Chapter 75: Feints and Blushes
On Christmas Day, Kermit had gone to bed on a full day, an over-full stomach and a load of worry. Scooter’s worries of the day before have all been alleviated by Sara’s acceptance of his ring and his proposal, so he was prepared to try to cheer and console his boss the next morning. His plans were unnecessary, however, as Kermit showed up for their 10:00 am pre-meeting meeting as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as Scooter had ever seen him.
“Hi, um, boss—is…is everything alright?”
Kermit grinned broadly. “Oh yeah,” he said firmly. “Life’s good.” He went back to his PDA, watching something with interest.
Now Scooter looked anxious. He was obviously missing something. Despite the fact that he had had a lovely, lovely distracted holiday yesterday gazing into his future in Sara’s eyes, he was back on the job now and back to his usual hyper-efficient self. Except that he was obviously missing something. He looked at Kermit unhappily.
Something of his hangdog look must have communicated itself to the happily humming amphibian because Kermit looked up again, this time in surprise.
“You don’t know?” he asked. “You didn’t see?”
Mutely, Scooter shook his head.
Kermit grinned wickedly. This was a first—he knew something before Scooter did! He motioned Scooter over and pointed to the screen triumphantly.
Scooter watched, open-mouthed, as the almost-confrontation of Scribbler played out on the tiny screen. When it ended, he could only stare at his boss in astonishment. Gleefully, Kermit leaned over and hit the replay button, watching with satisfaction until Scribbler tripped unceremoniously over the dark, polished cane.
“But…who are they?” Scooter whispered.
Kermit’s expression was humble, but happy. “Our fans,” he said simply.
“Gotta love our fans,” Kermit’s personal assistant murmured. “But where did you get this—?”
“Security camera,” Kermit said smugly. “I got a call this morning after they got a look at yesterday’s tapes,” he explained. He watched once again as Scribbler went down, falling flat out on the casino floor. “I had them send me a copy on my email.”
“And…and you retrieved it? Yourself?” Scooter asked, incredulous but trying not to be rude. Kermit shot him a look.
“Yes I retrieved it myself,” he snapped, but then grudgingly added. “Robin showed me how to upload video a couple of days ago.”
“So…he was here,” Scooter said. “Here in the hotel.” They exchanged solemn glances. After Piggy’s ambush, they knew Scribbler had been coming to the show, but it had been easier to believe that he was hiding somewhere on the strip—not lurking under the same roof. After the party, however, it had seemed silly—even dangerous—to think anything else.
“Yeah—here among us,” Kermit said soberly, then his voice took on a hint of defiance. “But he’s gone now.”
“Not that I’m unhappy about it,” Scooter began worriedly, “but how can you be sure?”
“After we saw this, Animal traced his scent to a taxi. Taxi driver remembers taking him to the airport.” Before Scooter could ask, Kermit added, “Rowlf confirmed it. The trail ends at the airport.”
“But he was here.”
“And now he’s gone.”
They shared a brief, fierce moment of triumph, then Kermit’s eyes grew pensive. “You…you won’t tell Piggy about this, will you?” he asked. “She knows he’s gone—I don’t really want her to know how close….”
“Sure, Boss,” Scooter said. “No sense in upsetting Miss Piggy.” He looked at the little screen, then raised his eyebrows to Kermit.
“I know,” Kermit said, sheepish and embarrassed. “I should delete it before she sees, but I want to watch it a few more times.”
Scooter gave him a furtive look. “Want me to save it onto disc for you?” he asked. “Then you could play it whenever you wanted to…”
Kermit was smiling again. “Sure thing, Scooter. Who knows when I might need cheering up?”
The scene was slightly less calm in the The Frog suite. Thoreau was running around in high dudgeon, too nervous to sit, too nervous to eat. He paced miserably, alternately waving and wringing his hands.
“What if they don’t look good on stage?” he wailed. “What if they’re too swishy?” He turned to Piggy, agonized. “What is they aren’t swishy enough? When everyone goes into the turn—“
“Thoreau, I swear I’m going to hit you with a rolled-up newspaper,” Piggy snapped. “Or karate chop you into next week. Sit down for goodness sake and stop fretting.” He looked at her in mute appeal and her tone softened. “They’re gorgeous,” she said firmly. “Everyone says so.”
“But, but what if—“
“People don’t like them? Then pigs will fly and geese will lay golden eggs.” she said sharply. “And Moi will admit to having no taste in fashion.”
Thoreau actually shuddered, but at least it stopped him in his tracks.
“You’re right,” he said finally. “I’m just being a nervous Nellie. The costumes are fine and I need to get a grip.”
“You do,” she agreed. She took his arm and led him gently to the door. “You need to get a grip and a cup of tea.”
“A cup of tea would be nice….” His voice was wistful, and Piggy nodded, shoving him out the door.
“Go,” she insisted. “Tell Mabel you need a cuppa.” The door shut and she heaved a huge sigh of relief. “And a Valium,” she muttered.
“Aunt Piggy?” asked Robin. “What’s the matter with Mr. Thoreau?”
Piggy allowed herself a small smile before she answered. “Stage fright,” she said at last, and Robin’s eyes grew wide.
“Mr. Thoreau’s going on stage with us?” he asked, incredulous.
“No, Sweetie,” she explained. “But his costumes are, and he’s nervous about it.” She made a hurry-up motion with her hand. “C’mon, Robin—we’re going to be late for the cast meeting.”
While Robin hurriedly dropped his bowl in the sink and washed his hands, Piggy frowned. It was an appealing frown that puckered her forehead, but there was no one to see it or be charmed by it. After a moment, the pucker went away and she put her little phone to her ear and hit #1 on the speed dial. She was talking before he had the phone completely up to his ear.
“Look, Marty—I want to you make some calls for me.” She shook her head as though he could see it and interrupted. “No—not the bikini shoot. I want to talk get someone big in the fashion industry.”
Marty suggested something, his gravelly voice like static over the phone line. Again, Piggy shook her head. “He’s here with me,” she said. “I need someone else.”
Marty said something that sounded like a question, and Piggy jumped in again. “No, I don’t want another designer. I—well, yes I do but I not for Moi. I want someone to come to the show tonight.” She paused. “The day after Christmas,” she answered. “Why—don’t these people work?” There was a sound like a snort and Piggy pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it. “Do not snort at Moi,” she said composedly. “Of course I know how hard it will be.” She listened. “Of course I know how many strings’ll have to be pulled.” She paused for a moment, letting him have a little more line before she hooked him. “Of course I know that, Marty—that’s why Moi called vous. Vous are the only person on the planet who could do this, and Moi has complete faith in you.” There was dead silence on the other end of the phone, but the lack of a dial tone convinced her that he hadn’t hung up. Eventually, there was a sigh and a word probably not heard on Sesame Street.
“I’ll do it,” Marty said finally, and Piggy pressed about five smooches into the phone.
“Vous are sooooo marvelous,” she said. “Hugs and kisses, mon chere!”
“But you have to wrangle the show ticket,” he grumped.
Piggy only smirked. “Not to worry, mon représentant,” she cried. She said her goodbyes and hung up just as Robin returned.
“Ready,” he said, but Piggy inspected the back of his neck anyway. Satisfied on all levels, Piggy herded Robin out the door and they dashed.
Your couldn’t see it, but Gonzo was definitely blushing. “Aw, c’mon Camilla. It wasn’t that heroic,” the furry blue performance artist said, but his eyes were wistful. “I mean, any red-blooded, well-muscled, civic-minded whatever would have—“
Camilla said a word. It wasn’t “Begawk,” but it carried her message effectively, and Gonzo desisted blowing his own horn. (He’d never really been that good at horn-blowing, anyway.)
“Um, well, you’re welcome,” he concluded awkwardly. “I’m just sorry we didn’t catch him.”
“Somebody almost caught ‘im,” Rizzo said, munching a banana. He eyes the peel thoughtfully. “Wish I’d had this banana peel yesterday,” he mused. Nobody really wanted to ask why.
“Yeah, Animal almost had his incisors—“ Gonzo started, but Pepe cut him off.
“Non. Non. Not Animal,” Pepe said firmly. “Someone else almost caught him. Downstairs—in the casino proper.”
“Nothing proper about a casino,” Sally Ann quipped.
“You mean—someone besides Animal almost got their teeth into Scribbler last night?”
“Yup,” said Rizzo. “Some fans almost had him but there was some sort of pile-up in the buffet line.” His eyes were wistful now.
“I wish they’d caught him!” Amy Lu said angrily. “Spying on us like that!”
“I wish I’d caught him,” Gloria Jean growled. “I’d have given him what for!”
Rizzo turned and smirked at her. “Hey Sweetness,” he said. “Why don’t you come over here and give me what for?”
“I have a better idea. Why don’t you start without me?” Gloria Jean huffed.
Beaker’s eyebrows climbed into his hairline and he nudged Dr. Honeydew and meeped something.
“Yes, Beakie,” the good doctor murmured. “I think the honeymoon might be over.”
“Well, rehearsal certainly isn’t over!” Howard snapped, appearing suddenly behind Pepe with a fierce scowl. “Now get to your marks or feel my wrath.”
It was amazing how fast they all moved.
And it was amazing, when the music started, how…otherworldly the dance number looked, the dancers graceful, the costumes ethereal.
In the back of the auditorium, Thoreau stood still, his long-fingered hands shoved under his armpits to keep from wringing them, but as the song progressed, the tension slowly leaked out of his frame. He felt a nudge just above waist level.
“You done good, kid,” Mabel said appraisingly. “I think this is going to be a real show-stopper.”
Thoreau murmured something, but his eyes watched the scene before him hungrily. “Not bad,” he admitted. “It really isn’t bad.”
“My main bear,” said Clifford. “What’s fuzzy, Fozzie?”
“Oh. Hi Clifford,” Fozzie responded. “I’ve just been punching up my routine a little for the New Year’s show,” Fozzie said. “I’m trying to making it a knock-out! Wocka wocka!”
Clifford forced a smile. “Good one, Fozzie,” he lied. “So show me a little of the A material.”
Fozzie’s face fell immediately. “That was my A material,” he said in a small voice.
“Oh. I mean, oh! Right! Good one!” the dreadlocked bassman back-pedaled madly. He tried to sound convincing but failed miserably. Inspiration hit like a ton of bricks.
“Why don’t you try your jokes out on Mabel?” If anybody was capable of saying something nice about Fozzie routine, it would be the soft-hearted mole.
“You really think she’d like to hear my new stuff?” Fozzie asked doubtfully, his fuzzy ears drooping.
Clifford reached for a reassuring smile. “Fozzie, man, if she liked your old routine, I’m sure she’ll love your new stuff. Besides—Mabel lives here in Vegas. She’s seen lots of acts come and go, but I’ll be she’s never seen a better bear comedian.”
Fozzie’s eyes widened in wonder. “That’s right!” he cried. “Thanks Clifford!”
Clifford watched him trot off guiltily. “Oh man,” he muttered to himself. “I am so gonna be on KP for a week.”
“A face-to-face if I may, Bossman,” said Dr. Teeth, grinning his wide, glittering grin over the heads of several people clumped around the little amphibian. The final rehearsal of the new numbers was over, and it seemed that everyone needed to speak to Kermit before disappearing for the afternoon.
“Oh, um, sure, Dr. Teeth,” said Kermit. “Give me just a sec here.” He bent his head down to Scooter to look at something on a PDA, pointed, asked Scooter a question and nodded over the answer. Scooter apparently took this answer and ran with it—quite literally, scurrying off toward the dressing rooms. Kermit said something firm to Robin, got a melodramatic sigh in return and sent him on his way with a pat. He listened with interest to something that Fozzie had to say, spoke a few calming words and sent Fozzie wandering toward center stage with a distracted expression. He pretended to listen with interest to something that Piggy was muttering, agreed with her absently and only really seemed to notice her when she leaned in to kiss him before wandering off, dialing her cell phone as she went. That left Rowlf and Foo Foo and Gonzo ahead of him.
Rowlf talked and Foo Foo chimed in, then Foo Foo talked and frog and dog both listened. Kermit nodded enthusiastically about something, emphatically about something else and then said, “Sounds good, sounds good. Show me something in about—“ He looked at his wrist out of long habit, but since he wore no watch it did little good. He pulled out his new phone and pressed a button, shook his head, pushed another one, then another, opened it and peered inside, then under it, and finally asked Foo Foo for the time. She told him and he thought for a moment. “Give me about 40-45 minutes,” he said, “and then show me what you’ve come up with.” Both dogs trotted off.
“Gonzo?” said Kermit. “What can I do you for?”
Gonzo gestured to the flashy piano player. “Go ahead and talk to the Doctor here. I can wait.”
“Oh, felicitations and gratitudinous vibes, my furry blue friend. This won’t take but a participle of the green man’s time.”
Kermit turned expectantly to Dr. Teeth.
“I know that we had communicated our intent to imbibe in one of the Black-Eyed Peas delectable numbers but the band and my esteemed self wondered about the possibility of changing our tune.”
Kermit was listening hard. “Um, what did you have in mind?” he asked warily.
“Since our show is now celebrating the dawn of a new age, we thought to sing a little number by The Zombies which celebrates such a thought.”
“Which song?” Kermit asked, wondering if he should have asked, “Which Zombies?”
“This Will Be Our Year,” said Dr. Teeth expansively. “I thought the thought was a commendable one.”
“Oh—I know that one,” Kermit said eagerly. “Wow. Yeah—that would be fine, Dr. Teeth. Tell Scooter, then tell the band that’s great.”
“Our most humble appreciation,” said the man with a flashy grin. “I will inform the musicians of your munificence.” He gave a mock bow and withdrew.
After he left, Kermit stared after him in bemusement for a moment before swinging back to Gonzo.
“Yes, Gonzo?” he asked, but Gonzo was looking longingly after Dr. Teeth’s retreating back.
“Did I hear that right?” Gonzo asked breathlessly.
Kermit looked a little uncertain. “Um, I…I think so,” he admitted, hoping he had heard it right. “Why? What’s wrong?”
Gonzo turned to him and put his hands on his furry hips. “So how come they get to have a zombie in their act and you won’t even let me juggle prunes?”
So questions are harder to answer than others.
“Well, it wasn’t easy,” Scooter said to Ms. Piggy, holding out a ticket to her gloved hand. “Seymour finally came through for us, though.” He eyed the ticket as though it might run away. “Um, do you want me to leave it at the box office?” he asked nervously.
“No thank you,” she said smugly. “Moi will take care of it.” When he had gone, anxiously looking back more than once at the ticket in her hand, Piggy smiled to herself and walked out the auditorium doors to the ticket office. She left the ticket there, with explicit instructions, then marched back into the auditorium. Almost every was gone now, returned to their rooms to prepare for the evening show.
Piggy smiled, thinking of the show, of her new steps and songs, of the costumes. It was going to be lovely. She saw Kermit talking to Gonzo, saw him make a scrunchy face and then wave his arms around irately. Gonzo fled, leaving the CEO of Rainbow Productions standing alone backstage. For a moment, she just watched him, her eyes softening as she gazed at the center of her universe, then she sauntered down the aisle and climb the stage to where he stood. Kermit looked up and smiled broadly, his arms reaching out instinctively to embrace her.
“Mission accomplished?” he asked.
“Of course, mon capitan,” Piggy said. She gave him a self-satisfied smooch, which he returned.
“Where’s Robin?” Kermit asked.
“With Janice and Floyd in the music room. Janice was going to work a little with his fingering.”
Kermit grinned. “Next thing we know, he’ll be wanting to learn to play bass.”
Piggy giggled, leaning against him with her arms tight around his middle.
“Everything handled for tonight’s show?”
“Everything,” Kermit said firmly. “We’re ready.” Something in her voice must have tipped him off. “Why?”
Piggy looked up at him, her blue eyes sparkling. “Want to do the dance of love?”
If Kermit had had eyebrows, he’d have raised them. “Oh. We could. But I—I thought the dance number went fine during practice.”
There was a beat of absolute silence, then Piggy leaned close. “I wasn’t talking about the dance number.”
“Piggy!” Kermit said. Unlike Gonzo, you could see the blush that tinged his cheeks. He looked around nervously to see if anyone had overheard. There was no one. They were quite alone.
For a moment, Kermit just gazed at her, wondering what on earth he’d ever done to deserve the life he was living. Then he reached for her hand—and they ran.