thanks
thanks all, sorry about the long hiatus, needed to do some actual work on my computer. Anyway, here's the next chapter.
Chapter 4: Birth
Setting: Three months later. Piggy is just about to give birth, but Kermit doesn’t know it. They are both out looking for furniture for the nursery.
“But Piggy, what makes you think that there’s a nursery store that stocks both cribs and fish tanks. I know that there have been other cross-species relationships before, but honestly, how many amphibian-mammal combinations are there?" said Kermit.
“Apparently, just enough," said Piggy, as they turned what was probably the 20th street corner, and found themselves in front of a store with an awning that said “Hoggle’s Cross-Species Juvenile Furniture Store, We Specialize in Amphibian-Mammal Combinations.”
“Hmm, how convenient …for couples like us.” said Kermit, trying to remember where he had heard the name Hoggle before. The couple walked into the store and looked around.
The store was a maze of aisle upon aisle of strange juvenile furniture styles catering to a number of strange species combos, there was even something that looked like a combination spider web and bird’s nest apparently for avian-arachnid combinations.
As Kermit was backing away from a rather strange looking piece of furniture for a species combination he couldn’t figure out, he bumped into a strange old lady carrying a load of assorted brick-a-brack, knickknacks, white elephants, and odds and ends.
“Why don’t you look where you’re going young frog?" said the woman angrily.
“I was.” countered Kermit.
“Oh, and I suppose frogs have eyes in the back of their heads.” said the old lady.
“No, not quite," said Kermit, “but their placement at the very top does make it easier for us to see what’s going on behind us than other creatures.”
“Perhaps, you had better let me handle this woman, dear” said Piggy, getting between her beloved and the overburdened elderly biddy.
“And just who are you?" said the old lady.
“A pregnant pig that knows karate," said Piggy.
The old lady looked at Piggy and said, “I’m sorry, it was my fault, apparently my eyes aren’t what they used to be, I was looking for a crib and a fish tank for my daughter who married a big blue frog," the old lady waddled off underneath her excessively large load.
“You see we’re not so rare after all," said Piggy. “Besides, I didn’t know there were blue frogs.”
“Yeah, according to my brother Phred, who has traveled all over the world there are cousins of mine in South America who come in all colors including one that has red eyes and another that secretes a poison that the natives use to make a very lethal dart type weapon. The largest frogs are the Goliath frogs in Africa that can weigh as much as a large housecat.” said Kermit. “And then there are also our more distant relatives the toads, who are known for their dry and warty skin.”
“Whatever," said Piggy, “Now let’s see if we can get some help around here.”
“Oh, you certainly can if you ask the right questions.” said a small humpbacked troll coming out from around a bend in one of the aisles.
“Where would we find fish tanks?" asked Kermit.
“Aah, now there’s a smart frog," said Hoggle, “the fish tanks are over there.” He pointed to a large shelf full of tanks.
“But that wasn’t there a minute ago.” said Kermit.
“Yes they were, you just weren’t looking right," came a small British-accented voice from behind them.
“And who asked you, worm," said Piggy, looking at the speaker with a stern gaze. She turned to the proprietor, “There is also the chance that our child might be an air breather, where are the cribs?"
“Aaah, the cribs are over there," he said, indicating a large collection of cribs, straight across from the fish tanks.
“But those weren’t — never mind," said Piggy, suddenly realizing the futility of the situation.
“Perhaps the best solution for you would be this model, note that it combines both.” said the troll. He indicated a crib with a fish tank at one end, the idea being that when the offspring finished the watery part of his existence he could hop right into the crib and begin a life on land.
“How much?" asked Kermit.
“Make me an offer," said Hoggle.
“Three hundred dollars," said Piggy.
“400.” said Hoggle.
“350.” said Piggy.
“450” said Hoggle.
“Sold," said Piggy. She turned to Kermit, “Pay the man.”
Kermit sighed, realizing that his wife’s bargaining had just made them pay 450 dollars for a 300 dollar crib fish tank combo that would probably last only the first two years of the kid’s life before he grew out of it. He got out his wallet and paid him.
“Does that price include delivery?" he asked.
“Of course," said Hoggle, “Ludo, I have a delivery for you.”
A large lumbering beast with horns came lumbering into the room.
“Ludo make delivery," it said in a deep but friendly voice.
“Yes," said Hoggle, “This frog and this pig have a baby coming and they would like this crib fish tank combo delivered to their home.”
“Where frog and pig home?" asked Ludo.
“At the corner of Lily Pad Street and Sty Avenue.” said Piggy.
“The apartment’s on the 40th floor.”
“Lily Pad Street, Sty Avenue, 40th Floor," the beast repeated.
“Yes," said Piggy. She turned to Kermit, “Honey, it’s time.”
“Uh, it’s about 3:00," said Kermit looking at his watch.
“No I mean it’s time.” said Piggy, more emphatically.
“Piggy have baby," said Ludo.
“Oh you mean you’re about to have the baby, well in that case — What! You’re having the baby.” said Kermit, and then he ran about flailing his arms in panic.
Meanwhile Hoggle calmly took out his cell phone and dialed 911.
“Meep, Meep, Meep.” said the 911 operator.
“A pig is having a baby.” said Hoggle.
“Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.” said the operator.
“Hoggle’s Cross-Species Juvenile Furniture Store” said Hoggle.
“Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.” said the operator.
“At the crossing of Parrot Street and Lion Avenue.” said Hoggle.
“Meep, meep, meep, meep.” said
“Thank you," said Hoggle and hung up the phone.
“The ambulance will be here in a few minutes.” said Hoggle.
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