Chapter 77: Some Auld Acquaintances Should Be Forgot
There were, of course, reviews. Notwithstanding the charms of Mrs. The Frog, Kermit was out of bed at an ungracious hour, picking up all the papers. Mabel caught him going past, and promptly snagged, fed and caffeinated him, but Kermit’s worrying was for naught. Or, as he liked to view it, his optimism was rewarded.
The changes to the show were roundly approved, and—although he wished Piggy were here to interpret the fashion sections for him—it looked like Piggy’s designer-cum-costumer was about to make yet another splash in the fashion world. Kermit smiled, humming a little with satisfaction. His own dream of making other people happy had spread like a virus, and he thought with pleasure that it just kept making ripples in the world around them, touching other lives in ways no one could predict.
One life in particular had been touched, but not in an affirming way. While there were reviews, none of them were written by Fleet Scribbler. Bribes, threats and whining proved to no avail. After the Christmas Day debacle, he was firmly off this particular story—or, at least this particular phase of the story—and no amount of incentive or invective would sway him. His boss had given in with typical bad grace, but given in all the same.
“Nevermind,” snapped the hateful voice. “I have other ideas for bringing down the frog.”
Scribbler didn’t like the sound of that, but he stuffed it into the same unhappy place that he had stuffed the other comments from his boss. He was watchful for any signs that Piggy was in real danger, especially after the incident in the pass-through corridor between theaters, but managed to ignore most of the everyday ranting that went on.
The incident (which in Scribbler’s type-driven mind was The INCIDENT), had bothered him a lot, aside from the obvious pain and trauma of a broken nose. He had confronted his boss heatedly, but the stunned, flummoxed look he received had finally convinced him that his boss had not been behind the, um, accosting of Piggy. Like Kermit, he shied away from the word “attack.” Despite the furor and fury the other man’s actions had incurred, Scribbler would not have described the other man as a common thug. As a matter of fact, he was decidedly non-thuggish, if Scribbler were fair, which he was not inclined to be. As far as Scribbler knew, he was known primarily for being an independent go-between, a setter-upper for deals that proved contentious or delicate. Scribbler tried and tried to remember what—exactly—had been said, what specific words had been used, but he could still make no sense out of the man’s presence in that apparently not-so-secret corridor.
His snooping had, however, turned up some other interesting things. He had discovered, quite as a by-product of his other snooping, that Seymour Strathers had officially joined the ranks of the hopeful, and the hopeless—the rank and file of Piggy admirers that followed her every movement with awe. He had heard, indirectly, that Strathers had been the one to suggest the casino’s invitation to the muppets, although he knew that Kermit’s name had long been respected in the business. The thought of Kermit’s name being respected while his own had sunk so low made Scribbler bare his teeth in a fierce grimace, but he made an effort and pushed it away. Scribbler was not sure what Strathers infatuation might mean in the big picture, but he knew that he had been nearly apoplectic about Piggy’s ordeal. If it wasn’t his boss, and it was the casino owner, then…who? Who could be after Piggy—besides the obvious rank and file—and what could they be after her for?
Here, Scribbler underestimated himself. It didn’t happen often, but there had been a time when it never happened, and now it was happening quite a lot as the seeds of self-loathing and second-guessing burrowed under his skin. What he underestimated was the power of the written word—the power to inform, to sway, to convince, to…mislead. He had been writing for months about the imaginary break-up of Piggy’s marriage, with the malicious intention of separating them. But he had also been writing for moths about how Piggy was overworked and underappreciated in her husband’s company, and how a rose like her ought not to wither in Kermit’s crummy old vine. Scribbler had underestimated the way that some people, if told something long enough, loud enough and frequently enough, would begin to believe it. And it was working. In the same way that predators try to separate the animal they wish to take down from the rest of the herd, Scribbler had been trying to separate Kermit but his most-prized lamb. No one was saying it would happen but, thanks to him, some people were saying it could.
Only someone who had a long history with Sesame Street could truly appreciate how small—or how big—that difference could be.
Blissfully unaware of the future, the cast and crew went about their lives.
With Christmas over and the end of their time in Las Vegas within sight, the mood shifted slightly. The new songs in the show kept everything fresh, but there was an underlying sense of restlessness now. Those who had not managed to spend their entire Christmas bonus now made a serious attempt, except for a frugal few. Piggy was not among them, and put down a substantial deposit on something she did not tell Kermit about in the jewelry store.
“Bawk bawk buc buc buck?” Camilla demanded, but Piggy shook her platinum curls unconcernedly. “By the time Kermit sees this bill—if he does—he’ll have other things to worry about.” Little did she know how true those words might prove.
The Electric Mayhem was talking daily about putting down the final tracks for “Fozzie’s Angels,” and there were more and more calls from the studio. Scooter handled what he could, but the calls required Kermit’s personal attention frequently. Piggy watched him become preoccupied and thoughtful with bemusement, but kept him on his toes—often literally—when they were performing.
Robin was showing signs of homesickness, not by moping and becoming whiny, but by ramping up his energy level to prepare for the time when he would be swamp-deep in cousins. Kermit would never have voiced it, but he was beginning to look forward to being a long-distance uncle for a bit. Once they were back home, he would have virtually no social life until the movie wrapped, then dive gills-first into post-production. Scooter’s surprising news had left him scouting somewhat anxiously for an assistant assistant, but when Scooter caught wind of it he nipped it in the bud.
“Boss,” he’d said, managing to sound professional and slightly hurt at the same time. “Would I run out on you when you need me? Sarah’s got all a lot on her plate now, and a wedding to plan.” He looked around carefully before he spoke again. “I need an excuse to not be involved in that.” He fixed Kermit with a look. “Nothing personal, boss, but I had quite enough wedding planning for a lifetime helping you.”
Kermit shot him an amused look. “So what are you planning to do?” he asked. “Just rent a tux and show up?”
“Yep,” said Scooter smugly. “Only, I’ve already got a tux.”
Beaker and Bunsen had talked to several overland shippers, but no one seemed inclined to want to handle a mutagenic tree.
“They should call Hogwarts,” quipped Rizzo. ‘I hear they like that kind of stuff there.”
Pepe had been summarily dumped by almost all the showgirls in their casino.
“In our zip code, more likely,” Gonzo said with some satisfaction. He and Camilla had become friendly again, but—alas—not romantic, although she had threatened him with bodily harm if he failed to squire her around at the movie premiere when the time came.
Mabel grew more thoughtful as the time approached for her adoptive, um, eaters to head back home. She stayed up late more than once dispensing home cooking, advice and a listening ear. Clifford seemed a constant recipient of all three.
“Tell me again about the girl made just for me,” he teased her one evening.
Mabel smacked him smartly with a wooden spoon, but not hard enough to hurt. “What--have you run out of women back home?” she kidded him.
“Just about,” Clifford had said, sighing hugely. He very deliberately did not think about Janice. “I want a girl like you, Mabel,” he said with a grin. “Smart, funny and good in the…kitchen. Sure you don’t have any unmarried daughters?”
Mabel hit him again, and this time it smarted a little.
“If you dare take up with one of my daughters…” she threatened, then her short-sighted muzzle broke into a big grin. “I’ll get the guest room ready for you at Christmas.” For a second, her eyes looked suspiciously bright, and then she was rolling out pastry for jam rolls. Clifford walked over and put his long, lanky arms around her little shoulders, then kissed her on top of her head right between her velvety ears.
“I’m gonna miss you, Mabel,” he said quietly.
Mabel snorted, but it sounded a little wet and sniffly. “Get on with you,” she said. “Or I’m gonna spread you with jam.”
Thoreau was the first to go. He came by Piggy’s dressing room one afternoon and stayed for almost an hour. Kermit walked by at one point, intending to ask Piggy if she wanted to catch a bite, and heard them talking rapidly. He stopped with one hand on the door and thought better of it. They were obviously having some sort of heart to heart, and he did not want to be in the middle of it. Now that Brenda had gone, Scribbler had fled, the publicity was fading, and things were shifting forward in his head to the studio instead of the stage, Kermit appeared his usual, diffident self. Doing the live show seemed to have calmed his demons somewhat, and he was pleased to be the object of Piggy’s affection without all the pricks and tweaks of jealousy that had plagued him.
A sudden inspiration struck him, and he cornered Fozzie and took him out for a big, cheesy, cholesterol-busting pizza and a couple of root beers. Though marriage had its benefits, Kermit was glad for a chance to catch up with his bachelor buddy.
Howard had two armfuls of cds teetering dangerously and there was a pen between his teeth. A lock of blond hair was falling over one eye and he had the nervous, crazed look of someone who is positive he has forgotten something vital
From the doorway, Thoreau said, “Howard,” but not loudly, and the sound didn’t carry.
Piggy cleared her voice noisily to no effect.
“He’s busy,” whispered Thoreau. “I’ll come back.”
Howard finally looked up at the unmistakable sound of flesh smacking flesh and whirled around, the cds wobbling precariously. Thoreau stood before him. He was rubbing his arm and shooting Piggy a dark look, but her own expression was unreadable. She did, however, appear to be blocking the exit door.
“Um,” Thoreau said, then coughed, cleared his throat and tried again. “I’m, um, going to New York the end of the month,” Thoreau said. “I usually go, you know—to see the newest fabrics, make up my orders for next season.”
Howard started to speak, then realized the pen was still in his mouth. He nodded, his eyes wide but uncertain.
“And it’s usually, you know, a real bore because of all the work but I try to take in a few shows, meet some clients for lunch. Of course, this trip won’t be quite as easy-going, because I’m trying to launch my own spring line and that will just be loads of turmoil.” Thoreau appeared to trip, then recovered and shot Piggy a murderous look and a muttered oath. He spoke again, the words coming out in a rush.
“So, I was, um, wondering—if you aren’t too busy, you know—if you’d like to, um, go with me.” That last was said almost defiantly, and instead of staring at his toes, which he had been wont to do since entering the room, he was practically glaring at Howard, daring him to answer. The next sound in the room was silence. The next sound after that was the sound of the pen hitting the floor. Howard tried to answer, then closed his mouth and opened it again.
“That would be lovely,” Howard managed. And giggled.
All of Thoreau’s nervousness fled. He grinned, looking suddenly boyish—except for the faint lines that were just beginning to show around his eyes.
“Great,” he said. “I’ll, um, call you and we’ll hammer out the trip details later when you’re not so busy.”
Howard nodded, astonished, and Thoreau sailed out of the room in high spirits.
That left Miss Piggy, who smirked at the astonished choreographer before slipping out the door.
Foo Foo was next to go, reluctantly skipping the last show to catch a deal on her flight. Gallantly, Rowlf manhandled (er, doghandled) her luggage to the curb.
“I hate to see you go,” said Rowlf, then grinned broadly. “Actually, I like to see you go," he teased, ogling her for effect. “It’s the doing-without-you part I don’t like.”
“Rowlfie,” said Foo Foo gently. She was gazing intently into his face. “You know how you like to chase cars?”
“Rowlfie’s” eyes lit up, making any other answer unnecessary, but he nodded anyway.
“So, tough guy--what’d you do with all those cars?”
Tough guy segued into confused guy. “Huh?”
“What’d you do with the cars you caught?” persisted Foo Foo. “What’d you do when you caught them?’
“Um, nothing,” said Rowlf, baffled. “I just—well, after they stopped I…oh.”
“Oh,” said Foo Foo. Her little dark eyes were sparkling. “After they stopped speeding away, you stopped chasing them, right?”
“Um, yeah.” Rowlf suddenly pretended to be scratching a flea behind his left ear, a process which the little white dog cut short by leaning in and kissing him gently on the corner of his mouth.
“I’m still speeding away,” said Foo Foo. “So any time you feel like working off a little energy chasing me down….”
Rowlf laughed and caught her shoulders in his warm, furry hands.
“Be good, Foo,” he said.
Foo laughed and disentangled herself. “I’m always good,” she said archly. She walked to the waiting taxi, then stopped and looked back. “Take care of yourself, Rowlfie,” she said. “You’re a good dog.” She stepped into the waiting cab. Rowlf knew she was far too dignified to hang her head out the window but he hoped she might. He watched hopefully until the cab disappeared from view.
“Gosh, Uncle Kermit,” said Robin. “This was our last show.”
“It was,” said Kermit. He seemed equal parts wistful and ready to be done. “Tomorrow we’ll all be heading back home.”
“And two days after that I’m going back to the swamp!”
“Yup,” said Kermit. “Train set and all.”
“Thank goodness,” Piggy breathed, just loud enough for Kermit’s aural organs to hear. He turned and smiled at her over his nephew’s head.
“Is everybody leaving?” Robin asked. “What about Dr. Bunsen and Beaker?”
“Renting a truck, I hear,” Kermit said mildly, and Piggy snorted.
“The band is packing up, and Mr. Thoreau is already gone and…it will be strange when everybody’s gone.” Robin paused, deep in thought.
“It will be quiet,” Kermit said, gazing fondly at the top of Robin’s head. It seemed closer than it had before Thanksgiving—the kid must be growing.
“If…if I go home, who is going to watch after you and Aunt Piggy?” Robin asked. He had taken his job of bogeyman banisher very seriously after the train had arrived and the stories had stopped.
Piggy and Kermit exchanged startled glances, then looked down at Robin’s worried face.
“Well…we’ll take care of each other, Robin,” Kermit said firmly.
“Yes—I’ll take care of each Kermit,” Piggy insisted, “and Kermit will take care of me.”
Robin digested this, obviously not satisfied. “I could stay,” he offered, but dubiously, and his voice was forlorn.
Kermit stopped walking and knelt in front of his nephew. He had to look up to meet Robin’s eyes. Definitely growing.
“If we need you, we’ll call. How’s that?” Kermit formed his froggy fingers into a fist.
That did it. Robin’s smile spread all over his face.
“Okay, Uncle Kermit,” he said solemnly. He formed his hand into a fist and bumped knuckles solemnly. “Just so you know I’ve got your back.”