Hey y'all. Here we go with the next trip into the lives of the Muppets. Enter Floyd and Janice!
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Janice sat in the passenger seat of her convertible, adjusting her hair in the rear view mirror while Floyd pulled into the long driveway of the Greater Los Angeles County School For Gifted and Talented Whatnots and Assorted Animals.
"Wow, Floyd, I can't believe that the school is having us come in and play for the kids. It's, like so cool to show the kids the power of a good tune."
Floyd eased the convertible into a parking space and turned to face Janice. "You know baby, it's the least we could do. The kids need the music like peanut butter needs jelly."
With the success of the Muppet Theater and show, the gang found themselves in possession of more money than they knew what to do with. A lot of the money went to a communal pot, devoted to the upkeep of the boarding house and other group costs. However, everybody got their own checks, and had free reign to invest and spend on whatever. Scooter got himself a new iPad, Dr. Teeth bought the original mellotron used by Ian McDonald on In The Court of the Crimson King, Gonzo installed a high jump in the backyard, the list went on. But one of the best things that came from having money was the ability to help the less fortunate out with it, so the gang provided for a new music education program at the local school. Money for instruments, a new addition to the school, and the hiring of a full-time teacher was provided by their generous donation. The teacher, Miss Marilyn Dunphy, a young, excitable giraffe, met Floyd and Janice by their car.
Towering over the two of them, Marilyn's good cheer was enough to nearly bowl them over.
"Hello! It's great to see you! The children are excited to see you! If the instruments could talk, I'm sure they'd be excited to see you too!"
Floyd shook his head slowly. "Good to see you too."
Janice shook Marilyn's hand. "So, um, where are the little kiddies?"
"Oh yes! The music classroom is right this way," she said as she gestured towards an open door on the far side of the school.
The three of them made their way into the school, which was built surprisingly large to accommodate the monsters and animals of all sizes that entered their doors. Inside the music classroom, which was built in a new extension off of the cafeteria, were all sorts of instruments. Violins, violas, and cellos, all sorts of brass and reeds, pianos, keyboards, guitars, basses, even a giant harp in the back where a wide-eyed oversized red furry monster was trying to figure out the best way to play it. Lots of kids were sitting around, idly playing their instruments or just talking to each other while they waited for the teacher to start class.
"Like, wow, this is the best classroom of ever! These kids sure are lucky, my school's music program didn't even have a full-time teacher or a guitar. I had to learn the viola. No offense-" she gestured towards a gazelle brandishing a viola like a gun who shot her a dirty look- " but the guitar is so much more exciting."
"My school didn't even have a music program," said an impressed Floyd. "I learned guitar from a guy busking on the street in front of the grocery store I worked at. After a couple lessons I bagged out on bagging' groceries and took my acoustic to the streets myself."
Marilyn was impressed.
"I thought you played bass, Floyd?"
"I picked up bass at Berkelee College of Music."
"Oh! That's so amazing! Let me get the kids organized."
Marilyn moved to the front of the classroom and clapped her hands excitedly.
"Kids, kids. We have some special guests today."
"Who?"
"Did they bring food, because lunch sucked today?"
"Terry you idiot, if you wanted free food you should have signed up with the cooking program."
"Ahem. You all know that Kermit the Frog and the Muppets provided the generous donation that built this music program-"
"THE MUPPETS STINK."
"I like that dog, what's his name, Ralph?"
"My mom won't let me watch their show, she says it's too racy."
"-so we have two of the Muppets here today to talk about music and play with you guys."
"Aw man, did the rat come? He's so funny."
"Miss Dunphy, can I go blow my nose?"
"Where'd I put my cell phone?"
"Have you guys heard of the Electric Mayhem?"
"Are they on Roc-A-Fella?"
"Were they on The Voice?"
"Too poppy."
"Well, we've got their guitarist Janice and bassist Floyd to answer all your questions. Remember, I told you yesterday afternoon to think of questions to ask them."
Blank stares met Marilyn's eyes.
"All right, here they are, Floyd and Janice."
Floyd and Janice slowly walked out in front of the class, whispering to each other.
"Man, these kids are some rowdy little youngsters."
"Like, I think one of them is making spitballs!"
"Hey everybody! So we hear you guys are studying music."
"DUH."
"Floyd and I have been making music for a long time-"
"That's what I heard on TMZ."
The little green monster who cracked that comment slapped five with the giant brown one next to him.
Janice huffed under her breath and Floyd took over.
"So do you little rascals have any questions for us, about what it's like to be a touring musician, or picking up an instrument, or anything that's burning a hole in your mind?"
A gawky looking ostrich raised his hand.
"How long does it take you to write a song? I've been trying to write my own song for the piano, but it's really hard."
Janice answered. "Like what a good question! It really depends on, you know, my mood. Like have you heard the song "You Can't Take No For An Answer"?"
The ostrich shook his head no.
Floyd cut in. "Really? That song was a Top 40 hit. They don't play that on the radio anymore?"
Janice shot him a bemused look and stepped back in. "Like, I had the idea for the chorus, and then I played it for Dr. Teeth, and we came up with the verses in like an hour."
"Wow! I've been working on my song for a whole week."
"What's it about? Love? A pretty girl?"
"Actually, it's a suite about Fiver from Watership Down. I'm having a hard time working out the bridge for the second movement after the organ solo."
"Sounds, um, ambitious. Like, just have faith in yourself, and it'll work out. Next question?"
A small parrot raised her hand.
"Do you guys play any other instruments aside from the guitar and bass?"
Floyd answered first. "I play a little guitar, I tickle the ivories, I hit the sticks."
"I used to play the viola before I took up guitar, and it's really a good instrument in the end," said Janice taking great pains to make eye contact with the gazelle she offended before, who still had a dirty look on her face, but had eased off of waving the viola like a weapon.
Floyd smiled. "Any other questions? How about you hep cat with the glasses?"
"EXCUSE ME! I'M A--MONGOOSE."
"It's a figure of speech."
"Oh. Well, I wanted to know which of the Muppets was the nicest to you guys?"
"That's got to be my main man, Rowlf the Dog, he's the top tickler of the ivories in the continental 48. Always willing to jam with me when I need to work out a new song."
Janice stepped in. "Like, I definitely agree with Floyd here. Rowlf's just a really nice guy. I love doing those Veterinarian's Hospital skits."
"How about Kermit? Is he a nice boss?"
Both Muppets nodded in assent, and Janice spoke up first.
"Like, I can't tell you how many times Kermit has helped me out of a tricky jam. Like this one time, this crook said he was going to start a website with these pictures of me he like found of me at the beach-"
Marilyn cut in, terrified about what Janice was going to say. "What great questions! You guys are being very well behaved today! Timmy, how about you ask your question now?"
The monster who was playing the harp before raised his hand.
"Janice, are you and Floyd married?"
This question raised the attention level of the rest of the class by three-fold.
"Well they said on Chelsea Lately-"
"She used to go out with the sax player, I think."
Marilyn leapt out of her seat aside Janice and Floyd to try and restore order in the class.
"Timmy! That's not appropriate to ask our guests. Stick to music questions from now on."
However, her cries went unanswered, as the class erupted in a din of rumors and innuendo.
"What's the sax player's name again? Boober? Zooter?"
"Zoot, you dummy."
"I heard Janice had a crush on Lips."
"Lips? I bet she was the one who hired him, to give her squeeze a steady job."
"I wonder if Kermit and Piggy are really married too."
"I heard that Piggy and Link-"
"Man, you're crazy, it's her and Fozzie-"
Marilyn continued to plead with the class to quiet down, but it was a lost cause. Janice and Floyd remained bewildered at the front of the classroom.
"Aren't you glad we never had any kids? Like, they're so nosy."
"The kids mean well, they're just a little jumpy, a little excited. Somebody put some extra sugar in their coffee this morning."
Marilyn turned around.
"I'm sorry that the class isn't behaving, but I'll get them under control in a moment. But- just between you and me- are you guys married or not? I'm dying to know."
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Coming up "next": Miss Piggy gets to direct a play, but will her cast get in the way of her vision and dreams of Tony awards?
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Also, it's good to see Newsie doing a really good job at his reporting and not have something fall on him for a change. 
It's good to give the guy a break.
really made me crack up! (Only HE would get into a precament like that!
.) Keep it coming. The first part w/Kermit & Robin was sweet too. 