Summer In The Theater

[Skeeter Muppet]

*giggles* Cow with a lisp... *giggles*

-Kim

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter five

The dark figure was in front of the theater door. It was a different lock this time, but just as easy to pick. The figure strolled easily through the theater with its all-knowing step, picking every lock necessary until it was crouching in front of the safe. It reached forward, touched the lock, and tried the combination. It didn’t work. Well, that was only a minor obstacle. The figure reached into its pocket and pulled out large metal shears, which it used to snap the lock off. It reached in and felt along the bottom shelf with its gloved hands until it felt the first bundle of cash. It grabbed the bundle and slipped it into its pocket with the metal shears. Then it ran, leaving the safe open. The figure’s all-knowing step led it to the lobby quickly. It stopped, waiting. A match was struck, and Uncle Deadly’s face appeared before the figure. But no games this time. The figure gave the phantom a mighty shove, sending him to the other end of the room. Unobstructed, the figure left the theater, slamming the door behind it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Kermit looked grimly at the open safe, with the broken lock on the floor beside it. He counted the bundles of cash a second time, and a third.

“Boss!” Scooter called from somewhere. Kermit didn’t answer. “Boss! Kermit?” There was a knock on the door and Scooter entered the room. “Boss, we-“ he froze with his eyes on the open safe. His shoulders dropped and his mouth snapped shut. He stood in silence for a long moment, shifting his gaze between the frog and the broken lock. Finally Kermit turned to look at the go-fer.

“I’ll call the police,” Scooter said.

Kermit nodded. “And then call another meeting,” he said. “As soon as possible.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“Robbed?” Fozzie asked.

They were all on the stage. Kermit had just given them the bad news. He nodded. “They didn’t take everything,” he said. “But we’ll have to cut a little closer. Beauregard?”

“Yes?” Beauregard asked.

“Only mop the floor once a week,” Kermit said. “We should be fine as long as we keep getting good audiences.”

The Muppets stood in silence for a moment.

“Kermit?” Fozzie said, putting a hand on the frog’s shoulder. “I’ll take a pay cut.”

“Me too,” Rowlf said.

“I can take one,” Gonzo said.

“So can I,” Clifford said.

The Electric Mayhem nodded to each other.

“I don’t care too much for money,” Zoot said.

“Money can’t buy me love,” Floyd added.

“My fish and I can take a pay cut too, Mr. the Frog,” Lew Zealand said.

“Me too, boss,” Scooter said.

“It’s not all about the salary, right?” I’ll take a pay cut,” Johnny Fiamma said.

“Johnny Fiama’s takin’ a pay cut!” Sal announced.

“Me too, Kermit,” Beauregard said.

“Yeah, me too,” Sweetums said.

“We can all take pay cuts, Kermie,” Miss Piggy said.

But Kermit was shaking his head. “No one’s taking any pay cuts,” he said. “We’re getting good audiences, guys, we’ll be okay. Just keep doing what you have been, and we’ll be fine. Now the police should be here soon. They might want to ask some of you some questions. Just tell them the truth. And in the meantime, let’s get back to work.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Kermit watched as the police photographed every inch of the theater and dusted every surface for fingerprints. The Muppets had all been finger printed, and then sent out so as not to get in the way. Only Kermit stayed behind.

“Have you had any other break-ins?” Detective Keene asked. He was stern and emotionless, asking only what he needed to, but taking notes on everything.

Kermit hesitated. “Well, would you believe me if I told you our resident ghost kept some one from stealing from us in the middle of the night last week?”

The detective blinked.

“No, huh?” Kermit said.

The detective blinked again. “Did this ‘resident ghost’ of yours get a good look at this someone?” he asked.

Kermit shook his head. “He didn’t say.”

Detective Keene sighed. “Well, we should be done in here soon,” he said. “Why don’t you go with the rest of your friends, and I’ll give you a call when we finish.”

“Right,” Kermit said. “Thanks, Detective Keene.”

Outside, the Muppets had all but blocked the entire sidewalk.

“I do have some good news, Boss,” Scooter said.

Oh? What’s that?” Kermit asked.

Scooter proudly unrolled a poster. It showed a weeping willow, with its branches parted to reveal a sketched collage of many of the Muppets. Large yellow print at the top read “Under the Weeping Willow” with a smaller line beneath it that read, “Starring the Muppets.” At the bottom, there was information on the time and dates for the performances.

Kermit smiled. “That’s great, Scooter!” he said.

“What is?” Fozzie asked. Scooter tilted the poster so the bear could see. “Wow!” Fozzie said. “Hey Kermit, is that gonna be the name of the show?”

Kermit nodded. “Yup. Whaddaya think?”

“I like it,” Fozzie said.

“Let me see,” Gonzo said, pushing into the circle that was forming. “Hey, neat!” he said.

“What is?” Floyd asked.

“Oh, it looks nice,” Rowlf said.

“Rully,” Janice said. “Like why don’t we hang it up?”

“Okay,” Kermit said. They put it in the poster frame next to the door and spent almost half an hour discussing it before the door burst open. The petrified police squad came running out, followed by the white-faced, wide-eyed Detective Keene. He cleared his throat and turned to Kermit.

“You, uh...” he said. “You weren’t joking about that uh, ‘resident ghost’ of yours, were you.”

“No,” Kermit said as he shook his head.

Detective Keene cleared his throat again. “Right,” he said. “Uh, you can go in now. We’ll get to work on finding that thief for you.”

“Thank you, Detective Keene,” Kermit said, and he led the Muppets into the theater.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Fozzie looked around the boarding house that evening and noticed the tension in the air. It was nothing visible; everyone was doing what they usually did. But he could feel it. He went out on the porch. Kermit was on the porch swing, reading.

“Kermit?” Fozzie said.

Kermit looked up. “Oh hi Fozzie,” he said, closing the book.

Fozzie sat down next to the frog. “Kermit,” he said, “how bad is it really?”

Kermit sighed. “It’s bad, Fozzie,” he said. “It’s really bad.”

“I can take a pay cut,” Fozzie said.

“No, Fozzie,” Kermit said. “You don’t need to. As long as we keep getting good audiences, we’ll be fine.”

Fozzie sighed. “Alright,” he said.

The two friends sat on the porch swing together as the sun slipped below the horizon.

 

[Aaron]

wow powerful chapter well done!

 

[luvtosr]

That was a brilliant chapter and I have to say a clever bit of writing utilising Uncle Deadly for a bit of comic relief there. This just keeps getting better!

 

[redBoobergurl]

Wow! It was so sweet of them all to offer to take pay cuts and even sweeter of Kermit to say they didn't have to. HUGS to Kermit! I liked the part with the Detective coming out and saying they weren't kidding about the resident ghost. Another great chapter Lisa, can't wait to see what happens next!

 

[theprawncracker]

Awesome, again! Loved to see Johnny and Sal! And Fozzie was great as well!

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter six

The week passed slowly. The police weren’t coming up with anything, but they were constantly watching the theater from an unmarked van. It was difficult sometimes to work with the dimmer lights and the old sets, plus some of the Muppets occasionally had to go on talk shows to promote Under the Weeping Willow. Beauregard had very little to do now that his mopping was so restricted, and he seemed to keep getting in the way.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker approached Kermit on Wednesday. Beaker was pushing a large cart with a huge sheet draped over it. “Mr. Kermit, we have a perfect way to save money!” Bunsen said.

“Oh?” Kermit said. “Well what is it?”

“This!” Bunsen pulled the sheet off to reveal a stationary bicycle with all sorts of gadgets attached and a row of light bulbs along the handlebars.

“Mee meeee!” Beaker said.

“It’s our electricity generator!” Bunsen said.

Kermit looked at the machine. “That is a generator?”

“Yes,” Bunsen said. “All you need is a person to ride the bicycle, and it will create enough electricity to run all the stage lights without spending any money at all. My assistant Beaker will demonstrate!”

“Mee mee,” Beaker said. He climbed onto the bicycle and started to pedal. The light bulb farthest to the left lit up. As he started pedaling faster, more and more of the light bulbs lit up.

“You see,” Bunsen said, “The light bulbs indicate how much energy is being generated. Now if you want to use something, all you have to do is plug it in to one of these outlets.” He pointed to a row of outlets beneath the pedals. “For example, let’s plug in this small television.” He did so. “Now, if we just turn it on-“ He pushed a button and the screen filled with static. “Oh dear,” he said. “Beaker, you’ll have to pedal faster.”

“Meemer?” Beaker pedaled harder. The picture started to clear.

“A little more, Beakie,” Bunsen said.

Beaker was gasping for air. “Mee... mee...” But he pedaled faster, and the picture was perfectly clear.

“Hey look,” Kermit said, “It’s us!”

Indeed, the screen showed exactly what they were doing at that moment.

“MEE MEE! MEE MEE!” Beaker shouted. The bicycle had gone out of control, and the pedals were spinning faster than he could push them. His feet fell off the pedals, banging up his legs. He fell down onto the bicycle, and sparks began to fly from it. There was a series of pops, and then a final explosion destroyed the machine and released a huge cloud of smoke into the theater.

“Oh dear,” Bunsen said. “I suppose it still needs a little perfecting.”

As the week wore on, Kermit was getting more and more agitated as he tried to force the budget to work. In between rehearsals and brainstorming new material, everyone offered to take a pay cut at least once a day. He told them a thousand times that it wasn’t necessary, since they had nearly a full house every week. But they all knew that if they didn’t take pay cuts, just one bad night could force them to go bankrupt. No one ever vocalized it, but it was etched clearly in the lines of worry on Kermit’s face.

Somehow they managed to push through, and it was performance night once more.

“Hey Kermit!” Fozzie said. “I’ve been working on some new material for Under the Weeping Willow. You’re gonna love it!”

“Great, Fozzie,” Kermit said. “Tell me all about it after the show.”

“Yes sir!” Fozzie said.

“Are you two ready for your opening act?” Kermit asked Gonzo and Rizzo.

“I think so,” Gonzo said. “Rizzo, did you put the wire in the lighter fluid?”

“Yeah,” Rizzo said, trembling under the heavy load of a huge coil of wire. “Gonzo, I’m not sure about this. I don’t wanna touch this stuff once it’s on fire.”

“You won’t have to,” Gonzo said. “You’ll be balancing on my nose.”

“WHAT?!?” Rizzo shouted.

“Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Kermit,” Scooter said.

“Thanks Scooter,” Kermit said. “Alright, everyone in your places for the theme song.”

“Right,” Rizzo said, dumping the wire and running towards the cafeteria.

“Hey, Rizzo! Come back!” Gonzo shouted, chasing after the rat.

Kermit didn’t get a good look at the audience during the theme, which had ended with a burst of flame from Gonzo’s trumpet. He stepped out on stage to introduce the show and felt his heart sink. The audience was almost completely empty.

“Uh, hello everyone and welcome to The Muppet Show,” he said, trying to put some enthusiasm into his voice. “I’m very excited about tonight’s show, because our guest tonight is the one and only Robin Williams!” he announced. “But first, it is with great pride... and no little fear... that I introduce to you a death-defying stunt. With assistance from Rizzo the Rat, ladies and gentlemen, The Great Gonzo!” He scurried off stage, where Scooter was waiting.

“Well, Boss? How’s the audience?” Scooter asked.

“Just open the curtain!” Kermit said.

He did, revealing Gonzo and Rizzo at opposite ends of a high wire.

“Thank you!” Gonzo shouted to the hardly-existent applause. “And tonight, I will walk across this flaming hot wire, retrieve the rat, and balance him on my nose as I walk back!”

Statler and Waldorf watched from the balcony. “Why isn’t the wire on fire?” Statler asked.

“Because the rat didn’t light it yet,” Waldorf said.

“Rizzo!” Gonzo shouted from the stage. “The match!”

“Oh, brutha,” Rizzo muttered as he struck a match. “Why am I doing this?” He lit the wire, quickly covering it with flames.

“Okay, here we go!” Gonzo said. He slowly crossed the wire with his bare feet.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow- boy, this fire’s hot.” He reached the other end, picked Rizzo up, and placed him on his nose. “Ready, Rizzo?” he said, stepping onto the flaming wire without waiting for a response.

Rizzo clung to the blue hooked nose. “We’re doomed,” he said.

“No we’re not,” Gonzo said. “Just hang onto my nose.”

“No, I mean the audience!” Rizzo said. “There’s almost nobody there!”

“Really?” Gonzo said, turning to look. He lost his balance, sending both of them plummeting towards the stage.

“WHEEEEEEE!” Gonzo shouted.

“WHY ISN’T THERE A NET UP?!?!?” Rizzo shouted.

They landed with a loud thud and the curtains flew shut.

“That was a hot act,” Waldorf said.

“Yes,” Statler agreed, “It left me burning with pain!”

“Do ho ho!”

“I’m alive!” Rizzo proclaimed from behind the curtain. “Oh dat hurt. Oh...”

“That was great!” Gonzo said.

“You, are a nut-case,” Rizzo said. “Oh, my little broken body...”

Gonzo shook his head. “Hey Rizzo?” he said. “Don’t say anything about the audience to Kermit.”

“Why not?” Rizzo said. "It’s the only way he’ll give us pay cuts, which is the only way we can save the show!”

“Well he already knows about it,” Gonzo said. “He introduced us, he has to know.”

“Well... alright,” Rizzo said.

So they didn’t mention the audience to Kermit. They did, however, tell the entire rest of the cast and crew. As the night wore on, it got quieter and quieter back stage. Everyone was afraid that if they talked, they would mention the audience, and if they mentioned the audience, Kermit would hear. By the end of the night, no one was talking at all unless it was absolutely necessary. They slowly trailed out of the theater until only the post-show meeting Muppets were left.

 

[theprawncracker]

Wow...

Why wouldn't anyone come see Robin Williams on the Muppet Show? Darn audience! Poor Kermit. On a lighter note, I loved Gonzo and Rizzo!

So, it'd be lovely if you'd get more of this story in soon.

 

[ryhoyarbie]

Excellent story. I enjoyed reading the whole thing up to this point.

ryan

 

[RedDragon]

Wow...

Why wouldn't anyone come see Robin Williams on the Muppet Show? Darn audience! Poor Kermit.

Yeah! These people are crazy, missing a chance to see Robin, nuts I tell you, off the handle. Wait, what handle is that? Oh, nevermind. Crazy people. Anyway great fic.