Scooter's Story

[Super Scooter]

And I loved the use of the song from "Snoopy Come Home." It's always been such a tear jerker.

Hehe! I'm curious to know if you're the first person to realize where that song was from.

I know Foz would know, but I don't think he's looked at this yet.

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE 15

INT. MUPPET THEATER

A large crowd of Muppets have gathered around backstage, many carrying blank picket signs. KERMIT enters, sees what's going on, and shudders.

KERMIT: What the hey? What is going on around here?

FOZZIE: Kermit, we are going on strike.

KERMIT: On strike?

FOZZIE: Yes, Kermit, we are all going on strike.

RIZZO: And there ain't nuttin you can do about it! Right?

They're all in agreeance.

LINK: Excuse me, but is this the line to the men's room?

KERMIT: Why are you all going on strike?

They all look at each other confused.

FOZZIE: Well, we haven't quite figured that part out yet, Kermit.

RIZZO: Every time we try and figure it out, it gets into a big arguement.

ZIPPITY-ZAP: It don't get into no arguement.

RIZZO: It gets into a huge arguement!

ZIPPITY-ZAP: No, it don't.

RIZZO: Yes, it do!

ZIPPITY-ZAP: No, it don't.

RIZZO: Yes, it do!

ZIPPITY-ZAP: No, it don't.

RIZZO: Don't mess with me, man! I have carried the plague!

KERMIT: Alright, alright! Yeesh! Does this have anything to do with Scooter's not being here?

FOZZIE: Weeell, sorta, I think. Some say yes, others say no. But the show is a mess, Kermit!

KERMIT: I know, I know.

STATLER: The show was a mess before!

WALDORF: Yeah!

KERMIT: You guys are picketing, too?

STATLER: Of course!

WALDORF: We're picketing that they stay on strike!

KERMIT: Good grief!

PEPE: Kermin, I would just like to say, if you had included me in the movie more, we could have avoided this whole messy situation, okay. Look how many peoples have rallied to my cause!

KERMIT: Pepe, they're not picketing because of you, they're picketing because of the show!

PEPE: I am the show, okay! Without me, where do you think all the sexy womens would come from?

RIZZO: There are sexy womens?

PEPE: Galore, okay!

KERMIT: Everybody, please, just stop this.

FOZZIE: I'm sorry, Kermit, our minds are made up.

KERMIT: On what???

FOZZIE: We're still not sure yet.

KERMIT: Yeesh!

ROWLF: Kermit, the thing of it is, the show stinks. You can't blame it on the dog this time...

BEAN pops up momentarily.

BEAN: That's one for The Muppets Take Manhattan!

BEAN disappears.

ROWLF: ... it just does. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's Scooter, maybe something else. Something's missing. And, well, things are gonna be pretty rocky for a while, I guess.

KERMIT: Yes, but we just need to stick it out. The show's not all bad... well, it is, but we need to just keep working at it. We'll get it eventually, even without whatever it is that's missing. We just have to stick together. Now, what do you say?

All the Muppets look at each other.

ALL: Nah!

RIZZO: Picketing's just so much easier.

GONZO: It's like vacation!

FOZZIE: We'll be back when everything's fixed, Kermit.

LINK: I still have to use the bathroom! Are they done yet?

The Muppets start to exit. KERMIT has had all he can take.

KERMIT: (exploding) All right, that's it! Nobody is going anywhere! We have work to do! I don't care if you think something's missing, I don't care if we don't have an audience, the show is going on!!! The show is going on, and you will all be there if I have to nail you to the stage!!! No one is picketing! No one is going on strike! You're going to stay here, and you are going to work! I pay the bills here, I pay your wages, and I haven't had a cup of coffee in over a week, and I'm sick of it! I tell you, I'm sick of it! Sick of it! Sick! Sick! *pant pant pant pant*

The Muppets all start to go back to work.

FOZZIE: Well, you could ask nicely!

GONZO: Yeah, don't be so bombastic.

PEPE: Si, if I did something like this, people would think I was crazy, okay.

RIZZO: Maybe you oughta get some therapy or something.

ROWLF: I hear drinkin's a powerful tool.

RIZZO: Seems like he's already been doin' some o' dat.

SAM: Very Un-American.

BEAKER waves his finger at KERMIT as if to say "shame shame".

BEAKER: Mee mee mee!

BUNSEN: Yes, very shameful.

KERMIT is left there, always the victim of whatever happens.

KERMIT: Yeesh!

 

[The Count]

Heh... Kermit in angered tantrum self-defeating mode, funny. Especially after the others go back to work admonishing the frog for his outburst.

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE 16

EXT. BATTLE OF THE BANDS CONCERT

SCOOTER, BEAN, and the ELECTRIC MAYHEM members make their way through the crowds toward the stage. It's actually incredibly nice for a concert. They're in Beverly Hills.

SCOOTER: Wow! This is incredible!

FLOYD: I better be for how much it cost to get in here.

DR. TEETH: Beverly Hills, 90210! Hey, this must be where that show takes place!

JANICE: Oh, like, Luke Perry's a total babe!

FLOYD: Hey, man!

JANICE: Oh! Sorry, honey!

FLOYD: Yeah, that's what I thought.

ZOOT: Hey, I thought she was my woman!

FLOYD: Well, look at it this way, I could arrange it so your lips were permenantly attached to that saxaphone.

ZOOT: ... That'd be fan-scadiddlybop-tastic!

BEAN: Hey, there's another Muppet line, Scooter!

SCOOTER: What's that one from?

BEAN: Uh, I actually can't remember.

FLOYD: Come on, man! We're booked for this here shin-dig!

BEAN: Wow! This is pretty cool, huh, Scooter?

SCOOTER: It's great! Really great! I wonder who we'll be playing against.

DR. TEETH: Who cares?

FLOYD: Yeah, we got this thing in the bag, man!

SCOOTER: Well, still, it'd be nice to know who the competition was.

FLOYD: Well, when it happens, you'll know.

BEAN: Is that a Muppet movie line?

SCOOTER: No, the line was: "The first time it happens, you know."

BEAN: That's the one! That's one big check on The Great Muppet Caper!

SCOOTER: ... You're actually keeping track?

BEAN: I'm keeping tally on the bottom of my foot.

SCOOTER: That's a little weird.

BEAN: I keep weird company.

DR. TEETH: The gang is babbling!

FLOYD: What are you guys talkin' about? We gotta get on stage.

Our group of musical Muppets make their way to the stage. Once on stage, they meet the host of the contest...

 

[The Count]

Heh... I'm liking the humor this has developed in the last two scenes.

Zoot's had his mouth stuck to his saxophone... The Gilda Radner episode where he and Rowlf played a sort of love song and the rogue glue stuck them to their instruments.
Fan-skiddly-boptastic... The Tale of The Bunny Picnic?
So, how many references does that make?
If he keeps weird company, then don't tell Gonzo or he'll have the little lepan leapin' into the stratosphere attached to nothing but a blast-off bunjee cord.

 

[Super Scooter]

Zoot's had his mouth stuck to his saxophone... The Gilda Radner episode where he and Rowlf played a sort of love song and the rogue glue stuck them to their instruments.

Really? I've haven't seen that episode yet. Well, there's one more reference, isn't it?

Fan-skiddly-boptastic... The Tale of The Bunny Picnic?

Maybe, but I know Zoot has said it before. I think it's in one of the movies, maybe the first one, but I'm not sure.

So, how many references does that make?

References that I'm counting (just the movies and TV movies) that's five (I think). Three to go!

 

[The Count]

*In Scooter voice: OK, if you say so boss.

Yeah... It was the glue developed back at Muppet Labs to help the Eskimos from the opening number "The Lullaby of Broadway".
Why would Eskimos need glue? In case they broke their ig.
Yeah, bad joke... But it's their joke.

 

[Super Scooter]

Yeah... It was the glue developed back at Muppet Labs to help the Eskimos from the opening number "The Lullaby of Broadway".
Why would Eskimos need glue? In case they broke their ig.
Yeah, bad joke... But it's their joke.

I've seen the Lullaby of Broadway number, just not the show. That is an absolutely wonderful joke!

Well, Bean wouldn't know about that episode, his generation didn't get to see much of The Muppet Show.

 

[Super Scooter]

...the host of the contest is none other than DR. DEMENTO!

DR. DEMENTO: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the battle of the bands, I'm Dr. Demento, your host for the evening! Tonight we've got a great line-up of some wonderful talent, and some not so wonderful talent. So, now, to get things rolling, let's introduce... Pepe the King Prawn!

Yes, PEPE. He is already onstage, revealed as DR. DEMENTO exits.

PEPE: Hola! Si, it is me, Pepe. I took all the copies of the script, and since there were not enough scenes with me in them in this movie, I added a whole bunch of them, okay. Ehhh, unfortunately, most of them have already taken place, so you will not be able to see them. But, don't worry. Don't worry. You go buy the DVD when it comes out, and they will all be there. Trust me, trust me on this one, okay. Anyway, looking back into my memory banks, I don't really have too much musicals in my history, so now, for this battle of the bands, I present to you my band... Richard!

Goofy music starts. SEYMOUR enters.

SEYMOUR:

(sung)

I'm Seymour!

PEPE:

I'm Pepe!

BOTH:

We're two of a kind!

PEPE:

I'm a little bit forward...

SEYMOUR:

And I've got a big behind!

PEPE: (spoken) Say, Seymour?

SEYMOUR: Yes, Pepe?

PEPE: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

SEYMOUR: Elephino?

PEPE: Nooo, eh--- What's this you stealing my lines?

SEYMOUR: Oh, sorry, Pepe.

PEPE: It's okay, it's okay. I got a better one! I got a better one! Say, Seymour?

SEYMOUR: Yes, Pepe?

PEPE: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

SEYMOUR: I don't know. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

PEPE: Ah, never mind. It's irrelevant!!!

SEYMOUR: Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!

PEPE: You don't get it, do you?

SEYMOUR: No.

PEPE: See, it's very simple, okay. When you cross an elephant with a rhino, you get a relephant. Therefore, it's irrelevant!

SEYMOUR: You're right, it's irrelevant. I don't get the point anymore!

PEPE: Unbelievable, okay!

They get booed off.

 

[Super Scooter]

DR. DEMENTO returns to the stage as SEYMOUR and PEPE (grumbling) exit.

DR. DEMENTO: Okay! That was very... uh, on to the next performer! ... Okay, there seems to be a bit of a mix-up here. Two of our bands are playing the same song.

SCOOTER: Heh, wonder who that is.

FLOYD: Poor, sorry sap. Doesn't know enough to come up with somethin' original.

DR. DEMENTO: Would the Electric Mayhem please step forward?

DR. TEETH: Dang it!

DR. DEMENTO: And also, the band... Weezer?

SCOOTER: Weezer? Weezer's here?

BRIAN, RIVERS, SCOTT, and PAT of WEEZER step forward.

WEEZER: Aw, man! What'd we do?

DR. DEMENTO: It seems your two bands have picked the same song to sing. Now, you can either play it together, or you can choose a new song.

FLOYD: ... Call dibs on keepin' the song!

BRIAN: Not fair! It's our song!

FLOYD: And we called it! Heh heh!

RIVERS: No, it's our song. We wrote it! We played it first!

FLOYD: Yeah, and we also got us a groovier video to go with it! Hit it, man!

WEEZER's Beverly Hills begins to play, and the ELECTRIC MAYHEM's video runs with it. Their video is a spoof of the original WEEZER video. We cut back and forth between the ELECTRIC MAYHEM video, and WEEZER playing on stage at the battle of the bands concert.

FLOYD:

(sung)

Where I come from isn't all that great,
My automobile is a piece of crap,
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me.

RIVERS:

I didn't go to boarding schools,
Preppy girls never looked at me.
Why should they? I ain't nobody,
Got nothin' in my pocket.

DR. TEETH:

Beverly Hills,
That's where I want to be!
Living in Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills,
Rollin' like a celebrity!
Living in Beverly Hills.

We show a few clips of BEAN and SCOOTER dancing with playboy bunnies throughout.

FLOYD:

Look at all those movie stars,
The look so beautiful and clean.
When the housemaids scrub the floors,
They get the spaces inbetween.

RIVERS:

I wanna live a life like that!
I wanna be just like a king.
Take my picture by the pool
Cuz I'm the next big thing in...

DR. TEETH:

Beverly Hills,
That's where I want to be!
Living in Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills,
Rollin' like a celebrity!
Living in Beverly Hills.

SCOOTER:

The truth is, I don't stand a chance.
It's something that you're born into
And I just don't belong.

RIVERS:

No I don't, I'm just a no-class, beat-down fool,
And I will always be that way.
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play...

ALL:

Beverly Hills,
That's where I want to be!
Living in Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills,
Rollin' like a celebrity!
Living in Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills!
Beverly Hills!
Living in Beverly Hills...

The two bands celebrate together at the end of the song.

FLOYD: Hey, you guys are okay.

DR. TEETH: You ever wanna become real stars, you come see us, and we'll give you a few pointers.

RIVERS: Well, that'd be great, Dr. Teeth. You know, I've always liked you. In fact, I'd probably vote you for president.

FLOYD: Hey, man, just play the gig! Never get involved in politics!

BEAN: And now we got Muppet Treasure Island covered.

SCOOTER: Ha ha!

DR. DEMENTO comes on.

DR. DEMENTO: Okay, folks! Now, it's time to announce the winner of this year's semi-annual Beverly Hills battle of the bands contest. The winner is... Weird Al Yankovic!

WEEZER AND ELECTRIC MAYHEM: What???

WEIRD AL enters excitedly playing his accordian.

WEIRD AL: Whoooo-hooooo! Yes! Ha ha ha ha!

WEIRD AL grabs hold of the microphone.

WEIRD AL: Whoooooo! This is great! This award goes right in the face of all thos people who said UHF sucked! It didn't suck! It was the best movie ever!!!

WEIRD AL gets two responses from the crowd in agreeance... the rest remain silent.

WEIRD AL: ... Twenty-seven, forever!!!

The crowd goes wild.

FLOYD: Dagnabit!

SCOOTER: Oh, well.

BEAN: Twenty-seven? What'd he mean by twenty-seven?

SCOOTER: ... I dunno.