Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

[theprawncracker]

*ahem* Ladies and germs, this next chapter's main scene was the brain-child of Layla and myself... so it's not all my fault! Oh, and sorry it's a short one... but I'll more than make up for it in the upcoming chapters! Enjoy!

Chapter 26

Kermit was wondering where the cards were—and then he saw Scooter and Dr. Teeth rushing inside and suddenly escorting everyone from Sesame Street out into the backyard.

He was about to get up to question the flashy musician, but then remembered his voicemail from Mickey. He gulped lightly then got up from the couch and pulled Fozzie away from the group. Fozzie looked around nervously. “Something wrong Kermit?" the bear asked.

“No," said Kermit. “Well… okay, that’s not entirely true.”

Fozzie bit his bottom lip. “What is it?" he asked.

“It’s about the script," Kermit whispered so no one else in the room could’ve possibly overheard.

Fozzie perked up. “Do you need some help writing some jokes for it?"

Kermit smirked. “Not exactly," he said. “It’s just… well, Mickey called me earlier.”

“What’d he say?" Fozzie asked.

“He… well… he wants me to bring the script in on—”

Kermit was interrupted by the bursting open of the front door. He was not as surprised as he should’ve been when Skeeter, Janice, and Camilla appeared in the hallway facing the living room.

Clifford flipped off his sunglasses and stared at Skeeter skeptically. “Yo, Skeet, what’re you girls doin’ here anyhow?" he asked.

“Gentlemen," said Skeeter, addressing the crowd. “Tonight’s entertainment has arrived!"

The men (dogs, frogs, bears, whatevers, etc.) exchanged glances. “But Dr. Teeth said he—” Sal blurted out.

Dr. Teeth came running back into the living room just in time. “I said I would handle the entertainment!" he shouted defensively.

“Brawk bawk," Camilla clucked. “Bragawk byuck baw.”

“Right, no one’s handling this entertainment except Kermit," Skeeter insisted.

Kermit stared at Skeeter with a worried look glazed upon his eyes. Then his gaze shifted to Dr. Teeth and Scooter—mostly Scooter—as it turned into a glare.

By now the girls were moving into the room. “Like, take a seat, Kermit! You’re rully gonna need to be sitting down fer this one," Janice said, grabbing Kermit by his shoulders and lightly pushing him back onto the couch.

Out, out, out! Kermit rehearsed in his head. Out, out, OUT! He repeated. He wasn’t sure who he’d be saying this to—Scooter, Dr. Teeth, the girls, and the “entertainment” all seemed like logical choices at this point.

Kermit heard pointed heels clack against the hardwood floor of the Boarding House hallway. He gulped audibly and sunk down in the couch, afraid to turn around. I’m sorry, but my fiancé, you see, would KILL you if I even considered— no… too wimpy.

The heels clicked along the living room floor and grew louder as they approached the couch. She must be gorgeous, Kermit thought. No one’s making any remarks—they must be stunned!

Across the room, Fozzie fainted into Rowlf’s arms. The dog shook his head and chuckled lightly. Well both of those things are to be expected in this situation, Kermit thought.

There was a light tap on his head. A single finger tap-tap-tapped between his eyes. He gulped again. “Thank you for your time, but I’m afraid—”

Kermit looked up.

Miss Piggy looked down.

“Hello Kermit," the entertainment told the frog. “Vous lied to moi.”

Kermit was twitching uncontrollably and his words weren’t coming out even though his mouth was moving.

“Mm-hm," Miss Piggy said, nodding slowly. “And now, frog, it’s time to get what’s come to you.”

Miss Piggy pulled back and was behind the couch again. Kermit straightened up slightly, but was sunk back down again like a battleship when Miss Piggy made her way in front of the couch.

She was wearing her outfit from The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz—the Wicked Witch of the West. The leather jacket, the slick black gloves, the shining black rubber pants, the boots, the hat…

The hat was the first to come off.

Piggy reached atop her head, pulled off the hat, spun it towards Kermit’s head like a Frisbee, and landed it safely on his eyes.

“I—I thought the monkey gets the hat," Johnny sputtered.

Sal shook his head slowly, his mouth and eyes wide open. “I don’t want the hat, Johnny.”

“You wanted entertainment," Miss Piggy announced to her audience as she pulled off the jacket in one swift move, revealing a revealing sleek black tube top.

“Yie!"

That was the sound Kermit made when he leapt from the couch to spread his arms in front of Piggy.

“Is there a problem Kermie?" Miss Piggy asked innocently, a gleam of evil flickering in her eye.

“‘Is there a problem Kermie?u201D Kermit asked in a huff, not moving his arms (even though they didn’t cover much—being so spindly and all). “Of course there’s a problem!" he shouted, his voice cracking. “You’re—and everyone’s—but I’m—GARGH!"

Skeeter handed Miss Piggy her jacket, holding back her laughter. “Here ya go boss," she said, mimicking Scooter.

Miss Piggy slipped the jacket back on around her shoulders and zipped it up. She patted Kermit’s head. “You did well Kermie," she said.

Kermit was stunned. “You—you planned this?" he asked.

“Well duh," Piggy said, adjusting her gloves. “Vous didn’t expect moi to—” she cut herself off laughing lightly. She cleared her throat. “I had to make sure the entertainment was up to standards," she said.

“Whose standards?" Rizzo asked.

“Yeah, the USDA?" Floyd asked, laughing heartily.

Sam Eagle—who was hiding in a coat closet somewhere as soon as Miss Piggy entered—swept out into the living room. “Do not compare the greatest country on Earth to that… display!" he shouted.

“And just what does the ‘D’ stand for?" Clifford asked.

Sam looked around without turning his head. “Umm… Distinguished," he decided.

Miss Piggy kissed Kermit on the cheek and started walking out of the living room with Skeeter, Janice, and Camilla following. “Enjoy the rest of your party boys," she told the group. “And don’t give moi a reason to come back.”

“Are you sure?" Kermit croaked out unexpectedly (even to him).

Miss Piggy swiveled around and grinned smugly at her frog. “Positive," she said.

Miss Piggy and the ladies turned and swept out the door.

Fozzie finally came to and wobbled a bit, trying to keep his balance he rubbed his head. “What’d I miss?" he asked woozily.

Rizzo sighed. “Nothin’…” he said.

“Well d’ere was something," Pepe said. “But nothing important, hokay.”

“I think Kerm liked it!" Clifford said.

“Fine," Pepe huffed. “One frog—forty of us, hokay. Jou do de math.”

“Math?" asked The Count as the Sesame Street gang entered the living room again. “I just love math! Adding, subtracting! Ah! Beautiful numbers!"

“Hi everybody," Big Bird said to the group. “We finished saying the alphabet.”

“Twice," Telly said.

“And once backwards," Luis added. “Boy, do I have a headache…”

“Ahh!" Fozzie shouted. “You’re a regular letter-head! Wocka! Wocka!"

Kermit pulled himself together as Sesame mayhem mixed with the regular Muppet mayhem (not just the Electric kind) and made his way next to Fozzie. “Erm… Fozzie?"


“Oh, Kermit! Hi! Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned for the frog.

Kermit smiled. “Just fine Fozzie—fantastic even," he said.

“Good!" Fozzie said. He looked around, and then whispered, “So what did Mickey say?"

“He wants the script done in a month," Kermit said.

Fozzie scratched his ear. “But I thought you were almost done.”

“Oh I am," Kermit reassured the bear. “It’s just… he wants to have a meeting to go over the script with Jason and Nick.”

“And…?"

“And they can only do it in exactly one month.”

The bear was, needless to say, not following. “Meaning…?"

“That’s the day of the wedding Fozzie!" Kermit said.

“Oh," Fozzie said calmly. “OH!" he shouted, turning a few heads. He quieted down again, “Oh…”

“My thoughts exactly," Kermit said.

“What’re you gonna do?" Fozzie asked, worriedly.

Kermit sighed. “I was hoping you had some sort of idea.”

Fozzie rubbed the back of his head. “Well… it’s the only day they can meet with you?"

Kermit nodded. “That’s what Mickey said.”

“What did you say?"

“Oh, I didn’t get to talk to him," Kermit explained. “He just left a message.”

“Hmm…” Fozzie said. “Have you called him back?"

“No," Kermit said, shaking his head. “I needed time to think.”

“Well what are you thinking?"

“I’m thinking that I need to meet with them," Kermit said point-blank.

“And miss the wedding?" Fozzie asked.

“No, no, of course not," Kermit said. “I just… might be a little late.”

“Well…” Fozzie said. “Then I’m going to be a little bit late too!" he declared.

“Fozzie?"

“Yep, Kermit, I’m going with you!" Fozzie said proudly.

“Aw, Fozzie," Kermit said, patting his best friend on the arm.

Fozzie shrugged. “But I do have a big part in the movie, right?" he asked.

Kermit scrunched up his face. “Fozzie!"

 

[The Count]

*Posted by luvy-duvy froggy piggy vedding: "You planned all this?"
See... That's exactly my problem with the whole Kermit/Piggy relationship and this whole entertainment chapter. Sorry, but I'm trying not to weigh down the prawn with my take on it, also so as not to ruin it for the rest of the more receptive reading crowds. Be back later.

 

[Muppetfan44]

Hilarious! I loved it. Way to go Piggy for taking charge, and for giving Kermit such a wide grin!

Late to his own wedding huh, Piggy might kill him before they even get married!

Great Job, post more soon!

 

[redBoobergurl]

Great stuff Prawnie, I'm falling over laughing! This is still my favorite story that you have written!

 

[Colbynfriends]

Kermit looked up.

Miss Piggy looked down.

“Hello Kermit," the entertainment told the frog. “Vous lied to moi.”

Woah, that was unexpected, and then agian it wasn't. I was guessing it was Miss Piggy, or one of the other female pigs. Great chapter. hopefully kermit won't be too late for the wedding.

 

[Beauregard]

*faints and awakens* First of all...Dr Teeh is the single most PERFECT character to have invited such entertainment!

Second of all, SKEETER! Whoohoooo!

Thirdly, the OUTFIT.

Fourthly, Cute spindly Kermit trying to protect her dignaty!

Fifthly, "I don't want the hat Johnny..."

Sixthly, not sure what you don't like about it Ed, but I loved the idea and how this panned out

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 27

Kermit didn’t once reconsider his decision to meet with Mickey, Jason Segel, and Nick Stoller to go over the new movie script he’d written—even though the meeting day was the same day as the wedding.

The frog begged and pleaded with both Mickey and Miss Piggy in order to secure the different times on said day—Mickey claimed ten o’clock am until one o’clock pm, while Miss Piggy insisted that she got no later than two o’clock until the rest of Kermit’s life (and Kermit was happy to oblige).

Everything was finally tying together. The times were set, the catering was ordered (Kermit ordered the Swedish Chef not to create anything other-worldly), the tuxedos were bought, the location was reserved (it was there own backyard, so it wasn’t much of a problem), the guests had been invited, the honeymoon location had finally been decided upon, and the script was finished.

Nearly.

Kermit held his head in both hands and groaned quietly. The frog’s inner-procrastinator had come out in full-force, so that Kermit still needed some closing lines before he could call the script completely finished.

Unfortunately, the procrastinator had prevented Kermit from finalizing said lines until the night before the script meeting—the night before the wedding.

As if he wasn’t already nervous enough.

He had said good night to Miss Piggy for the last time before they would have to say good night to each other as husband and wife (no, I’m not going to say anything else about that upcoming night), and ran-over the morning plans with Fozzie once again, tucked Robin into bed, had a long talk with his dad once more before becoming a married frog, and, perhaps most importantly, told Gonzo to stall if Kermit wasn’t on time for the wedding. (Thank goodness Gonzo was already distracting enough without even trying.)

With all that accomplished, why couldn’t Kermit focus on finishing this script?

“I guess the pre-wedding jitters haven’t ended,” he mumbled to himself.

Numerous thoughts of ill-repute were running through Kermit’s brain at warp-speed. What if Jason and Mickey HATE the script?, What if I get cold feet?, What if MISS PIGGY gets cold feet?, What if Miss Piggy kills Gonzo for trying to stall?, What if she finds out about the movie before I get to tell her?

Kermit shook his head forcefully, trying to ditch the bad thoughts. “No,” he said to himself. Seriously, he did say it to himself. Kermit turned around from his desk and looked at his bed. He saw himself sitting there, legs folded, staring back at him.

Alarmingly not taken aback by these new developments, Kermit sighed. “It’s just… I’ve worked so hard… what if it all crumbles beneath my feet?”

Kermit shook his head. “So it crumbles,” he said. “At least you’re a happily married frog with more friends than you can count—although The Count could probably count them all—who love you. What more do you need?”

“I wouldn’t complain about a blockbuster motion picture,” Kermit joked.

“Well you’ve nearly got that.” Kermit hopped off the edge of the bed and walked slowly around the bedroom. “Just write those last few lines and you’re golden.”

“You think so?” Kermit asked.

Kermit shrugged. “Only if you do.”

“Well I do, but…”

“But what? Just get it done, go in there and read through it, then get married. Seems easy enough.”

Kermit scrunched up his face. “You don’t know me very well, do ya?”

“Only as well as you know yourself,” Kermit said.

Kermit smiled and turned away from himself, deactivating the screensaver on his computer. He typed for a few minutes, then sighed happily. “I think I’ve got it.”

There was no response, but then again, he didn’t expect one.

Talking to yourself certainly wasn’t healthy, after all.

Unless of course… yourself talks back.

Kermit flipped off the light and climbed into bed. He yawned once, and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

~-~-~-~-~

Kermit and Fozzie were long gone by the time the rest of the Muppets (minus the women) were filing out of the Boarding House to claim their seats among the hundreds of chairs that decorated the backyard.

A handful of Muppets, however, were scattered at various points around the Boarding House. Scooter stood at the door of the gate, wearing a tuxedo, checking off names from the guest list. “Go on in Linda, any seat ya like—erm, except the first few rows, but you probably know that!” Scooter said to a guest. “Oh Elton, ya made it! Good to see you again!” Scooter marked through a name with his pen, then looked up, completely star-struck. “M-M-Mr. Spielberg! I—I didn’t expect you to be here!”

The tall, bearded man with glasses smiled down at Scooter. “Wouldn’t miss it, Scooter,” he said.

Scooter nodded, and then quickly flipped through the guest list on his clipboard. “Oh… uh… well, this is awkward…” Scooter said.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re… uh… well, you’re not on the list,” Scooter mumbled.

Mr. Spielberg’s mouth dropped open. Beside him, Cookie Monster bobbled into the backyard, waving at him as he passed. “He gets in, but I don’t?” Stephen asked.

Scooter shrugged. “He and Kermit come from the same neighborhood,” he said. “Tell ya what, Steve, I think there’re some spots left over there—” Scooter pointed to the far end of the fence where a group of men and women holding cameras around their necks clamored to catch a glimpse of anything going on.

Stephen Spielberg sighed, and wandered off, out of the line. Scooter called out his apology to Mr. Spielberg and continued checking off guests. “Whoopi! Ya made it! Whoopie!” he shouted.

Inside the highly exclusive fence Rizzo and Pepe were perched on a large, round table, already filled with numerous gifts. The two snickered and slapped each other high-fives, proud of their self-appointed positions as gift defenders.

The Swedish Chef remained in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the wedding cake, while at the same time Sweetums guarded the back door of the Boarding House so Cookie Monster couldn’t get to the cake.

Dr. Teeth and the band (with Janice replaced by Clifford) set up to the right of the alter. The good doctor looked uncomfortable (though not as uncomfortable as Animal) in his tuxedo—though he made sure he could still wear his hat for the wedding, while he readied himself to play a large organ he’d learned how to play just for the wedding. (“I didn’t really learn… but how much different can it be? Ha ha!”)

Statler and Waldorf, somehow, had pulled two of the chairs off to the right of the others and sat as if they hadn’t left their theater box (how they had left the box, I’ll never know).

Sam avoided Aunt Marge like the plague (which he only avoided because it was foreign), The Count counted the visitors, Big Bird, Elmo, and Telly pestered Bob and Gordon with any question that they could come up with, Pops was snoozing in the back row of the chairs, Beauregard was snipping the grass with a pair of scissors, making sure it all looked perfect, Lew Zealand tossed boomerang fish at the celebrities and other guests, Goggles wondered if “Mistah Caine” was planning on working with any toads in his upcoming pictures.

Life as normal carried on.

Until Gonzo burst out into the backyard—but then again, he always disrupted the normal. The weirdo hopped happily over to the band excitedly. “Hey guys, ready?” he asked wildly.

Floyd blinked. “For what?” he asked.

Gonzo laughed. “The pre-wedding song and dance number of course! Hit it!”

Without really knowing what they were doing, the Electric Mayhem picked up the tune. Gonzo nodded approvingly and ran off with a spring in his step.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood
There’s excitement in the air,” Gonzo sang happily, dancing around the backyard, shaking hands with anyone he passed.
“People pouring in from near and far
‘Cause Kermit and Miss Piggy
Are gonna have a weddin’!”

Big Bird laughed and walked over to Gonzo. The eight foot canary wore cufflinks on his wings and a white bowtie on his white half-shirt. “There’s a party here in Hollywood
Everybody will be there,” Big Bird sang.
“So if you’re a Muppet
Or a frog—” Big Bird picked Robin up in his hand.
“Do something with your hair!”

“But I don’t have any hair!” Robin said.

Gonzo darted over to a female celebrity. “You mustn’t wear an outfit that’s naughty!” he told her.
“A dress that’s unbecoming just won’t do
No gifts that are tasteless or gaudy.”

“We’re gonna be exhausted when this gets through!” Bob sighed cheerfully.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood
We’ve got the toast of the town
If you want to be where celebrities are
Follow me around!” Gonzo sang, pulling to celebrities down to his level by their shoulders.

The two stars looked at each other and shrugged. “Kermit’s getting married
And it’s gonna be,” they sang.
“The wedding of the century.”

“My buddy’s gettin’ married and you’re gonna see
Just how much I can do!” Gonzo shouted, climbing to the top of the fence.

“You’ve all been to a movie pre-mier!” Gonzo told the celebrites.
“You’ve all been to a gala—a book signing
Well none of ‘em compare to what this!
The food’ll be disgusting!”

The Swedish Chef burst out of the back door and shook his fist at Gonzo. “Baborshca!” he declared before retreating back to the kitchen.

Maria and Susan (who both looked wonderful, dressed in their finest) put their arms around each other. “There’s a party here in Hollywood
And it’s got us all a-glow,” they sang together.

“If the frog can wait this long to be married
Maybe I can do it!” Bob sang.

“Sure there’s nothin’ to it!” Luis reassured him.

Aunt Marge poked her head out of one of the windows of the Boarding House. “There’s a party here in Hollywood,” she sang reluctantly.
“But I don’t know if I’ll go.
For although the groom is WONDERFUL
The bride is awfully—”

Marge was interrupted by the Muppet Newsman darting in front of the window, wearing his signature suit and glasses and holding a microphone. “This is a Muppet Newsflash!” he declared. “And now we take you down to the Boarding House,” he sang.
“Where everyone has celebrated
Four months long
We’ve waited years for this wedding to happen—
And now it’s finally here!
What could possibly go wrong?” he asked before a cow fell from the sky upon him. He pushed out from underneath it, his hair mussed up and his glasses teetering on his nose. “That didn’t even make sense!” he shouted—and then a large amount of loose change pelted him from the sky.

Scooter crossed off name after name as the guests danced into the backyard. “There’s a party here in Hollywood,” he sang.
“And the guest list’s a mile long!
I sure hope I can get this done
Before we finish this song!” he groaned.

Rizzo grabbed a present from one of the guests and tossed it on the table behind him. “There’s a party here in Hollywood
And the loot is pourin’ in!” he sang.

“I like d’is wedding stuff so far!
Maybe if we’re pleasant—” Pepe sang.

“We’ll get to keep a present,” they both sang.

“We’ve ordered just a few tasteful flowers!” Gonzo sang, motioning to the obscene amount of flower displays gathered around the alter.
“The groomsmen haven’t damaged their tuxedos—” He pointed out by dragging Croaker to his side and displaying his tux.
“The bridesmaids have been dressing for hours!” Gonzo complained.

The backdoor flung open again and Janice, Skeeter, Camilla, and Maggie came walking out in their dresses. “Girls, we look rully lovely—” Janice sang.
“And pretty hot too!” Skeeter said with a grin.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood
Guests are filling up the room!” Gonzo sang.

“Pst, Gonz, we’re in the backyard,” Clifford told him.

Gonzo ignored him and continued singing. “But there’s something missing… yes, ah ha!”

“Where is the groom?” Robin asked curiously.

Gonzo shrugged. “Beats me! Ha ha!”

~-~-~-~-~

At the other side of the city Kermit stared out of a huge glass window. He was somewhat intimidated by the height of the floor he was on, but not nearly as intimidated as he was being in a huge production studio, a few hours away from his wedding.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood…” Kermit sang sullenly.
“And the party’s all for me.
Just look, Fozzie,” he said, calling his best friend over to the window.
“At where we are
And how our dream has come to be!”

Fozzie wrapped his arm around Kermit’s shoulder and pulled him closer for a hug.

~-~-~-~-~

Miss Piggy twirled in her dress, the lace spinning up off the floor, her veil not yet covering her face. She made a kissy face in the mirror and swooned happily.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood
And I can’t believe it’s true
After years of waiting—
Here we are!
We’ll FINALLY get to say ‘I do.’”

She fell backwards upon her bed and sighed happily.

~-~-~-~-~

“I’ve always had a really big family…” Kermit sang, still sullen.

~-~-~-~-~

“I’ve never, ever had a real true friend,” Miss Piggy sighed.

~-~-~-~-~

“Now there’s someone who will just understand me—” they both sang, hearing each others voices and seeing each others faces.

~-~-~-~-~

“I still don’t have a fifth bridesmaid!”

Piggy shot up from the bed and darted out into the hall.

~-~-~-~-~

“C’mon Kermit! You don’t want the meeting to end!” Fozzie said, breaking Kermit from his trance. “We haven’t even gone in yet,” he said.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood
And it’s starting right away!” Fozzie sang, to Kermit, bouncing happily.
“Let’s get this done—
‘Cause you’re the star!
Hey, c’mon it’s your wedding day!” Fozzie shouted grinning hugely at Kermit.

Kermit smiled right back. “Right,” he said, grabbing the script in his hands and walking off towards the conference room.

“No, the receptionist said we should take a left.”

~-~-~-~-~

Back at the Boarding House, most of the guests had arrived and taken their seats, and Gonzo ran up to the center of the altar, to lead everyone in the final verse.

“Kermit and Miss Piggy are getting married and it’s gonna be—
The wedding of the century!
Amazing how two Muppets could’ve come so far—”

“They’re finally getting married!” Gonzo shouted.

“They’re finally getting married!” Big Bird said, bouncing excitedly.

“They’re finally getting married!” Mom and Dad the Frog sang.

“Look at all these presents!” Rizzo and Pepe shouted gleefully.

~-~-~-~-~

“We’re finally getting married!” Miss Piggy grunted as she searched the Boarding House for any sign of female life.

~-~-~-~-~

“Mee meep mee mee meep mee!” Beaker sang, back in the backyard.

~-~-~-~-~

“I’m finally getting married!” Kermit gulped loudly, turning the knob to enter the conference room.

~-~-~-~-~

“They’re finally getting married!” everyone shouted.

“At the party in Hollywood!”

“Such a sight to see!” Grover sang.

“Come on, go with me!” Gonzo shouted.
“To the party in Hollywood!”

Everyone cheered as Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy were finally getting married.

 

[AnimatedC9000]

EEE! ALADDIN! *claps*

*hugs Prawnie* THANK you for including this song! It just made the chapter!

~ AnimatedC

 

[TogetherAgain]

<GLOMP!>

<GLOMP OF UTTER GLOMPNESS!>

<Ahem> Let's see here.

...Miss Piggy insisted that she got no later than two o’clock until the rest of Kermit’s life (and Kermit was happy to oblige).

I LOVE PARENTHESES! I LOVE THE PRAWN! I LOVE THE FROG! (I'm a happy, happy Toga.)

the honeymoon location had finally been decided upon, and the script was finished.

Ooh, where's the honeymoon? Oh, and the script's done! YAY!

Nearly.

Oh.

Kermit held his head in both hands and groaned quietly. The frog’s inner-procrastinator had come out in full-force, so that Kermit still needed some closing lines before he could call the script completely finished.

I know the feeling. <Should be packing for college>

Unfortunately, the procrastinator had prevented Kermit from finalizing said lines until the night before the script meeting—the night before the wedding.

...Yup, know the feeling.

As if he wasn’t already nervous enough.

<Hugs the Froggy!>

He had said good night to Miss Piggy for the last time before they would have to say good night to each other as husband and wife (no, I’m not going to say anything else about that upcoming night), and ran-over the morning plans with Fozzie once again, tucked Robin into bed, had a long talk with his dad once more before becoming a married frog, and, perhaps most importantly, told Gonzo to stall if Kermit wasn’t on time for the wedding. (Thank goodness Gonzo was already distracting enough without even trying.)

I just LOVE all the things he's doing his last night as an unmarried frog... And about those first parentheses there. Wise. Very wise.

“I guess the pre-wedding jitters haven’t ended,u201D he mumbled to himself.

<Rimshot>

Numerous thoughts of ill-repute were running through Kermit’s brain at warp-speed. What if Jason and Mickey HATE the script?, What if I get cold feet?, What if MISS PIGGY gets cold feet?, What if Miss Piggy kills Gonzo for trying to stall?, What if she finds out about the movie before I get to tell her?

Poor nervous froggy...

Kermit shook his head forcefully, trying to ditch the bad thoughts. “No,u201D he said to himself. Seriously, he did say it to himself. Kermit turned around from his desk and looked at his bed. He saw himself sitting there, legs folded, staring back at him.

...<GLOMP!> HOLY MOSQUITOES! YOU! DUDE! WOW! OY MY OH MY WOW MY HOLY MOSQUITOES! ! !

Alarmingly not taken aback by these new developments, Kermit sighed. “It’s just… I’ve worked so hard… what if it all crumbles beneath my feet?u201D

Not taken aback... <Processing> ...Well of COURSE this came up again! OF COURSE IT DID! Why WOULDN'T it? I mean it came up in the DESERT just before he became a huge STAR and his LIFE is about to take a HUGE TURN FOR THE BETTER, I mean a MAJOR LIFE CHANGE, just like it was THEN, so of COURSE, I mean... WOW!

Kermit shook his head. “So it crumbles,u201D he said. “At least you’re a happily married frog with more friends than you can count—although The Count could probably count them all—who love you. What more do you need?u201D

Happily married! Happily married! See? See? Not even a consideration of the possibility of cold feet because IT'S NOT A POSSIBILITY! And love the Count jab.

“I wouldn’t complain about a blockbuster motion picture,u201D Kermit joked.

Yes well most people wouldn't. WHEEE!

“Well you’ve nearly got that.” Kermit hopped off the edge of the bed and walked slowly around the bedroom. “Just write those last few lines and you’re golden.”

I LOVE how much Kermit believes in Kermit! ! !

“You think so?u201D Kermit asked.

Kermit shrugged. “Only if you do.”

Oh SO true! <so dancey for this scene>

“Well I do, but…”

"You do?" ...<ahem> Sorry, flashed back to the desert there. "I promised me..." <Happy sigh>

“But what? Just get it done, go in there and read through it, then get married. Seems easy enough.”

Kermit scrunched up his face. “You don’t know me very well, do ya?u201D

“Only as well as you know yourself,u201D Kermit said.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (I really am far too happy about this.)

Kermit smiled and turned away from himself, deactivating the screensaver on his computer. He typed for a few minutes, then sighed happily. “I think I’ve got it.”

YAAAAAAAAAY!

There was no response, but then again, he didn’t expect one.

<Wiggles!>

Talking to yourself certainly wasn’t healthy, after all.

...<Shifty eyes>...

Unless of course… yourself talks back.

<GRINS!>
<DOTH HEARTILY GLOMPETH THE PRAWN AND THE FROG AND THE FROG FOR THAT SCENE!>

<Ahem> And the... the... WOW but this chapter is just SO GOOD! And the song! And Aunt Marge! And BOB! And NEWSIE! SENSE! COW! PRAWNIE I GLOMP YOU! And then and then and then THIS PART! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

At the other side of the city Kermit stared out of a huge glass window. He was somewhat intimidated by the height of the floor he was on, but not nearly as intimidated as he was being in a huge production studio, a few hours away from his wedding.

“There’s a party here in Hollywood…” Kermit sang sullenly.
“And the party’s all for me.
Just look, Fozzie,” he said, calling his best friend over to the window.
“At where we are
And how our dream has come to be!”

Fozzie wrapped his arm around Kermit’s shoulder and pulled him closer for a hug.

WOOOOOOOOW it's all heartwarming and emotional and I GLOMP YOOOOOOU!

“I’ve always had a really big family…” Kermit sang, still sullen.

~-~-~-~-~

“I’ve never, ever had a real true friend,” Miss Piggy sighed.

~-~-~-~-~

“Now there’s someone who will just understand me—” they both sang, hearing each others voices and seeing each others faces.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

First of all, the-- the-- staging, I guess? With them singing together and being apart but seeing and hearing and YAY! And then then then Piggy never having had a real true friend oy my OW I hug her! ! ! ! And They'll have someone who understands them and WHEEEEEEE I'm so happy!

“I still don’t have a fifth bridesmaid!u201D

Piggy shot up from the bed and darted out into the hall.

...HAHAHA!

Kermit smiled right back. “Right,u201D he said, grabbing the script in his hands and walking off towards the conference room.

“No, the receptionist said we should take a left.”

<GLOMP! AGAIN!>

Everyone cheered as Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy were finally getting married.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

MORE PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[The Count]

*Posted by He who must not be named: "Talking to yourself certainly wasn’t healthy, after all."
Voice of Doom: That's your opinion Prawnidew... Now post more.
Go ahead, hit me with your best shot as your hocus-pocus isn't up to snuff.
*Waits for next chapter.