The Muppet Show Script- Tim Brooke-Taylor

[Skye]

Aww, no problem! I'm glad I could help you. It does make sense, but it certainly doesn't seem obvious when you're looking at that weird, unusual and intimidating word! Interesting how you can learn something so interesting from that cute little song!

Uh-oh! Hehe, that sounds very interesting! Can't wait to read it when you get the chance to post it!

 

[MartyMuppets]

All I'll say is he doesn't try to eat Tim personally. But it will be a good gag.

 

[MartyMuppets]

(Behemoth and some of the what-nots are seen coming offstage before Tim)
Kermit: (addressing Tim) That was very funny Tim. I nearly laughed my flippers off.
TBT: Thank you Kermit. I thought it was a great performance by my co-star as well. He does seem like a very charming fellow, despite his enormous appetite. (Tim proceeds to walk away smiling when he suddenly falls over disappearing from sight with a crash) Aaaaaahhrk!
(Behemoth sticks his head up)
K: (horrified) What did you do that for?
Behemoth: I just realized I had forgotten to trip the waitor.

(in a swamp-like setting, music from the 1960's Batman television series introduces this sketch. Two what-nots dressed like Batman and Robin come running into sight and stare around as the music fades out)
Robin: What is going on Batman? We used our Bat-tracker device to track the Joker to this area of the swamp. But there's no sign of him anywhere.
Batman: And look Boy Wonder. There are the bags of bank money he stole lying there. Where is he?
Robin: Can you hypothesize any theories Batman?
Batman: Let's sit down here by the swamp and consider the possibilities Boy Wonder.
(as they sit the camera closes in on Batman's face as he ponders) What could have happened to the Joker? He cannot fly like a bird. He cannot just disappear into thin air. He doesn't have a magic carpet in his pocket. He cannot tunnel underground like a mole. Hmm. Ah-ha! I've discovered the vital clue to solve this mystery Boy Wonder. Crocodiles! It was crocodiles!
(camera pulls back to reveal two crocodiles with their jaws around the Dynamic Duo's waists.)
Robin: Congratulations Batman. Your superb detective skills never cease to amaze me.
Batman: Aw. It's nothing really. Thank you.
(the music closes the sketch as the Dynamic Duo are pulled into the swamp with water spraying up in a huge splash)
(shot of the audience applauding then cut to Kermit and Tim for the Talk Spot)

K: Tim I'd like to ask you something. When you made that television series with Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie, did you have a particularly favourite moment in any episode?
TBT: Well Kermit. There was a very unique moment when Graeme was upsetting me when I was talking about all you muppets.
K: Really? We were the subject involved?
TBT: Yes. You see Graeme was telling me that you muppets were only dollies.
K: (taken aback) What? Dollies?
TBT: Now now Kermit. It was only a joke. Graeme always knew just as much as I that the muppets were real.
K: (calming down) Oh yeah. Heh-heh.
(Tim places his hand on Kermit's shoulder)
TBT: That was part of our comedy routine. Graeme was trying to explain to me what muppets supposedly really are and I was getting so aghast as I listened to him. It was actually very funny Kermit. As part of the gag Graeme said you were only a green sock on somebody's hand. Isn't that ridiculous? (starts to laugh)
K: (beginning to see the funny side of it) Yeah. That is nonsense. (they laugh together)
TBT: Oh Kermit. Even sillier. Do you know what Graeme considered Miss Piggy to be?
K: Tell me Tim.
TBT: (bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter and screaming) Miss Piggy is an old mop head fastened to a clotheshanger! Hahahahaha!
Piggy: (racing angrily onstage) I heard that! What's the idea of calling me names?
(Tim and Kermit desperately try to explain. She won't listen and karate chops Tim)
TBT: Help! Wild pig! (he runs offstage chased by Piggy)

(Statler and Waldorf are missing from their box. Then a periscope suddenly appears.)
Statler's voice: Is it safe to come up yet?
Waldorf's voice: No. The show still isn't over.

 

[crazed gonzo fa]

Ha ha ha! I love it BBG! Sorry I didn't read this earlier, thanks so much for posting this. It's like watching the show!

 

[Skye]

Haha, very funny new part, Marty! It's awesome! I love Behemoth's line about tripping the waitor! Extremely entertaining part with Batman and Robin... we do seem to like the dark comedy sometimes, don't we? Very, very funny talk spot with Tim and Kermit. Haha, love what he said about Piggy! Somebody should've told him to watch it around her! And I adore the Statler/Waldorf joke at the end, hehe! Perfect! Can't wait for more when you can!

 

[Beauregard]

"I'll report you to Santa and you'll get nothing for Christmas this year." - This line was THE most Tim-like line I have ever heard that wasn't actually said by Tim! *confuses self* What I mean is, it was a FAN-TASTIC line!

I adore the periscope from S and W's box!

I LOVED the Batman sketch! The talk-spot was great. Loved Tim being attacked by Piggy over that line from the show!

 

[Kiki]

I love it, Marty! It's a really great script... seriously... I enjoy reading your stuff.

 

[MartyMuppets]

That makes me really happy everybody

I'm getting up to more complex parts but I'll finish this as I can.

 

[MartyMuppets]

I have a Vet's Hospital sketch and a Panel Discussion like they occasionally had during season one to put together. Not to mention the comedy monologue (or monologues)
And they'll really take a lot of creative thought and probably need to be more drawn out in content compared to the seemingly rather brief bits and pieces I've been putting forth up till now. I shall send my ideas to my friend Dave and get some good help from him. Then I shall post what he and I finally put together. I know it'll be well worth the wait.

 

[Kiki]

Sounds good Marty, can't wait!