[LittleJerry92]

"To swing, or not to swing?

.....

Swing!"

 

[Froggy Fool]

Razor: Do you want the good tea or the bad tea?

Bill: What's the difference?

Razor: I call one good, one bad.

Bill: Er, I'll take the good one.

Razor: Excellent. Positive attitude. Will help with the horror to come.

Bill: What horror?

Razor: Mainly the tea.

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Miss Muriel P Finster: I'd call you a pack of wild animals, but even wild animals don't throw food. Except for monkeys. But you're not monkeys, are you? No, you're children, children who act like monkeys.

 

[LittleJerry92]

"What's the big sleep, Ren?

........

He's DEAD! DEAD, YOU IDIOT! YOU KNOW WHAT DEAD IS?! Just like we'll be if we don't get out of here!"

 

[Froggy Fool]

Doc: I don't care if the turkey said the dog was a turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey's the turkey, you turkey!

 

[D'Snowth]

Since apparently today is the first day to start filing taxes, I figured this was most appropos. And it's interesting to think that even in the 70s, SANFORD AND SON had it all figured out:

FRED: I'm tired of payin' taxes. Let me ask you somethin', what do we pay the government that money for anyway?
LAMONT: What for? For defense, Pop. For security.
FRED: Defense and security? You seen the soldiers around here? We were robbed twice last year, now where were the soldiers?
LAMONT: Come on, Pop. Your tax dollars also goes to poverty pockets.
FRED: And it comes from poverty pockets, and winds up in a lot of rich ones.

 

[D'Snowth]

WILBUR: Give me a push, Orville!
ORVILLE: You got to fly it last time!
WILBUR: That wasn't a real turn!
ORVILLE: Oh forget it! If you won't take turns, then everyone can just ride the train for the next century!
IGOR: I am just saying, why is it "Frankenstein's Monster"? I do just as much work as you.
FRANKENSTEIN: I did not spend 150,000 marks and four years in medical school to share credit with a lab assistant!
JELLY: It should be jelly and peanut butter. Alphabetical order.
PEANUT BUTTER: Eh, keep a lid on it. Without me, you'd be getting moldy with that jar of borscht on the bottom shelf!