Chapter twenty-two
“Alright, we got one number left,” Clifford said. “What are we gonna put there?”
He was standing with Rowlf and Scooter around Kermit’s desk, trying to finalize the schedule for the show.
“Well it would be nice to get Grover in again,” Rowlf said.
“Yeah, but what should we have him sing?
Fuzzy and Blue?” Clifford said.
“Naw, that takes three,” Rowlf said.
Scooter shrugged. “Well, all I know is that Johnny wants to sing.”
“Yeah, but he’s not fuzzy
or blue,” Clifford said.
“Well we don’t have to do
Fuzzy and Blue,” Scooter said.
“So what else can we do?” Clifford said.
Rowlf tapped his pencil on the desk. “
Fuzzy and blue, we don’t know what else to do...” Clifford and Scooter stared at him. “Sorry.”
Ring ring.
Clifford reached for the phone. “If this is another reporter...” he grumbled. “Backstage, Muppet Theater.”
“
Hey Clifford,” a tired voice on the phone said.
Clifford immediately brightened up. “Yo, Kerm!”
“Oh, good, it’s Kermit,” Rowlf said.
Scooter hit a button on the phone. “Boss, you’re on speakerphone,” he said.
Kermit sighed. “
Why does that not surprise me,” he said. “
So how’s the show going?”
“Well, it’s been worse,” Rowlf said. “Of course, it’s been better, too.”
“
Well, that’s okay,” Kermit said. “
Sounds pretty quiet there. What are you guys doing?”
“Well we’re just going over the schedule for the show,” Rowlf said.
“Yeah, and we got a problem,” Clifford said. “We don’t know what to do for this number. Johnny wants to sing, we’d like to get Grover in again, and none of us are coming up with anything.”
“What should we do, Boss?” Scooter asked.
Kermit sighed. “
Guys,” he said, “
Just make a decision!”
They hesitated a moment. “Right Boss,” Scooter said quietly. “So, uh, how’s your family?”
“
Well, about the same as the show, I guess,” Kermit said. “
It could be better, could be worse. You know, people might be upset if I only talk to you three.”
Scooter immediately shouted, “KERMIT’S ON THE PHONE!”
“
Scooter?” Kermit said, “
Could you warn me the next time you shout?”
“Sorry Boss,” Scooter said as the backstage area quickly filled with Muppets, all eager to talk to Kermit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kermit sat at the counter at Juhl’s Pizza Place, listening to the utter chaos erupting at the other end of the phone line. In his mind, he could clearly see them all teaming around his desk, all talking at once, all wanting to be heard.
“
Kermit, you’ve GOTTA see my new act, it-“
“
Kermit, how’s your mom doing?”
“
Kermie, moi will be singing the-“
“
It is completely un-American, it is-“
“
A special report, it will put-“
“
Me mee mee MEE me mo mee!”
“
Like all loud and like-“
“
KER-MIT! KER-MIT!”
“
So if you could get my number-“
“
Yeah, and if Johnny says-“
“
With these strings from-“
“
De foosy bloosy thoosy-“
“
And it’s gonna be-“
“QUIIIEEET!”
The pizza place fell silent and everyone stared at Kermit. He put his hand over the mouthpiece. “Sorry, guys,” he said. They went back to eating.
Robin hurried over. “Uncle Kermit, are you talking to the theater?” he asked excitedly.
“No Robin,” Kermit said, “I’m talking to the people
in the theater.” He spoke into the phone again. “Guys, when are you gonna learn, I can’t understand anybody if you all talk at once.”
“
Sorry,” Fozzie said.
“
So uh, how’s your mother doin?” Rizzo asked.
“
Yeah didn’t you say she had an appointment today?” Gonzo asked.
“
Si, how did dat go?” Pepe said. “
And how’s dat sexy sister of jours, okay?”
Kermit scrunched up his face. “Pepe!”
Robin was still at his uncle’s side, looking eagerly up at him. Kermit scooped the young frog into his lap and sighed. “Mom is at her doctor’s appointment now,” he said. “The rest of us are getting lunch. Well, not all of us, but pretty much. So we don’t know how the appointment’s going.”
“
Well, how are YOU doing, Kermit?” Fozzie asked.
Kermit looked at the young frog in his lap, looking eagerly up at him. He sighed. “I’m alright,” he said. “The swamp’s been kinda busy. I mean, for the swamp, anyway.”
“
You mean with all this stuff with your mom?” Gonzo asked.
“Yeah, there’s that,” Kermit said. “And Robin has some new cousins.” His nephew smiled.
“
What?” Miss Piggy demanded, obviously suspicious.
“Yeah, my sister Leslie and her husband Bob just had tadpoles,” Kermit said. “They just hatched a couple days ago.”
“
Oh, how cute!” Bean Bunny said.
Kermit hesitated for just a tiny moment. “Yeah,” he said thoughtfully. “They are pretty cute.”
Robin smiled up at his uncle and nodded. He liked his new cousins, although he couldn’t play with them yet.
“So how are you guys doing?” Kermit asked.
Once again, they all immediately started to talk at once. Kermit scrunched up his face and shook his head.
“Uncle Kermit?” Robin said hopefully, “Can I talk to Sweetums?”
Kermit looked at his young nephew, not answering at first. He spoke into the phone. “Hey guys?” he said. “Is Sweetums there? Robin wants to talk.”
“
Turning off speakerphone,” Scooter said.
“
Hang on a sec, Kerm, I'll put Sweetums on,” Clifford said.
“Thanks,” Kermit said. He handed the phone to Robin, and was rewarded with a giant hug from the tiny frog. He smiled and his gaze drifted to the window. Across the street, he could see the movie theater. He remembered seeing a film there for the first time, many years ago. Something had clicked for him that night, and he had known what he wanted to do. It had taken some persuasion to convince the other frogs that he belonged in show business.
Frogs belong in the swamp, they had told him. But they had supported him, and now they left the swamp every week to see him on the show. And when Robin first wanted to go to the theater with him, they had been hesitant, but no one had objected. Robin...
“I wish you could see them, they’re really cool!” Robin was telling Sweetums. “There’s this one really little one, Preston, he hatched a whole day late, but you should see him now, he swims really fast! Joey and I think he’s gonna be the fastest swimmer in the swamp when he gets bigger... No Joey’s one of my cousins. He’s Tate’s big brother. I told you about Tate, right? He’s the one who wants to be a toad...”
Kermit smiled. He glanced back at the movie theater, then at Jimmy, and then looked at Robin again.
Jimmy’s right, he thought.
Robin knows this family as well as someone who lives here.
“...And Dad helped us make a boat, and we pretended to sail all the way to China! Mac was the captain, and I was the first mate, and then the girls made a boat too, so we turned into pirates...”
Kermit tried to stifle a laugh.
And he certainly has the imagination for show business, he thought.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The crowd of Muppets slowly dispersed back into the corners of the theater while Sweetums laughed on the phone with Robin. Scooter turned to Rowlf and Clifford.
“Boy,” he said, “Kermit sounded kind of upset. I mean I don’t blame him, his mom does have cancer and all.”
Rowlf scratched one of his floppy ears. “I could be wrong, but I think something else was bothering him,” he said. “I wish there was some way we could help him relax.”
“You mean force a chill pill down his throat from long-distance?” Clifford said.
“Something like that,” Rowlf said.
“I think I got an idea,” Clifford said. He turned towards the stairs. “Yo, Piggy! Come here for a sec!” He turned back to Rowlf and Scooter. “I know this trick we could pull with the lights...”
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