Chapter 40
"Thank you, thank you," Kermit the Frog addressed the audience at the Muppet Theater. "We hope you all have enjoyed the first show of our newest season, especially the new stage curtains provided by our gracious owner, Mr. J.P. Grosse!"
A spotlight shone out in the audience at the tycoon in the front row. He stood up and waved to crowd who met him with generous applause. Kermit clapped for J.P. too, as did Statler and Waldorf.
"Why are we clapping?" Waldorf asked.
"Hey, if he can afford to replace the old stage curtains, maybe he can afford to replace the old curmudgeons too!" Statler replied.
"Do ho ho ho!" They both laughed.
"Now, for our final number, my nephew Robin and I have a quaint little ditty for you all. We hope you enjoy it, and thank you for joining us here on The Muppet Show." Kermit slid behind the stage curtain. Nigel began conducting the Muppets in the orchestra pit.
A tune began to flow from the instruments, Floyd strummed a brief chord on his guitar as Janice followed.
The curtains slid open, a single spot light shone down revealing the two frogs sitting together on top of a surface that was shielded by the darkness. Robin sat carefully on his uncle’s knee, and began to sing softly.
"
I can jump so far
From the moon to a star
That’s something
I always could do," Robin sang.
"
I can hop, nonstop
All the way to the top
But I can’t get along
Without you," Kermit continued.
The spotlight opened wider, revealing the surface that Kermit and Robin were sitting atop. A sleek, black, baby grand piano, with Rowlf at the keys, his paws gliding along melodically.
Kermit and Robin smiled over at Rowlf as they continued the song.
"
I can dive, so deep
Where the old catfish sleep
I can dance on the lily pad too," Kermit sang.
"
But when I look around
And you’re not to be found," Rowlf joined in.
"
I know I can’t
Get along
Without you," all three of them sang.
"
I can’t get along!" Robin chirped.
"
I’m no good alone
Something’s wrong
When you’re not at home."
"
I can go through
The motions
That’s all I can do," Rowlf sang.
"
But I can’t
Get along
Without you," Kermit finished the chorus.
Gonzo, Camilla, Pepe, and Rizzo made their way on stage, standing behind the piano.
"
When you’re all by yourself," Gonzo sang.
"
You don’t always need help," Rizzo added.
"
Jou can be on jour own
One prawn team," Pepe harmonized.
Johnny, Sal, Butch, and Clyde entered from stage left.
"
But it’s so much more fun," Johnny sang.
"
When you know there’s someone
Who will always be there
To be part of your dream," all four sang.
Scooter, Skeeter, and Clifford filed in from stage right, and Bunsen and Beaker from stage left.
"
I can fly so high
I look down at the sky," Clifford sang.
"
With the whole
Wide world
In my view," Skeeter and Scooter sang together.
"
Then I come to my senses," Bunsen sang, as Beaker meeped along.
Miss Piggy and Fozzie entered from opposite ends of the stage, converging next to Kermit and Robin.
"
And I feel so defenseless," Fozzie added.
"
Because moi
Can’t get along
Without vous." Piggy swayed in Kermit’s direction.
Animal banged on the drums, increasing the tempo as the song reached its climax.
"
I can’t get along," everyone sang. The rest of the cast began to fill the stage, The Swedish Chef and Sam, Beauregard and Link Hogthrob, Sweetums and Pops, Hilda and Lew Zealand, Bobo and Bean, all of them gathered around the piano to sing the final verse.
"
I’m no good alone
Something’s wrong
When you’re not at home."
The lights on stage shut off, and a single spotlight shown on Uncle Deadly, who entered from the side. "
I still go through the motions
That’s all I can do," the phantom sang alone.
The lights burst back on, revealing all of the Muppets on stage, including Polly, Clueless Morgan, and the pirates.
"
But I can’t
Get along
Without you," the cast sang.
"
I just can’t get along..." Robin sang, slowly.
"
I know everything’s wrong
Because I can’t
Get along
Without-"
"
You..." Every Muppet held the final note as they looked out into the audience.
Sweetums grabbed Robin off Kermit’s lap, as Kermit hopped onto the stage. He linked arms with Fozzie and Piggy, and walked to the front of the stage. Rowlf linked arms with Fozzie, Gonzo with Rowlf, Rizzo with Gonzo, Pepe with Rizzo, Scooter with Miss Piggy, Skeeter with Scooter, Clifford with Skeeter, and Uncle Deadly with Clifford.
The chain of Muppets smiled out at their audience, including three very special viewers high above the clouds.
<X>X<X>
Daniel was giving the Muppets a standing ovation from the couch in The Boss’s office. The Boss and Death stared at him as he shouted "Encore! Encore! Bravo! Encore!" at the flying television set.
"Do you honestly think they can hear you?" The Boss asked.
"I don’t care, that was great!" Daniel continued applauding.
"I MUST ADMIT," Death said. "THAT WAS ONE OF THEIR BETTER PERFORMANCES."
"Dost mine ears deceive me?" The Boss asked. "Or did I just hear Death offer up a compliment to mortals?"
"WELL, THEY ARE MY MORTALS NOW, YOU KNOW." Death joked.
"Hey, who said you could take
my mortals from
me?" The Boss smirked.
Daniel sat down between the two of them. "Don’t make me turn this couch around, you two."
The three of them laughed. "Hey," The Boss said, reaching towards an empty bowl. "We’re out of Cheez-Its."
"I’LL HANDLE IT." Death reached down and picked up a little bell on the coffee table, and rang it.
The office doors opened, and Benny Vandergast walked in, wearing an apron and carrying a bowl of Cheez-Its. "Your snack foods, oh all-powerful one..." he muttered.
Death took the bowl from Benny. "THANK YOU, THAT WILL BE ALL. FOR NOW."
Benny curtsied sarcastically and began to walk out. Death picked up his scythe and shot a small fire ball right at Benny’s behind, sending him scampering out of the pasture.
"I THINK I’M GOING TO LIKE CLEANING UP AFTER MY MISTAKE." Death took a handful of Cheez-Its, and watched Kermit close the show.
>X<X>X<
"Well, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs," Kermit said.
"And downs, and downs," Gonzo shouted.
"Yeah, plenty of those," Rizzo said.
"But we pulled through to bring you a show!" Kermit said, garnering applause.
"
Moi did do most of the pulling, though," Piggy said.
"Yeah, she had to," Floyd said from the band-pit. "She
is the burliest of us all!"
Piggy growled, she turned around and picked up a penguin and hurled it at Floyd.
"Hey! Watch it fat-back!" Floyd threw the penguin back, hitting Fozzie.
"Ahh! No this is what I call
fowl play! Wocka! Wocka!" Fozzie shouted.
"Does that mean we get a free foul shot?" Waldorf asked.
"Sounds good to me!" Statler declared, throwing a chicken down on stage.
"Hey!" Gonzo shouted. "Respect chicken’s rights!" The weirdo threw a rat up at the two hecklers.
"What about rat’s rights?" Rizzo asked.
"Aren’t most rats left?" Zoot asked.
"Sheesh, not that again," Kermit groaned.
"Boss," Scooter said to Kermit. "Wrap it up, my uncle says he’s sick of all the poultry puns!"
"POUL-TRY! POUL-TRY!"
"Bragawk brawk byawk!"
"Mee mo mo meep me!"
"What kind of American are you?"
"Gon floor de stur de chickies!"
"Probably a variation of whatever kind he is."
"Si, but I am a Spanish-American, hokay?"
"That’s oxymoronic!"
"How dare you call Oxy moronic!"
"Oh! Good grief!" Kermit shouted, waving to the audience. "We’ll see you all next time on, The Muppet Show!"
THE END
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