The Life Of A Frig

[Red Fraggle]

this is awsum! keep up teh good work its really intersting slightly dsiturbing in some aprts but easily overcome.

 

[Wiseman]

Getting food for the new baby.

Chapter 6: Homecoming​

Setting: In the hospital. Three days after the birth. Kermit and Piggy will soon be taking their little tax deduction home. But before they do that they will be meeting with the hospital pediatrician to discuss the care and feeding of mamal-amphibian hybrids.

“Well, what do you think, Dr. Strangepork, can we take him home soon?” said Piggy.

“Well assuming that it is a he, and assuming that all goes well all three of you could be discharged tomorrow. Just one thing, how do you plan on feeding the little one?” said Dr. Strangepork.

“I was going to ask you that,” said Piggy, “the little guy obviously can’t nurse in that fish tank, and yet my breasts are more than full, but I’m imagining he or she might need something more.”

“You are correct about that,” said Dr. Strangepork. “The tadpole stage of frogs is a time when they need a generous supply of algae or pond scum. Also, since your little one is part pig you will need to feed it pig swill. What I suggest is that you fill this 5 gallon fish tank with four gallons of water then add a mixture of half a gallon of pond scum with a half a gallon of pig swill, plus a little bit of breast milk. Change the water about once a week, and add a new mixture at the same time, and you should be okay.

“Where would I get all this stuff?” asked Piggy.

“Well, according to a parent of one of my older patients, there’s a farm in Great Neck Queens known as Green Meadows Farm, a lot of school groups do field trips there, they raise pigs, so you could probably get the swill there. As for the pond scum, the pond in Central Park has a generous supply of it, just be careful not to get any fish or other tadpoles in the bottle. As for the breast milk, you already have that, and there’s a place in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn managed by an English immigrant named Sir Didymus that sells breast pumps designed for pigs.

“Well, I am most certainly not going outside of Manhattan. I do have a reputation to uphold.” said Piggy.

“I can get the pig swill for you,” said Kermit, “Back when I lived on Sesame Street I occasionally reported on school field trips to that farm. There’s also another one right next door called The Queens County Farm Museum.”

“Thank you, honey, you know, on second thought I don’t much like the idea of rooting around in some pond for scum either, do you mind…”

“I’ll get the scum too,” said Kermit. “It’ll give me a chance to visit some of my relatives.” he turned to Dr. Strangepork, “Do you have the address of that place in Brooklyn, I think that might be her next request,”

“Certainly,” said Dr. Strangepork, “Although, I think those sounded more like demands than requests.” he wrote down the address on a piece of prescription paper. “And might I suggest that you get everything today while Piggy is resting, that way she can feed the baby as soon as she wakes up and you will have enough to last you through your first week at home.”

Kermit looked at his wallet, “Well at least the pig swill probably won’t cost too much, and the pond scum will probably be free. Let’s see, I’ll take the subway up to Central Park, get the scum, then hop back on the train to Queens, grab the LIRR out to the farm at the edge of Queens, and then head to Brooklyn for the breast pump. Considering that it is now 8:30 A.M. I should be back here by about 5:00 P.M. Can the little guy hold out till then?”

“Actually no,” said Dr. Strangepork, “but don’t worry, if you check kin at the nursery before you leave, you will notice that the hospital was stocked with a fairly decent supply of the first two ingredients in anticipation of your arrival. We also have a breast pump on hand here, and at about 10:30 we will be wheeling the tank in so that Piggy can supply the third ingredient she will pump herself into a jar on the pump and we will dump what we acquire from her into the tank.”

“Thank you, I’ll do that,” said Kermit.

Later at the nursery, Kermit walked along a bunch of ordinary looking frog tadpoles in fish tanks until he came to strange looking ones. One had a human-looking nose and probably belonged to that girl whose mother he had met at the furniture store. The other had a pig shaped snout and was obviously his. He looked over at human-frog hybrid and wondered if it would inherit the blue skin and poison glands of his South American cousin. He then checked out his little one and wondered it it would hold onto that curly tail when it passed through the metamorphosis stage. He fingered his own collar. Family legend had it that a distant ancestor of his had mated with a frilled lizard and that’s how the collar wound up in his family, gradually through repeated generations of frog-frog crossings the collar gene had all but disappeared until now when it showed up in him. He wondered what other pig traits would appear in this child and how many generations they would last, of course if the final result shared his desire for cross-species experimentation the pig traits might stay in longer plus also a few other odd genes might get picked up as well. He told the nurse he’d be back in the afternoon and headed out of the nursery and down to the elevator.

 

[Wiseman]

this is awsum! keep up teh good work its really intersting slightly dsiturbing in some aprts but easily overcome.

Not as dsiturbing as your typing: awsome, the, interesting. We do have an editing feature here. Other than that, thanks.

 

[RedPiggy]

Kermit and Piggy will soon be taking their little tax deduction home.

HA! Finally, someone who's honest about what kids are.

 

[Red Fraggle]

lol sorry bout the mispellings i try to edit them as igo but my brain thinks faster than my fingers can type.

 

[Wiseman]

Same here

I make a few misspellings myself once in a while as you can see if you examine my last installment, so it is understandable, however, since I am an English teacher I tend to spot mistakes almost as soon as I make them, thus I sometimes can be a bit intolerant and intolerable about others' mistakes. Anyway, I'm working on the next installment, which will involve Kermit's tour of the boroughs of Manhattan, Queens and Brooklyn in order to pick up his week's supply of food for the little guy/girl.

 

[Wiseman]

And here it is.

Chapter 7: Hunting/Gathering​

Setting: A Queens bound R train. Kermit is on his way to Central Park to get the pond scum. Kermit has managed to get a seat, standing and sitting around him are a number of AM’s of various varieties. Someone’s i-pod is playing an updated version of the song “Subway.”

“Attention all passengers. Attention all passengers. This is a Queens bound R train. This is the 34th Street Herald Square. You can transfer here for the B, D, F, N, Q, V and W trains. You can also connect with the PATH trains.” said the announcer on the loudspeaker as the train doors opened and closed again. A rat in a blue dungaree jacket boarded the train along with the rest of the passengers all of whom seemed not to notice.

“Kermit, long time, no see. How’s the pig?” said the rat.

“Fine, Rizzo, she just gave birth.” said Kermit.

“Wow, you mean you and the pig are actually doing it? So just between you and me how do you guys manage it, given your different physiques and everything” said Rizzo.

“Rizzo, this is a family website!” said Kermit, disgusted, but not in the least bit surprised at Rizzo’s behavior.

“Touchy,” said Rizzo, “So, do you have any pictures? Of the baby I mean?”

“Certainly,” said Kermit, showing him some shots he had taken at the hospital.

“Hmm, interesting,” said Rizzo, “I see the little guy has inherited Piggy’s nose.”

“Yes,” said Kermit, “Of course, that is provided that it is a guy of course.”

“What do you mean?” asked Rizzo

Kermit explained about the problem of gender determination among amphibians in the tadpole stage.

“So, I guess that means that you haven’t settled on a name yet either.” said Rizzo.

“Actually, we are currently debating over several names of both genders,” said Kermit. “But, no we haven’t made any real choices yet.”

“So, what does the little one eat?” said Rizzo.

“A combination of pond scum, pig swill, and pig breast milk.” said Kermit, nonchalantly.

Rizzo’s eyeballs bulged, “My stomach churns at the thought. How do you get the stuff? I mean, you can’t buy this kind of stuff at the store, although, I suppose your wife is supplying the last ingredient.”

“You’re right about that,” said Kermit, and he explained about the elaborate travel plans he had for three of the five boroughs of New York City.

“Wow, well, you better get going, we just passed the 57th Street/7th Avenue station.” said Rizzo.

“Yes, I guess I better,” said Kermit as the train began pulling into the 59th Street/5th Avenue station. The doors opened and the two friends made the usual empty promises to keep in touch as Kermit headed out of the train and into the station.

 

[RedPiggy]

I can imagine Rizzo as the nanny *snickergigglechuckle*

 

[Wiseman]

No

LOL, actually I am thinking more along the lines of having Piggy as a stay-at-home mom. But now that you mention it, she could screen some nannies. Actually I want Rizzo to be just in this scene, notice the empty promise to stay in touch at the end of the ride. BTW: Red Piggy, I notice your location says Texas, have you ever been up to NYC and taken a ride on the subway?

 

[Muppetfan44]

I'm totally reading all of the new chapters, I just haven't had time to respond to any. Definitely interesting. Very technical, but interesting

Intrigued to see what happens next