I am in need of serious help. :(

[Ernie101]

Ok, I have been sitting here debating whether or not to post this here, and I don't wanna be annoying but I need some help. Me and my girlfriend, who have been dating for years, got into a major fight today. However, it's not just today, this has been happening for about a month.. We are so close that I couldn't even describe it to you.. I am often responded to by being called a child and that I don't know what love is.. but I have a heart and I know that strong affection is coming out of my heart for her.

We share everything, and I can't picture a day of my life without her. I am not intoxicated with her, because we took things extremely slow...

Here is the problem: The fights are mostly from me.. I am always worried about stupid things, like if she will cheat on me or something.. or asking her what she is wearing to make sure I wouldn't be worried.. I am being honest.. I don't control her, nor do I every want to.. but things are going down that road.. and I come from that kind of family.. I have tryed to change but I feel like I can't ... It's been months of personal angst. I need some help.. So I am coming to friendly, understanding, non-judgemental people for that kind of support and comfort..

Im on MSN messenger, ghostrider002@msn.com if anyone wants to talk to me personally.. otherwise.. post it here I don't care..

P.S-I can barely look at the smiling faces of the muppets on this site..

-Drake *cries*

 

[luvtosr]

There's a solution but it's one of those easy to say hard to do things. You need to relax and trust her. The plain fact is that if someone's pre-disposed to cheat on you then they'll do it anyway but (and it's a big but) someone who's not pre-disposed to cheat could well be 'driven' to it by a partner who is argumentative, overbearing and disapproving. That's if they don't just walk out of the relationship first.

If you love her you have to trust her, the two go hand in hand.

You can see the problems looming which is a good thing, now you need to work on avoiding them. Try talking to her about it and make it clear that you don't want to lose her and ask for her to help you get past it. It's what couples do.

 

[BEAR]

Been there, lost that. Has she ever cheated before? Assuming the answer is no, then you need to not let yourself get worked up so easily about things. You can't always worry and think that something like that is gonna happen. If she loves you, she will be faithful. You need to trust her. The more and more you let yourself be jealous, the harder it is on her and the relationship. If you can't learn to control yourself and your reactions, you could lose her. I am not trying to scare you or anything like that, it's just that I have been in your shoes. And more recently her shoes. Your story reminded me of how I was once and it didn't help the relationship in the end when I realized it factored into why we broke up, among other things that was beyond either of our control. Try and learn how to rate things that happen and react accordingly. Realize that there are certain lines in the relationship and if specific reasonable lines are crossed then you have a reason to be jealous. Make sense? I guess it would help to know a little more info on what she actually does that bothers you. Don't want to pry though. I actually wouldnt mind talking with you more about it privately. I have known a lot of people in this situation, again, icluding myself. Let me know. It's up to you.

 

[Docnzhoss]

That's a tough situation, but it stems from two things: your age and your gender. My late teens and early twenties were my jealousy years. I had two major girlfriends during that timeframe. The first got fed up with my jealousy and dumped me. The second patiently waited for me to outgrow it and married me. While we were dating, my wife spent a lot of time trying to get it into my head that I was the one she wanted to be with and if she wanted someone else she would just leave. For me, I had issues with trust (my argument being that I trusted her but did not trust the intentions of other men) and exposing myself to deeper pain by falling more and more in love each day. I have known a lot of guys who share these same sorts of feelings and lose girlfriends the same way.

I can't say when I overcame my jealousy; and I must say that even to this day my stomach sort of tenses up when my wife mentions that some guy has hit on her. I have gotten much better. Rather than clench my fists and keep a hawk's eye out for the bloody jerk, I just make some snide comment about him, shrug it off, put my arm around my wife and continue on my way. Things will look up for you, so don't worry. Maybe you should explain your feelings to your girlfriend and just ask for her patience. If she understands where you're coming from, maybe she'll take your comments with a grain of salt and things won't erupt into fights so often.

 

[Vic Romano]

I'm with Docnzhoss on this one, especially the age thing. I'm not going to lie to you; being a teenager is the worst part of life (that I've experienced so far) and jealousy is at an out of control peak. Oy, and you obviously have a great big heart which is such a great quality and such a rough one at that too. The problem with being a teenage boy is that you are a teenage boy; it's very stressful, you feel unconfident about so much, and love seems so crazy that it's amazing we don't see more teenagers randomly explode!

As far as the cheat thing is concerned? No one here can tell you whether or not she has or will ever cheat; however, know that everyone (even you) are capable of doing so; especially if you think you aren't, but acknowledging that can also give you the strength and common sense not to cheat. Remembering that you're human and not impervious to all pain and not above your fellow man (no matter who or what they are) will give you the ability to accomplish anything you want. Remember, the key to overcoming anything is to first respect what a perfect machine it is.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Advice from everyone is good so far.

I suggest you actually check at local churches and see if they have any anger-management classes (they're free, or by donation). Go to them, you're anonymous and you can tell them what's going on and they can offer from their own experiences answers that will help you out.

Jealousy is a human behavior you'll never overcome, but if you channel it the right way then it doesn't look like jealousy, but rather shows how much you care.

You have to lighten up, or (as has been said) she's gonna go and leave you standing. If you care about her enough, you'll learn to handle things better.

I do know that arguments aren't one-way streets, and she's obviously doing something that bothers you. I used to see a girl who was a BIG flirt with EVERYBODY. I couldn't deal with it and ultimately broke it off myself. I didn't see her as worth my stress worrying when someone's gonna follow through with the flirting, y'know? Or even if she would.

If the girl you're seeing has given you reason to think she could do that, then maybe it's best to let her go and just move on. But if she's definitely worth keeping, you need to work on your anger management issues and either resolve it or let her go, because your issues are going to cause her stress and grief as well--and you shouldn't do that to someone you care about.

However, it takes a man to admit when he's wrong, and you said the fights are usually your fault. You've taken the first step, man. Just invite her out on a date, the kind you went on when you first started seeing each other, and do some really nice, surprising things (that appear to be spontaneous), and then ask her if she could hear you out, and explain your position on things, explain you realize you're wrong, and tell her you want to do better because you really do care alot and you want to make things work. I think that'll earn her respect for you (or get it back), and I think that'll empower your relationship.

 

[MrsPepper]

Everyone here's said alot of good things, and you shuld really listen to them. I am also going to recommend the site golivewire.com to you. It's forums for teens and young adults. You can post there (I'd recommend clicking the Emergency Help button and posting there, as this is very important to you, and only members with Support Leader status can reply to posts there, so you'll get good help faster), though you might find a few jerks, which happens because yeah it's a forum just for teens, but you can also find alot of good advice from caring, insightful, and supportive members.

As for my advice, I'm just gonna end up repeating what most others have said already, as their advice comes from experience, and mine more from analysing. If you love her as much as you seem to, and are really reluctant to break it off with her, you will have to learn to trust her if you want the relationship to continue.
You said that you two took things really slow, so you would have build up a loving relationship. But trust has to be the foundation that you build upon, or it won't be strong enough to hold.You have to step back and let go. I doubt she wants to break it off either, and if you truly and earnestly try to change your ways and let go, she will want to stay too.
You can't worry about what she's wearing, or who she's talking to, or if she'll cheat on you. If you have to live with that doubt in your relationship, it won't hold up. What are you trying to protect her from? You have to realise that if she loves you, she won'tcheat on you. So you have to give her room. If she does cheat on you, she's not worth your tears.
Now, as for you right now, don't be too upset. Breathe, calm down, and think about it for awhile. Then after you do that, DON'T think about it for awhile. Overanalysing is bad and can lead to confusin. Just drink some tea and calm down.

 

[BEAR]

That's a tough situation, but it stems from two things: your age and your gender. My late teens and early twenties were my jealousy years. I had two major girlfriends during that timeframe. The first got fed up with my jealousy and dumped me. The second patiently waited for me to outgrow it and married me. While we were dating, my wife spent a lot of time trying to get it into my head that I was the one she wanted to be with and if she wanted someone else she would just leave. For me, I had issues with trust (my argument being that I trusted her but did not trust the intentions of other men) and exposing myself to deeper pain by falling more and more in love each day. I have known a lot of guys who share these same sorts of feelings and lose girlfriends the same way.

I can't say when I overcame my jealousy; and I must say that even to this day my stomach sort of tenses up when my wife mentions that some guy has hit on her. I have gotten much better. Rather than clench my fists and keep a hawk's eye out for the bloody jerk, I just make some snide comment about him, shrug it off, put my arm around my wife and continue on my way. Things will look up for you, so don't worry. Maybe you should explain your feelings to your girlfriend and just ask for her patience. If she understands where you're coming from, maybe she'll take your comments with a grain of salt and things won't erupt into fights so often.

You have stated this well. I, too, have been in the situation where it isn't necessarily that I didn't trust my girl, it was more that I didn't trust other men. That can be tough.

 

[mikebennidict]

Ok, I have been sitting here debating whether or not to post this here, and I don't wanna be annoying but I need some help. Me and my girlfriend, who have been dating for years, got into a major fight today. However, it's not just today, this has been happening for about a month.. We are so close that I couldn't even describe it to you.. I am often responded to by being called a child and that I don't know what love is.. but I have a heart and I know that strong affection is coming out of my heart for her.

We share everything, and I can't picture a day of my life without her. I am not intoxicated with her, because we took things extremely slow...

Here is the problem: The fights are mostly from me.. I am always worried about stupid things, like if she will cheat on me or something.. or asking her what she is wearing to make sure I wouldn't be worried.. I am being honest.. I don't control her, nor do I every want to.. but things are going down that road.. and I come from that kind of family.. I have tryed to change but I feel like I can't ... It's been months of personal angst. I need some help.. So I am coming to friendly, understanding, non-judgemental people for that kind of support and comfort..

Im on MSN messenger, ghostrider002@msn.com if anyone wants to talk to me personally.. otherwise.. post it here I don't care..

P.S-I can barely look at the smiling faces of the muppets on this site..

-Drake *cries*

why are you even concerned about what she's wearing?

 

[BEAR]

why are you even concerned about what she's wearing?

Because if she wears something particularly sexy or something he doesn't want other guys looking at her because it will make him feel threatened. Sorry to answer this for him, but that is my guess.