How I Spent My Summer Vacation (A Muppet Fic)

[charlietheowl]

Thank you guys! I figured eyedrops would be a good thing to have him get flustered about, since his hair is gone so there's no need for shampoo or conditioner or anything like that. I hear Sam also didn't get the window seat he wanted on the plane and was stuck in between two musk oxen in a middle seat. Poor guy.

 

[Twisted Tails]

Oh dear! No eyedrops? The poor thing! Sure it is a creature from trees, but well...it's too bad he won't read anything. Oh well! I know he will do just fine. Poor Sam!

 

[LipsGF4Life]

I love the chapter!

 

[newsmanfan]

--------------
I think I must use the same eyedrop brand as Sam...does he wear contacts? Or would even the suggestion offend the eagle-eyed one?

Nice carryover joke on the penguins. Whiffleball! Were there enough players, or did they use a ghost polar batter?

Sam's immediate flipflop from complimentary to outraged and insulting is hilarious...and more than a little like some people I've seen on a certain cable channel, heh heh heh.

One weirdo. One chicken. One Big Apple going down fast... can't wait!
----------------

 

[LipsGF4Life]

Do more!

 

[Twisted Tails]

Thank you guys! I figured eyedrops would be a good thing to have him get flustered about, since his hair is gone so there's no need for shampoo or conditioner or anything like that. I hear Sam also didn't get the window seat he wanted on the plane and was stuck in between two musk oxen in a middle seat. Poor guy.

Well, Charlie, I would like more story, please. Thanks!

 

[charlietheowl]

Thanks guys! The next part is going to take me a little longer to write because there are multiple parts, so I don't know know when it's going to be ready.

And penguins travel in bunches, so I think they had enough for a good game. It was North Pole versus South Pole- pretty heated.

 

[LipsGF4Life]

LOL

 

[charlietheowl]

Welcome to New York City.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things to do in New York City!​

…bike rides in Central Park​

​

"Bawk bawk bok-bawk!"

Gonzo shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "Fine, I'll wear a helmet, but I don't need one now. There are no jumps in Central Park anyway, which is a darn shame. They could make a lot of money if they added a couple. I should call Mayor Bloomberg."

Camilla smiled as she adjusted her helmet. "Bawk-bawk."

"Awwwww! You look cute in your helmet too."

Gonzo helped Camilla onto the back seat of their tandem bike and then jumped onto the front seat.

"Ready?"

He whooshed forward before Camilla could squeak out a response, blazing down the path at a less-than-ideal speed. Families began to scatter from the path, protecting their children and elderly from the runaway express train that was Gonzo.

"Woo-hoo! New York is quite the spectacle! The scenery in this park is so beautiful. Don't you think so Camilla?"

"Bok!!!!"

"Oh, yes, I love it too."

The couple whizzed past horrified people and assorted animals until Gonzo spotted a pretzel cart out of the corner of his eye.

"OOOOH! I love pretzels! Let's get some Camilla! I'll pick the salt off of yours, don't worry."

Gonzo pulled the handlebars sharply to the left, sending the tandem bike screeching through the bike path, turning up leaves, dirt, dust, and squirrels in its wake.

"You know, Camilla, I don't know what kind of pretzel I want. Do you think they have garlic pretzels here? Or maybe even chocolate? Or I could get both? Maybe they'll customize mine!"

"BOK-BOK-BOK!!!!"

"Oh, the handlebars fell off! I hadn't noticed! What a cheap bike! Now how I am supposed to finish steering-"

The handlebar-less bike went flying into the pretzel cart, sending feathers, napkins, salt crystals, pretzels, and dollar bills into the air. Dozens of people rushed over to make sure that they picked up the money that had been scattered around, while a couple squirrels ran over to Gonzo and Camilla

"Sir! Ma'am! Are you guys all right?"

"Bawk-bawk."

"You're right Camilla, the helmet was important. But look what happened to the pretzel cart! You think they're closed for the afternoon?"

…visit the Empire State Building​

​

"This view is simply breathtaking! It's so beautiful up here."

"Bawk-bawk." Camilla leaned into Gonzo's arm as the two of them stood on the observation deck. They had learned of a special sunset viewing of the city and quickly signed up for it, and it was worth every penny. Giant splotches of blues, yellows, and purples streaked across the sky as the sun set, and the lights of the city below slowly began to illuminate and make up for the oncoming darkness.

"I simply must take a picture of this sunset! It would look great in our bedroom, right next to the picture of me jumping over the vat of eggplant parmesan on a jackhammer."

"Bawk!"

Camilla, being the ace photographer of the two, took out her camera and began snapping photos. Gonzo, being the ace weightlifter of the two, hoisted Camilla up onto his shoulder so she could get all the views she desired.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!"

"Yes?" Gonzo slowly turned around as to not upset Camilla.

An elderly man approached the two of them. "My wife and I couldn't help but notice how many nice pictures you two were taking of the sunset. Do you think you could take a couple for us? My son-in-law gave me a camera, but I haven't any idea how to use it."

"We'd love to!" Gonzo graciously took the camera and passed it to Camilla, who began directing him to all the spots she preferred.

"What a nice girl," said the man to his wife. "She seemed to know what to do with that camera like a pro!"

"Where do you think their parents are though? They look much too small to be out at night alone like this."

"Perhaps their parents are inside, honey."

"Oh, what if they need a ride home! We should offer them a ride home, maybe their parents are in a hotel. Two people that small can't hail a taxi."

"You'd be surprised. Remember those gophers that lived next door to us? They were pretty handy when we went to Boston together."

"Oh, I guess you're right. I had forgotten about them. Where'd they move to? Maine? Alabama? Latvia?"

Their back-and-forth was interrupted by the Muppet totem pole. "Here's your camera back. Camilla here got some excellent shots for you."

"Thank you, " said the old man with a much more kindly tone than before. "Do you two kids need a ride home? We can take you back if you need to get to your hotel."

"We should be fine-"

His wife cut in. "Your parents must be worried, you guys being out so late."

"Bawk-bawk-bawhaa-bawhaa!"

"What's your sister saying?"

Gonzo began laughing as well.

"I'm sorry guys, it's just that we are older than you think. I'm flattered you think I'm so young. We should be able to find our way home well enough. Thanks for the good laugh."

The two walked back to the edge of the deck, Camilla snapping pictures all the way. The elderly couple was left slightly befuddled.

"Margie?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think they were dating?!!"

…visit a four-star restaurant​

​

"Your table and menus. Tonight's special include the seared sea scallops, sauteed halibut and organic chicken poached in a plum sauce with-"

"BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!"

"Excuse me! Did you not notice my girlfriend was a chicken? It's bad enough we have to go to places that serve chicken, but you recommend it to her? "

"BAWK-BOK-BAWK!"

"Camilla, I know you're mad, but please watch your mouth, there are old people around!"

"Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry. In the dim light I thought you were a kiwi bird."

"BAWK, BOK. Bawk."

"That's no excuse. You could use some more sensitivity training around here. Plus some brighter lights. I almost walked into the women's room when I tried to wash my hands."

"It's more romantic with the low lighting though."

"Bawk."

"Look, I'm terribly sorry. How could I make things up to you guys?"

"Bawk-bawk-bok-bawk."

Gonzo was shocked. "That's what you want Camilla?"

"Bawk."

Gonzo's eyes went wide. "I love you so much!"

The waiter eagerly awaited his answer. "What would she like?"

"She says that she'd like a free appetizer and that I get the chance to do a tableside flambe!"

"Um…..I guess we could arrange that."

"Gee! I finally get to live my dream, to flambe lobster bisque! Thank you!"

….go shopping at a department store​

​

"What do you think we should get our friends for souvenirs?"

"Bawk-bok. Bawk-bok-bawk. Bawk."

"Yes, we did get the Electric Mayhem some albums at the record store, but there's still a lot of people left to buy for. What about Kermit and Piggy?"

"Bawk-bawk! Bawk!"

"Yes! Those matching bathrobes are perfect! They'll be so cute together. We should have them modified though. Kermit and Piggy aren't exactly off the rack."

"Bawk-bawk."

"Hilda should be able to fix it- OOH! Fozzie will love this!"

Camilla shook her head. "Bawk. Bok bok bawk brawk."

"You don't think he needs another tie?"

"Bawk."

"He's been wearing the same one forever! Look! This one has little palm trees on it! Doesn't it remind you of the beach?"

"Bawk-bawk!"

"I do not have tacky taste in clothes. I picked out that dress for you, right? You liked it. It was a shame it got burnt by the hair dryer though. Why were you using a hair dryer anyway? You don't have hair."

"Bawk!"

"What? There's nothing behind me."

Camilla quickly scanned the aisle to look for something to distract Gonzo from the dress. It had died in a hair dryer accident, but it was justifiable homicide in her eyes. How was she supposed to wear something that had light-up straps? She'd blind people whenever she walked outside!

"Bok! Bok!"

"Oooh! That's a very nice sweater. Who is that for?"

"Bok, bok, bok, bawk brawk."

"Rowlf? He doesn't dress up much, but he could use a nice shirt. Or a nice pair of pants. Or a nice pair of socks. Or a nice set of underwear. This will be a nice start on that."

"Brawk."

"Fine, getting him underwear would be a little personal."

The two wandered throughout the store, getting to the toys and games section, where Gonzo's eyes went wild.

"Come on, Camilla! Look at all these awesome things! A remote control airplane! Oooh!"

"Brawk brawk bok?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe Robin would want something here, but I want to pick up a few things! Look at that squirt gun!"

…build a Muppet whatnot​

​

"Camilla! Look! I put glasses on mine!"

"Bawk! Bawk!"

"Thanks. I think I'll call him Kit. How is yours coming?"

"Bawk, bawk bok bok?"

Gonzo scratched his chin pensively. '"Well, I think the jacket looks the best on her, but you can't go wrong with a sweater vest."

Camilla continued holding up the two outfits against her light blue whatnot in an attempt to compare them.

"Camilla, I'm going to go up to the checkout, be back in a couple minutes."

As Gonzo walked up to the checkout, he walked past a display of various Muppet items on sale. Scouring the display, he noticed they all had something in common. Gonzo plushes. Gonzo t-shirts. Gonzo plastic figures. Gonzo school supplies. And they were all on sale.

SALE- 50 PERCENT OFF ALL GONZO MERCHANDISE

"Excuse me! Excuse me! How come I'm on sale?"

The attendant nearby looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry….my goodness…didn't expect you here!"

"It's okay. Camilla and I were just passing through. But why am I so cheap? Am I getting fired? Do you know something I don't?" He grabbed the arm of the attendant in desperation.

The attendant gently brushed Gonzo off his arm. "No, it's just that…we need to make room for your new models. Yeah! That's it! We need to make room for the 2012 Gonzos."

"All right For a second I thought you wanted to get rid of my stuff or something-"

THUNK! Two burly moving men came in with boxes of supplies and flung them on the floor.

"Is the Gonzo stuff gone yet? We've got all the Lew Zealand stuff ready to hit the shelves if there's space."

Gonzo turned to the attendant. "Lew Zealand? You're getting rid of me for HIM?"

"He's popular with the aquatic demographic."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up "next": Rowlf tickles the ivories and spills a secret.

 

[Twisted Tails]

Welcome to New York City.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things to do in New York City!​

…bike rides in Central Park​

​

"Bawk bawk bok-bawk!"

Gonzo shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "Fine, I'll wear a helmet, but I don't need one now. There are no jumps in Central Park anyway, which is a darn shame. They could make a lot of money if they added a couple. I should call Mayor Bloomberg."

Camilla smiled as she adjusted her helmet. "Bawk-bawk."

"Awwwww! You look cute in your helmet too."

Gonzo helped Camilla onto the back seat of their tandem bike and then jumped onto the front seat.

"Ready?"

He whooshed forward before Camilla could squeak out a response, blazing down the path at a less-than-ideal speed. Families began to scatter from the path, protecting their children and elderly from the runaway express train that was Gonzo.

"Woo-hoo! New York is quite the spectacle! The scenery in this park is so beautiful. Don't you think so Camilla?"

"Bok!!!!"

"Oh, yes, I love it too."

The couple whizzed past horrified people and assorted animals until Gonzo spotted a pretzel cart out of the corner of his eye.

"OOOOH! I love pretzels! Let's get some Camilla! I'll pick the salt off of yours, don't worry."

Gonzo pulled the handlebars sharply to the left, sending the tandem bike screeching through the bike path, turning up leaves, dirt, dust, and squirrels in its wake.

"You know, Camilla, I don't know what kind of pretzel I want. Do you think they have garlic pretzels here? Or maybe even chocolate? Or I could get both? Maybe they'll customize mine!"

"BOK-BOK-BOK!!!!"

"Oh, the handlebars fell off! I hadn't noticed! What a cheap bike! Now how I am supposed to finish steering-"

The handlebar-less bike went flying into the pretzel cart, sending feathers, napkins, salt crystals, pretzels, and dollar bills into the air. Dozens of people rushed over to make sure that they picked up the money that had been scattered around, while a couple squirrels ran over to Gonzo and Camilla

"Sir! Ma'am! Are you guys all right?"

"Bawk-bawk."

"You're right Camilla, the helmet was important. But look what happened to the pretzel cart! You think they're closed for the afternoon?"

…visit the Empire State Building​

​

"This view is simply breathtaking! It's so beautiful up here."

"Bawk-bawk." Camilla leaned into Gonzo's arm as the two of them stood on the observation deck. They had learned of a special sunset viewing of the city and quickly signed up for it, and it was worth every penny. Giant splotches of blues, yellows, and purples streaked across the sky as the sun set, and the lights of the city below slowly began to illuminate and make up for the oncoming darkness.

"I simply must take a picture of this sunset! It would look great in our bedroom, right next to the picture of me jumping over the vat of eggplant parmesan on a jackhammer."

"Bawk!"

Camilla, being the ace photographer of the two, took out her camera and began snapping photos. Gonzo, being the ace weightlifter of the two, hoisted Camilla up onto his shoulder so she could get all the views she desired.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!"

"Yes?" Gonzo slowly turned around as to not upset Camilla.

An elderly man approached the two of them. "My wife and I couldn't help but notice how many nice pictures you two were taking of the sunset. Do you think you could take a couple for us? My son-in-law gave me a camera, but I haven't any idea how to use it."

"We'd love to!" Gonzo graciously took the camera and passed it to Camilla, who began directing him to all the spots she preferred.

"What a nice girl," said the man to his wife. "She seemed to know what to do with that camera like a pro!"

"Where do you think their parents are though? They look much too small to be out at night alone like this."

"Perhaps their parents are inside, honey."

"Oh, what if they need a ride home! We should offer them a ride home, maybe their parents are in a hotel. Two people that small can't hail a taxi."

"You'd be surprised. Remember those gophers that lived next door to us? They were pretty handy when we went to Boston together."

"Oh, I guess you're right. I had forgotten about them. Where'd they move to? Maine? Alabama? Latvia?"

Their back-and-forth was interrupted by the Muppet totem pole. "Here's your camera back. Camilla here got some excellent shots for you."

"Thank you, " said the old man with a much more kindly tone than before. "Do you two kids need a ride home? We can take you back if you need to get to your hotel."

"We should be fine-"

His wife cut in. "Your parents must be worried, you guys being out so late."

"Bawk-bawk-bawhaa-bawhaa!"

"What's your sister saying?"

Gonzo began laughing as well.

"I'm sorry guys, it's just that we are older than you think. I'm flattered you think I'm so young. We should be able to find our way home well enough. Thanks for the good laugh."

The two walked back to the edge of the deck, Camilla snapping pictures all the way. The elderly couple was left slightly befuddled.

"Margie?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think they were dating?!!"

…visit a four-star restaurant​

​

"Your table and menus. Tonight's special include the seared sea scallops, sauteed halibut and organic chicken poached in a plum sauce with-"

"BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!"

"Excuse me! Did you not notice my girlfriend was a chicken? It's bad enough we have to go to places that serve chicken, but you recommend it to her? "

"BAWK-BOK-BAWK!"

"Camilla, I know you're mad, but please watch your mouth, there are old people around!"

"Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry. In the dim light I thought you were a kiwi bird."

"BAWK, BOK. Bawk."

"That's no excuse. You could use some more sensitivity training around here. Plus some brighter lights. I almost walked into the women's room when I tried to wash my hands."

"It's more romantic with the low lighting though."

"Bawk."

"Look, I'm terribly sorry. How could I make things up to you guys?"

"Bawk-bawk-bok-bawk."

Gonzo was shocked. "That's what you want Camilla?"

"Bawk."

Gonzo's eyes went wide. "I love you so much!"

The waiter eagerly awaited his answer. "What would she like?"

"She says that she'd like a free appetizer and that I get the chance to do a tableside flambe!"

"Um…..I guess we could arrange that."

"Gee! I finally get to live my dream, to flambe lobster bisque! Thank you!"

….go shopping at a department store​

​

"What do you think we should get our friends for souvenirs?"

"Bawk-bok. Bawk-bok-bawk. Bawk."

"Yes, we did get the Electric Mayhem some albums at the record store, but there's still a lot of people left to buy for. What about Kermit and Piggy?"

"Bawk-bawk! Bawk!"

"Yes! Those matching bathrobes are perfect! They'll be so cute together. We should have them modified though. Kermit and Piggy aren't exactly off the rack."

"Bawk-bawk."

"Hilda should be able to fix it- OOH! Fozzie will love this!"

Camilla shook her head. "Bawk. Bok bok bawk brawk."

"You don't think he needs another tie?"

"Bawk."

"He's been wearing the same one forever! Look! This one has little palm trees on it! Doesn't it remind you of the beach?"

"Bawk-bawk!"

"I do not have tacky taste in clothes. I picked out that dress for you, right? You liked it. It was a shame it got burnt by the hair dryer though. Why were you using a hair dryer anyway? You don't have hair."

"Bawk!"

"What? There's nothing behind me."

Camilla quickly scanned the aisle to look for something to distract Gonzo from the dress. It had died in a hair dryer accident, but it was justifiable homicide in her eyes. How was she supposed to wear something that had light-up straps? She'd blind people whenever she walked outside!

"Bok! Bok!"

"Oooh! That's a very nice sweater. Who is that for?"

"Bok, bok, bok, bawk brawk."

"Rowlf? He doesn't dress up much, but he could use a nice shirt. Or a nice pair of pants. Or a nice pair of socks. Or a nice set of underwear. This will be a nice start on that."

"Brawk."

"Fine, getting him underwear would be a little personal."

The two wandered throughout the store, getting to the toys and games section, where Gonzo's eyes went wild.

"Come on, Camilla! Look at all these awesome things! A remote control airplane! Oooh!"

"Brawk brawk bok?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe Robin would want something here, but I want to pick up a few things! Look at that squirt gun!"

…build a Muppet whatnot​

​

"Camilla! Look! I put glasses on mine!"

"Bawk! Bawk!"

"Thanks. I think I'll call him Kit. How is yours coming?"

"Bawk, bawk bok bok?"

Gonzo scratched his chin pensively. '"Well, I think the jacket looks the best on her, but you can't go wrong with a sweater vest."

Camilla continued holding up the two outfits against her light blue whatnot in an attempt to compare them.

"Camilla, I'm going to go up to the checkout, be back in a couple minutes."

As Gonzo walked up to the checkout, he walked past a display of various Muppet items on sale. Scouring the display, he noticed they all had something in common. Gonzo plushes. Gonzo t-shirts. Gonzo plastic figures. Gonzo school supplies. And they were all on sale.

SALE- 50 PERCENT OFF ALL GONZO MERCHANDISE

"Excuse me! Excuse me! How come I'm on sale?"

The attendant nearby looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry….my goodness…didn't expect you here!"

"It's okay. Camilla and I were just passing through. But why am I so cheap? Am I getting fired? Do you know something I don't?" He grabbed the arm of the attendant in desperation.

The attendant gently brushed Gonzo off his arm. "No, it's just that…we need to make room for your new models. Yeah! That's it! We need to make room for the 2012 Gonzos."

"All right For a second I thought you wanted to get rid of my stuff or something-"

THUNK! Two burly moving men came in with boxes of supplies and flung them on the floor.

"Is the Gonzo stuff gone yet? We've got all the Lew Zealand stuff ready to hit the shelves if there's space."

Gonzo turned to the attendant. "Lew Zealand? You're getting rid of me for HIM?"

"He's popular with the aquatic demographic."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming up "next": Rowlf tickles the ivories and spills a secret.

Charlie, this is great! You even included the Muppet Whatnot Workshop. I can hear their voices ready. Oh, and good luck for writing the Rowlf the Dog's story. Thank you for posting the Gonzo & Camilla segment. Keep up the good work!