Purely Ornamental: One Size Fits Snug

[Ruahnna]

“Comfy?” Piggy growled out of the corner of her mouth.
“Um, not really,” Kermit admitted, but it was hard to say if his discomfort was more physical or anticipatory. Sitting in a big candy cane while posing for a group of photographers may sound charming—albeit sticky—and it was not the most comfortable place to be, but it was nothing compared to the place that Kermit expected to find himself in once the photographers were done with them and he found himself alone with Piggy.
“Um, Piggy,” Kermit said with what he hoped was a debonair smile. “I thought maybe you and I could go out after this, catch a bite to eat, go dancing….”
Piggy continued to smile charmingly at the cameras, but her lips pulled back slightly from her teeth.
“Dancing! If I ever get out of here, it will be a miracle if Moi can even walk!”
Kermit subsided nervously.
“A little bigger smile from you, Mr. the Frog,” one of the photographers suggested, camera clicking. “Um, Miss Piggy—maybe a little less from you?” Piggy lowered the wattage on her smile and the photographer groaned with pleasure. “Beautiful!” he insisted. He circled them like a panther stalking prey, wielding his camera like a weapon as he clicked and clucked and made entirely too many comments about Piggy’s physique to suit Kermit.
“Incredible!” he cried, “just—just a little bit to the--oh! Perfect!”
Piggy murmured something, her voice low and teasing and the photographer laughed and stopped clicking. He stepped forward and brushed the hair out of Piggy’s face, tucking a loose strand of silky blond hair back beneath her Santa hat.
“Thank you, Claude,” Piggy said sweetly.
Claude? Kermit craned around on his perch to see what was happening behind him. Although he and Piggy were both facing forward, Piggy was sitting somewhat side-saddle-ish on the large green-and-white artificial confection, which meant that she could turn and face the back of the room with relative ease. She was doing that now, smiling at the overly helpful photographer and giggling at something the man had said. Kermit looked around determinedly to see what was soooo very funny and overbalanced. He grasped the handle of his giant candy cane, holding on for dear life while it twisted drunkenly on its wires.
He had succeeded in becoming the center of attention, but wasn’t enjoying it as much as he thought he would. Piggy turned and looked at him coolly, her eyes saying plainly, “Nice try” before she turned away from him again. Several of the other photographers rushed to Kermit’s rescue, leaving Piggy to swing her feet in her cute little red boots and flirt with Claude. Kermit fumed and tried to be gracious while they readjusted him on his perch and straightened his hat, which had slipped over one eye.
Eventually Claude went back to join the other photographers, where they consulted in low tones for several minutes.
Kermit shot Piggy a sulky look.
“What’s with you and that photographer?” he demanded.
Piggy’s mouth fell open in surprise, then her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Claude is a professional. Vous are being ridiculous,” she said huffily.
“Well you looked pretty cozy a minute ago.” Kermit said snidely.
“Cozy?” Piggy said, her teeth gritted. “Don’t talk to me about cozy. My candy cane is the same size as yours.” She shifted a little in her seat, wincing a little. "And in case you haven't notice, I am--"
"Oh, I noticed all right," Kermit said. "In fact, I think everybody here has noticed--"
"Ooh! For vous’s information, I am doing what I can to speed this little shoot along so we can get out of these things.”
“Well—“
“Unlike some people,” she muttered under her breath.
“Oh yeah? Well for your information, this is not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever done either.”
“At least your flippers aren’t asleep.”
“Maybe if you weren’t swinging your legs so much—“
Piggy made a strangled sound of fury, causing the photographers to turn around and look for the source of the noise. Piggy smiled at them and batted her eyelashes, and they shrugged and went back to their discussion.
“I was trying to get my blood flowing,” Piggy hissed.
Kermit gave an annoyed little shrug. “Well it almost worked. Somebody’s blood is certainly—“
“When I get down from this thing—“
“If we ever get down from these things—“
“You are so—“
“Miss Piggy? Mr. the Frog? I think we’re done here. You guys were great.”
Piggy and Kermit exchanged hasty glances. It was one thing to snipe back and forth when they were trapped in place, unable to fulfill any of the threats, but to find themselves suddenly free to do what they wanted was a little disconcerting.
Kermit hopped down and hustled over to help Piggy down before any of the others could beat him to the, um, punch. Piggy glared at him for an instant, but it was hard to resist those slim green arms upstretched to her. Carefully, by slow degrees, Piggy unwedged herself from the candy cane and slipped down into Kermit’s waiting arms.
Kermit looked at her, a little sheepish, and kept his arms around her a little longer than was strictly necessary.
“You okay, Piggy?” he asked softly.
“Um, yes,” Piggy said, blushing a little. “I’m—I’m fine now.”
Still, Kermit did not step back. He smiled at her in what he hoped was an apologetic way.
“How ‘bout that bite to eat, now?” he said. “C’mon, you pick the place.”
Piggy looked a little mutinous, but it was hard to resist the double offer of food and the arguable pleasure of Kermit’s company. She shrugged, indicating acquiescence and Kermit’s face broke into the broad smile.
“Super—we’ll have a nice dinner, dance a little.” He looked at her slyly out of the corner of his eye. “We can split a piece of chocolate fudge cake.”
Piggy shook her head at once. “No thank you,” she said crispy. “I’ve had quite enough candy for one day.”
Kermit laughed, his arm around Piggy’s waist. Take that, Claude. And he could almost swear she leaned against him—just a little—and they made their way back to the changing rooms.

 

[ReneeLouvier]

Awesome story, Ru! Don't know if it's done, but it's awesome!

 

[The Count]

Is this finished? Only the auteur can say for certain.

But this was hexcellent... And now we have 2, 2 Hallmark Ornament stories!
A sweet partner for Cold Flippers, Warm Hearts. The candy canes and the fact it's the two of them.
Heh... Flirting by the pig.
Claude? Well, for a moment I thought it was "Clod" owing to the fact that the giant candy canes got knocked over. But he was a professional and was just harmlessly flirting with the diva.

And to find their threats have to be put on hold as they then try to make up for the previous hostilities... Simply great. Though maybe that's a bit of the reason why I like the subplot in Lisa's Say Cheese!, exploring why it is the pig gets to flirt endlessly, and whenever the frog even tries to say to a female guest star he gets reined before he can even say "Hi-Ho".

Great job Ru... Look forward to more from the font of Feather in Gills.

 

[redBoobergurl]

Awww, so cute and Christmassy and Muppety! Gives me warm fuzzies all over! Thanks for sharing it with us!

 

[sarah_yzma]

I like it too! It makes me all warm and fuzzy

 

[Super Scooter]

Cool. I like it.

 

[Manda:-D]

I think my favorite line was about how SOMEbody's blood was certainly flowing....You capture the Kermie/Piggy bickering quite well, and balance it nicely with that last little moment of sweetness between them. You don't make it too ushy-gushy either, which is good. Kermit and Piggy aren't too skilled at maintaing ushy-gushy for very long. Eventually, they have to start fighting or something ridiculous has to happen, and the moment is ruined.

 

[Leyla]

Ah, this is sweet and fun and beautifully written, like everything I've come to expect from you, Catherine dear. I haven't seen this particular ornament, but it's a great little story with all of that wonderful Kermit/Piggy interplay that makes me love them so much.

Sitting in a big candy cane while posing for a group of photographers may sound charming—albeit sticky—and it was not the most comfortable place to be, but it was nothing compared to the place that Kermit expected to find himself in once the photographers were done with them and he found himself alone with Piggy.

<giggles> Always fun to see the frog when he knows he's in trouble, especially when he's trying to wrangle his way out of it!

“A little bigger smile from you, Mr. the Frog,” one of the photographers suggested, camera clicking. “Um, Miss Piggy—maybe a little less from you?” Piggy lowered the wattage on her smile and the photographer groaned with pleasure.

<giggles> Oh, what perfect directions from the outsider of this subtle little tete a tete. The differences in their expressions, after you've shown us the reasons for their expressions... <laughs> Ooh, so clever and funny. I particularly love the vengeful quality of Piggy's smile. Not to mention Kermit's growing jealousy.

She was doing that now, smiling at the overly helpful photographer and giggling at something the man had said. Kermit looked around determinedly to see what was soooo very funny and overbalanced. He grasped the handle of his giant candy cane, holding on for dear life while it twisted drunkenly on its wires.

<laughs> Oh, he's cute when he's jealous! You know, I have my own little theory about Piggy's flirting/jealousy versus Kermit's flirting (and don't tell me he doesn't!)/jealousy. I guess, to me, of the two of them... Piggy's actually got a whole lot more reason to be insecure about her status in Kermit's life. I mean, absolutely she's the bigger <cough> flirt, completely outrageous at times, but she's also been unwavering in her determination to marry Kermit. She's playing for keeps where he's concerned, and all her flirtations are just that, flirtations. On the other hand, Kermit is not only reluctant to admit any interest in PIggy at all, but he's even denied friendship with her too, at least, in recent years. ('professional relationship, anyone? Can you imagine him saying that about Fozzie, or Gonzo, or any of the others?) Kermit HAS flirted over the years, and though Piggy has certainly jumped the gun on pointing the finger, and aiming her fists, at Kermit, she's really got very little to cling to in terms of feeling emotionally secure in their relationship, romantic or otherwise. So, why, in Piggy's mind, is it perfectly acceptable to throw herself (not that she's actually willing that they catch her or keep her) at any cute guy who may help her career when Kermit can't look twice at another woman? Because she knows her own heart, and knows that it's all his whenever he wants to accept it, and she's not entirely sure, despite her dramatic claims, that Kermit's heart really lies with her.

And... I have been raving for way too long. Ah, it's been way too long since I've done a decent review.

Kermit fumed and tried to be gracious while they readjusted him on his perch and straightened his hat, which had slipped over one eye.

I love his helpless fuming, if only (although, not only) because it reminds me of another of your stories, Ru, from filming MTI, when Kermit and Piggy were suspended from the rope, with him making comments about her undies and Piggy helpless to do anything but think about killing him. I liked the turned tables.

"Ooh! For vous’s information, I am doing what I can to speed this little shoot along so we can get out of these things.”
“Well—“
“Unlike some people,” she muttered under her breath.
“Oh yeah? Well for your information, this is not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever done either.”
“At least your flippers aren’t asleep.”
“Maybe if you weren’t swinging your legs so much—“
Piggy made a strangled sound of fury, causing the photographers to turn around and look for the source of the noise. Piggy smiled at them and batted her eyelashes, and they shrugged and went back to their discussion.

<giggles> Ah, lover's quarrel's are such fun! (Yes. I have a strange definition of fun. I think torture lines are fun too, even when my heart is chopped into little pieces... I think there's a little Gonzo in me.)

“I was trying to get my blood flowing,” Piggy hissed.
Kermit gave an annoyed little shrug. “Well it almost worked. Somebody’s blood is certainly—“

<raises eyebrows> <giggles> Oh, he's REALLY hot under the collar right now! Love it! I also got a real kick out of their reactions when they suddenly find themselves free after all of those threats.

Kermit looked at her, a little sheepish, and kept his arms around her a little longer than was strictly necessary.
“You okay, Piggy?” he asked softly.
“Um, yes,” Piggy said, blushing a little. “I’m—I’m fine now.”
Still, Kermit did not step back. He smiled at her in what he hoped was an apologetic way.

Aww... and he charms her back after all that sparring for a very satisfying ending. Awesome job, Ru, as always! Top notch ushy gushy from the ushy gushy founder!

 

[Ruahnna]

You know me--I've only got one drum and it's all I know how to hit. But I'm glad you liked my little, um, confection. THink of it as an early Christmas present!

And what nice comments, and some lovely insights, too, especially Leyla's about Piggy's insecurity and Ed's about Piggy's flirting vs. froggy flirting.

 

[TogetherAgain]

<Grins hugely> Ru... as far as I'm concerned... you can beat that drum all day long.

It's a lovely little story, and I would say more, but I'm exhausted and Leyla covered most everything, anyway.