Have you ever been bullied?

[D'Snowth]

People don't like snitches

Yeah, before AMERICA'S MOST WANTED got canceled, John Walsh kept pressing people to stop with the whole "don't snitch" mindset that some people have adopted, especially among gang violence.

What we really need to be doing is telling kids to stand up for themselves

The problem with that is some will argue that kids standing up for themselves against a bully is them just asking for more trouble.

 

[Sgt Floyd]

Yeah, before AMERICA'S MOST WANTED got canceled, John Walsh kept pressing people to stop with the whole "don't snitch" mindset that some people have adopted, especially among gang violence.

The problem with bullying is that IF the bully finds out who told, they may go after that person too. I'm not really saying that telling is bad, but its not effective when it comes to bullying.

The problem with that is some will argue that kids standing up for themselves against a bully is them just asking for more trouble.

And those kids don't know what it means to "stand up for themselves." Most people have the mindset that it means confronting the bully and telling them to stop or that they don't like it, or getting violent. Really, its SHOWING the bully that it doesn't bother you. If they insult you, act like its a compliment, say "hi" to them if you see them.

Most bullies now don't get physical, its more mental torture than anything. Yeah, if someone is getting beat to a pulp everyday then someone needs to tell someone, but I have honestly never seen or experienced that kind of bullying before.

 

[Scooterforever]

I wasn't really bullied much in school, although I sort of became my own bully in high school with my struggles with self-esteem. When I was in elementary school, there was a kid in my class, Jason, that everyone bullied, myself included. I deeply regret the way I treated Jason, and I'm sure my fellow classmates do as well. That was a long time ago, and I'm proud to say I've completely changed as a person. I never bullied anyone in high school or beyond.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Thank you, Sarge.
As I found out 30 years ago, if you don't stand up to bullies, noone else will. Sometimes in life you have to make a big choice- either assert yourself and let the bully know you're not going to take it anymore, or allow the bully to victimize you, and your suffering continues.

Sometimes you have to get so sick of it you feel the need to do SOMETHING, so you don't have to live with that fear "What will happen tomorrow? Will my life ever get better? Will this ever stop?" Facing a bully, or facing anything you fear, can be one of the most unnerving, most difficult things you'll ever do. But, on the other hand, it can really show you what you're made of.

 

[AnimatedC9000]

My main problem with dealing with bullying (or teasing or being called names or other kids hiding my sheet music in the instrument room ceiling tiles where they knew I couldn't find them because I'm hardly 5'0" even) has been the conflicting advice that I have been given over the years, mainly by my own mother.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm on the high-functioning spectrum of Asperger's syndrome, and I've been told (especially in middle school) not to use that as a crutch. But then you get all these testing accommodations and disability services that your parents push for and... see where this can confuse a person?

Of course, if people hide your sheet music in ceiling tiles, you're for sure going to tell your band teacher because the rest of the baritone section is full of jerks and you're basically the only girl baritone player who's not also a twirler or a flagline member.

But it was a constant struggle, especially in high school. I knew I could go to the teacher's (or the high school counselor's) office if I had any emotional periods of stress and was near a breakdown during class. In fact, that was one of the things Mom helped push for me in school: a safe haven I could go to in order to get myself together.

But then you have the kids who will always treat you like you don't belong. You have kids calling you "Kermit" for liking the Muppets or "Sith Lord" for... looking evil and having dark curly hair. What's worse, the valedictorian of your class is even in on the act. Said valedictorian was also the son of a pretty dang influential and active math teacher in the high school. And there's the pressure from your parents to get good grades, but there's also the fact that no matter how much you try, you're not going to beat Mr. Valedictorian and Ms. Runner-Up because the popularity and schooling system seems a bit rigged. And then you start to see yourself as just a number in the system and worry that's all you'll ever become.

... I went off on a tangent again, didn't I? What's this about?

Oh right, bullying...

It got to the point where I actually preferred to stay with my mom on school trips if she was chaperoning because I didn't feel comfortable around the other kids. I was worried that they might take my stuff or tease me. Mom's basically given me two general areas of advice regarding the bullies: "Ignore them" and "Fight back". So... I did both, in varying amounts. Now, I'm usually quiet, so if I talk back to them (usually with some semi-witty remark or slight curse) they are all shocked and get the teacher. And then I'd just deny having ever said anything to them.

Yeah, my teenage years were weird, are still weird, and probably will always be weird. Just like my life.

Though I want to bring one thing up: What about bullying and teasing at home from your family members? Is it just as serious, if not more, than bullying in the public place? Because if your own family is teasing you... They might give an excuse of "Oh, we're family, we're allowed to poke fun of you and push your buttons", but it's not... Nope. It's still damaging, mentally.

I hoped I made any sense in this wall of text... *jumps off the soapbox carefully*

 

[Drtooth]

And those kids don't know what it means to "stand up for themselves." Most people have the mindset that it means confronting the bully and telling them to stop or that they don't like it, or getting violent. Really, its SHOWING the bully that it doesn't bother you. If they insult you, act like its a compliment, say "hi" to them if you see them.

Most bullies now don't get physical, its more mental torture than anything. Yeah, if someone is getting beat to a pulp everyday then someone needs to tell someone, but I have honestly never seen or experienced that kind of bullying before.

My experience is this. Nothing is a win situation. You confront them, that's what they want... you ignore them, they do it more and more and louder and louder until it's IMPOSSIBLE to ignore it...you try and get them in trouble, and they just roll their eyes and say "I didn't do anything" and get off scott free... you can't do anything about it, and then some smug little anus still picks on you WHEN YOU'RE A FREAKING ADULT! And the sick, sick compulsion they have to ruin a person's life goes unpunished and undiagnosed, and their victims are labeled the crazy ones.

I'm glad that we have this whole new culture where we like to single out these people, call them out as the worthless jerks they are, and make sure the world knows how horrible these people are. Look at the dumbfork that spent an entire review of a movie saying how visually unappealing Melissa McCarthy is. His career is going to suffer. That's all well and good, but where was this enthusiasm 15 years ago?

 

[Sgt Floyd]

Though I want to bring one thing up: What about bullying and teasing at home from your family members? Is it just as serious, if not more, than bullying in the public place? Because if your own family is teasing you... They might give an excuse of "Oh, we're family, we're allowed to poke fun of you and push your buttons", but it's not... Nope. It's still damaging, mentally.

Considering I have to put up with this from my mom nearly every day...well...yeah. It's pretty damaging. Constantly hearing how I'm a failure really does put a dent in my self confidence. My mom calls it reverse psychology and that its her way to motivate me to prove she's wrong

 

[AnimatedC9000]

Considering I have to put up with this from my mom nearly every day...well...yeah. It's pretty damaging. Constantly hearing how I'm a failure really does put a dent in my self confidence. My mom calls it reverse psychology and that its her way to motivate me to prove she's wrong

It's worse when you can't tell if they're kidding or not anymore. That's how it is with me and my dad. But you wanna know what the scariest part is? I may physically favor my mother, but Mom says that Dad and I have more in common than we think. But for some reason, there's too much bull-headedness between us to find a real connection that isn't childish or makes me wanna explode at him. I'm much more comfortable around my mother.

But that's a huge blow when your own parent does that to you. If the woman or man who birthed and/or raised you does that... I feel sorry for you. I just hope you don't have mental or trust issues down the road because of that.

 

[Drtooth]

Anyone got a mop for the soul I just spilled over there?

 

[robodog]

My father was abusive, both physically and mentally. So I'd get bullied at school, come home, and have to deal with my father. He'd do things like come into the bathroom when I was taking a bath and scream at me about how fat and disgusting I was. At one point half my face was black and blue from him pounding on me. I told my teachers I fell off the porch steps. But I think the worst thing he did was the time my brother was picking on me, I shouted at him to stop and my father burst into the room and started pounding me for it. This is the same brother, I might add, that was a drug addict and stole my NES games for drug money. I got it at school and I got it at home. I had no safe zone. So I don't like people very much, I have trust issues and I don't socialize. I prefer being alone..