Here's part three. Enjoy (or not)!
INT: DINING ROOM - AFTERNOON
All of the Muppets are gathered around the table, quietly wondering amongst themselves as to what is going on, both Kermit and Piggy are notably absent. Fozzie is at the end of the table with Robin sitting next to him on one side and Gonzo on the other. Pepe is coveting a crisp twenty dollar bill. Rowlf is still scratching his arm. Janice and a female rabbit are engrossed in conversation. Zoot is asleep. After a few moments Fozzie stands up.
FOZZIE
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me!
Everyone continues talking amongst themselves.
FOZZIE
Excuse me! Can I have your attention? Please? Anybody? Hello?
Sweetums walks in carrying his club.
FOZZIE
Oh, please be quiet! I’m not very good at public speaking.
SWEETUMS
QUIET! THE BEAR WANTS TO TALK!
Everyone, but Janice suddenly falls silent.
JANICE
…and I was like, ‘Look, buddy, I’m not going anywhere
with anyone I don‘t know, no matter how much
money they offer’.
Janice notices everyone else has stopped talking and seems a little embarrassed.
FOZZIE
Thank you.
SWEETUMS
(Chuckles)
Sweetums walks off.
FOZZIE
Well, (Clears Throat) I’m sure you’re all wondering why I
called you here.
PIG
Ya’ got that right, bear!
EVERYONE ELSE
(Agreeing in unison)
JANICE
Is this about Kermit?
EVERYONE ELSE
(Questioning murmurs)
JANICE
Yeah, like, I noticed that he rully hasn’t been himself lately.
ROWLF
You too, hunh?
ANIMAL
Froggy sad.
SCOOTER
I thought it was just me.
DR. TEETH
Yeah, I, too, have noticed that the hip has been
gone from his step.
FOZZIE
Well, that is exactly why I have called you all here.
All attention is now focused on Fozzie.
FOZZIE
Robin, here…
ROBIN
Hi.
FOZZIE
(CONT’D)
…and I have decided that Kermit needs some time
away from his routine, away from the pressures of his
daily life and (clears throat) away from us.
EVERYONE ELSE
(Collective gasp turning into uncertain whispers)
FOZZIE
Now I know that that doesn’t seem like a very
good idea, especially after what happened last time.
PAN OVER to reveal a large, explosion shaped spot in the wall where the paint color is noticeably different.
FOZZIE
But, I think that as long as we put away anything
that can explode everything will be alright.
EVERYONE ELSE
(More uncertain whispers)
Scooter stands up.
SCOOTER
I think Fozzie’s right! Kermit does more for us in a day
than we normally do for him in a week. I think he
deserves some time for himself.
Gonzo stands up as Scooter sits down.
GONZO
Scooter’s right about Fozzie being right. I mean,
if I had to put up with the stuff I do every
day I’d need a vacation, too.
Rizzo stands up as Gonzo sits down.
RIZZO
I think Gonzo’s right! Right?
EVERYONE ELSE
RIGHT!
As Rizzo sits down Bunsen walks in carrying a stack of papers with a pencil behind his ear, followed by Beaker, who is carrying a calculator.
BUNSEN
Good news!
Everyone’s attention shifts to Bunsen.
BUNSEN
After reviewing the ticket prices I have calculated that,
in order to procure a coach class seat, everyone in
this room need only contribute…
Bunsen begins looking over his papers, but is unable to locate the figure he is looking for. Beaker taps him on the shoulder and hold up the calculator.
BUNSEN
Ah, thank you. Need only contribute eight
point four-five dollars.
FOZZIE
Well, that’s not too bad.
An uneasy silence.
RIZZO
I’ve got fifty cents.
GONZO
I have five bucks.
LEW ZEALAND
I have a gold fish.
FLOYD
Hey, Zoot!
Zoot wakes up.
ZOOT
Wha?
FLOYD
What happened to the money we got from the gig
last week.
ZOOT
(Trailing off)
Animal buried it under the tree in the backyard.
FLOYD
Well, let us go and UN-bury it.
Dr. Teeth, Janice and Floyd get up. Floyd gives Animal’s chain a yank. Animal stands up and Zoot follows suit. They all walk out.
Bunsen pulls out his wallet and hands Fozzie four dollars.
BUNSEN
This is all I have at the moment.
Beaker reaches into his pocket and pulls out fifteen dollars. He hands it to Fozzie.
BEAKER
Mee-mee mo ma-ma-ma moment.
Floyd enters with a muddy twenty.
FLOYD
That’s the band’s contribution, now if you’ll excuse me
I’m gonna go and run the bus, and Animal,
through the car wash.
CUT TO
EXT: TRAVEL AGENCY - NIGHT
Dusk has fallen, the street lights have just come on and Phil is leaving his office. His arms are loaded with papers and a tattered, old briefcase. As he struggles to lock the door the Figure walks up behind him. Phil manages to lock the door and turns around. He is startled by the figure.
PHIL
We’re closed.
The Figure suddenly produces a gun. Phil throws his hands in the air, dropping his briefcase on his foot.
PHIL
You can shoot me! Just don’t take my money!
FIGURE
All I want from you is some information.
PHIL
What?
FIGURE
Where is our little Froggy Friend hopping off to?
PHIL
California.
FIGURE
Thank you, very much.
The Figure pulls the trigger and a pellet flies out of the gun, hits Phil and explodes with a cloud of blue smoke. When it clears both Phil and The Figure are lying on the ground, unconscious. The Woman and The Henchman walk up to them.
HENCHMAN
I told him not to use the knock-out gas. But, did he
listen? No-oo-o! And look what happened!
WOMAN
Let’s get him back to the car.
INT: DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Fozzie is counting the money they collected for the plane ticket. He is surrounded by Robin, Rizzo, Gonzo, Scooter, Bunsen and Beaker. Pepe is still coveting his twenty. As Fozzie finishes counting he looks a little discouraged.
ROBIN
Well, how much is it?
FOZZIE
Not enough. We’re thirty-two dollars short.
EVERYONE ELSE
(Disappointed groan)
Pepe, unknowingly, begins to talk to his twenty.
PEPE
I think I’ll take jou down to the pool halls and win
jou a little friend.
Everyone begins to stare at Pepe.
PEPE
What? I already did my parts, okay. I told jou
about the travel agent.
Everyone leans in, Pepe begins to squirm.
PEPE
Alright, alright! Here, okay!
He holds out the bill and Fozzie reaches out to take it, but Pepe pulls it back at the last second.
PEPE
Hold on a seconds, okay. (Dramatically, to the twenty) I
promise jou that this will not be the last times we
see each others, okay. I will find jou and we will
be together again, somedays.
Pepe holds out the bill again.
PEPE
Now, go! Go before I begins to cry, okay. Jour destiny awaits.
Fozzie takes the twenty away and Pepe begins to weep into his arm. Miss Piggy enters, wearing her Thursday best.
PIGGY
Moi am sorry for being tardy, but there was more of a
turnout for the book signing then was
expected. What did I miss.
PEPE
(Loud sob) Partings are such sweet sorrows, okay.
Pepe walks out of the room, hamming it up the whole way.
ROBIN
We’re collecting money to buy a plane ticket
for Uncle Kermit’s vacation.
PIGGY
Really? Well, where are Kermie and I going?
SCOOTER
Kermit and you?
PIGGY
Of course. Kermit could not possibly go on a vacation
without moi.
ROBIN
We’re sorry, but we barely have enough for Uncle Kermit’s ticket.
PIGGY
Don’t be silly Robin, dear, I am more than capable of
paying for my own ticket.
GONZO
Then would you mind loaning us the rest for
Kermit. We’re twelve short.
BEWARE! PART FOUR IS COMING!
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