The Life Of A Frig

[Wiseman]

Thanks

Thanks for the comments, here's more.

Chapter 8: Central Park Times​

Setting: Central Park Pond. Kermit is standing on the shore of the Pond holding his empty bottle. He is about to dive in to acquire a week’s supply of algae or pond scum. It’s a dirty job but as a father he has to do it.

“Well, here goes,” said Kermit, looking at the expanse of Central Park Pond. He opened the bottle and jumped in.

“Kermit, is that you?” said another frog as Kermit descended into the depths of the murky waters.

“Steve?” responded Kermit with equal incredulity.

“Yup, what are you doing back in The Pond? I haven’t seen you since you hooked up with that pig and got an apartment downtown. What’s been going on?” said his brother.

“Well, Miss Piggy and I have given birth to a little tadpole of our own” said Kermit.

“Wow, that’s great, so what brings you here to The Pond in Central Park.” said Steve.

“Food,” said Kermit. “According to the pediatrician my little tadpole is going to need about half of this bottle filled with pond scum a week.”

“Wow, I see he’s inherited his eating habits from his mother’s family.” said Steve.

“Yeah, well, after here, I have to head over to Queens to go to Green Meadows Farm and pick up some pig swill to fill this bottle the rest of the way up.” said Kermit.

“Well, do you need any help?” said Steve.

“What do you mean?” asked Kermit.

“Give me a minute, and I’ll show you,” said Steve and he rose to the surface. When he got there, he croaked a few times and jumped back in the water. Moments later, the pond was filled with about 30 other frogs.

“Wow, it’s all my brothers and sisters,” said Kermit.

“Well, not all of us,” said one of the newly arrived frogs, “only about 2/5 of us are here, unfortunately the other 3/5 are scattered in ponds, bogs and swamps around the world.”

“You forgot William,” said another.

“Oh yeah, poor William,” said the first frog.

“What happened to him?” asked Kermit.

“Big fish. Never made it to adulthood.” said another frog.

“Oh, that’s bad news,” said Kermit.

“Yeah, but that’s the way life is for us frogs,” said another, “Why, just last week I saved a tadpole from becoming a dragonfly’s lunch by making the dragonfly my lunch.”

“So Steve, what do you want us to do for Kermit?” said another of the frogs.

Quickly, Steve explained Kermit’s predicament to the rest of the siblings, “so I figure, if we all work together, we could bring Kermit a half gallon of algae a week every week until the little guy gets old enough to start eating flies or whatever he has to eat as a full-grown frig.”

“What if it’s a she,” said another frog.

“Doesn’t matter,” said another, “it’s family, let’s help.

“Yeah, we’ll co-co-co—. What’s that word that the humans use when they want to talk about a whole bunch of them working together?” said another.

“COOPERATE!” said a bunch of the frogs together.

“Wow,” said Kermit, “that takes care of half my problem, but what about the pig swill?”

“Well, you’re on your own there, bro’” said Steve. “None of us have access to the farm in Queens.”

“I can get to the domestic animal exhibit in the children’s zoo,” said one of the other frogs.

“Too risky,” said Steve, “you might become a permanent resident of that prison.”

“Yeah, like George down in Prospect Park in Brooklyn.” said another frog.

“Okay, Kermit, can handle the pig swill on his own in his own way, when he gets there, for now, let’s get the first week’s installment of pond scum together, I imagine the little frig’s hungry.” said another frog.

“Yeah, and each week another one of us will hop down to Kermit’s place and bring him the food, so he doesn’t have to come all the way here.” said another.

“Good idea, but it will probably be better for us to take the subway.” said Steve.

“Or the sewers,” said another,

“No way, Alfred lives there,” said another.

“Oh, he’s just an urban legend,” said another, “there aren’t any gators in the sewers.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but I wouldn’t want to find out, besides I could get lost down there,” said another.

“Okay, it’s all agreed, we’ll use the subways for transporting the food, now let’s get to work,” said Steve.

They took the bottle and put it on the shore, then each frog gathered some pond scum in his mouth and spat it into the bottle. Within minutes the bottle was ready to be closed up and taken on its way.

“Thanks, guys,” said Kermit, “I guess, Piggy and I will see one of you in about a week.”

“Yup,” said Steve, “bye, good luck in Queens with the pig swill.”

“Kermit hopped out of the park and back onto the subway.

 

[RedPiggy]

That just really made me smile. It was hilarious.

 

[Wiseman]

Thanks and corrections

Thanks, before I give the next chapter of the story I should clear up some errors I made about the location of the two farms in Queens. The farms are actually in Floral Park, not Little Neck as previously stated. I made this error due to the name of the street address of the farms: Little Neck Parkway. Unfortunately I can't edit all the previous chapters, however I have made the corrections in the upcoming chapter.

 

[Wiseman]

And here it is

And here is that very chapter with the aforementioned corrections.

Chapter 9: Subways and Railroads​

Setting: A Forest Hills bound R train. Kermit is sitting on a seat looking over a subway map, planning his trip. On the seat across the train is a rather strange trio consisting of two pink cow-like creatures with snouts for noses, and a man with wild hair and big sunglasses. The three of them are sharing a set of earphones and listening to and singing along with a rather strange song that consists entirely of jazz scat riffs.

“Let’s see,” said Kermit, “I stay on this train until I get to Forest Hills, where I change for the E train. I then take that to the last stop at Jamaica Center I then hop over to the LIRR Jamaica Station and take a Hempstead branch train to Floral Park, Queens from there, it’s just a short trip to 73-50 Little Neck Parkway where I will find both Green Meadows Farm and the Queens County Farm Museum. Based on my last visit there both these places have pigs, so I should have no problems getting the swill. However, this is a rather long train ride to be taking every week, I hope I can work out some arrangement similar to the one I did at Central Park.”

“Attention all passengers. Attention all passengers. This is the Jackson Heights/Roosevelt Avenue Station. You may transfer here for the E, F G, V and the number 7 trains. Our next stop will be Elmhurst Avenue.” said the train announcer as the train pulled into a station.

A rather large yellow canary got on the train and behind him came a man carrying a garbage can with a big green creature sticking his head out.

“Hey Turkey Face, does that frog over there look like Kermit to you?” said the one in the can.

“He certainly does, Oscar,” said Big Bird.

Kermit looked up from his map, “Hi Big Bird, hi Oscar. Where are you headed?”
“Apparently the same place you are, Wart-Face.” said Oscar.

“Sorry Kermit, you understand how it is with Oscar.” said Big Bird, “actually, we’re on our way to visit Osvaldo el Gruñón Oscar’s Puerto-Rican friend, who lives in Jamaica, Queens. We’ll be getting off at Forest Hills and changing for the E train to Jamaica Center. How about you?”

“It turns out that Oscar is right, sort of,” said Kermit, and explained his long journey.

“Why are you going all the way out there for pig swill?” asked Oscar, “I got some in my can. You can have it, if you want, just don’t say please.”

“You will?” said Kermit.

“Yeah, and if you remember not to throw in a thank you, you can come back every week until the kid is big enough to take care of himself,” added Oscar.

Kermit was about to say thank you, but then he remembered who he was talking to and said “Just fill it up and I’ll see you next week.”

He handed Oscar the half-filled bottle with the algae in it, Oscar went down into his can and moments later came up with a full bottle containing a mixture of the aforementioned algae and some pig swill. “Here, ya go, Fly-Breath.” he said handing the mixture to Kermit. Kermit took the bottle and looked back at his map so that he could replan his trip with the new destination of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

“Okay, now all I need is the specially-designed breast pump at Sir Didymus’ baby shop in Brooklyn. Let’s see, the quickest way to get to Brooklyn from here is to get off at Woodhaven Boulevard and get the V train going back towards Manhattan to 23rd Street/Ely Avenue, change there for the G train to the Smith/9th Street station, change there for the F to 4th Avenue/Ninth Street, then get back on the R to 77th Street. According to this paper the doctor gave me the store is at the corner of 77th Street and 5th Avenue.” said Kermit.

“Well, you better get going, Sticky-Tongue we just passed Grand Avenue.” said Oscar.

At the next station Oscar said goodbye to his old friends and went on his way.

 

[Wiseman]

Whoops Editing error

last line should have read:

At the next station Kermit said goodbye to his old friends and went on his way.

 

[RedPiggy]

The funny thing is ... even before Oscar and Big Bird showed up, when I didn't even know who you were describing to begin with ... I felt a definite "something Sesame this way comes" vibe, LOL.

Oscar: AAAAAAWWWWWWWW....

 

[Fluffets]

last line should have read:

At the next station Kermit said goodbye to his old friends and went on his way.

Lol Oscar said goodbye!

 

[Wiseman]

I think you'll like the next cameo

check out who makes the next cameo appearance.

Chapter 10: From Queens to Brooklyn​

Setting: A Smith/9th Streets bound G train. Kermit is hanging on a strap as the train rattles through a tunnel. This time the overly loud i-pod is playing a song that apparently nobody, not even the singer, can remember the name of. Kermit is using a wall map to review the details of his complicated but fast route from the northern part of Queens to the southern part of Brooklyn. Unfortunately for him, the New York City Subway System was designed to get people from the outer boroughs to Manhattan and back, not from one of the outer boroughs to another of them.

“I hope I can get to Sir Didymus’ shop before it closes, it is getting rather late.” said Kermit tracing his route with his finger.

“Attention all passengers. Attention all passengers. This is the Metropolitan Avenue station. You may transfer here for the L train. Our next stop will be Broadway.” said the train announcer.
As the doors opened a strange quartet of street musicians entered. It consisted of a gold-toothed top hatted dude on keyboard. A long-mustached red-haired guy on lead guitar a spaced out sax player, and a crazed drummer. Yes folks, it is am are what be known as “Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.”

“Hey dudes, it’s Kermit.” said Dr. Teeth.

“Yo Kerm, what are you doing in these parts.” said Floyd.

“Actually, I should be asking you that question,” said Kermit. “What happened to your world tour?”

“Fell through,” said Dr. Teeth, “Apparently, all people want to hear right now is that rap stuff, and we don’t play that.”

“No rap. No rap.” yelled Animal, banging on his drums.

“So now we’re playing in this place, touring all over New York City, for $2.00. Thanks to our newest agent Philip, we are making a great profit.” said Dr. Teeth.

“Philip,” said Kermit, “who’s he?”

“Philip the Hat,” said Dr. Teeth, removing his headgear and placing it on the floor of the train. “By the way, Janice told us of you and the pig’s new addition, so I guess you’re trying to get some food for it.”

“Actually, that’s all taken care of,” said Kermit, and he described his recent encounters with friends who hooked him up with just what he needed, “So now I’m on my way to Bay Ridge to buy a breast pump at Sir Didymus’ baby shop.”

“So do you have any requests?” said Dr. Teeth.

“Well, since I’ve been traveling all over it, and I’m certainly learning more about it than I ever needed to know, Leonard Bernstein’s “New York, New York, It’s A **** Of A Town” comes to mind.” said Kermit.

“You hear that guys, the frog wants us to get hoppin’” said Dr. Teeth, “Ah 1, Ah 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.” Suddenly he stopped. “Uh, frog, I know you’re a friend and all that, but we gotta’ eat somehow.” he indicated the hat on the floor.

“Oh, yeah, right,” he dropped a five-dollar bill into the hat.

“Thank you,” said Dr. Teeth, “Now as I was saying, 1, 2. 3, 4, 5” he struck a chord on the keys and started in.


Dr Teeth: “New York, New York -- it's a **** of a town.

We've got one day here, and not another minute,
To see the famous sights,
We'll find the romance and danger waiting in it,
Beneath the Broadway lights.
But we've hair on our chests,
So what we like the best are the nights.
Animal: Sights, Lights, Nights.

Dr. Teeth: New York, New York --
A **** of a town,
The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.
The People ride in a hole in the ground.
New York, New York --
It's a **** of a town.

Floyd: The famous places to visit are so many,
Or so the guidebook's say,
I promised Daddy I wouldn't miss not any,
And we've got just one day.
Got to see the whole town from up Yonkers on
Down to the bay -- in just one day.

Dr. Teeth: New York, New York --
A visitor's place
Where no one lives ((spoken)on account of the pace)
But seven million are screaming for space.
New York, New York --
It's a visitor's place.

Floyd: Manhattan women are dressed in silks and satins,
Or so the fella's say,
There's just one thing that's important in Manhattan,
When you've got just one day.
Gotta pick up a date -- maybe seven or eight
On your way.
In just one day.

Everybody: New York, New York --
A **** of a town,
The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.
The People ride in a hole in the ground.
New York, New York --
It's a **** of a town.”

Instrumental solo by Zoot leads us out of the song.

The whole car erupted into applause as Dr. Teeth thanked Kermit for his contribution. The Electric Mayhem took a few more requests and collected money all around the car before getting off with Kermit at Smith/9th Streets (an elevated station). They then got on the F train with him, but as he was only going one stop, he couldn’t ask for any more requests. At 4th Avenue Kermit hopped all the way down the long staircase to the Brooklyn bound R line (underground) so that he could get into Bay Ridge. By the time the R finally pulled into the 77th Street station he was exhausted.

 

[RedPiggy]

LOL ... that was pretty good. Nice song choice, too.

 

[Wiseman]

Thanks

Thanks for the input and since you're not from NYC let me give you some information that may help you to better understand that last paragraph. The 4th Avenue/9th Street station on the F line is the highest point in the NYC subway system. It is about 88 feet above the ground. A trip down from the F train to the R train is a long walk (same goes for going back up). Unfortunately due to the age of this station and the landmarked Art Deco style bridge over 4th Avenue, not to mention the fact that 4th Avenue is a major street in that area of Brookyn, and the construction would obstruct traffic, putting a much needed lift in it is not feasible. I have made the trip many times including once on the most tragic day in NYC history, it's not easy.