Chapter Twenty Two- Here Comes the Foot
“Happy birthday dear Isis, happy birthday to you” chorused a crowd gathered at Isis Tee’s birthday celebrations. Huddled around a small table in Isis’ kitchen was the most bizarre gathering of misfits known to mankind. Isis’ companion Fem Taeer, Aunt DanDan’s pet foot, sat in the chair closest to her as he admired her overwhelming beauty. Next to him was Aunt DanDan herself, wearing a yellow tutu which she explained to the guests “was a traditional Fruitist birthday gown” and Snubs the ferret sat next to her, waiting for Isis to blow out her birthday candles so he could tuck into the delicious cake. PeaPea, DanDan’s room-mate, was asleep in Isis’ sink, her feet dangling onto Isis’ dirty dishes.
“Make a wish,” prompted Fem as Isis blew out her candles. “Now you can have the first slice of cake, Isis. There’s something really special inside.”
“It’s not one of DanDan’s special cakes is it Fem?” asked Isis nervously.
“No no, it’s something even more exciting.”
After months of waiting around, Fem had finally plucked up the courage to ask Isis to marry him. His plan was to do it tonight, in front of Isis’ closest friends, by hiding an engagement ring in her birthday cake, which he had prepared himself.
“Oh Fem,” she exclaimed. “It seems a shame to cut up this beautiful cake. But if you insist.” She reached over for her knife to cut the cake, only to discover the cake had vanished!!
“THE CAKE!!” gasped Fem. “WHERE IS THE CAKE??” A loud belch was heard from a corner of the corner. It had become apparent immediately where the cake had gone.
“DANDAN!!” gasped the entire table in unison.
“Sorry,” said DanDan, who was now covered in crumbs from Isis’ birthday cake. “But you were taking so long to cut the cake I thought I’d eat it for you!” Suddenly, another thought passed through Fem’s head. DanDan had eaten Isis’ engagement ring before she’d even tried it on!
Peapea woke up, looked around, and fell back to sleep, snoring loudly.
“Oh well,” said Isis miserably. “Who’s for some jam tarts?”
“Oh sorry,” said DanDan sheepishly. “I ate them too.”
DanDan had eaten Isis Tee’s would-be engagement ring. But hope was not lost. Fem had predicted such an event, and hence had a back-up ring. Isis had invited Fem over for pizza, as her favourite film was airing on TV.
Fem had his proposal all planned out. He would give Isis a box of chocolates to apologise for DanDan eating her birthday cake. Then, as the chocolates were slowly eaten away, a message would reveal itself at the bottom of the box. “Marry Me Isis”. Then Fem would present Isis with her ring, which she would accept and a summer wedding would pursue months later.
What Fem didn’t realise was that DanDan also had a date that night. DanDan’s date was a Russian pineapple named Glark. DanDan had bought Glark some chocolates too, with the message “Glark, when you bit my thumb it made my evening.”
Fem was ready for his taxi to take him down to Isis Tee’s classy inner-city apartment. He was wearing his most expensive cologne “Eau de foot” and had his bow tie fastened neatly. His chocolates were on the coffee table, ready to be picked up.
DanDan was also ready for her date. She was wearing her best polka dot dressing gown, and was wearing a basket of fruit on her head as a tribute to Glark. DanDan laid her chocolate on the coffee table ready to be picked up, while Fem went to get a glass of water.
Later that evening, a short man named Fred Jenkins was walking his dog past an inner-city apartment block. Suddenly he heard a female voice shriek out “My name isn’t Glark!! And I have never bitten your thumb!! You don’t even have a thumb!!”
Confused, Fred just kept walking.
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