L - But my brain died... I'm thinking in dots... lots and lots of dots that the MC edit-whatcha-ma-thing will edit down to one dot so that it all loses all effectiveness...
P - C'mooooooooooooon! It's the last FIVE! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
L - Alright, alright... just- don't complain if I start going in a weird combo of German, Hebrew, gibberish, and morse code, okay?
P - Okay, fine.
L - Got the list?
P - Well duh, I am the official holder of the offical list that is absolutely real and not fake we promise.
L - Of course. I pretend to hold the fake list.
P - Right. Can I reveal Muppet number 5 now?
L - Please do.
5. Klaus Mueller (The Muppet Show)
L - Gotta love Klaus!
P - My gosh, I don't know if there's a perfect Muppet, but Klaus is probably the closest thing.
L - Pretty darn close to the closest, anyway. What makes a Muppet is dedication, and boy, is Klaus dedicated.
P - My gosh yes. I mean, that hack Fozzie Bear might SEEM dedicated on the outside, but really, Klaus has dedication down to an art. Even Grover, that mediocre monster, doesn't even pale in comparison to Klaus's incredible dedication.
L - Oh yeah. Klaus knows what it's really about.
P - He'd be crushed if he wasn't present in the top five of this list.
L - <Ahem> He certainly would. And we wouldn't want a crushed Klaus, now would we?
P - No, of course not.
L - So here he is. Congratulations, Klaus.
P - Here's to you bright eyes, may your talents forever branch out into the endless tomorrow!
4. The Geefle (Sesame Street)
P - I heard that The Geefle was one of Jim Henson's favorite characters that he performed.
L - Wouldn't surprise me. Where would we be without The Geefle? Well, I don't know, but we probably wouldn't be making this list.
P - That is the most truthful thing you've ever typed. The Geefle has been an inspiration to Muppet fanatics everywhere. I think it's safe to say that without The Geefle, the Muppets would be a sham.
L - Here here. (Hear hear? Hear here?) He is certainly one of the greenest Muppets, too.
P - Yes. It's obvious that it's easy for him being green.
L - Quite! Anything's easy for him, with the help of a little Shirley.
P - Sha. The Geefle is quite the spectacle. I believe this is also where Jim came up with the name "Gelfling" for The Dark Crystal. Obviously he wanted to name them after his favorite character.
L - Well, NATURALLY. Who wouldn't?
P - Indeed! Well, I feel like if we keep talking we'll bring shame to the Geefle's name (though that is NEARLY impossible) we'd better move on.
L - On we go!
3. Anger (The Muppet Show Sex & Violence)
P - *teary eyed* I don't know if I can do this one. This character just means so much to children everywhere.
L - I don't know if I can do this one either, for different reasons. Prawnie and I are a little divided on this slot. I still think it should go to Wearing Funny Pants to a Funeral.
P - *crosses arms* I think our creative differences are going to prevent us from saying anything about this character. Shall we just move on?
L - <puts hands on hips> Fine!
2. Miss Mousey (The Muppet Show)
P - One of the most divine creatures ever to grace the medium of television.
L - A helpless victim of the pig's jealous wrath, and far more deserving of the pig's glory. I take my hat off to her.
P - Do you even wear a hat?
L - Well not anymore. I took it off to Miss Mousey!
P - As you should! She's a goddess on Earth. I don't think even Aphrodite possessed the striking beauty that belongs to our own Miss Mousey.
L - And it was about this very Muppet, in a discussion we quite recently had with our third Half, Leyla, that she said, "But I like it!" And if that's not proof of Miss Mousey's wonders, then ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what is.
P - EXACTLY! Which is why, we're moving on to our final Muppet on the countdown. Oh, I can barely contain my excitement!
L - I know, I know! I could just explode!
P - *explodes*
L - Yeah, kinda like that. <Sweeps up Prawnie pieces and glues them together>
1. Kermit the Pig (The Muppet Show)
P - My gosh... he truly started it all. *salutes him*
L - I know. I know. The purest image of what a fully-grown fig looks like.
P - Was there any doubt, really, that he'd be number one?
L - I should hope not. I mean, he is just that good. Who else could possibly be in this place?
P - No FROG, that's for sure.
L - Pft! Frog, shmog!
P - We want PIGS! Not frogs. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Pig IS the greatest Muppet.
L - Aye. It's as simple as that.
P - Well, I think we've beat the tar our of this list, shall we let it sink into the readers?
L - Well, gee, I'd hate to see this end, y'know? It's been so much fun making this list, and all of our comments...
P - Yeah... but... well, it's gotta end sometime.
L - <Sigh> I suppose. Alright, then. Thanks for all of your support, gentle readers!
P - Thanks a lot! Sorry if your favorite Muppet didn't make the list! But, hey, mine did!
L - So did mine! And hey, it's our list, so... Yeah. So there.
P - Fare thee well! Prawn out!
L - Shalom and adieu!