Say Cheese!

[TogetherAgain]

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Prawnie, happy birthday to you!

Yes, this is a present for the prawn.

The tale behind the tale (tail?) is that my original idea WAY back on my birthday was that I would write Flippersteps in the Sand and finish it by its actual story end date, that being tomorrow, and say it was Prawnie's birthday present. Now those of you who are reading it know perfectly well that Flippersteps in the Sand is still in 1975! So am I gonna post 31 years in one day? Fat chance.

Yom huledet sa-may-ach, yom huledet sa-may-ach, yom huledet sa-may-ach, yom huledet sa-may-ach! (That's Hebrew. ...roughly.)

So, what the hey was I to do for Prawnie's birthday? I couldn't very well just blow it off, though goodness knows I'm good at that. But Prawnie's my other half! I can't forget my other half! Well some of you may know that we like to throw "torment lines" at each other over MSN, and there was a night not too long ago in which I was exploring old notebooks and found three attempts at starting this story, all of them abandoned. I shared the final attempt with Prawnie and Leyla and found that, although I had once abandoned it, I am now capable of writing it.

Zum Geburtstag viel Gluck, zum Geburtstag viel Gluck, langes leben und Gesundheit, zum Geburtstag viel Gluck! (That's German- I apologize for the lack of umlauts, those being the cute little two dots over some vowels.)

So, with Flippersteps in the Sand at a major roadblock, known to most as the first season of TMS, and this story just begging to be written and filled to the brim with as much comedy as possible... Hm, what to give Prawnie for his birthday? What better than this story? Heck, the first chapter and part of the second chapter were all ready written over a year ago! It's a pre-packaged story!

So if my writing style is a little different than we're used to in the first chapter or two, that's why...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRAWNIE!

 

[theprawncracker]

*SERIOUSLY bounces!!!* Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!! My AMAZING other half is TRULY amazing!! Lisa you are TRULY the best!! ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) to you! And now I'll sit quietly and semi-patiently as I wait!

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter One

Scooter poked his head into the band pit. "Rowlf!" he said. "Vet's Hospital is next."

Rowlf got up from his seat at the piano bench and quietly followed the go-fer backstage.

Kermit was looking a tad more stressed than usual. Rowlf could easily see why.

"Oh, Ty!" Miss Piggy was saying to the guest star. "Moi am just THRILLED to be working with vous again!"

"Well, it's nice working with you too, Miss Piggy..." Ty Pennington said.

Kermit cleared his throat. "Uh, Piggy," he said. "Vet's Hospital is on."

Miss Piggy froze. "Oh." She giggled. "Excuse moi, Ty!" And she hurried on stage.

Kermit shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, is everything all right, Ty?" he asked.

The guest star smiled. "Yeah everything's fine, Kermit. But if you'll excuse me..." he headed for his dressing room.

Kermit turned to Rowlf and sighed. Rowlf shook his head, patted the frog on the back, and headed onto the stage.

When the skit was over, he made a point of staying backstage. He talked quietly with Kermit while the next act went on.

"It's been like that all night," Kermit said.

Rowlf shook his head. "Wasn't she just nagging you last week about-"

"Yes," Kermit said, "About Julia Roberts. And I was just making conversation." He sighed. "I don't understand her sometimes."

"I don't understand her most of the time," Rowlf said.

Kermit folded his face. "You're not helping."

"Sorry." Rowlf put a paw on Kermit's back. "Don't worry, Kermit. It'll all work out. It always does."

Kermit nodded. "Yeah. Hey, but you'd better get back in the band pit. Gonzo is on soon."

Rowlf nodded. They would talk later. He headed for the band pit, and met Robin on the way.

"Hi Rowlf!" he said.

"Hey Robin," Rowlf said. "How's the scouts?"

"Good!" Robin said.

"Good. Tell me all about it after the show, all right?"

"Okay!" The young frog hopped away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Backstage, Miss Piggy was coming down from her dressing room. "Oh, Kermie!" she said. "It's so wonderful to have Ty here, don't vous think so?"

Kermit put down his pencil and turned to her. "Miss Piggy, why do you do this?"

She paused. "Do what? The show? Well, because moi am so talented!"

Kermit shook his head. "No no no. I mean why do you do this? Last week when Miss Roberts was here you wouldn't even let me say hello. But this week, with Ty here, you're throwing yourself at his feet."

Miss Piggy made a face. "Moi am not THROWING moi's self at Ty's feet."

"Oh? And what are you doing, then?"

She huffed. "Oh, well, Kermie, that- that's different..."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Well... well Ty knows that we're just friends."

"Yeah, and Julia knows that we're strictly professional. So why can't I talk to her?"

"Well, you can talk to her, Kermie, it's just that-"

Kermit was starting to get angry. "But you wouldn't LET me talk to her, Piggy! You keep controlling everything I do. It's driving me crazy, Piggy!"

Miss Piggy glared at him, turned and began to storm back to her room. She stopped outside the door and turned to face him. "I control because I care!" she shouted, and she slammed the door behind her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Rowlf shook his head as he sat down at the piano and Kermit came out in front of the curtain. "And now, for another unique theatrical experience from our own in house daredevil, the Great Gonzo! YAAAAAY!" He waved his arms around in the air as he left the stage. Rowlf shook his head, wondering where the frog got the enthusiasm from.

The curtain opened on Gonzo, standing with a line of cannons. A few members of the audience clapped, more out of sympathy than enthusiasm.

"Yes! Thank you!" Gonzo shouted. "Tonight, I shall fire Swiss cheese from these well-tuned cannons to the melody of 'Figaro' with accompaniment on the piano!"

Rowlf turned to the Electric Mayhem. "How would one go about tuning a cannon?" They chuckled.

"Maestro!" Gonzo called out.

Rowlf began to play, and he heard the cannons boom. Swiss cheese flew through the theater, smattering on the ceiling and raining down on the audience. It was a surprisingly accurate rendition.

Gonzo raced around the stage, lighting fuses in a specific sequence. This one here, and now three to the right, six to the left, the far right one, ten back, one left, five over, back and forth, back and forth, faster, faster, faster, faster! The farthest one to the left, and now the farthest to the right, go! He ran, slamming into the second farthest to the right, and lighting the next cannon.

Rowlf didn't notice that the second cannon was no longer pointing at the ceiling.

Six over, ten back, five left, nine right, four left, second to last, farthest right, second farthest right, seven to the left...

BLAM!

The second farthest cannon to the right fired straight into the band pit. Swiss cheese hurled at Rowlf, smacking his head, slapping into his ears, smothering his nose, ricocheting onto the piano keys. The force of the cheese knocked him onto the floor. The smell overwhelmed him.

He felt a thick darkness creeping over him. He groaned, tried to fight it. But, oh, the pain... and that smell... His whole head was throbbing with pain... pain... pain... and that smell... pain... smell...

 

[theprawncracker]

THE SMMMMMMMMELL!!!! HAHAHA! I LOVE this story so much!!! And even moreso because it was a gift for me!!! Like I've said just a second ago Lisa, YOU'RE THE BEEEEST!! Oh this is SO awesome!! I cannot WAIT to see the rest of this AMAZINGLY hillarious story!! ((((((((((((((((((tipple super awesome HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

[The Count]

Another great story Lisa... So if it's practically already written, can we please get some more?

45 superb stories.
*Sigh... And I'm still lounging in a bit of self-indecision. Maybe if I could a gift story from some of the talented author pool here on MC... With a bit of input as to some new characters I have in mind that I'd like to introduce... Then again, maybe I should just do it myself.
*Double sigh.

 

[Aaron]

i need writing tips from you lisa great!

 

[Leyla]

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<deep breath>

And again,

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so I love Piggy and Kermit's same old same old romantic power struggle, not to mention your wonderful characterisations and oh! All the scary dramatic tension! Poor Rowlf! Undone by cheese! And let's not forget about how muppety... and yet scary... that accident is!

Lovely, lovely, lovely Lisa! You've made me a happy protege!

Leyla

 

[TogetherAgain]

Ooh, so you know what we get to see in the next chapter? We get to see how the ideas in Lisa's brain like to run around and around and around until they find a space to be shared! We will see here a cameo that looks very, very familiar. Do keep in mind that the entire first chapter and a good portion of the second chapter were written before I started writing Chasing Robin. That's putting this back to... June of 2005, ish? Before I had any ideas for Summer in the Theater, Swamp Call, A Gift, The Time the Muppets Beat Time, or- goodness knows- Flippersteps.

Just thought I'd mention that.

This is also the chapter in which we switch from over-a-year-ago-writing to more-like-last-night-writing. See if you can find the switch!

 

[Leyla]

<giggles> Wow... Lisa's brain has a rich and wonderful history.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter Two

Kermit paced the waiting room of the hospital. The others had wanted to come, but they had stayed at the theater. After all, the show must go on. They could come when it was over.

Should I call the theater? No, I don't have anything to tell them.

Ty Pennington had been incredibly understanding of it all. He had even helped get Rowlf into the ambulance between skits. It was wonderful to work with nice people. Of course, Miss Piggy was doing everything in her power to make Ty as comfortable as possible. Kermit felt himself cringe. Why did she do that? It drove him crazy. She flirted with every attractive male that crossed her path, and yet if he so much as said another girl was talented...

He glanced at the door of the waiting room, snapping himself back to the present. Why hadn't the doctors come and told him anything? What was taking so long? Was Rowlf that bad? Be strong, Kermit, be strong...

The door opened and Fozzie walked in, wringing his hat in his hands, looking hopefully at Kermit. One glance at his friend and the bear knew there was nothing to say. He looked down with a sigh and came over to stand near Kermit. The Electric Mayhem followed him in. Then came Gonzo, looking more ashamed than Kermit had ever seen him. And now came Sweetums and Robin, and Bunsen and Beaker, and Rizzo, and Pepe, and Beauregard, and the Swedish Chef, and Sam, and Link, and Scooter... The whole theater was there. Well, almost the whole theater.

They settled into the couches. Some sat on the floor. Some sat on each other.

Kermit sat between Fozzie and Gonzo.

Gonzo sighed. "It's all my fault," he whispered.

Kermit put an arm around him. "I don't think Rowlf will blame you, Gonzo," he said. "I know I don't."

Gonzo turned to look at Kermit, almost not believing what he was hearing. He put his hand on the frog's back. "Thanks, Kermit."

The three friends nodded, each becoming absorbed in their own individual thoughts. Kermit lifted his head and looked around the room. Someone was missing.

"Where's Piggy?" he said.

Suddenly the whole room was at attention, looking around, scanning, searching.

"Didn't she come with us?" Fozzie asked.

"I thought she was here..." Gonzo said.

"Yeah, she left with us," Floyd said.

"Si, de pig is not in de theater, hokay?" Pepe said.

"Well, she isn't here," Bunsen said.

"Well, then... where is she?" Kermit asked, looking around. No one answered.

The door opened. A man with a long white coat on came in. He had brown eyes and brown hair and beard. His eyebrows lifted. "Are you all here for the dog?" he asked softly. They nodded. "Well. I'm Dr. Henson, I worked on him. He's going to be fine." He paused as they let out a sigh of relief. "But the cheese hit him pretty hard, on the head and paws. Both his wrists are broken. We put casts on them, they'll be all healed in a few weeks. Meanwhile, he needs plenty of rest. You make sure he gets it," the doctor said.

They nodded. "Can we see him, doctor?"

The doctor smiled gently. "Well, not all of you. Not all at once. But I suppose two or three of you can visit for a little bit," he said. He turned to lead them to Rowlf's room.

Kermit and Fozzie stood up and began to follow him. Kermit stopped and half-turned towards the couch.

"Gonzo," he said.

Gonzo looked up at the frog. He stood and followed them.

Dr. Henson showed them where the room was and stood at the door as they filed in. He watched them, deep in thought, half-wondering why this dog was in a situation to be hit with flying Swiss cheese. "Hm," he said, and he walked away to take care of other patients.

Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo stood at the edge of the bed.

"Rowlf?" Kermit said, putting a hand on the dog's shoulder.

He had a bandage around his head and a cast on each arm. He looked drowsily up at them. "Hey Kermit," he said.

"Um, how are you feeling?" Kermit asked.

Rowlf hesitated. "A little woozy," he said.

“I’m so sorry!” Gonzo blurted out.

Rowlf slowly turned his head towards the weirdo. “Hey,” he said slowly. “At least it was Swiss cheese… I’d be in a lot worse shape if it was mozzarella.”

“Heh.” Gonzo suppressed a grin. “But I should’ve been more careful…”

Rowlf grunted vaguely. “Considering the stuff you do… Be glad folks don’t get hurt too often,” he said languidly. “Last I checked, nobody’s dead… that’s pretty good.” He cracked a smile that was considerably smaller than his usual grin, but it held the same meaning. “No hard feelings here.”

Gonzo shifted his weight, not quite convinced. “Thanks.”

Rowlf’s eyes drifted. “How was the show?” he asked no one in particular.

Kermit turned to Fozzie.

“Um…” the bear said, “Well… the theater’s still standing.”

Gonzo nodded, and Kermit shrugged. “That’s a good start,” he said.

“You didn’t stay?” Rowlf slid his gaze towards the frog.

“I stayed with you,” Kermit explained.

Rowlf looked at him for a moment. “Thanks.”

Kermit nodded.

“Too bad I missed Ty’s number,” Rowlf drawled. “He was looking forward to making a fool of himself… How’d it go?”

Again, Kermit turned to Fozzie.

“Um- Well-“ Fozzie fidgeted with his hat. “It was… confusing.”

Rowlf gave the bear a vague, quizzical look. “Dr. Teeth do the piano?”

“Yeah,” Fozzie squirmed.

“Confusing…” Rowlf considered it for a moment. “I guess.” He hesitated another moment. “I’ll write Ty a note or something to…” His eyes drifted to his cast-bound paws. He stared at them. “I won’t write,” he corrected himself. “Never was much good with a pen, anyway.”

“You could dictate it to someone,” Kermit suggested. “Any of us would be happy to write for you.”

“How are you gonna play piano?” Fozzie asked.

Rowlf set his head back against the pillow and thought for a good long moment.

Finally, he decided.

“Poorly.”

Kermit’s face screwed itself up into a cross between a grin and a scrunch. Yup- Rowlf was just fine.