There is much whispering and shushing in Apartment 5.
Kermit: Ouch, Fozzie--that was my foot! Watch where you're going, won't you?
Fozzie: But I can't see over the packages!
Ru: Here, Fozzie--let me have some of them.
Fozzie: Thanks, Ru. Gosh, there sure are a lot of them this year.
Kermit: Well, you remember what happened a few years ago when the number dipped?
(There is much muttering agreement.)
Kermit: That's right. So, better safe than sorry.
Fozzie: Better broke than sorry. Kermit, how much did you spend this year?
Kermit: (sheepishly, looking very guilty) Um, not that much. I mean, Ru had all these online coupons and gift certificates, so it was really easy to buy some really cool stuff for, um, less than it looks like.
Fozzie: Well, it looks like a lot. Miss Piggy will be very happy.
Ru: Miss Piggy better be surprised.
Fozzie: You know, we have a surprise party for her almost every year, don't we?
(Ru and Kermit stop, think, and nod.) So how come she's always surprised?
Kermit: Um, well, Piggy doesn't really like to think about her birthday that much.
Fozzie: Are we talking about our Miss Piggy?
Kermit: (making a scrunchy face) Yes, our Miss Piggy. You see, Fozzie, she loves the getting presents part--
Ru: And the eating cake part--
Kermit: And the getting to wear a tiara cause it's her birthday part--
Ru: But not the whole, um, getting...er...more fabulous part.
Fozzie: How come?
Ru: Well, our society is pretty youth-driven.
Fozzie: I thought you had to be 16 to drive.
Kermit: Not that kind of driven, Fozzie. The, um, the work a lot, aggressive kind of driven.
Fozzie: Miss Piggy is aggressive.
Kermit: Well, yes, but not where I was going with that.
Fozzie: Oh. Sorry. Please proceed.
Kermit: So anyway, our society is pretty obsessed with youth and beauty and all, so Piggy doesn't really like any reminders that she's, um, that she's...maturing.
Ru: That was very well put, Kermit.
Fozzie: Yes. Very tactful.
Kermit: Thanks--I've had a lot of practice with tact in all these years of dating Miss Piggy.
Ru: Well, I think your practice has paid off, but I'm going to respectfully disagree. I think getting older--
Kermit: Shhhh!
Fozzie: Ahhh!
Ru: Geez--okay, okay. I think that getting, um, more mature is awesome. You only get to be each age once, right? So why should you waste that age pretending to be some other age. You know?
Kermit: It--I can see where you're going with that.
Fozzie: That's maybe a good way to look at it.
Ru: It is a good way to look at it. And like, I can do things now that I couldn't when I was younger, because I'm older and I have more life experience. Stuff that used to upset me, you know, just doesn't anymore.
Kermit: For instance.
Fozzie: Yeah--what he said.
Ru: Well, take that big cake I made today.
Fozzie: Really? Oh boy! But won't Miss Piggy be disappoint--oh. You were just using that as an example weren't you.
Ru: Sadly, Sweetie--I was. But using the cake as an example, I can tell you that I can whip up a cake--or a pie--now even thinking about it. Some of the recipes that I've used over and over and over...well, I know them by heart now, so I don't have to look them all up. And I don't have to worry about things like driving and typing--those are second nature to me now.
Kermit: I know what you mean. If I have to get up and perform, it's not a big deal anymore. I used to get nervous.
Fozzie: I still get nervous, but maybe not so much.
Ru: See? There are advantages to being, um, mature.
Fozzie: Gosh--we should tell Miss Piggy!
Kermit: Um, maybe some day, Fozzie. But today we need to get these presents where they belong and get the crepe paper strung before the guests start arriving.
Fozzie: Where is Piggy again? Where did you send her?
Ru: I sent her out to get a mani-pedi and a facial.
Kermit: And a hot fudge sundae.
Ru: Oh, right! I forgot about that coupon. Okay--now remember, when Carl comes, I've got a plan....
(Birthday party for the Divine Swine tonight--ongoing through the evening. Post your own stuff--and watch out for Big Mean Carl!)