Muppet College Dorms: The Next Semester

[Skeeter Muppet]

Gillis: So when are we going to get to hear the podcast?
Kim: Hold your horses, Gillis. It's downloading onto iTunes right now. We'll tune in when I get home from work tonight.
Tosh: Tonight? Why not right after it's downloaded?
Kim: For one thing, I'm running the virus scanner on the computer today and I don't like running iTunes when that's going. Second, if you guys listen to it without me, I'm going to smack all of you.
Mimzy: When you put it that way...
Boober: I could do without a smacking.
Gillis: Yes, I agree. Very well, we'll wait then.
Kim: Thanks. If you want, you guys can get the appropriate refreshments together while you're waiting.
Boober: That means we might have to go shopping...
Kim: *sighs* Fine. Here's some cash; it should be enough to get you what you need. Just promise you won't cause any mass destruction while you're out?
Fraggles: Who, us?
Kim: Why does that not make me feel better?

-Kim

 

[theprawncracker]

Ryan: Gosh, Seinfeld is just one of those shows you can never get tired of.
Gonzo: You know I went to college with Jason Alexander.
Ryan: Gonzo, we're supposed to be in college now.
Gonzo: I mean first college!
Ryan: You honestly expect me to believe you went to college with the Jason Alexander?
Gonzo: You've got all of Muppets Tonight on DVD! You watch the episode and tell me! I'll be in my cot reading our marvelous play. *walks off*
Ryan: *shakes head* Clifford?
Clifford: *walks in carrying a soda can* Hey man, what's up?
Ryan: Did Gonzo go to college with Jason Alexander?
Clifford: Yeah man, that's how we booked 'im for the show!
Ryan: ...*goes to find Muppets Tonight DVDs*

 

[Skeeter Muppet]

Kim: (as Gillis enters, humming) Well, you certainly seem in better spirits this morning.
Gillis: Yes! Listening to that podcast last night, it...well, it definitely helped. Steve did a marvelous job.
Kim: Yeah, he certainly did. He deserves extra karma points for putting all of that together.
Gillis: So, what are you up to?
Kim: Pre-ordering the DVD of Twitches Too for the girls.
Gillis: (raising an eyebrow) Just the girls?
Kim: ...Okay, for me too.
Gillis: Why not wait until its released, and then buy it the next time you're at Barnes & Noble?
Kim: Because the coupon I got in the mail expires two days before the DVD is released, and this way it gets sent to me instead of me having to go out and get it. Especially if the weather is really stinky. Plus, it'll be a nice surprise for Mimzy and Tosh.
Gillis: That makes sense.
Kim: Exactly.

-Kim

 

[BEAR]

Bryan: Where are you going, Big Bird?
Big Bird: I'm going to visit Oscar and his mother and them some of these birdseed cookies.
Bryan: Say hi for me!
Ernie: Is Mrs. Grouch still here?
Bert: Yeah, can't you smell the garbage? This place is filthier than ever!
Ernie: Bert, relax. You really need to loosen up about all this. Oscar's a grouch.
Bert: I'm sorry. You have to understand that I like to be in a clean and healthy environment. It's a hygenic thing. You see...

(Bert sings accompanied by Anything Muppets dressed as maids and janitors singing backup)
I wash my hands whenever I eat
And in the bath I wash my ears,
My elbows and feet

I gotta to be clean!
I gotta be clean!
It's healthy and keen!
I gotta be clean!
Yes sir!

I start each day
By brushing my teeth (brush, brush)
Gettin' the plaque and stuff off
The smile underneath
I gotta be clean (clean)
And I floss in between (tween)
Like a tree must be green (green)
I gotta be clean (he's got to be clean!)

Each day's a fight
With the forces of dirt (dirt, dirt, dirt)
Battling the smudge
And the smear and the squirt (squirt, squirt, squirt)
What do I do when spaghetti's all over my shirt? (shirt, shirt, shirt)
Huh?
(Does he just wear it and wear it and wear it for weeks?)
No!
(Not Bert)
I wash it, THEN I wear it!

I may be sad
I may be beat
I may be cross or tired or mad
But I'll always be neat
I gotta be clean (he's got to be clean)
Like all pigeons I've seen
Or a fresh nectarine
Or some laundry's that's been
Through a washing machine
I gotta be clean!

Bert: So you see. That's just the way I am. Cleanliness is healthiness, and healthiness is happiness.
Ernie: ...Pigeons are clean?

 

[The Count]

*Waking up, still in bed. Mmm, what a wonderful dream... Sitting there, watching the stage show combining my Sesame and Muppet friends. There was a number with Gordon and David and Ruthie at Finders' Keepers trying to figure out who worked where and then where to find Big Bird's nesting area from the spot they were at. There was a version of "The Entertainer" sung by Milton Berle before that with Kermit that segwayed to Berle using the frog in a mock-ventriloquism act. Piggy came out to take the spotlight, fouling up Kermit's reluctant escape. Elmo showed up, leading to a sort of tubtime song. Statler and Waldorf were the last to appear just before rendering a Vaudeville sketch interrupted by Fozzie and Rowlf to deliver the punchline and start up "There's No Business Like Show Business". It all ended with my roomies at the organ/piano rolling into "The Gambler. Funny thing is, I was watching it all unfold as if I were high up in the seats and the Muppet characters were acombination of the actual puppets and stageshow costumed characters.

Think I'll go enjoy myself a bowl of cold cereal.
*Smiles and hums a few tunes.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
(Emerges from the closet, bonded by wire)
How dare you lock me in there!
It's filthy!

Bunsen:
Claudia, dear, you're alive!
Oh, how joyous!

Claudia:
I'll show you joyous, you lunatic!

Dr. Van Neuter:
I missed that temper of yours!
Oh, how prissy!
Come here!
(Tries to give her a hug)

Beaker:
MEEP!
(Clings to her)
Meep, meeep meep meeep....

Claudia:
(Bewildered)
What on earth is going on here?

Bunsen:
We missed you so!

Dr. Van Neuter:
We kinda forgot where we had yah.

Claudia:
This calls for some hardcore glomping.

Bunsen:
...Gentlemen, we must face the dire penalty.
(Lowers head)

Dr. Van Neuter:
Oh...no...just got my hair done!

Beaker:
(Braces himself)

Claudia:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!
(Tackles them)

 

[The Count]

*Wakes instantly. Huh? Is that my Squeaky I hear? Oh, she's probably gotten out of the closet by now. About time. Wonder if she knows she's been wanted for MC award designs. Eh, she'll pop in and hear the replies.

 

[Erine81981]

Mrs. Grouch: *outside of Oscar's can dirtying up more of the place* Oh this place needs lots of help. *starts hitting the side of the can* There. That should help Oscar's look of dirtyness. *sees Big Bird* You must be that eight foot canary that my son talks about.......alot.

 

[BEAR]

Mrs. Grouch: *outside of Oscar's can dirtying up more of the place* Oh this place needs lots of help. *starts hitting the side of the can* There. That should help Oscar's look of dirtyness. *sees Big Bird* You must be that eight foot canary that my son talks about.......alot.

Big Bird: (Excited) Really? Oscar talks about me to you? What does he say?

 

[redBoobergurl]

Beth: Hmmm....
Wanda: I can see the wheels a turning in your head
Beth: Yep, Ed gave me an idea
Wanda: Oh yeah? About what?
Beth: You
Wanda: ME?
Beth: You and all the other craziness I like to write about
Wanda: Uh-oh
*Beth just smiles*