All right, after a few delays, here is chapter ten. I wrote this one kind of as I went along, but I think it starts to tie things up.
Statler: What, you have to tie your readers to a chair now?
Waldorf: So it should be criminal to make us read this story...think the judge will buy it?
***
Chapter Ten: From Wrap Party to Rap Sheet
“How unbelievably diabolical,” Gonzo breathed. “They’re geniuses! Why didn’t we have them help write the movie?”
The others, however, weren’t quite as admiring.
Gobo stomped his foot. “Why, those dirty, rotten, no-good…”
Red joined in, “Low-down, cheating, thieving, two-faced…”
“Now, you two, there’s no need for profanity,” Boober said.
“I can’t believe it,” Skeeter muttered. “But on the other hand…it all fits.”
“Yeah – Maggie had access to everyone’s filming schedules. She said herself that she’s got issues with Cecil.” Nora turned. “And you guys said the film society was full of back-stabbing types.”
“Enough to make Hitchcock’s movies look like romantic comedies,” Richard said wryly. In the background, Steve made slashing motions while Dave whistled some shrieking violin sounds through his teeth.
“And Morty…well, I guess he and the others really can’t tape ‘Spook Seekers’ while we’re in here," Kermit said. "And I guess I wouldn’t want Perry Normal for a boss either – J.P. Grosse is bad enough.”
“But Kermit, my uncle did give us the money for the film permit," Scooter pointed out. "Oh - and he wants to see some tap-dancing llamas in one scene.”
“Joy.”
Outside, Maggie and Morty walked over to the Spook Seekers van, still arguing. They opened the back doors and hauled out some boxes and bags.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get out there and pay them back for all the trouble they caused,” Miss Piggy said indignantly. Several others cheered their agreement.
“No, wait, everyone,” Kermit held out his hand for silence. “They probably think we’re all asleep, right? So we’ll let them sneak in and start setting up for their next evil trick.”
“Lull them into a false sense of security,” Nora breathed.
“Yes, they’ve gotten away with it so far, they’re bound to get a little complacent,” Bunsen said approvingly. Beaker seconded that with a few meeps.
“And then, we’ll catch them red-handed,” Scooter said.
“What color are their hands now?” Gilbert wondered. When everyone gave him a long, pitying look, he said, “What? It’s a legitimate question.”
Millicent folded her arms over her chest. “Well, the catch-them-in-the-act bit has its merits, but I’m in favor of a good, old-fashioned turning of the tables.”
“You mean, spook them like they spooked us,” Fozzie said.
“Exactly.”
Kermit nodded. “Sounds crazy…but then, so’s everything else we’ve done, so what do you say?”
A murmur of consent went up.
“Great. Now, listen. We left some of the sound effects stuff back in the dining room…we need a few of you guys to hide back in the secret passages, and a few more under the stairs. Lew, you get your boomerang fish ready…and are there any banana cream pies left?”
***
The window squeaked open, and Maggie and Morty slipped inside, lugging a strange-looking box and a few backpacks.
Maggie looked around. “I don’t see anyone.” She looked down at the box. “So what did you use this for?”
“It’s how we scared all those tourists out of that old hotel up on Cape Cod, for that one show we did,” Morty snickered. “You’d be amazed how people freak out over a little colored smoke and a few well-placed shadows.”
“Very nice.” Maggie looked around impatiently. “Let’s get that upstairs.”
In the passage behind the dining room wall, Jim motioned to several of his co-workers.
“Ooooooooooh….” They all intoned in a suitably ghostly chorus.
Morty put his head up. “What was that?”
“It’s the wind,” Maggie shrugged.
In their hiding place under the stairs, Rowlf and the Electric Mayhem joined in with other spooky sound effects, including moans, the occasional roar from Animal, and the warble of a Theremin someone had thought to bring along.
Something fish-shaped went whipping through the air.
“Look, there’s something else!”
“Morty, calm down. Let’s go.”
From his hiding place in the vent system, Gonzo cackled. “I smell mortals!” He paused. “They really need to use some deodorant or something.”
Maggie curled her lip. “Go set it up. I’ll be up there shortly.” As Morty went upstairs, Maggie opened her backpack and started to rummage around in it.
“Maggie, my dear, whatever are you doing?” Uncle Deadly crooned in his ghostliest voice. “Tsk, tsk, going around spoiling other people’s movies. Didn’t your mother raise you better than that?” To Nora, he mouthed, “How am I doing?”
“Needs more spook,” Nora whispered back from her hiding spot behind the grandfather clock.
“And a few eerie laughs,” Robin added.
Maggie threw her pack to the floor. “All right, I don’t know what kind of two-bit parlor tricks you Muppets are trying to pull…”
“Two-bit parlor tricks?” Millicent asked, her voice filling the halls. “Is that any different from what you two nitwits have been doing to our home?”
“Your home?” Maggie laughed sardonically. “Don’t dig up that old legend with me. The Knebworths are dead, buried, and not here, so – eeek!”
Sweetums lumbered out of his hiding place and flung his arms around Maggie.
The lights flipped on, and everyone started to stream out of their hiding places.
“Smile, you’re on candid camera,” Rowlf sang.
“Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,” Miss Piggy said airily as she looked at the struggling second vice president of the Hensonville Filmmakers, Film Watchers and Popcorn Munchers Society. “How could you think that you could stop us, the great Muppets, with a bunch of silly little tricks?”
“And who said we weren’t here?” Gilbert asked as he and Millicent materialized out of thin air. “By the way, you owe us a new chandelier for the upstairs hallway – that was a Tiffany original, do you realize that?”
Maggie frowned. “This place is actually haunted?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry, Maggie, ghosts are really forgiving. The police, on the other hand, not so much,” Gonzo said. "We've caught the crooks, so let's pick up that party where we left off, I still haven't shown you my mental spoon-bending..."
“Hang on,” Skeeter cut him off as she looked around. “Where’s Scooter?”
Nora frowned. “He was upstairs. He was in charge of that big box of rubber spiders…”
“Help!” a voice choked out from the top of the stairs.
Morty stood at the top of the stairs, with one arm clutching a struggling Scooter in a headlock.
Everyone started screaming, “Let him go!”
Several of them tried to run up to rescue Scooter, but Morty took some kind of flash bomb out of his pocket and threw it down at them, and it erupted into a flash in mid-air. Everyone promptly backed off a few paces.
“That also worked on scaring people off,” Morty grinned. “Episode 15, Castle Daventry. What a show.”
“You Muppets think you’re so smart, don’t you,” Maggie sneered as she slipped out of Sweetums’ grasp, and climbed up the stairs to join Morty and Scooter. “Drop out of the festival now, and we’ll let Scooter go.”
“Maggie, why?” Kermit shouted. “Is one film festival really worth it?”
“It’s not just Reel Time, Kermit,” Maggie said, a hint of steel in her voice. “It’s everything. Do you realize how long I’ve had to deal with that stupid fool, Cecil, and his stupid demands? He knows nothing about movies. This whole town knows nothing about movies, come to think of it. But if I ran the film society…”
She shook her head. “Enough of that. Morty, let’s go!”
But as the two crooks started to drag him away, Scooter slipped off his shoe, and flung it at a painting on the wall – the painting where, in the movie, Fozzie discovered one of the clues to Lord Wringing-Necke’s treasure.
Right on cue, a banana cream pie shot out from where it had been stashed earlier, and splattered Morty in the face.
As Scooter wriggled free and bolted downstairs, Morty stumbled backwards and put his foot through the hole that had been clumsily patched up earlier.
“I’m stuck…I’m stuck!” he moaned in a voice that sounded remarkably like Link Hogthrob.
Right at that moment, a boomerang fish carrying a little bag of powder – actually a pulverized box of Licorice Splits – went soaring up toward Maggie.
It smacked into the wall and released a puff of black, licorice-scented dust, sending Maggie into fits of choking and coughing. She dropped to her knees, rubbing her eyes.
As the Muppets streamed up the stairs and put Maggie and Morty into citizen’s arrest, Millicent gave Heather an approving look. “Finally, someone came up with a good use for those noxious little cookies.”
***
All right, the crooks have been caught at last...in the last chapter, we'll see Reel Time itself. Once again, stay tuned.
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