How I Spent My Summer Vacation (A Muppet Fic)

[Slackbot]

I wondered briefly how Matt would check for a concealed tail. Fraggles may be a clothing-optional race, but I can't see Matt pantsing someone.

Ain't it a good thing I wasn't the one writing this?

 

[Twisted Tails]

I wondered briefly how Matt would check for a concealed tail. Fraggles may be a clothing-optional race, but I can't see Matt pantsing someone.

Ain't it a good thing I wasn't the one writing this?

Oh Kim, I know you;re not silly, but you love your job. Your job is to make good comments on authors. You're inspiring! Sort of dreamy, but I would thank Charlie for posting a snippet of Uncle Traveling Matt and Nigel, the silly creature (Muppet).

 

[LipsGF4Life]

Heh, nigel as a fraggle, thats funny.

 

[Twisted Tails]

Heh, nigel as a fraggle, thats funny.

I agree with you Leah. I have seen Nigel as a conductor on the Muppet Show. I believe his face looks almost like Gills Fraggle or a different kind of Fraggle. Ohhh, I can't decide. I'm wembling like Wembley. AHHHHHH!

 

[LipsGF4Life]

I nevur thought Nigel looked like a fraggle.

 

[Twisted Tails]

I nevur thought Nigel looked like a fraggle.

Hmmmm! Neither did I!

Charlie, post more please asap!

 

[LipsGF4Life]

Heh, who knew!

 

[charlietheowl]

Well, here we are again.

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"Sir, if you could please place your carry-on into the baggage check, it will only be a minute."

"Yes, I will Ma'am, and I am glad to place my bag into this check, because you airport security workers help to keep this country's airplanes safe from threats like stowaway cockroaches who try to bum flights without paying for tickets by burrowing their ways into people's bags. Thank you for your hard work and diligence. I salute you."

"Thank you, sir. Now please walk through the scanner and wait for your bags."

Sam walked through the scanner and waited for his carry-on to pass through. He was flying out of Los Angeles to visit his wife and children in Virginia. Sam had moved out to California to work with the Muppets full-time after his wife decided that a separation would be best, but the two of them were still on decent terms. Why, just last week she had even texted him to say that he could sleep on the deck so he wouldn't have to rent a hotel room. How generous of her!

"Excuse me sir. We've detected a problem with your bag."

Sam furrowed his brow. "Was there a cockroach in my bag?! The little scamps."

"No, it's your eye drops. You're not allowed to have liquids in your carry-on."

"What? But my eyes will dry out in the plane. You can't do that to me!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but no exceptions. You'll just have to make do."

"Well! Well! I never…depriving someone who pays your salary with his taxes the right to his eye drops! The nerve! I hope the government lays you off! A machine could do your job better! A machine!"

Sam took his bag and briskly stalked his way down to the airport terminal, still fuming over the loss of his eyedrops. Those cost me seven dollars, he thought to himself. Perhaps Scooter could count that as a business expense.

He double-checked his ticket. Two hours until boarding, which left him plenty of time to purchase a quick meal and some reading material for the flight. He scanned the food court, looking for the most appetizing and American option for lunch, finally settling on the Daily Grill. Looks like I can get a nice hamburger here.

"Table for one please."

"Right this way, sir."

The waitress led Sam to a table right by the restrooms and presented him with a menu. "Our specials today are the grilled chicken salad, the lobster bisque, and the country fried steak. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

"A water please."

"All right, I'll be back in a minute."

Sam scanned the menu as the waitress walked away. It was nice to eat something that didn't have the potential to explode or walk off the plate at first sight of a fork and knife.

"Here you are, a bottle of Perrier spring water."

"Excuse me! Perrier is French water! I demand the finest American tap water. None of this fizzy carbonated expensive stuff. I want regular water."

"Well, we can get you a bottle of Evian-"

Sam stormed out of the restaurant, again fuming.

"I cannot believe that this restaurant, this establishment, does not have ANY American water on the menu. Just this frilly French stuff! A travesty! A shame! An outrage! A…a…shoot, left my bag in the restaurant."

As he walked in, Sam saw a young child walking from the restroom head towards his bag. Not about to let a potential thief, no matter how young the age get away with a crime (he didn't earn his Citizen Deputy badge for nothing), Sam waved his wings and screamed at the child.

"Step away from the bag! Step away from the bag! Didn't your parents teach you manners!"

The small child turned around. "Finders keepers, losers weepers."

Sam thrust the bag out of the child's arms. "I do not see your name monogrammed on this American Tourister luggage, so therefore it is not yours. Good day sir." He stormed out of the restaurant again, this time in the wake of various obscene gestures from the child.

"Looks like I'll just have to eat at McDonald's! A nice American business. Hmmph."

One Big Mac and side of fries later, Sam was ready to head closer to the plane's gate, except for one thing. Reading material. He wanted to purchase a couple of magazines so he wouldn't have to resort to reading the Skymall catalog or something terrifically boring on the flight up. He hated those catalogues, which had all the little useless gadgets that always broke down two months after buying them. The Muppet house was full of them, as Fozzie never saw some knick-knack he didn't think would be potential material for his act, and Gonzo never saw one that he didn't think could be modified for one of his acts. Most of the knick-knacks were either given to Beauregard to scrap once they got broken and/or quit Fozzie's acts. Such a waste of money!

As Sam approached the bookstore, he noticed two security guards blocking off the entrance to the store.

"Excuse me, sirs, but I'd like to make a purchase."

"I'm sorry, but the store is being rented out to a private party."

Sam was aghast. "A private party! This isn't Macy's, this is the airport. Let me in!"

The security guard placed his hand on Sam's head, pushing him back. "A private party is shopping right now."

"May I ask who?"

"Noted penguin playboy Lance Chance and his entourage are renting out the store before they depart on their private jet to the Arctic Circle."

Sam furrowed his brow in contempt. "That is ridiculous! I just want to go shopping! I want a copy of Newsweek and one of American Eagle Monthly. But…these…these…penguins! Look at them! They are playing whiffle ball!"

The security guard laughed. "Surely you must be joking-"

A ball bounced off his back. "GROUND-RULE DOUBLE! All right Lance!" came from inside the shop.

"Well, I guess they are playing whiffle ball."

"That is not the proper usage for a bookstore! People should be able to go in there and buy books and magazines, to enrich their mind, not get their head whacked off its block by a rogue whiffle ball. Now please let me in."

"Really, you can't go in there."

"How much longer will he and his friends be?"

The security guard looked at his watch. "About two hours."

Sam was incredulous. "Two hours! My flight leaves then. I won't have the chance to get a magazine just because some gadabout lush penguins want to play wiffle ball in the airport."

"You could read the Skymall catalogue."

"ARRRGH!" Sam stormed away off towards the gate in anger. Maybe someone would have left their newspaper on the seat after their plane boarded.

He would have been able to get all the way to the gate in an impressive surly stride had his phone not gone off on the way.

"Who could be contacting me at such a time!"

Text message from Fozzie Bear:

Did you see anything good in the Skymall catalogue???? I need something new, my hard-boiled egg peeler broke, so I can't do my joke about the soft-boiled eggs being scared of the hard-boiled eggs anymore!! Plz let me know.

"ARRRGH!"

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Coming up "next": Gonzo and Camilla take New York.

 

[AlittleMayhem]

Man, I cannot describe how many people I know who are exactly like Sam!

Great chapter!

 

[Slackbot]

Heh heh! Poor Sam, he can't catch a break--by his very stringent standards. I do have sympathy for him, not being allowed eyedrops. I suffer from dry eye, and there are time I need those. I keep a bottle in my purse and another on my nightstand.

Random thought: Sam ought to have a blog. If he doesn't, why doesn't he? The Internet is a perfect forum for him!