Swamp Call

[theprawncracker]

Yes, I agree with Beth. I have my penguin cannon from Beau's story over here. So, if you'd be so kind...

 

[TogetherAgain]

I was wondering when you would start nagging already. I mean, I haven't posted in a whole week.

Depressing thing is, I haven't written at all since then... busy with Rosh Hashanah and catching up with school and fun stuff like that, and now of course getting ready for Yom Kippur, BUT! I happen to not have school tomorrow. SO! Somewhere between finishing this silly homework stuff and driving my sister to the airport, it is way past time to re-aquaint myself with my notebook and post some story. Don't you agree?

<nervously looks at penguin cannon>

<cough> You know I really didn't think Nancy would get as much of a reaction as she did... I'll have to keep her in mind for future fanfic talk show necessities... <makes mental note>

 

[Fragglemuppet]

This is a great story, Lisa! Forgive me for not going in to detail, but this whole thing is so good, that to do so, I would almost have to pull apart the whole thing. I thaughy it was hilarious, and I loved the references to Kermit's Swamp Years, which as of yet, I haven't seen.
And yes, I think we all wanted to do something to Nancy that I would hesitate to say in a family forum... But I agree that she would be great in future stories; perhaps a true villon.

 

[theprawncracker]

Ahem, Lisa, say hello to my little friend! *fires penguin at Lisa narowly missing her* Shoot, now I need more ammo. Hey Zany!!!

 

[TogetherAgain]

<ducks to avoid penguins> IS COMING, IS COMING! GOT TWO HANDS ONLY! Really, I'm ALMOST done writing it, and then I'll type it as quick as I can! Really I will! I promise!

 

[theprawncracker]

Hey Pete where's the beef?!?

Sorry I couldn't resist. Ok, I'll wait, then, I'll post my chapter! MWoO hahahaha!

 

[theprawncracker]

Ok, so I beat you to the post, but don't think you're off the hook! *rubs penguin cannon*

 

[TogetherAgain]

<deep breath>
Ready?

 

[theprawncracker]

I'VE BEEN READY!!! And so have my penguins...MWoO hahaha!

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter fifteen

As soon as she had heard all the details of the phone call her children had made at lunch, Kermit’s mother had told him to stay in town until he had called the boarding house.

“But Mom, no one will be there until evening,” he had told her.

“Then stay until evening, Kermit,” she had said in her forever-gentle voice. “Jimmy will keep you company. Won’t you, Jimmy?”

They didn’t bother trying to argue. So although Wilson had given the rest of the family a ride to the swamp several hours ago, the two brothers were still wandering the streets of Leland, each lost in their own thoughts.

“It’s a strange schedule,” Jimmy said suddenly.

Kermit looked up. “What is?”

“Mom,” Jimmy said. “Another appointment next week, and then the operation next Friday.”

“Yeah?” Kermit said, “What’s strange about it?”

Jimmy shrugged. “I dunno. Just thought they’d wanna get it done with, is all. Feels like they’re dragging it out.”

Kermit shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “But the doctor knows what he’s doing. We just have to trust him, I guess.”

“Trust,” Jimmy repeated. “That ever-elusive trust. So easy to misplace.”

“And yet so easy to skimp on,” Kermit said.

“So which are we doing, brother?” Jimmy said. “No one’s ever done this- treatment or whatever it is- no one’s ever done it before. How do we know it’ll work?”

“How do we know it won’t?” Kermit said. “Let’s not worry about it now. Mom will get upset.” He looked at a nearby clock. “They should be finishing up dinner now. At the boarding house, I mean.”

“Alright then,” Jimmy said. “Think Wilson will lend ya his phone?”

“Bet you a lily-pad he will,” Kermit said, and they walked a little faster.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“Alright how about this one,” Fozzie said. He held up one finger. “Does this make you laugh?”

Scooter shook his head and picked up another plate to dry.

Fozzie wiggled the finger. “What if it’s dancing?” He wiggled all his fingers. “What if it’s a party! Ah, wocka wocka!”

Scooter shook his head. “Sorry, Fozzie,” he said, “But I still think Mr. Bimbo was funnier.”

“But Scooter,” Fozzie said, “You weren’t even there for Muppet Treasure Island.”

“No, but I saw it in the theater,” Scooter said.

Fozzie sighed. Rizzo walked into the kitchen.

“Hey hey, Rizzo?” Fozzie said. He held up his finger. “Does this make you laugh?”

Rizzo looked at the finger, and then back to Fozzie’s face. “What?” he said. “Mr. Bimbo?”

Fozzie groaned.

Ring ring.

“I’ll get it!” the bear said. He hurried across the kitchen and grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi Fozzie,” the voice on the phone said.

“Kermit!” Fozzie shouted. “Hey guys! Guys! It’s Kermit! Kermit’s on the phone!”

The room was almost instantly packed with Muppets. “Put it on speaker!” a penguin shouted.

“Okay,” Fozzie said. He tapped a button on the phone. “Kermit, you’re on speaker.”

“Oh good,” the frog said. “So how’s the show going?”

“Great!”

“Terrible!”

“Well the acts are alright-“

“We can’t remember our lines.”

“...Had to cancel the bird act...”

“...My song’s goin’ great, though...”

“If Johnny Fiama says-“

“DRUM SOLO! DRUM SOLO!”

“...Great story that’s impossible to...”

“...Think I should have a spot, okay...”

“...Shoo veell be-a zee...”

“...Running outta food...”

“...Completely un-American...”

“...The costumes are just...”

“QUIIIEEET!”

“And I said look buddy, I’m not signing anything that says I have to go onstage naked every... oh...”

“Janice,” Kermit sighed. “So it sounds like just the usual week so far?”

“Well pretty much,” Scooter said.

“Oh good,” Kermit said. “I knew you guys could do it.”

“We haven’t done it yet, Kerm,” Clifford said.

“Well yeah. But you will,” Kermit said. “I’m not worried.”

An awkward silence settled for a moment.

“You’re not worried at all?” Fozzie asked.

Kermit hesitated. “Well...” he said. “Not- not too worried. At least... not about the show...”

The awkward silence came back for another moment.

“How’s your mom, Kermit?” Rowlf said.

“Oh Mom’s fine,” Kermit said. “Right now I’m more worried about my brother. He’s sitting on top of a snake cage.”

“Sitting on a snake cage?” Gonzo said. “Hey! That gives me a great idea for an act!”

“Great,” Kermit said. “Now I’m even more worried.”

“Kermit? Where are you?” Fozzie asked.

“Oh, I’m at Wilson’s Pet Shop,” Kermit said. “Uh, could you guys hang on for a second?”

“Sure,” Fozzie said.

“Hang on to what?” Beauregard asked.

“Thanks,” Kermit said. Then his voice sounded farther away. “Hey Jimmy? ...She can’t eat you if she can’t reach you... Just get off the cage...” His voice sounded close again. “Okay I’m back.”

“So how is your mom, Boss?” Scooter asked.

“She’s okay,” Kermit said. “She had a check-up at the hospital today to see if they really wanna try this new treatment on her, which I guess they do. So she has another one next week, and then the operation will be that Friday.”

“So you won’t be back until after that?” Fozzie asked.

“Well that’s the earliest I would get back,” Kermit said. “But I’d kind of like to stay until we know for sure... well, until we know... whether or not the treatment works.”

“How long will that be?” Rowlf asked.

Kermit hesitated. “I uh... I don’t really know,” he said. “I don’t think anyone knows that. We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.”

That same awkward silence came over the room once more. Most of the Muppets looked down at their feet. How long could they go on with Kermit out of town?

Finally Kermit broke the silence. “Is Miss Piggy there? I haven’t heard her at all.”

“She’s out shopping,” Scooter said.

Just then the front door opened and Miss Piggy came in holding two shopping bags. “Hello little people!” she called.

“Oh she just walked in!” Fozzie said.

“Yo Pig!” Clifford called. “Kerm’s on the phone!”

Miss Piggy dropped the shopping bags, and something in one of them broke. “KERMIE!” She charged through the crowd of Muppets and picked up the phone, turning off the speakerphone. “Hi Kermie,” she said as the others quickly filed out of the room.

“Hi Piggy,” Kermit said. “You were great on that show today.”

“Oh thank you, Kermie!” she said. “Moi was so glad that vous called.”

“Piggy?” he said. “I wanted... I want to thank you. For- for standing up for me. And for not telling.”

“You’re welcome, Kermie,” she said softly. “Moi just couldn’t let her talk like that about vous.”

“I appreciate it, Piggy,” he said.

“I’m glad, Kermie,” she said. “But really, moi should be thanking vous! After all, vous stood up for moi as well.”

“Well... yeah,” he said. “I stood up for you for standing up for me.”

She hesitated. “Right.”

“So it sounds like the show’s going okay?” he said.

“Well it- it’s alright,” she said. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s okay,” he said. “I just told the guys everything.”

“Alright, Kermie,” she said.

“Piggy?”

“Yes Kermie?”

“Don’t worry.”

She almost felt herself smile. “I’m trying, Kermie,” she said.

“Oh good,” he said. “Well uh... I should probably... head back to the swamp...”

“Will you call soon?” she asked.

“I’ll try, Piggy,” he said.

She sighed. “I miss you, Kermie.”

“I miss you too,” he said. He hesitated. “Well um... Goodnight, Miss Piggy.”

“Goodnight, Kermie,” she said. “Kissy kissy!”

She waited to hear him hang up, kept the phone to her ear until she heard the dial tone, and then sighed as she reluctantly hung up the phone.