Somebody's Getting Married?

[Ruahnna]

“Um, like, Piggy, honey—you have a run in your stockings,” Janice said, half-apologetically.
Piggy looked down in exasperation. “What—again?” she mumbled, cursing the pantyhose gods thoroughly. Too late to send an underling out for more, she thought despairingly, and Scooter never seemed to buy the right shade anyway. “I’ll stop off on my way home.”
Filming had been going well. The new movie was weeks away from a wrap. Her costumes were inspired and her hair looked great. Even Kermit had been more attentive than usual, which Piggy had enjoyed, but somehow, this latest film had made her glum. It is not much fun to be playing a bride when no one wants to marry you. The thought made her feel so pathetic that she bristled immediately. Moi did not need to get married to some stupid frog. Moi was independent. Moi had a career, and an adoring fan base—not to mention a best-selling calendar that showed every sign of being a collector’s item. She lifted her head high, stuck out her chin (and other assets) and strode to her dressing room. Kermit had been closing in on her but something about her posture as she moved away warned him off. He watched her go, though, worried that all his plans were going awry.

Once Piggy had gone, Janice snuck over to where Camilla was waiting off-stage.
“Like, did you get it?” she asked. Camilla nodded after a careful look around, then proffered a bag to Janice, who took it eagerly. Reaching inside, Janice pulled out what appeared to be a small pile of silk and lace. She held it up carefully.
“Like, wow,” Janice said. “This is so beautiful. What do you think?”
Camilla clucked something and Janice just laughed. “Yes I know,” she said, “but Floyd isn’t going to see this.” The women looked at each other and sighed. “I hope this works.”

“Guys, we’re running out of time. The movie wraps in a few weeks, and then I’m going to be tied up in post-production for forever. It has to be this week, or we’re going to have to postpone it.” Kermit didn't just sound nervous--he looked nervous as well.
“Postpone it?” snapped Rizzo. “Don’t you mean start from scratch—again?”
“Look—I’m working on it.”
“Well work harder—I’m tired of walking around on eggshells.”
“That sounds like fun,” Gonzo said, then glanced quickly around to be sure that Camilla hadn’t heard. Kermit sighed.
“I’m trying, Rizzo. Gonzo—any luck?”
“Not yet.”
“Sheesh,” Kermit said irritably. “What's taking so long?”
“I’m trying too, okay? I’m running every one I can find—there’s one coming tonight, but so far—“
“Should have known the Rabbi wouldn’t work,” Rizzo muttered.
“Why not? He seemed nice.”
Kermit and Rizzo exchanged exasperated glances.
“Because he keeps kosher, Gonzo.”
“I don’t care who he keeps, I don’t see why he couldn’t—“
“Shhhhh! She’s coming.”
Kermit began to rifle through a stack of papers noisily. “Now—see here on page 36, where the frogs are supposed to come in and—“
Piggy rounded the corner on her way out of the studio and stopped abruptly, looking suspiciously at the three of them standing nonchalantly against the wall. They looked too nervous to be nonchalant, and too nonchalant to be convincing.
“What?” she growled, lowering her sunglasses and tapping one high-heeled shoe impatiently.
“Good job today,” Kermit said, stepping forward. As soon as Kermit moved, Gonzo and Rizzo scuttled away with alacrity. Kermit smiled what he hoped was a winning smile. You, um, look nice, Piggy,” Kermit began, but broke off immediately at the flash of danger in her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, frog. What do you want?”
“Want?” Kermit repeated. “Um, nothing. I just wanted to tell you that you looked, um, you know, very nice today.”
“As opposed to other days?” Piggy said archly. This trap was so obvious that Kermit knew she was more interested in warning him off than engaging in battle.
“Of course not,” Kermit said hastily. “I just meant—oh, never mind.”
“Speaking of never mind, I’m not buying this. What is it you want? Planning to have me sky-dive into a vat of pudding this time around?”
A picture bloomed in Kermit’s mind’s eye and he was momentarily distracted.
Piggy’s angry voice brought him sharply back to the moment at hand. “Well?”
“What? Oh—oh, no. I was just, you know, going over some of the script things with, um, Gonzo and…. You really do look swell today.” He gave her his best puppyish look but it skittled off the starboard bow without leaving a mark.
“Hmmpf,” Piggy said, marching around him. She was almost at the corner when she stopped and swung her head of glossy hair about to look at him. This time, she took the sunglasses off and pinned him with a look. “Kermit,” she said sweetly, but there were teeth in that sweet voice. “There are no frogs in the script on page 36.”
“Oh—are you, are you sure?” Kermit stammered.
“Positive,” Piggy said levelly. She looked at him for a long moment. She was in a mood, her eyes said plainly, and smart frogs wouldn’t mess with her. “Whatever torturous script idea you’ve got cooking just better not involve me—got it?”
Kermit gulped, getting it. “Okay,” he said meekly, and Piggy’s heels click-clacked away from him. ‘Rats!” he thought furiously. “This may be harder than I thought.”

“Here, driver,” Piggy said, tapping the glass that separated her from the limo driver. He touched his cap to her and pulled over neatly beside a corner drugstore. “I’ll just be a moment.” Piggy stepped daintily out of the big black limousine once the driver had opened the door and walked into the store briskly. It wasn’t a fashion boutique, but Piggy had discovered that they did sell high-end pantyhose and a local brand of enormous home-baked cookies, which made it a doubly useful place to stop on the way home. She carried five pairs of pantyhose up to the counter along with an oatmeal-raisin cookie and was debating whether or not to grab a couple more cookies to stash in her hotel suite when she happened to glance over in the next aisle. Despite herself, she smiled.
“That’s so funny,” Piggy thought absently. “That’s the fourth minister I’ve seen in here this week. They must give some sort of ministerial discount, or something.” With her scarf and sunglasses, Piggy felt reasonably certain that she was anonymous, or gave enough of an impression of trying to be anonymous that the polite British citizens would let her shop in peace. She rounded the corner, looking for her brand of soda, and almost collided with the minister she had seen. A priest, she thought, looking at the collar, and probably Anglican.
“Excuse me!” he said jovially. “I don’t usually run people down.”
Piggy smiled. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again with effort. The priest looked at her questioningly and started to turn to his own shopping when nothing was forthcoming. Her mouth opened again, and this time she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“Father, do you believe in marriage?”
The priest turned around and looked at her in surprise. “Beg pardon?”
“Not today,” Piggy murmured. “Um, I said, do you believe in marriage.”
He smiled at her. “Could you be a little more specific?” he asked. “It does sortof depend, you know.”
Piggy hesitated, looking like she might bolt, despite the kindly face and welcoming demeanor of the man with the collar. He reached out a hand in greeting.
“Before we talk about marriage, maybe we should introduce ourselves,” he said, and his eyes were merry with mischief. “Hi—I’m Robert. My friends all call me Bob, or Father Bob. Why don’t you call me Bob.”
Piggy blushed and smiled in spite of herself. “Hello, Bob,” she said, calling up her company manners without any hint of diva-ness. “I’m—“
“Miss Piggy. Yes—I sort of gathered that, despite your, um, disguise.”
Piggy continued to stare at him in surprise and he smiled.
“I’ve seen all your movies, and I was a big fan of the show when it was on. But please, I’m keeping you from asking your question. You wanted to know if I—“
“Believe in marriage,” they said together. Piggy blushed and looked down again, fiddling with the scarf and sunglasses.
“Well, the short answer is yes—yes I do believe in marriage, if two people love each other and want to be committed to each other for a lifetime.” Still she hesitated, so he added gently. “Did that answer your question?”
“Um, sortof,” Piggy muttered. “I guess I was wondering if you knew what to do if, um, if you could tell me how, um, hmmmm. What if one of the people loves the other one, but the one that she loves doesn’t know if he loves her back.”
“Ahh,” Rev. Bob said solemnly. “I think I see the problem.” He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, then looked around at the gathering dusk of the beautiful spring day. “I was going to call a cab,” he said, “but maybe we could just walk and talk a little about your question. My church is just a few blocks away from here and a brisk constitutional would do me good. What say, hm?”
Piggy nodded, slowly smiling. “That would be nice.” Her voice became wistful. “I would like to talk to someone about it.”
“I’m a very good listening. Occupational requirement.” He reached for her bag. “Please—allow me.”
“Oh no,” Piggy said. “You don’t need to do that. I can carry it myself.”
“Please let me,” Bob insisted. “Humor an old-fashioned fellow who’s mother would be shocked if he didn’t offer to carry a package for a pretty young lady.”
Piggy smiled and deferred to him, handing over the package without further protest. “If you insist.”
“I do.” The minister looked doubtfully at her four-inch heels. “Do you want to put on walking shoes?”
Piggy looked down at her shoes in surprise. “These are walking shoes,” she said simply. Piggy took a moment to dismiss her driver, and off they went.

 

[TogetherAgain]

<giggles> These ARE walking shoes! Oh, delightful. Oh divine. I'll rave tomorrow, I'm sure, but it's off to bed with me now. It's delightful, though! I could just hug it... MORE PLEASE!

 

[green stuff]

Hmmmm...this is VERY interesting! I'm really wondering what evryone is up to? Particularly, I'm interested in seeing what Kermit has up his sleeve, though I think I've already got a pretty good idea. And all the ministers running around everywhere! Gah! I loved it! And the best part of all--Piggy talking to a priest about marriage..it's awesome. You know, I've noticed that a lot of priests have very interesting views on marriage...maybe it's because it's something forbidden to them, I dunno. Anyway, I think that this is a perfect story so far! Can't wait to read more!

 

[Leyla]

SQUUEEEEEEE!!!!!! A new Ruahnna story!!!!!! <bouncy bouncy glee glee glee>

AND I remember what inspired this!! <giggles> So, yay yay yay yay I love where this is going, and the ministers everywhere and the plotting, and Piggy's walking shoes and her moodiness and... oh, just everything. <hugs story>


SQUEEEEE!!!!!!

 

[The Count]

Oh... And here I thought this was going to be a short story, Hallmark Muppet Ornaments #2.

But no, this is just as good... An equal to accompany A Pig Out of Water.
The filming of The Muppets Take Manhattan now takes center stage in your narration of Kermit and Piggy's relationship.
At least this'll answer the questions of the marriage eluded to in Leyla's Two's a Crowd and the somewhat marital bliss in the beginning of Kermie's Girl.

The bit where Gonzo and Kermit are talking about the rabbi...
He keeps kosher.
I don't care who he keeps...
That's the funniest thing I've read in a while.

Very much liked how you introduced Father Bob... Though when he says he's a "good listening", shouldn't that be "good listener" instead?
Guess he's going to give Piggy some much needed advice.

And I loved the interaction with Janice and Camilla... That was great, especially how Janice addresses Piggy regarding the run in her stockings.
Liked the little mischief those two girls are scheming behind the pig's back.

Please... Post more soon.

 

[Ruahnna]

How's this for soon? And she's off, folks....

“But won’t she notice them?” Fozzie asked.
“I’m hoping to keep them out of sight until we’ve finished filming.”
Kermit had waged a tremendous internal batted trying to decide whether or not to let Fozzie in on his plans. Fozzie was a prankster, but secret-keeping was not his forte. In the end, the bonds of friendship had overridden Kermit’s cautious nature and he had told Fozzie everything. Fozzie had stared fixedly at him for a long moment, then reached out gently and embraced his friend. “I’m happy if you’re happy,” was all he said. What more was there, really, Kermit thought gratefully.

Reverend Bob had been very sweet last night, Piggy thought very fondly. They had had a nice dinner together at the rectory and she had told him everything she felt she could about her relationship with Kermit. He had been sympathetic and kind, and had even promised to stop in and check on her during filming. Piggy had left his name and business card with the security at the door and hoped he would come by after the big morning shoot was over, because—after that—she might need someone to talk to. She took a deep breath. This was going to be a hard day, but she was a professional and she was going to grit her teeth and get through it one way or another. But that didn’t mean she had to like it.

Bobo came up to Kermit, trying so hard not to look sneaky that he stood out like a sore thumb. Kermit grasped him firmly by the arm and pulled him around the corner into the relative darkness of a studio hallway.
“Just wanted you to know I got this this morning,” Bobo said. Kermit took the paper from him, reading it.
“Oh, good,” Kermit said, and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Look—send Rizzo over to tell me if—“
“Boss! Kermit!” Scooter’s voice came urgently from the hall behind him and Kermit leaned out of his hiding place and waved a slim green arm.
“Here, Scooter.”
“Bacon in the building,” Scooter said, “and she looks very unhappy.”
They exchanged worried glances, and Kermit looked a little flustered.
“Um—thanks Bobo,” Kermit said absently. “Go on back to your post.” Bobo obeyed, lumbering away whistling tunelessly.
“How unhappy?”
“Well, people weren’t actually flinging themselves out of her way, but I got the impression that they might if they had to.” He hesitated, looking at Kermit solemnly. “Boss—are you sure you want to do this?”
“Absolutely,” Kermit said firmly. “After all that she’s put me through, it’s about time she got a taste of her own medicine. And you can bet your—“
“He’s here—he’s already here!” Rizzo interrupted breathlessly. “And those other guests that you were expecting are here, too!”
“Good,” he said, not looking very calm. “Um, can you put them in with our friends from the Street, and tell them I’ll come see them just as soon as I can get changed. What about the other other guests!”
“Their flight should have gotten in 20 minutes ago. Beauregard went to get them,” Rizzo said. If anything, this raised the anxiety level in the room.
“Should’ve sent Sweetums,” Kermit muttered, “but there’s no help for it now. Look—I’ve got to get changed. I cannot be late for this.” He began walking rapidly toward his own dressing room and they trotted to keep up. “Let me know the second they arrive, okay? And Rizzo—are you sure that Gonzo knows what to do now that—“
“Absolutely,” Rizzo said firmly. “The little blue screwball may be an idiot, but he won’t let you down. He knows what he’s doing.”
Kermit stopped outside his dressing room. He put his hand on the door, then turned and grinned at Scooter and Rizzo. His eyes were warm with gratitude. “Thanks for helping me with this, guys. I—it means a lot.”
“Sure thing.”
“No problem, boss.”
Kermit took a deep breath. “Let’s just hope it works, okay?”

There was a tentative knock on Piggy’s dressing room door. Assuming it was Scooter or Kermit, Piggy called entre vous without getting up from her chair, continuing to powder her nose.
The door opened slowly and Piggy turned to see Father Bob peek in the door.
“I hope I’m not disturbing--Well, well,” he said, clearly surprised. “I was going to apologize for appearing on the set so soon.” He smiled at the vision she made in yards and yards of white satin and lace. “Well, um, in light of our conversation last night might I just say that I’m surprised to see you, um, like this.”
“Not quite what it appears,” Piggy said simply, blushing in spite of herself. She stood up and took his hand, drawing him into the room and toward the single chair. The wedding dress rustled around her and she could feel his puzzled gaze on her back.
“Things never are,” Father Bob said placidly. “Perhaps you’d better tell me.”
Piggy told him, and his “ahh” of comprehension cleared the lines of worry from his face. He looked at Piggy and opened his mouth to speak but shut it, clearly debating whether or not to voice an opinion.
“Please,” Piggy said gently. “I’m open to advice from every quarter.”
Bob gave her a reproachful look. “Not from every quarter, I hope,” he said solemnly, then smiled. “Might I say that you look very lovely in that dress,” the Reverend began. “Do you think that seeing you looking so fetching will tend to cool Kermit’s ardor or, perhaps, reawaken it?”
Piggy’s deep blush was telling. “That had occurred to me,” she murmured.
“Thank goodness,” Father Bob said. “I would have been worried if it hadn’t. If it’s the latter, I take it that would be considered a good thing, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And if it’s the former?”
Piggy was silent for a moment, looking at her hands. “I’m trying not to think about that,” she whispered at last.
“This is a difficult time for you.” He shifted in the chair. “You care about Kermit, I know.” It was not a question, but she answered it anyway.
“Yes.”
“And you have reason to believe he could feel the same about you?”
Piggy hesitated. “I—I…, sometimes I think so, but other times, I’m just not sure. I know that he cares about me—Kermit is a very caring frog, but I don’t know if he really loves me, or if that’s just one of a million possibilities. Or a one-in-a-million possibility,” she added wryly. Her eyes were very sad and she didn’t quite carry off the humor.
“Could you….” He stopped, weighing his next words carefully. “Piggy, it sounds as though it’s possible that Kermit might never make the move on his own.”
“Yes. I know.” How it pained to admit it—even to herself, much less to someone else—but the truth will be spoken, and she had done it.
Bob looked at her, his lined eyes compassionate. “What will you do if that’s the case?”
“I—what can I do? I don’t want to leave. We work well together, and we’re, we’re friends,” Piggy finished firmly. “I think I could stay as long as there isn’t anyone else in the picture.”
“You are asking a great deal of yourself.”
Piggy little shrug was elaborate in its simplicity.
Bob leaned forward, obviously about to say more, but there was a frantic pounding on the door.
“Miss Piggy—Miss Piggy! It’s me, Gonzo—open up, won’t you?”
Piggy had spent the last few days stuffing her feelings into some inaccessible place. For a moment, they surged out and Piggy jumped to her feet, ready to “hi-yah” her furry blue cast-mate into the stratosphere, but when he opened the door, it was impossible to proceed. He was wearing minister’s togs, and Piggy just stared at him, stuptified. Bob looked at him with interest while Gonzo eyed the simple collar around his neck
“Another man of the cloth?” the minister asked. Gonzo shook his hand.
“Not unless you count spandex,” he said truthfully. He took off the mitered cap and held forth a furry blue hand. “Gonzo the Great,” he said.
Bob took the hand and shook it. “Father Bob the priest,” he said faintly. “Nice to meet you.” Clearly puzzled, Bob looked to Piggy for guidance.
“Gonzo is playing the minister in our movie,” Piggy said by way of explanation. “Gonzo—this is my friend, Father Bob, who has come to visit me on the set. What was it you needed?”
“Needed?” Gonzo said absently. He looked Piggy up and down appreciatively. “Wow, Piggy—that’s a great look on you.”
Piggy pulled herself up to her full height. Ministerial robes or no ministerial robes, Piggy thought she could hit him if only he didn’t put the hat back on. She took a step forward and Gonzo saw the warning in her eyes.
“Just wanted to make sure you were ready for the big scene,” he said, “and, um, show you my outfit.” He looked a little uncomfortable. “Not exactly a role that suits me,” he said ruefully.
Father Bob had been on the verge of speaking but had been battling the impulse bravely. At this openly dangled temptation, he could not help himself.
“Perhaps—perhaps I could help.”
Gonzo and Piggy turned to look at him at the same instant.
“Cool,” said Gonzo.
Piggy said, “How?”
Bob put a conspiratorial arm around each of them, drawing them closer. “I have a little idea that might solve more than one problem,” he began, “if you’re willing to be just a little bit daring….”

 

[Leyla]

Ahh... sweet precious, lovely bliss!!!

I know, I know. I'm prone to understatement. I really should be in bed but, oh, who can resist!

You know what, this is too good not to quote, at least in brief. <ignores the muffled snickering abot the thought of Leyla being brief.

Kermit had waged a tremendous internal batted trying to decide whether or not to let Fozzie in on his plans. Fozzie was a prankster, but secret-keeping was not his forte. In the end, the bonds of friendship had overridden Kermit’s cautious nature and he had told Fozzie everything.

Lovely Kermit/Fozzie friendship relationship stuff there, Ru.

Fozzie had stared fixedly at him for a long moment, then reached out gently and embraced his friend. “I’m happy if you’re happy,” was all he said. What more was there, really, Kermit thought gratefully.

<heartwrench> Ooh... that's beautiful! I have my suspcions about Kermit's plans, especially after that line, I've elected to keep mum.

He had been sympathetic and kind, and had even promised to stop in and check on her during filming.

I like Reverend Bob... and I love that Piggy found someone to talk to. She really needs someone, you know, and there really doesn't seem to be anyone.

She took a deep breath. This was going to be a hard day, but she was a professional and she was going to grit her teeth and get through it one way or another. But that didn’t mean she had to like it.

Ah, now there's a familiar feeling. I've been there; well, haven't we all?

Bobo came up to Kermit, trying so hard not to look sneaky that he stood out like a sore thumb.

Loved that, Very funny!

“Bacon in the building,” Scooter said, “and she looks very unhappy.”

<giggles> I love the code name, though I'm reasonably sure Piggy wouldn't!

“How unhappy?”
“Well, people weren’t actually flinging themselves out of her way, but I got the impression that they might if they had to.”

Wheee!! that's lovely, funny and wonderful!

What about the other other guests!”

<is baffled, yet amused>

Kermit stopped outside his dressing room. He put his hand on the door, then turned and grinned at Scooter and Rizzo. His eyes were warm with gratitude. “Thanks for helping me with this, guys. I—it means a lot.”

Sigh... I love this...

He smiled at the vision she made in yards and yards of white satin and lace. “Well, um, in light of our conversation last night might I just say that I’m surprised to see you, um, like this.”

<giggles> You remember that train too, eh? Lovely line.

“Do you think that seeing you looking so fetching will tend to cool Kermit’s ardor or, perhaps, reawaken it?”

Hmmm... now there's an insightful question from Father Bob.

“And if it’s the former?”
Piggy was silent for a moment, looking at her hands. “I’m trying not to think about that,” she whispered at last.

Sigh... oh, Piggy.

“And you have reason to believe he could feel the same about you?”
Piggy hesitated. “I—I…, sometimes I think so, but other times, I’m just not sure. I know that he cares about me—Kermit is a very caring frog, but I don’t know if he really loves me, or if that’s just one of a million possibilities. Or a one-in-a-million possibility,” she added wryly. Her eyes were very sad and she didn’t quite carry off the humor.

Ooh, their relationship from the pig's perspective. Lovely stuff, and very poignant. Got me right in the heart.

“I—what can I do? I don’t want to leave. We work well together, and we’re, we’re friends,” Piggy finished firmly. “I think I could stay as long as there isn’t anyone else in the picture.”
“You are asking a great deal of yourself.”
Piggy little shrug was elaborate in its simplicity.

I'm half asleep, too much so to really give this the thought I want to, but lovely and true and wonderful and... I dunno. It says a lot about her that's usually unsaid.

ready to “hi-yah” her furry blue cast-mate into the stratosphere, but when he opened the door, it was impossible to proceed. He was wearing minister’s togs, and Piggy just stared at him, stuptified.

Piggy wouldn't hit a minister... interesting! Love the spandex line.

Ministerial robes or no ministerial robes, Piggy thought she could hit him if only he didn’t put the hat back on. She took a step forward and Gonzo saw the warning in her eyes.

<giggles> Love it!

Bob put a conspiratorial arm around each of them, drawing them closer. “I have a little idea that might solve more than one problem,” he began, “if you’re willing to be just a little bit daring….”

Piggy? Daring? <giggles> Have I said I loved this yet? LOVE that it's Bob who's chief conspirateur.

G'night! (Oh, and Ru, check your email, an adoring fan sent a little gift.)

 

[The Count]

Ah... Now this is starting to clear up.
So... Father Bob is the Minister from the end scene of Manhattan Melodies in TMTM. The role portrayed by Dr. Cyril Jenkins.
Very interesting... But will this fake wedding now muddle Muppet continuum replaced in legalities by a real wedding taking place at the same time?
Only the author can answer that.

Oh, and I spotted a few more typos, you might want to go back and check those.
At the beginning when Kermit's debating whether to tell Fozzie about the plans...
"Batted", shouldn't that be "battle" instead?
When Gonzo knocks and comes inside Piggy's trailer/dressing room, not sure which it is in your fanfics...
"Togs" so as to describe his clothes? Not sure what you were trying to say there.
At the same time, when describing Piggy's reaction at seeing Gonzo in costume so to speak...
"Stuptify", shouldn't that be "stupified" instead?
Liked the brief cameo by Bobo here... Shows that you're starting to broaden your Muppet character roster's horizons.
And Kermit's still going through with his plans to turn the tables on the pig. Well, he'd better be careful, or those tables might just get turned back onto him.

Great installment... More please!
*Wonders if either of the two UG members have read latest chapter yet.

 

[redBoobergurl]

Oooh!!! I love this! TMTM is my favorite of the Muppet movies (I don't know why, I think it has to do with it being the first one I ever saw) and I love how you're diving into the filming of this movie while exploring Kermit and Piggy's relationship yet again! You're so good at writing this type of stuff Ru, I really love it!

 

[Ruahnna]

Ooh--how nice of you to say so, Beth! Kissy, kissy. More on the way but I've got to make a "fork in the road" sort of decision before I can proceed. Going to watch TMTM again and decide, and post more later today. Oh--and Hortense is on the way! And Piggy's dad! Eek!