Muppets of the Caribbean

[theprawncracker]

WOOT! That was GREAT Super Scoot! VERY funny stuff! Loved Sam, as always! And it's good to see Scooter too! Great job! Can't wait to see more!

 

[Super Scooter]

Thanks, prawnie! But, I'm afriad I may have made a bit of an error in that scene. The fight should be more descriptive. Usually when I'm writing, I focus on mainly just the dialogue, then go through it again to adjust the descriptions and the actions. I forgot to do that with this scene. Oh, well. The next sword fight will be better.

(Psst! Scooter's intro is sort of set up for if I decide to do Muppet versions of all three movies... )

I like it! Great cast list, I might have switched fozzie's and rowlf's roles...

I'm starting to see how that would have been a much better idea! Rowlf is a bit more like Gibbs in the movie. The reason I cast Fozzie as Gibbs was so he would have more to do (in all honesty, I couldn't think of anywhere to actually put Fozzie originally). Fozzie and Kermit end up with some more interactions this way, and I thought it might be fun to turn Gibbs superstitious nature into a very nervous Fozzie Bear character. Looking back, I wish I had changed it, but it'll still be fun.

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE SIX

INT. PRISON - NIGHT

JACK sits alone in his cell. The cell next to him is occupied by BAD POLLY, CLUELESS MORGAN, and MAD MONTY. They're calling out to a DOG (a cameo by SPROCKET) who holds the keys to the cell, trying to coax him to bring the keys over. POLLY is waving a bone at him.

MAD MONTY​

Come here, doggy! Look what I got for you!​

BAD POLLY​

Come here! Come on. Come on. ... Come here, you mangy mutt!​

CLUELESS MORGAN​

Hey, that's not very nice.​

POLLY​

What do you mean?​

CLUELESS​

Well, if you want him to bring it over, you should be very polite and say please.​

BAD POLLY hits CLUELESS MORGAN over the head with the bone.

CLUELESS​

... That's effective, too.​

They continue to call to SPROCKET.

JACK​

You can keep doing that forever, the dog is never going to move.​

POLLY​

Oh, yeah? What's it to you? Huh? Huh?​

CLUELESS​

Easy, easy, Polly. Remember your heart condition. Don't you think we ought to be nice to each other? We could be in here a while and... I don't know, we could try to make the best of it.​

POLLY​

... I'm gonna kill him, Monty!​

POLLY lunges at CLUELESS.

INT. PIGGY'S ROOM - IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING

PIGGY is in bed. The MAID places a bed warmer between PIGGY'S sheets.

PIGGY​

Ooh, hot! Watch where you're putting that thing!​

MAID​

Sorry, Miss.​

PIGGY​

(feeling bad she snapped) Oh, that's all right. I'm sorry I snapped at you. My mind is on... (dramatically) ... so many things!​

MAID​

Like the Commodore's proposal?​

PIGGY​

Who? Oh, right! Right. Yes, that! ... That, too.​

MAID​

Oh, you were thinking about that pirate that threatened you.​

PIGGY​

(dreamily) *sigh* Yes. ... (snaps out of it) *ahem* That is, I was thinking of the Commodore. Commodore... uh...​

MAID​

Hogthrob, Miss?​

PIGGY​

Yes, yes! Hogthrob! Right. Ah, ha ha!​

MAID​

Well, the Commodore's a good man, Miss.​

PIGGY​

Yes, I suppose so.​

MAID​

Well, that Kermit the Frog, he's a fine man, too.​

PIGGY​

(dreamily) *sgh* Him, too. ... (snaps out of it) That is, um, that will be quite enough of that, if you please.​

MAID​

Yes, Miss.​

The MAID exits.

PIGGY looks down at the pirate medallion still around her neck, thinking of KERMIT.

EXT. FORT

LINK HOGTHROB stands on top of the fort, drinking a glass of something. ROWLF walks up behind him.

ROWLF​

(loudly) Commodore Hogthrob!​

LINK jumps, having not seen ROWLF approach. He fumbles with his glass a bit, until it falls over the edge of the fort.

The glass shatters.

MAN​

(o.s.) Ouch!​

LINK​

Oops. (calling down) Sorry! (to ROWLF) Oh, uh, good evening, Governor. What can I do for you this evening?​

ROWLF​

I come to find out about muh daughter! She give you an answer yet?​

LINK​

Yes, she has. And she told me that with daily attention, the rash on my arm will clear up soon.​

ROWLF​

No, no! About the proposal!​

LINK​

Oh, right!​

ROWLF​

(to camera) Not the sharpest of the bunch, but I'm runnin' out of options here. (to LINK) Did she give you an answer to your proposal yet?​

LINK​

No, not yet. But give it time, she'll come around.​

ROWLF​

I'm running out of time. My entertainment system comes this Saturday!​

LINK looks out into the sea. There he sees... pirate ships! Pirate ships firing their cannons!

LINK​

*gasp!* Cannon fire! Get down!​

LINK and ROWLF duck down as two cannon balls fly over their heads.

SCOOTER crawls up along next to LINK.

SCOOTER​

Sir! What are your orders?​

LINK​

Find a safe place and hide me!​

INT. PRISON

MONTY, POLLY and CLUELESS are tangled up in a pile.

JACK hears the cannon fire and looks out the prison window.

JACK​

I know those guns... it's the Pearl!​

POLLY​

The Black Pearl? Mate, you're crazy!​

CLUELESS​

Don't say that, Polly! The Pearl is a c-c-curseded ship!​

POLLY​

Well, then you're crazy, Clueless!​

CLUELESS​

No, no. I've heard the stories.They say when she attacks... she leaves no survivors!​

CLUELESS buries his head in his hands to hide.

JACK​

If there are no survivors, then where do the stories come from, I wonder?​

EXT. BEACH

The Black Pearl's guns are destroying the battlements. PIRATES are coming ashore in boats!

The PIRATES, which include SWEETUMS, SPOTTED DICK, OLD TOM, ANGEL MARIE, CRAZY HARRY, BLACK DOG, BLIND PEW, UNCLE DEADLY, CLIFFORD, ZIPPITY ZAP, JOHNNY FIAMA and SAL, amongst many other various Muppets, climb off the boats and draw their swords. They run toward the town next to the fort.

IN THE TOWN...

PIRATES fight with the TOWNSPEOPLE. KERMIT rushes out of the Blacksmith's, takes up a sword, and helps to fight the PIRATES.

INT. GOVERNOR'S HOUSE - FOYER

PIGGY rushes down the stairs as FEATHERSTONE is about to open the front door.

PIGGY​

Don't open the---​

She's too late. FEATHERSTONE opens the door, and is greeted by several pirates, including JOHNNY and SAL.

JOHNNY​

Hi, there-​

FEATHERSTONE slams the door in his face. As he turns to walk away, there is a knock at the door. He opens it. JOHNNY is now holding his nose in pain.

SAL​

That wasn't very nice to do to Johnny.​

SAL hits FEATHERSTONE over the head with a club.

PIGGY runs upstairs.

SAL​

Get her!​

The PIRATES run after her.

JOHNNY​

Hey, Sal, Sal. Did he break my nose? How is it? Does it look bad?​

SAL​

You look beautiful, Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

Oh, thanks, Sal. (shouts) Get her!​

JOHNNY and SAL chase after PIGGY. The other PIRATES go to looting the place.

INT. PIGGY'S ROOM

PIGGY and the MAID rush in. PIGGY locks the door.

MAID​

Miss Piggy, they've come to kidnap you!​

PIGGY​

What?​

MAID​

You're the Governor's daughter.​

PIGGY​

*sigh* This just isn't my day.​

JOHNNY and SAL start banging on the door.

JOHNNY​

Hey, open up in there!​

SAL​

We know you're in there! We're vicious pirates, and we're crazy, so you'd better open up!​

PIGGY​

(to MAID) Look, they haven't seen you. Hide, and the first chance you get, run for the fort!​

The MAID hides. PIGGY grabs the bed warmer and opens the door.

JOHNNY​

Hey, it's about time. We've been waiting forever out--​

PIGGY hits JOHNNY with the bed warmer.

JOHNNY​

Oh, that smarts.​

JOHNNY falls over.

SAL​

Hey, what did you do to Johnny Fiam--​

PIGGY hits SAL as well. He falls over and the MAID runs out.

PIGGY follows.

INT. FOYER

The MAID runs out of the building. Before PIGGY can make it there, though, PIRATES block the door. She runs for the dining room.

INT. DINING ROOM

PIGGY locks herself in a closet.

JOHNNY and SAL enter.

JOHNNY​

We know you're in here, darling. Come out, come out wherever you are. We ain't gonna hurt you.​

SAL​

We're not?​

JOHNNY​

Shhh! (calling out to PIGGY) We're gonna find you, darlin'. You've got something we want, and it's calling to us. The gold is calling!​

SAL​

The gold is calling!​

JOHNNY​

What I tell you about repeating what I say, Sal?​

SAL​

... Sorry, Johnny.​

JOHNNY opens the door to the closet.

JOHNNY​

Hello, darlin'.​

PIGGY​

Uh... Parley!​

JOHNNY​

What was that?​

PIGGY​

(singing; taunting) Parley, parley, parley! Ah, ha ha ha!​

JOHNNY​

"Parley?" What does this "parley" mean, Sal?​

SAL​

I think it's one of those pirate words, Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

Well, if it's one of those pirate words, Sal... (shouts) ... how come I don't know what it means then?​

SAL​

I don't know, Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

Well, ask her!​

SAL​

(to PIGGY; shouting) Hey! Johnny Fiama wants to know how come it is that he don't know what the word "parley" means?​

JOHNNY​

That's not what I wanted to know, Sal!​

SAL​

Oh. (to PIGGY; shouting) Johnny Fiama DON'T want to know how come it is that he don't know what the word "parley" means? (to JOHNNY; speaking) What do you want to know, Johnny?​

JOHNNY​

I want to know what the word means, Sal!​

SAL​

Oh, right. (to PIGGY; shouting) Johnny Fiama wants to know what this "parley" word means!​

PIGGY​

According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you have to take me to your Captain! If an adversary demands parley you can do them no harm until the parley is complete. Ah, ha ha!​

SAL​

(to JOHNNY; shouting) She says that "parley" means that we gotta--​

JOHNNY​

I heard her, Sal! I don't need your stupid explanations.​

SAL​

Oh. (shouting) Johnny Fiama don't want to hear my STUPID explanations! (muttering) Stupid Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

What was that, Sal?​

SAL​

I didn't say nuttin', Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

That's what I thought. All right, let's go to the ship then!​

SAL​

(shouting) Outta the way! Johnny Fiama takin' the lady pig to the ship!​

EXT. TOWN

KERMIT is fighting with OLD TOM. He knocks him out of the way, then turns to see PIGGY being taken away by JOHNNY and SAL.

KERMIT​

(calling out) Piggy!​

PIGGY​

Oh, Kermie!​

KERMIT starts to run to her, but is hit on the head by a PIRATE, knocking him unconscious.

End scene.

 

[AnimatedC9000]

THE SAM! THE LINK! THE PIRATES! THE JOHNNY 'N SAL INTERACTION! THE CELL! THE WAY TOO AWESOME STORY! ... I'M GONNA STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS NOW!

This is a great story! Can't wiat for the next installment!

~ AnimatedC (Ha ha, I didn't say anything about exclaimation marks, now did I?)

 

[theprawncracker]

HAHAHAHA! Johnny and Sal were GREAT! Oh my gosh, that's classic stuff there Scoot! Too funny! ! ! ! And Polly, Clueless, and Monty's cameo was awesome! I think the Muppets are over-shadowing Jack Sparrow--which I didn't realize was possible! I must see more!

 

[Super Scooter]

Thanks a lot! And, don't worry. Jack will have his moment(s) to shine. I just don't want to write another Muppet project where the Muppets play second fiddle to the guest star.

The next scene presents the introduction of... The Great Captain Gonzo! Stay tuned...

 

[The Count]

Oh no... Calling it right now, that scene will put Prawny in a state of looney bliss we'll have to call the medics to cart him off in a stretcher. So... Um... Have at it and post more please.

 

[Muppetfan44]

Totally loving it! And I like Rowlf as the Governor; definitely an interesting twist.

Fantastic Job! Please post more soon!

 

[Super Scooter]

SCENE SEVEN

INT. PRISON

A hole gets blown in the the cell with POLLY, MONTY and CLUELESS. They all climb out.

POLLY​

See ya later, Jackie-boy! Ha ha ha!​

CLUELESS​

(to JACK) You know, I'm really sorry it had to end like this. But, you know, sometimes life opens a door, and you gotta--​

POLLY​

Clueless, come on!​

CLUELESS​

Right! Yeah. I'm comin'. I'm comin'.​

They all leave.

JACK, still trapped in his cell, grabs a bone and tries to get SPROCKET to come to him. This time, SPROCKET actually starts to respong to the calls.

JACK​

Come on, doggy. It's just you and me now. It's just you and ol' Jack . Come on. Come on, good boy. Thats a good boy, come on! Bit closer, bit closer. That's it, that's it, doggy. Come on you filthy, slimy, mangy--​

There is a crash coming from the stairs. It scares SPROCKET off.

JACK​

No, no, no, no, no, I didn't mean it. I didn't...​

Another crash as the PRISON GUARD is thrown down the stairs.

CLIFFORD and ZIPPITY ZAP enter.

CLIFFORD​

Hey, this don't look like the armory to me.​

ZIPPITY ZAP​

Maybe we done took that wrong left turn at Albuquerque.​

CLIFFORD​

Man, that don't make no sense no how! (noticing JACK) Hey, would you look who it is. It's Jack Sparrow!​

JACK​

(correcting him) Captain Jack Sparrow.​

CLIFFORD​

Yeah? Of what? Seems to me the last thing you were Captian of was that island we left you on. How long's it been since then, Jack? Ten years?​

JACK​

Spare me the exposition, mate.​

CLIFFORD​

Anyway, doesn't seem to me like your forutne has improved too much since then.​

CLIFFORD and ZIPPITY ZAP start laughing at JACK.

JACK​

Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen. The deepest circle of H*ll is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.​

CLIFFORD, insulted, reaches in the cell to grab JACK by the throat. His hand hits the moonlight, allowing JACK to see CLIFFORD for what he's truly become. At the moment, the audience is unable to see what that is.

JACK​

So there is a curse. That's interesting.​

CLIFFORD​

You don't know anything about it, man.​

CLIFFORD lets go of JACK and he and ZIPPITY ZAP start to leave.

CLIFFORD​

And it seems to me you never know.​

ZIPPITY ZAP​

That's right! 'Cause you gonna be locked down here forever!​

They leave. JACK thinks about what he's just seen.

JACK​

That's very interesting.​

EXT. BOAT

The sky is cloudy. No moonlight can shine through. MISS PIGGY is being rowed across to the Black Pearl.

ON THE BLACK PEARL...

PIGGY is brought on board by JOHNNY and SAL. All of the PIRATES have returned.

CLIFFORD​

Hey, what is this, man? We weren't taking on any captives.​

JOHNNY​

Well, apparently there's this new thing no one told me about yet where we gotta bring people to see the Captain just 'cause they say this word.​

CLIFFORD​

You mean "parley?"​

JOHNNY​

(to SAL) Did I miss the memo?​

SAL​

I told you about it, Johnny.​

JOHNNY​

How come everyone knows about this thing but me? This is ridiculous.​

CAPTAIN GONZO pops up behind JOHNNY.

GONZO​

You don't know the meaning of the word, ridiculous! Ah, ha ha ha ha!​

Everything GONZO says throughout should be way over the top.

JOHNNY​

Hey, Captain, we got this pig here what says she wants to talk to you.​

GONZO​

(upon seeing PIGGY) Oooh! Hubba hubba!​

PIGGY​

Oh, good grief!​

GONZO​

And what, pray tell, might you want, fair maiden? A little rendezvous with the great Captain Gonzo?​

PIGGY​

Captain Gonzo, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.​

GONZO​

Oh, I agree! We've cessated and hostilized Port Royal rather brilliantly, don't you think?​

PIGGY​

No, that's not--​

GONZO​

(shouts) More cannon fire! Ah, ha ha ha ha!​

PIGGY​

I want you to leave and never come back!​

GONZO​

(outraged) What?​

PIGGY​

Well, you didn't understand me the first time!​

GONZO​

Fine! You can use big words, I can use big words. I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.​

PIGGY stares at him blankly.

GONZO​

It means... NO! Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!​

PIGGY​

Fine! Fine! Just fine!​

PIGGY pulls out the medallion. All of the PIRATES become deadly silent. She holds the medallion out over the water.

PIGGY​

How about I just drop this then?​

GONZO​

And what makes you think that scrap means anything to us, my pretty?​

PIGGY​

It's what you've been searching for. I heard him (points at JOHNNY) say you were looking for the gold that calls to you.​

JOHNNY​

Hey, I didn't tell her nothin'!​

PIGGY​

This is the gold that you're looking for... isn't it?​

She gets no response.

PIGGY​

I think I've made a mistake. Why does this keep happening to me? This stupid thing!​

PIGGY starts to throw it overboard, but the PIRATES all lunge forward to stop her.

PIGGY​

You do want it!​

GONZO​

Do you have a name, Missy?​

PIGGY​

My name is Piggy...​

PIGGY remembers what the MAID had told her about them looking to kidnap the "Governor's daughter," and so changes her last name to...

PIGGY​

(cont'd) ... the Frog. Piggy the Frog. I'm a maid in the Governor's household.​

GONZO​

"The Frog?"​

SAL​

Hey, that's what Bootstrap's name wa--​

JOHNNY elbows SAL to get him to stop talking.

GONZO​

And how does a maid come by something this fancy? A family... HEIRLOOM, maybe?​

PIGGY​

I didn't steal it... (guilty) I didn't!​

GONZO​

Very well! Give it to me, and I'll never return to this port again.​

PIGGY​

Promise?​

GONZO​

Would I lie?​

She hands him the medallion. He turns and walks away from her laughing maniacally.

GONZO​

You heard her, boys! Let's get out of here!​

PIGGY​

Wait a minute! You have to take me to shore. I can't be away without my vanity. And according to the Code of the Order of the Brethren--
​

GONZO​

Ah-ha! You forgot three things, my dear. First, your return was never part of our agreement. I said I'd leave and never return, and I meant it. Second, are you a pirate? No. So the pirate's code doesn't apply to you. And third! ... Well, the code's more of a guideline, really. Welcome aboard... the Black Pearl!​

End scene.

 

[theprawncracker]

WHOOOOOOOO! ! ! ! Gonzo. Is. AWESOME! That chapter ROCKED, Super Scoot! Gonzo was so brilliant! I loved the scripting instruction for him to be way over the top. He's a perfect choice for Barbossa--my favorie Muppet character playing my favorite POTC character! Whod'a thunk it?

LOVE IT! Can't wait for more!