The Life Of A Frig

[Muppetfan44]

I totally didn't get it either

 

[Wiseman]

old kid's joke

There's an old kid's joke that goes What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion? Don't know? Well, I don't know either, but when it talks, you better listen!
Given that the furniture store specializes in odd crossings, I figured I should include the famous parrot/lion crossing, on the off chance that any of the under twelve visitors of this site stumble on this story which is admittedly a little bit above them.

 

[RedPiggy]

I'm a 31-year-old kid and I've never heard that one, LOL.

 

[Muppetfan44]

haha, I like that one!

 

[Wiseman]

thanx here's more.

Chapter 5: Birth Part 2​

The ambulance pulled up to the furniture store and Hoggle went out to greet it. Two elderly gentlemen took a stretcher out of the back.

“Boy are you ugly, Hey Statler, I think there’s something wrong with my contacts.” said one of them.

“Why do you say that, Waldorf?” said the other.

“I can see this guy.” said Waldorf.

“Very funny,” said Hoggle, “Look, I’ve got a pig having a frog’s baby in aisle 373. I don’t have much time and this store was built by a bunch of goblins that drank one too many Long Island Iced Teas, so can the insults and follow me.”

“Follow you,” said Waldorf, “Just turn around, and I will stay as far behind you as possible.”

“Yeah, that way he can’t see your face.” said Statler.

“Enough, just remember, I know the way to the Bog of Eternal Stench as well.” said Hoggle.

“Yeah, it’s just under the bridge where you live.” said the two of them together.

Hoggle led them through the maze of odd furniture pieces, stopping to help out the old junk lady who had gotten herself lost again, and soon came upon the couple in question. By this time, Piggy was lying on the floor breathing Lamaze style while Kermit was still running around flailing his arms in panic. Ludo had left the area with the crib, apparently he was on his way to deliver it to Piggy and Kermit’s house.

“Drat, now I have to call that beast and tell him to change plans,” said Hoggle. He pulled a cell phone out of one of his many pockets and called up Ludo.

“When you get that thing to Kermit’s house release the latch and take just the water half to Veterinarian’s Hospital.” said Hoggle.

“Where hospital?” said Ludo.

“At the corner of What Street and Who Avenue.” said Hoggle.

“What Street, Who Avenue?” said Ludo.

“Right.” said Hoggle.

“What right?” said Ludo.

“Never mind, it’s right next to the New York Branch of the Happiness Hotel about six blocks from Kermit’s house.” said Hoggle, realizing where this was going.

Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf had loaded Piggy on to the stretcher and were attempting to lift it.

“It’s not going to work,” said Waldorf.

“Yeah, and I didn’t bring the forklift,” said Statler.

“Oh, brother, I’ll do it,” said Hoggle, he bent down and lifted a hidden door in the floor of the aisle and went underneath.

Moments later he came back up underneath Piggy and lifted her up over his head. He then proceeded to carry her out of the store.

“Follow me with the frog.” he said to the two elderly gentlemen.
Statler grabbed Kermit’s arms and Waldorf grabbed his legs and the two of them carried Kermit out after Hoggle.

“What kept you guys?” said a large ratlike creature at the driver’s seat of the ambulance.

“Don’t ask, just drive, Beauregard,” said Kermit, realizing who was his driver.

Beauregard started up the engine and drove.

Later at the hospital Kermit and Piggy were admitted and taken straight up to maternity.

“Well, Piggy, I see you’re ready to have the baby.” said Rowlf,

“By the way, that was a good idea to have your furniture store delivery creature deliver the fish tank here.” He turned to Nurse Janice, “Is the pool ready?”

“Yes,” said Janice.

“I’m having a baby and you want to go swimming?” said Piggy, angrily.

“The pool isn’t for me, it’s for you.” said Rowlf, “or more properly for the baby, based on the fact that your child is part amphibian an underwater birth is best. You will squat in the pool in waist deep water and when the child is ready, it will swim out and into the pool. Nurse Janice will then fill the fish tank with water and transfer the baby to the tank so you can take it home.”
“Oh, well, in that case, the water had better be warm.” said Piggy.

“It is,” said Rowlf, he turned to Kermit, “Do you want to watch the birth, or would you rather wait outside.”

“He will be in there with me.” said Piggy.

“Nurse Janice, tell Annie Sue to set up the lily pad.” said Rowlf.

“Yes,” said Janice.

Within minutes, the extremely pregnant sow and the frog were being helped to their respective places in the pool.

“Now just squat down and push Piggy, and it will all be over soon.” said Rowlf.

Kermit positioned himself cross-legged on the lily pad and watched as Piggy descended into the water and squatted down.

Piggy screamed at the top of her lungs as Rowlf and Janice told her to push.

“I think, it’s about to come out,” said Rowlf, he turned to a female frog in a nurse’s uniform. “Jill, could you go down there and see how far along she is.

Nurse Jill jumped into the water and swam down underneath Piggy’s squatting legs. Moments later, she surfaced. “She’s dilated enough, all she needs is about one more good push.” She dived back in and got back underneath Piggy.

“Push, Piggy,” repeated Rowlf.

“Push, Piggy,” repeated Janice.

“Push, Piggy,” repeated Kermit.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” said Piggy, pushing with all her might.

“It’s out,” said Jill, surfacing. Janice handed Jill the fish tank and she swam down and attempted to coax the creature into the tank, moments later she surfaced again and presented Kermit with a tank, containing some water and a small animal that looked like a tadpole with a curly tail, a pig’s snout and a fringed collar not unlike Kermit’s.

“Is it a boy or a girl.” asked Piggy, relaxing a little bit.

“I think I better let Kermit answer this one,” said Rowlf.

“Well, since the child has obviously inherited my metamorphosis, I can’t tell, yet, unfortunately in us frogs, the gender determining features don’t emerge until we are in our land stage.” explained Kermit.

“Then how are we going to name the frog if we don’t know what it is.”

“Well with 72 of us that’s never been an issue before.” said Kermit, “however, in this case, since there is considerably less offspring, I can see how we might want to give a name sooner.”

“There is one way,” said Rowlf, “with your permission, we could take a DNA sample of the child to the lab analyze it and have an answer back to you in 3 weeks.”

“Do it,” said Kermit and Piggy in unison.

 

[Fluffets]

Just loving all the character appearences and gags and references. Especially has i just watched Labyrinth. This is getting exciting now! REALLY exciting!

 

[RedPiggy]

It's cool you remembered how strong Hoggle must be (since he alone could support a rope for Sarah to climb). Surprised they got to the hospital with Beau driving ... but ambulance is WAY more his speed.

 

[redBoobergurl]

Too funny! Can't wait to find out what it is.

 

[Wiseman]

thanx all

Thanks guys. I know you have all been loving this. you've probably learned more than you ever wanted to know about frogs. I am working on my next installment. I plan to give some details about how Piggy and Kermit go about feeding the little frig, solve the gender mystery and start work on the metamorphosis. I'm just not sure how long to make that one last. In frogs, the change takes place in Spring and Summer and by the Winter they're hibernating in preparation for their first mating. However, as we all know mammals tend to grow up slower and live longer than amphibians, so I may make them wait a little longer for the change to start and become complete.

 

[RedPiggy]

We had an outside little fish pond when I lived in Mississippi. I once found one spring long green chains of what I thought was algae. I was shocked to see little black specks moving around. I ended up, over the course of a couple of years, raising hundreds of the little critters (I guess the fish may have eaten some, though). Soon every night was filled with croaking. I didn't mind ... it meant I didn't have to clean the filters as much, since they picked the pond clean of algae. *shrugs* works for me....