The Muppet Christmas Show!

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Those of you who have read Frognapped! should know this was coming. For the rest of you:

SURPRISE!​

Due to the sheer fact that I am impatient I present the first part of the yuletide mayhem entitled:

THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS SHOW!​

INT: THEATER - BACKSTAGE - EVENING
　
FADE IN on a BEAUTIFUL STAR merry twinkling away. PULL BACK to reveal that it is the topper for a magnificent CHRISTMAS TREE. Pulling back more reveals that these halls have been thoroughly decked. Mistletoe, holly, strands of colored blinking lights and, to top it all off, the grand tree sitting right next to the entrance.

Over the scene a NARRATOR…uh, narrates:
　

NARRATOR
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the show,
A frog was heard shouting:​

　​

KERMIT THE FROG, who is wearing a nice sweater, rushes in and up to the intercom. He hits the button and says:
　

KERMIT
Five minutes to go!​

　
NARRATOR
The halls all were decked,
In nice reds and greens,
The air smelt of pine, gingerbread and…​

　​

Kermit is suddenly smacked across the face by a flying fish.
　

NARRATOR
(CONT’D)
…sardines.​

　​

LEW ZEALAND runs in to retrieve his fish before running onstage.
　

NARRATOR
Kermit stood up…​

　​

He does as the narrator says.
　

NARRATOR
(CONT’D)
…and brushed of his sweater.​

　​

And again.
　

NARRATOR
Then yelled to Lew Zealand:​

　
KERMIT
You ought to know better! And could
we knock off the narration? It’s distracting.​

　​

PAN OVER to see the narrator just beyond the edge of the desk with a 40’s style radio microphone.
　

NARRATOR
(Disappointed)
You’re the boss.​

　​

The narrator sulks off and FOZZIE BEAR runs up. A sprig of holly tied to his hat dangles in his face. He brushes it away.
　

FOZZIE
Everything’s ready for the opening, Kermit.​

　
KERMIT
Great, Fozzie! And how is our
Santa Claus doing?​

　
FOZZIE
He’s stuck in a chimney.​

　
KERMIT
What? How did that happen?​

　​

Just as Fozzie begins to explain SCOOTER runs in from onstage.
　

SCOOTER
Boss.​

　
KERMIT
Not now, Scooter.​

　
FOZZIE
See, he was on the roof and…​

　
SCOOTER
Boss!​

　
KERMIT
Not now, Scooter.​

　
FOZZIE
He said he was just trying to get
in character and…​

　
SCOOTER
Boss! The show is starting without you!​

　
KERMIT
WHAT! Don’t move, Fozzie!
I’ll be right back!​

　​

Kermit and Scooter rush onstage leaving Fozzie alone.
　

FOZZIE
But, I’m part of the opening, too!​

　​

　
　

CUT TO​

INT: THEATER - STAGE
　
The all too familiar title card has been augmented with a hastily pasted sticker to make it read “The Muppet Christmas Show”. As normal Kermit pops out of the “O” and says:
　

KERMIT
It’s the Muppet Christmas Show! With
our very special guests Santa Claus and
our friends from ‘Sesame Street’! YAY!​

　​

With that the sign goes up revealing the famous arches (not the golden ones). They, too, have been decorated with strands of tinsel garland, blinking Christmas lights and several wreaths.
The band kicks up in a yuletide rendition of the theme song, with French horns and ringing bells and new lyrics to match.
　

CAST
It’s time to play the music,
And light the Christmas lights,
It’s time to wrap the presents,
On The Muppet Show tonight!​

It’s time to put on fake beards,
Itchy and snowy white,
It’s time to hitch the reindeer,
On The Muppet Show tonight!​

　
WALDORF
I guess this time of the year,
We should be nice, you know.​

STATLER
But, even in the winter,
It’s still an awful show!​

　
CAST
But now let’s get things started!​

　
AUDIENCE
Why don’t you get things started!​

　
KERMIT
It’s time to get things started!​

　
CAST
On the most sensational, inspirational
Celebrational, Muppetional!
This is called The Muppet Christmas Show!​

　​

As Gonzo, once again, tries to blow his trumpet and out flies a burst of ribbons!
　

GONZO
That’s new!​

Comments anyone?​

 

[Scooterthegofer]

HAHAHAHAHA! So fun-nee! You, my friend, have captured the essence of TMS perfectly. The narraration, the altered lyrics, the Lew Zealand gag, and SCOOTER! Can't wait fot the next installment! Rully!

 

[Katzi428]

I like it so far!Keep going.

 

[unclematt]

love it. I loved the narration stuff. I could totally see that all playing out. I am new to reading fanfic and I love it. The writers are so talented. Keep it going.

 

[Muppetfan44]

very cute! Nice opening leaving lots of room for story to develop! post more soon!

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Thank you everyone!

I'm going to update this weekly until Christmas (or until I run out of material).

Either way there's more coming! Stay tuned!

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Ho! Ho! Ho! I'm Santa Claus and here's your present:

The Muppet Christmas Show!
Part 2​

INT: BACKSTAGE
FADE IN on Kermit’s desk. Fozzie stands behind it hopping up and down. Kermit rushes in from onstage and hit’s the button on the intercom.
　

KERMIT
Get the set changed for the next number!​

　​

Kermit turns to Fozzie and watches him jump. Behind him Beauregard and a large group of Whatnots begin changing the set pieces.
　

KERMIT
Fozzie, why are you hopping?​

　
FOZZIE
I have to go to the little bear’s room.​

　
KERMIT
Then why don’t you go?​

　
FOZZIE
Because you told me not to move.​

　
KERMIT
Fozzie?​

　
FOZZIE
Yes?​

　
KERMIT
You can move.​

　
FOZZIE
(Relieved)
Thank you.​

　​

Fozzie runs off…and GONZO runs up.
　
　

GONZO
Hey, Kermit?​

　
KERMIT
Yeah?​

　
GONZO
I finally got my act for tonight right!​

　
KERMIT
That’s great, Gonzo.​

　​

Gonzo holds up three circular saw blades.
　

GONZO
Wanna see?​

　
KERMIT
Not right now.​

　​

Scooter runs up, clipboard in hand, looking a little harried.
　

SCOOTER
Boss, what are we going to do about
our Santa?​

　
KERMIT
I’ll deal with it right after
I introduce the opening number.​

　​

Kermit rushes onstage.

CUT TO​

　
Kermit stands in front of the red curtain.
　

KERMIT
Hi-ho…or should I say, ho, ho, ho
and welcome to our very special
Christmas show!​

　​

SFX: APPLAUSE
　

KERMIT
And tonight we have our very special
guests, all the way from Sesame Street,
Ernie, Bert, Grover, Cookie Monster,
Count von Count, Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch!​

　​

SFX: APPLAUSE
　

KERMIT
But first! I ask you to close your
eyes and imagine a picturesque town
square, a trio of singing rabbits and
a snowman. Because, believe it or not,
when you open them that’s exactly what
you’re going to see. Ladies and gentlemen,
it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
YAAAAY!​

　​

SFX: APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER

　​

Kermit exits stage left and the curtains open, revealing the town square. It is quiet, snow is gently falling through the air and various Whatnots go about their business. A snowman sits in the middle of the square and, as a trio of rabbits peek out of their burrow, he begins to sing.
　

SNOWMAN
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look in the five and ten
Glistening once again
With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.​

　
RABBITS
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store​

　
SNOWMAN
But the prettiest sight to see
Is the holly that will be​

　
ALL
On your own front door​

　​

A pair of young boys and their parents walk by.
　

SNOWMAN
A pair of Hop-along boots
And a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben​

　​

A pair of young girls and their parents walk by going the other direction.
　

RABBITS
Dolls that will talk
And will go for a walk
Are the hope of Janice and Jen​

　
ALL
And mom and dad can hardly wait
For school to start again!​

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go​

　
SNOWMAN
There’s a tree in the Grand Hotel
And one in the park as well​

　
ALL
The sturdy kind
That doesn't mind the snow​

　​

As they finish the line a branch gives way on the tree their standing near, burying one of the rabbits in freshly fallen snow.
　

ALL
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start​

　
SNOWMAN
And the thing that’ll make them ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart​

　​

As the interlude starts the snowman pulls the rabbits into a hug and other woodland critters show up one by one.

SNOWMAN
A pair of Hop-along boots
And a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben​

RABBITS
Dolls that will talk
And will go for a walk
Are the hope of Janice and Jen​

　
ALL
AND MOM AND DAD CAN HARDLY WAIT
FOR SCHOOL TO START AGAIN!
(Laughing to tune)
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that’ll make them ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart​

　​

The song ends, the applause starts up and the snowman and animals take a bow.



Next week: Muppet Labs, A Lecture About Commercialism , Dancing Cookies and a Crisis O So Merry!

 

[unclematt]

I love the fact that these are so good that I can actually see them playing out in my mind. FANtastic!

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

'Tis the season to read:

The Muppet Christmas Show!
Part 3​

INT: DRESSING ROOM
　
The dressing room looks normal, except for the fact that there is a chimney standing against the back wall with a pair of wriggling boots sticking out of the fireplace. The door opens and Kermit and Scooter enter.
　

KERMIT
Where did the fireplace come from?​

　
SCOOTER
Rent-a-Chimney was having a special.​

　​

Kermit rushes over to the fireplace.

KERMIT
Gerald, can you hear me?​

　
GERALD
Yes, I can hear you!​

　
KERMIT
Why did you try to go down the chimney?​

　
GERALD
I’m a method Santa! It’s how I get
in character! But this chimney’s a lot
smaller than the ones I normally use.​

　
KERMIT
Well, don’t worry! We’re going
to get you out!​

　​

The door opens again and Sweetums enters, sledgehammer in hand, humming all the way. He walks over to the chimney, sets the hammer down and begins to size up the fireplace. Then, pulls out a tape measure, takes a couple measurements, draws a quick X with some chalk and picks up the hammer again. With a mighty swing the hammer hits the X, the fireplace collapses and Gerald comes tumbling out covered in dust and soot.
　

GERALD
(Dazed)
Thank you.​

　
SWEETUMS
You’re welcome.​

　​

Gerald promptly passes out, Sweetums chuckles, Kermit looks shocked, Scooter’s worried about the deposit on the chimney and the familiar Muppet Labs theme begins, augmented by jingle bells.
　

FADE TO​

　​

INT: MUPPET LABS
　
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW stands in the foreground, fiddling with a wind-up Santa Claus toy. In the background a large metal box with several mechanical arms sticking out of it sits, doing absolutely nothing. Bunsen snickers as the little toy rapidly flails its legs. BEAKER enters in the background holding a long strand of tangled Christmas lights. Bunsen then notices that he’s on and hides the toy behind his back.
　

BUNSEN
(Clears throat)
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, here at Muppet Labs,
where the future is being made today.
And today we are so very excited to
unveil this. Let me ask you, do you always try
your very best to pack your
Christmas lights carefully, only to
get them out the following year and find
them hopelessly tangled? Well, no more!​

　​

He quickly motions to the box, accidentally flinging the Santa toy into one of the arm openings.

　
BUNSEN
The new Muppet Labs 2000 Series
Christmas Light Detangler Mark 7.835-K
will pack those pesky lights perfectly
every single time!​

　​

Bunsen pulls out a remote and presses a button. The machine springs to life and two ends of a conveyor belt pop out of either side.
　

BUNSEN
Now, my assistant Beaker need
only place the lights on the conveyor…​

　​

Beaker places his light strand on the belt and it passes through without much incident.
　

BUNSEN
(CONT’D)
…and in no time they come out
the other side, perfectly packed
for another year of storage!​

　​

The now perfectly packed lights come out the other end and fall into a box. Bunsen stands triumphantly, Beaker is shocked that he is unscathed.
　

BUNSEN
Would you like to demonstrate
again, Beakie?​

　​

Beaker nods and runs off camera. He comes back with an even larger tangle of lights and plops them down on the conveyor. They roll in a couple inches before Beaker realizes that his arms are tangled in the lights. He struggles with all his might to get free, but the machine is stronger. It pulls him in and, with much banging, clanging, shrieking and freaking, Beaker falls out the other end wrapped in lights with the Santa toy on his head.
　

BUNSEN
Um…well.​

　​

The lights suddenly light up.
　

BUNSEN
You certainly make a good
Christmas tree, Beakie.
(Snickers)
Well, that’s all for now from Muppet Labs.​

Next Week: The Dancing Cookies and Lecture I promised, Gerald wakes up and !​

 

[Scooterthegofer]

Wow! That was great! Let me start with Chapter 2. Gonzo's act is hilarious! And Sweetums with the sledgehammer in Chapter 3-*laughs uncontrollably*