Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

[theprawncracker]

*scrambles into the thread* Ahem, ahem, ahem! Mousier, madomoiselle, it is with deepest pride, and greatest pleasure that I welcome you to my new story! It just so happens that today is the one year anniversary of my posting Men Are Pigs, the first in an exciting three part trilogy. It also just so happens that today is Layla's birthday, and when I started Men Are Pigs it was also Layla's birthday! Funny how these things work out, eh?

Anyway! If you haven't read Pre-Wedding Jitters or Men Are Pigs before stopping in to read this story, it's highly suggested that you do, or else you'll probably be highly confused...

Without further ado, here it is ladies and germs, part two of my Kermit and Miss Piggy trilogy! Enjoy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAYLA! ! !



Weddings Are Disastrous

Kermit the Frog watched the clock eagerly. He wasn’t normally one to be excited to leave work, but today was different. Today was special.

Today his two best friends from different parts of the country and his sister were arriving to stay with the frog for the four months until his wedding. Acting as groomsmen, Croaker the Frog and Grover would help (or hinder) the organization of the event and be good company overall. Maggie the Frog, his sister, was coming as Miss Piggy (the not-so blushing bride)’s maid of honor, and to pester Kermit constantly.

Two months had passed since Kermit went on live television and pulled a ring out of his pocket, proposing to Miss Piggy, finally ready to spend the rest of his life with her (since most of his life had already been spent with her anyway).

Kermit’s nephew, Robin, was also eagerly watching the clock, excited to pick up his aunt Maggie and unofficial uncle Croaker from the train station. The young frog was atop Kermit’s desk, pacing back and forth, keeping a close eye on the time.

Fozzie Bear, Scooter, Rowlf, and The Great Gonzo walked behind the two frogs. Rowlf waved goodbye as the four Muppets made their way to Fozzie’s uncle’s Studebaker (his uncle was still hibernating; at least Fozzie hoped he was still hibernating). The bear inserted the old keys into the ignition and started the ancient engine. He shifted gears and drove off towards the airport to pick up Grover.

Kermit wondered, silently, why the four of them were needed to pick up the one of Grover. Kermit glanced at the clock again and grinned. He reached for his time card (yes, even the boss has a time card) and fiddled around with it in his hands, waiting.

Robin had stopped pacing and was precariously perched on the edge of the desk, waiting.

The big hand ticked over to the twelve and Robin jumped off the desk. Kermit scrambled for the door and punched his time card violently and stuck it back where it belonged. He reached for the wall with his spindly green finger and flipped off the lights in the Muppet Theater.

“I am not fixin’ all these lights!” shouted Clifford from the darkness.

~-~-~-~-~

“Somebody’s getting married.” Fozzie sighed happily from the front seat of the Studebaker.

“Hey, yeah,” Scooter said with a smile from the back seat. “Somebody’s getting married!”

“Whoa!” Gonzo shouted with a huge grin. “Somebody’s getting married!”

“Somebody’s getting married?” Rowlf asked. “I almost forgot,” he said with a smirk.

~-~-~-~-~

“Somebody’s getting maaaaarried!” Robin said gleefully from the front seat of Kermit’s green SUV as it drove down the road.

Kermit smirked down at his nephew. “It’s not that exciting,” he said. Robin looked back at his uncle with his own smirk. “Okay, okay,” Kermit caved. “It really is! Somebody’s getting married!”

~-~-~-~-~

Meanwhile, a few thousand feet in the air…

Big Bird looked up and down the length of the plane as furry monsters, animals, humans, and everything of every shape and size that live on Sesame Street tried to make it through the last few minutes of their flight.

Big Bird, being the six year-old eight foot two inch yellow bird who lives on Sesame Street that he is knew only one way to make this situation—a song!

“Hey everybody,” he said to the entire plane. “Somebody’s getting married!”

Grover poked his head out into the aisle. “That is right! Somebody is getting married!”

“Somebody’s getting married, Bert,” Ernie told his old pal.

“I know, Ernie, I know,” Bert said, trying to focus on his book of pigeons in foreign films.

“Somebody’s getting married!” Elmo declared.

“Oh boy,” Mr. Snuffleupagus said. “Somebody’s getting married!” The huge brown creature began to jump up and down from his special spot in the back of the plane.

The jumping Snuffleupagus caused the plane to bounce up and down.

“I don’t care if somebody is getting married,” said the captain of the plane over the PA system. “NO JUMPING ON THE PLANE!”

~-~-~-~-~

The Studebaker cruised down the road, its passengers not knowing what awaited them at the airport. Fozzie glanced at Rowlf, who was tapping his fingers on the dashboard. The bear smiled and began to sing. “Somebody get some flowers, somebody get a ring,” he sang.

The others in the car soon picked up the tune gleefully and carried on the song. “Somebody rent a chapel and a choir to sing,” Scooter added.

“Somebody get an organ to play,” Gonzo sang.

“’Cause somebody’s getting married—in four months?” sang everyone in the Studebaker.

~-~-~-~-~

“Somebody get a preacher, somebody make a date,” Kermit sang. “Wait, that’s me…”

Robin bounced along with the song and carried it on, “Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents to take,” he sang.

“Somebody reassure me that this was a good idea,” Kermit said.

“’Cause somebody’s getting married—in four months?” Robin sang.

~-~-~-~-~

“Wedding! Wedding! Pig and Froggy-baby wedding!” Grover shouted.

“Somebody get champagne,” Big Bird sang. Bob, Maria, Luis, Gordon, and Susan looked at him awkwardly.“Somebody rent a room.”

“Somebody get the lovely bride,” Prairie Dawn, Zoe, Rosita, and Abby Cadabby sang.

“And somebody get the—
Somebody get the—
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody—“

“Somebody get these people under oath!” the captain shouted from the cockpit.

“’Cause somebody’s getting married—in four months?”

The now-musical plane made it’s descent on to the runway and pulled into the airport.

~-~-~-~-~

Fozzie, Rowlf, Scooter, and Gonzo made their way to the waiting area. They looked out the window at the planes landing. “Are they here yet? Are they here yet? Did we miss them? Are we late?” Fozzie asked incessantly.

“No, they’ll be here any minute,” Scooter said.

“Are we even at the right gate?” Gonzo asked.

~-~-~-~-~

“Isn’t this exciting?” Robin asked, pulling at his uncle’s hand as they walked through the train station.

Kermit stared straight ahead blankly. “They’ll almost be here for a year…”

“Do you think they left without us?” Robin asked, standing on his tip-toes looking through the bustling station.

“No, they’d wait until we were here,” Kermit said.

~-~-~-~-~

Miss Piggy spun around in an extravagant white wedding dress with a veil atop her head and a faux bouquet of flowers in her hands. Skeeter, Camilla, and Janice stood behind her smiling. (Skeeter was also filing her nails, trying to stay interested in something.)

Piggy twirled once more, checked how the dress made her backside look, practiced tossing the bouquet (smacking Skeeter in the face) and turned back to face herself in the mirror. She sighed happily and envisioned Kermit next to her in a finely-pressed tuxedo. “We’re finally getting married, now,” she was finally able to say after nearly thirty years.

“’Bout time,” Skeeter said, bringing the pig off cloud nine and back into reality. “So are you buying that one, or what? I’m starving, and you promised lunch.”

Piggy spun around, this time to face Skeeter with a menacing look on her face. “Vous are extremely lucky moi chose you for one of her bridesmaids,” Piggy scowled.

Skeeter rolled her eyes and continued filing her nails. “Oh, like, that reminds me,” Janice said to Piggy. “Like, Piggy, you still need one more.”

“What?” Piggy asked, turning to Janice. “Why would I need one more dress? Moi am not that excessive.”

“Oh, like, no,” Janice said. “You rully need one more bridesmaid, fer sure.”

“What?” Piggy asked, her voice getting deeper with her anger.

“Mmhm.” Janice nodded. “Like, you’ve got the three of us and Maggie, but like, Kermit’s got five groomsmen, you’re gonna need one more.”

“The sacrifices I make for this frog,” Piggy muttered. “Oh well, it can’t be to hard, right? Moi am sure there are ladies waiting in line to be moi’s bridesmaids.”

“Ooh! Ooh! I’ll do it!” shouted Bean Bunny, hopping up carrying a basket for a flower girl. “I love getting all dressed up in cute little outfits.”

Miss Piggy frowned. “We already brought you with us, rabbit, don’t push your luck,” Piggy said with a huff. She turned back to look herself over in the mirror once more. She hummed the wedding march to herself, and looked down at her empty ring finger, and imagined what it would feel like to have something on it for the rest of her life.

She assumed it would feel good.

She hopped off the pedestal she was on, dress and all (thank goodness) and walked over to Bean. “Now take off my engagement ring, you twit,” she said, pulling her ring off the bunny’s finger and putting it back on her own.

She was right, it did feel good.

 

[TogetherAgain]

<GLOMP!> Lovely! (And you know the rest of my opinion. )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAYLA! ! !

Also: MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[The Count]

*Reads... *Enjoys this start... But is this the prologue? Rully liking what you've got going here Prawn.
One quibble though... Muppet Fanfiction?

Surely you can come up with a better overall title for your trilogy than that. And yes, Shirley, I'm talking to you prawn.
*Laugh.

Nicely done. Happy birthday Layla.
Now post more!

 

[theprawncracker]

Haha, oh Ed, my entire trilogy isn't called "Muppet Fan-Fiction" I just put it there if people were wondering what it was.

Glad you're enjoying it so far! Look for more... at some other time!

 

[Muppetfan44]

Loved it!

OMG! I totally loved the first chapter! The new lyrics to "Somebody's Getting Married" were fantastic! I loved it all and I can't wait for more!

 

[redBoobergurl]

SQUEEEEE! Somebody's Getting Married is my favorite montage from a Muppet movie ever! And the new lyrics were awesome! And the Sesame Street gang is coming! And...and...I love it! More please!

 

[AnimatedC9000]

Somebody's getting married! ... in four months!

LOVED the plane scenes!

What a great start to the new fic! Can't wait for more!

~ AnimatedC

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 2

“Kermit’s not gonna like this,” Fozzie said, wringing his tie in his hands as he watched the eight foot two yellow Big Bird emerge from the plane.

“You can say that again,” Rowlf said.

“Kermit’s not gonna like this,” Gonzo said again.

Scooter gulped as the rest of Sesame Street’s residents filed out of the plane. “One of us had better call him,” he said.

“Should we draw straws?” Fozzie asked.

“Where are we gonna find straws?” Gonzo asked.

Rowlf scratched his head. “It’s actually surprising that you don’t have any, Gonzo,” he said.

Gonzo shrugged. “I hear my act already sucks enough.”

Fozzie gasped and took of his hat, whacking Gonzo with it. “You can’t say that!” he scolded.

“Hey, back off,” Gonzo said. “I’ve gotta get it all out before the preschool characters get here!” He motioned out the large glass window out at the runway where said characters were approaching.

“Alright then,” Scooter said, digging his cell phone out of his jeans pocket. “Call Kermit and get it out over the phone with him.”

Gonzo grabbed the phone from Scooter. “I think I will,” he said swiftly. “This no exploding socks rule might just be the death of me!”

“While the exploding socks might be the death of the rest us,” Rowlf called after Gonzo as he walked off to a quieter spot in the airport.

The doors to the airport suddenly burst open and a rambunctious furry red monster ran through. “Hi everybody!” Elmo called out cheerfully. “Elmo is so happy to be here!”

Rowlf, Fozzie, and Scooter gulped loudly in unison. “I think I’ll go see if Gonzo needs help with that phone call,” Rowlf said, starting to walk off towards Gonzo.

“Nuh uh,” Scooter said, grabbing Rowlf’s paw. “We’re keeping you on a short leash this time, Rowlf. You started this Sesame Street idea, you’re sticking with us!”

Rowlf pulled free from Scooter and brushed his shoulder. “Don’t blame me,” Rowlf said. “I had something—or someone under my skin.”

Elmo gasped loudly as the rest of the Sesame Street gang filed in. “Mister Fozzie!” the furry monster shouted. “Mister Rowlf! Mister Scooter! Hi!”

“Hi everybody!” Big Bird said cheerfully as he ducked down under the door and into the terminal. “We’re here!”

“You certainly are,” Rowlf said.

“Bert, look, it’s Rowlf,” Ernie said happily, pointing to the dog, grabbing Bert’s arm.

“I see him Ernie,” Bert said, trying to pull his arm out of Ernie’s hand.

“Well I feel sheepish,” Rowlf said, covering his eyes in embarrassment.

“Ahh, that makes you a sheep dog!” Fozzie said. “Wocka! Wocka!”

“Hello every-body!” Grover shouted wildly as he ran into the terminal. “It is I, your favorite furry blue wedding party monster, Grover!”

“Oh good,” Rowlf said. “Glad you decided to come, Grover. We’ve only got room for you in the car.”

“I beg your pardon?” Grover asked the dog. “What do you mean Rowlf? Were you not expecting all of us to come out here to Cali-for-nia today?”

“Not exactly,” Scooter said. “We actually just thought Grover was coming.”

“Oh gosh,” Bob said. “We’re sorry Scooter, we must’ve misunderstood Kermit’s letter.”

“Oh no,” Telly declared. “You probably don’t want us here, do you? That means we won’t have anywhere to stay! We’ll wind up on the streets! Cold and alone! Alone and cold—and hungry!”

Cookie Monster gasped loudly and pushed forward, grabbing Scooter by the shoulders and shaking him. “You no would let me go without food, would you?” he wailed.

“Cookie, Cookie,” Gordon said, putting his hand on Cookie’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, we won’t go hungry. If Kermit wasn’t expecting us… well, we’ll just have to take a plane back home.”

“Oh, come on now,” Fozzie said. “You’re not going anywhere! You guys are welcome here anytime!” The bear patted Gordon’s arm. “All of you at once might be a problem though…”

“Wait a minute, let me get this straight,” Maria said. “Kermit doesn’t even know we’re all here?”


“Nope,” Rowlf said with a swift shake of his head.

“He just thinks it’s Grover?” Luis asked.

Rowlf nodded. “Yup.”

“Well we should at least tell him we’re all here,” Susan said. “We wouldn’t want to be rude.”

“Si, si,” Rosita said, nodding. “Being rude is not nice at all.”

“That’s what being rude is,” Prairie Dawn said matter-of-factly.

“Right,” Fozzie said. “Anyway, Gonzo’s over there calling Kermit right now.” Fozzie pointed over at the weirdo, who waved slightly, the phone at his head.

“C’mon, Kermit, pick up…” Gonzo muttered. “Kermit! It’s Gonzo! We’ve got a little bit of a problem here…”

~-~-~-~-~

Kermit grumbled as he and Robin walked up to the stopped train. “Gonzo, with you, nothing is a little bit of a problem,” Kermit said into the phone. “Can we talk about this later? The train just pulled into the station.”

Robin looked up at his uncle. “What’s wrong uncle Kermit?” he asked quietly.

Kermit put his hand on the bottom of his cell phone. “Nothing Robin,” he said with a quick smile. He pulled his hand off the phone, “Look—look Gonzo—yes, I’m sure it really is very important. Okay—okay, yes, I realize that I don’t listen to you enough. There’s a good reason for that,” Kermit muttered. “Nothing, nothing. Okay—alright—no, no—Gonzo! Can’t talk now, there’s Maggie and Croaker.”

Kermit waved towards the train where his sister Maggie and his best friend from the swamp Croaker walked out of one of the train cars—followed by a large amount of other frogs. Kermit gulped and his eyes grew wide. “And—and mom, and dad, and—” he gulped again. “Aunt Marge… I’ll—erm—I’ll call you back, Gonzo.”

Kermit hung up the phone and watched Robin run forward to embrace each of the frog’s one by one. “H—hi-ho!” he said weakly to his family.

“Kermie!” Aunt Marge, Kermit’s wrinkled, puce aunt of a frog, for whom he had much antipathy, cried. “I thought I told you that I wanted Sam to pick me up next time I came to visit!”

“A—Aunt Marge,” Kermit stuttered. “I—I wasn’t even—I didn’t know you were—why are you here?” he finally asked.

“I’m here to help you prepare for this abomination to the animal kingdom you plan to call a wedding!” Aunt Marge said.

“Yes dear,” Kermit’s mother said to him. “You didn’t expect us to make it here without dragging your aunt along, did you?”

“Well had I known you all were coming, I would’ve been more prepared for it,” Kermit said, turning to his mom.

“What do you mean, son?” Kermit’s father asked, leaning on his lovely cane. A solid smirk was spread across his wrinkling face.

Kermit opened his mouth to say what he meant, but he was sure his dad already knew, so he closed his mouth and frowned. “Oh, nothing—never mind. How many of you ended up coming?” he asked.

“Allow me!” Maggie said, grabbing Kermit by his arm and whipping him around into her choke-hold. “Well, there’s Croaker, mom, dad, Aunt Marge, Jimmy—oh, Leaper did end up coming!—hmm, Goggles and Blotch over there, I’m sure Horace tagged along around here somewhere—” Maggie whirled her older brother around the rest of the frogs. “So, altogether about thirty of your closest friends and family—oh, and me of course.”

“Of course,” Kermit choked out through Maggie’s squeeze on him. “But—erm, Mags, Miss Piggy seems to think I’m her main squeeze. If she sees us like this she might start that whole jealousy thing again.”

Maggie pushed Kermit out of her arm and smirked at him. “Well we wouldn’t want that,” she said. “Though we wouldn’t want Croaker getting jealous too.”

“Alright, lovely to see you Margaret,” Kermit said. “You’d better get back on that train and—”

Maggie reached forward and punched Kermit playfully on the arm. “C’mon Mit, ya know I’m just kidding,” Maggie said.

“I’m sure you are,” Kermit said. “Isn’t she Croaker?” Kermit called to the blue frog that was standing around Goggles and Blotch.

“Whatever it is, Kerm, if you’re askin’ me it while you’re next to her… then yes,” Croaker said.

“Sounds like a smart assumption,” Goggles said nervously.

“Don’t I even get a hello?” Kermit asked his two friends from the swamp.

“I wasn’t even sure you’d recognize me anymore!” Goggles said. “I mean, you’re such a big star now and everything—you’re on DVDs Kermit!”

“Yeah Kerm, thing’s’re goin’ well for ya,” Croaker said. “We’re just humble frogs—“

“Toad!” Goggles corrected Croaker.

“And bullfrog,” Blotch interjected.

“Well, we’re humble, whatever we are!” Croaker said.

“Oh yes, yes, quite,” Kermit said with a smirk.

“Ah, c’mere ya big movie star,” Croaker said, pulling Kermit into a hug. “Missed ya, Kerm!”

Kermit patted Croaker’s back. “I’ve missed you too pal,” he said.

“Good,” Croaker said. “Now what’s this I hear about a bear bein’ your best man?”

“The bear is your best man?” Aunt Marge shrieked. “Kermie, as if you marrying a pig wasn’t bad enough—”

“That’s quite enough, Aunt Marge,” Jane, Kermit’s mother interrupted. “How are Fozzie and Piggy doing anyway, Kermit?”

Kermit smiled at his mom, thanking her silently. “They’re great, mom. They’ll be so excited to see you.”

“Uncle Kermit! Uncle Kermit!” Robin called his uncle as he ran up to him.

“Oh, yes Robin?”

“Mom and dad are here!” Robin said giddily.

“Oh, really?” Kermit asked.

“Really, really!” Robin said, jumping up and down, pointing at a man and woman frog walking towards Kermit.

“Hi Kermit,” said the woman, Robin’s mother, Leaper. “So to good to see you,” she said, pecking Kermit on the cheek.

Kermit’s brother, the other frog, Jimmy put his arm around his brother. “Hey bro, we’ve missed you. Thanks again for watching after Robin.”

Kermit smiled. “Thank you for letting me watch after him.”

“Heh,” Jimmy laughed, “our pleasure. How’re Gonzo and the rest of the gang?”

Kermit gasped. “Gonzo! Oh, thanks for the reminder Jimmy, I forgot to call Gonzo back! Excuse me for a minute.”

Kermit grabbed his cell phone out of nowhere (frog’s don’t have pockets) and dialed Scooter’s cell phone number. “Hi-ho, Scooter? No, Gonzo didn’t get a chance to tell me what was going on, I had to—Oh, hold on Scooter, I’ve got another call coming in, just a second.”

Kermit pulled the phone away from his head and looked at the caller I.D. His mouth fell open and his eyes grew bright.

“Kermie,” Aunt Marge said to her nephew. “Who could you be talking to that’s more important than your family?” she asked.

Kermit squirmed. “Erm… well, my boss is calling me now,” he said.

All of the frogs turned to look at Kermit with strange looks on their faces. Maggie broke the silence, “Your boss? Mit, you run things don’t you?”

“Well around the theater, yes, but—well—this is the big cheese!” Kermit said.

“You’re making about as much sense as a drowning fish, Kerm,” Croaker said.

Kermit shook his head; he pressed a button on his phone and put it back to his head. “Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here! Oh, Mickey! No, no, I’m not busy…”

 

[AnimatedC9000]

It's bad enough for them that the entire cast of Sesame street is there... but...

Mickey as in Mouse?

This'll be interesting.

~ AnimatedC

 

[The Count]

Isn't it always? Weeee... More pleezee!