Muppets of the Caribbean

[Beauregard]

Wow.

Wow.

Excellent.

Wow.

This is brilliantly and cleverly executed...And now I feel bad foralways being distracted and not replying to PM's...

This is hilarious...and it's weird how I can somehow see both the Muppet version and the Real version playing side-by-side in my head. And I find it hilarious to see the human actors saying the Muppet lines, and visa ve. And at the same time I see how perfectly it works for the Muppets.

Fantastic.

Beauey

EDIT: Prawnie! Get your butt online this instant, if you're gunna ziffle me, you can IM me!

 

[Super Scooter]

...And now I feel bad foralways being distracted and not replying to PM's...

As you should! I'm kidding! I'm kidding!

Thanks, "Beauy"! Thanks, Prawnie! I actually watched the movie again yesterday, and I kept hearing these characters as Muppets... I may have changed my Pirates of the Caribbean viewing experience for good! Besides that, I listened to the commentary track and one of the writers said that Jack Sparrow was, in part, based on Bugs Bunny. Now I'm seeing Bugs Bunny interacting with a bunch of Muppets!

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE EIGHT

EXT. TOWN - STREET - MORNING

KERMIT awakes, still lying in the middle of the street where he was knocked out the night before. He stands, and runs off.

EXT. FORT - SHORTLY THEREAFTER

LINK HOGTHROB stands on top of the fort with ROWLF. LINK is going over some plans with the GUARDS (including ANDY and RANDY).

KERMIT enters.

KERMIT​

They've taken her! They've taken Miss Piggy!​

LINK​

Guards, remove this frog, please.​

KERMIT​

What? We have to hunt them down! We have to save her!​

RANDY​

(to ANDY) Hey, remember when Mr. Sparrow was talking about the Black Pearly thingy?​

ANDY​

Yeah?​

RANDY​

I don't.​

KERMIT​

(to himself; getting an idea) ... Jack Sparrow...​

LINK​

(to GUARDS) Didn't you men hear me? Remove the frog!​

KERMIT runs off to get JACK.

LINK​

Well, that was easy. ... I scared him. Hmm.​

INT. PRISON

JACK is trying to pick the lock on his cell with a bone. He hears footsteps approaching, leaves the bone in the lock, and lies down, acting inconspicuously.

KERMIT enters.

KERMIT​

Jack Sparrow?​

JACK​

Aye.​

KERMIT​

You know about the Black Pearl?​

JACK​

... The what?​

KERMIT​

The ship! The Black Pearl!​

JACK​

(thinks) Oh, right! The Black Pearl! What of it?​

KERMIT​

You know where it'll be. Where does it make berth?​

JACK​

Where does it make berth? Have you not heard the stories? Captain Gonzo and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is.​

KERMIT​

(frightened) Uh... *gulp* Uh... (meekly) Where is it?​

JACK​

Why ask me?​

KERMIT​

Because you're a pirate.​

JACK​

That's profiling, mate.​

KERMIT​

Oh. Sorry. Anyway, they took Miss Piggy.​

JACK​

Oh, so it is that you've found a girl. I see. Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart... you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me.​

KERMIT​

I can get you out of here.​

JACK​

How's that? The key's run off.​

KERMIT​

Well, who needs keys? See, I helped build these cells. With the right leverage, say from that bench over there, and with enough strength, the door will lift free.​

KERMIT tries to lift a bench to use it for leverage. Of course, he's too small and it won't budge. Still, he continues in his attempts to lift it.

KERMIT​

Uh, I'll be with you in a minute there. MMMMMMM!​

Gasping for air, KERMIT gives up.

JACK​

... What's your name?​

KERMIT​

Uh, Kermit. Kermit the Frog.​

JACK​

"The Frog?" ... Hmmm. Well, Mr. The Frog, I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass.​

KERMIT​

Uh, well, actually, Mr. Sparrow, I'm afriad I may have spoken a bit too soon. ... Uh, ya see, I, uh... can't lift the... the bench...​

And with that, another hole blows in the prison wall. A CONSTRUCTION WORKER looks through.

CONSTRUCTION WORKER​

Hey, what are you doing in there? We're scheduled to take this set down today! Check the production schedule.​

KERMIT​

Well, that's convenient.​

JACK​

(to KERMIT) Hand me me effects, would you, mate?​

KERMIT does and the two leave.

End scene.

 

[Muppetfan44]

I love it! Plain and simple, a perfect mix of muppets and this movie. You are doing a fantastic job!

Please post more soon!

 

[theprawncracker]

HAHAHAHA! The construction worker! PERFECT! Too funny! I loved Jack, of course, and Kermit was great! *bouncy* This is AWESOME Super Scoot! More please!

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE NINE

EXT. BEACH - DAY

JACK and KERMIT are ducked down behind some wreckage, looking over toward the royal dock. The Interceptor, the smaller ship, is heavily guarded, while the Dauntless, the much larger ship, only has a few GUARDS occupying it.

KERMIT​

We're going to steal a ship? (points to the Dauntless) That ship?​

JACK​

Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship.​

KERMIT​

Well, it's an awfully big ship to steal--​

JACK​

Commandeer!​

KERMIT​

Yeah, whatever. Look, I don't think I can commandeer anything. I mean--​

JACK​

Look, boy. We're commandeering a ship, or we're not going to be able to save this girl of yours. Now, how far are you willing to go to save her?​

KERMIT​

Well, I... I, uh... (nobly) I'd die for her.​

JACK​

Oh, good. No worries, then. Come along.​

UNDERWATER...

JACK is using a very small boat to create an air pocket underneath the water for him as he walks along the bottom toward the Dauntless. KERMIT is also walking along the bottom, but without the aid of the air pocket.

JACK​

That really isn't fair, mate.​

KERMIT pokes his head up.

KERMIT​

What's that?​

JACK​

I said it isn't fair. Your walking along like that and all.​

KERMIT​

Well, it isn't my fault I'm an amphibian. Besides, my feet wouldn't reach the bottom if I were trying to help you up here.​

JACK​

Great.​

KERMIT​

You know, you must be absolutely mad, or just brilliant.​

JACK​

It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.​

ON THE DAUNTLESS...

KERMIT and JACK board. JACK takes out his pistol, and points it at the HEAD GUARD on board. It's JULIUS STRANGEPORK.

JACK​

Everyone stay calm! We're taking over the ship.​

KERMIT tries to act heroic by performing a few fancy moves with his sword. When he's done, all the GUARDS begin to laugh.

STRANGEPORK​

This ishn't a rowboat. This ship cannot be crewed by two men. For inshtance, I'm the only one who knowsh how all the technical shtuff vorksh. You won't budge a shingle inch.​

JACK​

Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow... savvy?​

STRANGEPORK and his GUARDS get into a longboat, and are left out at sea.

ON THE INTERCEPTOR...

LINK, SCOOTER and a few other SAILORS are on board. SCOOTER notices STRANGEPORK trying to signal them from the longboat.

SCOOTER​

(to LINK) Uh, excuse me, boss? Sir?​

LINK looks and sees STRANGEPORK.

STRANGEPORK​

(calling out) Link! Link! They've taken the Dauntless! Shnell! Shnell! Soooey!​

LINK looks through his spy glass and sees JACK and KERMIT on board the Dauntless.

LINK​

Ah-ha. That wasn't a very smart idea, Mr. Kermit. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. That is most deffinitely the worst pirate I have ever seen. (to SCOOTER) Take us around, Mr. Scooter.​

SCOOTER​

Aye-aye, boss.​

The Interceptor pulls up alongside the Dauntless. LINK, SCOOTER and all the SAILORS from the Interceptor swing on board the ship.

Once all have boarded, JACK and KERMIT swing onto the Interceptor.

LINK​

Hmm. Where are they?​

JACK​

(from the Interceptor) Oh, Commodore?​

LINK turns to see JACK and KERMIT sailing away in the Interceptor.

JACK​

Thank you for getting us ready to make way. We'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves.​

LINK is flabbergasted! He tries to speak but just can't. A SAILOR approaches him.

SAILOR​

Commodore, he's disabled the rudder chain, sir! We can't go after them. We're sitting ducks! What are your orders, sir?​

LINK​

... Quack quack?​

SAILOR​

"Quack quack?" Oh. Sitting ducks, sir. Very good, sir. But what are we going to do?​

LINK​

I... I... Aye-yi-yi!​

SCOOTER​

Wow! That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen!​

LINK​

(angrily) Would you get us out of here?​

SCOOTER​

Oh, yes, sir. Right, sir. Sorry, sir.​

SCOOTER rushes off. LINK can only watch as the Interceptor sails away.

End scene.

 

[theprawncracker]

HAHAHA! Link! ! ! "Quack, quack!" I LOVE it! Kermit is PERFECT! I loved him swimming under the long-boat while Jack walked. Too funny. Loving this more and more each chapter! More please!

 

[Super Scooter]

And so it shall be...

SCENE TEN

ON THE INTERCEPTOR - LATE AFTERNOON

JACK is at the helm. KERMIT sits on the deck next to him, sharpening his sword.

KERMIT​

(mid-sentence) ... so, then when my mother died, I decided to go looking for my father.​

JACK​

(yawns) My, what a riveting yarn.​

KERMIT​

Well, you asked. Which reminds me, when we were at the jail, you only agreed to help me once you knew my name.​

JACK​

It's a lovely name.​

KERMIT​

You knew my father, didn't you?​

JACK​

Sure. I knew 'im. Probably one of the few who knew him as William the Frog. Everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill.​

KERMIT​

Bootstrap? Uh, why did they call him Bootstrap?​

JACK​

He wore boots... on his hands. Strapped them on after a drunken dare and could never get 'em off.​

KERMIT​

He never took them off? How come?​

JACK​

... His hands were in the boots! How do you take boots off without hands to unstrap 'em?​

KERMIT​

Someone could take them off for him.​

JACK​

... Well, what's the fun in that then? In any case, he was a good man. And a good pirate.​

KERMIT​

A... pirate?​

Dramatic music plays. The two ignore it at this point.

JACK​

An excellent pirate at that, lad!​

KERMIT​

(in disbelief) No. That's not true! That's impossible!​

JACK​

He was a bloody pirate... a scallywag!​

KERMIT​

Nooooo! Noooo! No!​

JACK​

That's the wrong movie, mate.​

KERMIT​

Oh. Right.​

KERMIT points his sword at JACK.

KERMIT​

That better?​

JACK​

Yeah, I suppose that's the right reaction. But, honestly, do you really want to be beat again?​

KERMIT​

You didn't beat me, you cheated! If it you fought fair, I'd have won.​

JACK​

Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?​

JACK moves one of the sails so that the yard catches KERMIT and swings him out over the sea.

KERMIT​

Ack! Yikes!​

JACK​

Now, as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example, I can let you drown but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So...​

JACK swings KERMIT back on board and offers him his sword.

JACK​

... can you sail under the command of a pirate? Or can you not?​

KERMIT​

(taking the sword) What's our heading?​

JACK​

To a dark place, lad. A port teeming with rum, women and death. We sail for... Tortuga!​

KERMIT​

*gulp!*​

EXT. TORTUGA - NIGHT

Tortuga is a town filled with PIRATES and other "scurvy" individuals. They all stare at KERMIT and JACK as they walk down the street. Fear washes over KERMIT'S face, unsure of anyone.

No one is moving. No one is doing anything, until...

PEOPLE OF TORTUGA​

Ooooooooooooooooh! Tortuga, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain.
Oh, Tortuga, Ev'ry night my honey lamb and I
Sit alone and talk and watch a hawk
Makin' lazy circles in the sky!​

KERMIT​

(to JACK) This is Tortuga?​

JACK​

Frightening, isn't it?​

PEOPLE OF TORTUGA
(cont'd)​

We know we belong to the land,
And the land we belong to is grand!
And when we say:
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We're only sayin'
You're doin' fine, Oh, Tortuga!
Tortuga, O.K.!​

A beat, then all of the people in Tortuga go to fighting with each other.

JACK​

It is indeed a sad life that has never breathed deep this sweet, proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy? What do you think?​

KERMIT​

Well, I suppose it does have a few redeeming qualities.​

KERMIT says this just as a PIRATE walks past strangling another.

JACK​

I'll tell you mate, if every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted.
​

JACK notices someone across the street.

JACK​

Scarlett!​

JACK runs up to a red-headed Muppet woman named SCARLETT. She slaps him.

JACK​

(to KERMIT) Not sure I deserved that.​

JACK notices another WOMAN approach him.

JACK​

Giselle!​

GISELLE​

Who was she?​

JACK​

What?​

GISELLE slaps JACK and storms off.

JACK​

(to KERMIT) I may have deserved that.​

KERMIT​

They say third time's the charm.​

JACK​

No, thanks, mate.​

They head off.

End scene.

 

[AnimatedC9000]

*singing along with the people* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH- Tortuga, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains!
And the wavin-- *laughs at midverse* Oh, my gosh! XD

*claps* Fantastic job! More, please!

~ AnimatedC

 

[Muppetfan44]

hahahahahaha!

Loved the Tortuga theme song, very clever!

Great job, post more soon!