Frights, Camera, Action: A Muppet Mystery

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I won't be able to post chapter seven tonight, since I'm going to be working late. I'll try to have it up sometime tomorrow night.

Since I have a few minutes, I'll drop a few hints. Expect some surprising connections between the hauntings and the Scouting Girls troop, and between the Knebworths and a former owner of the Muppet Theater.

Until then, faithful readers, stay tuned.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Here now is Chapter Seven, as promised.

***

Chapter Seven: Hitting the Books

“No. You are not asking me up to that castle,” the owner of the Coming Unbound Bookshop said with barely contained tension on the other end of the phone. “Not after what you told me.”

“But Mrs. Farley, we need to find out something about the Knebworths. We need to know why they spooked us out,” Scooter pleaded over the phone at Kermit’s desk.

A pause on the other end. “The shop’s closed, but I know someone in the historical society who has some books. I’ll bring them up in a few minutes.”

The Muppets had returned to the theater a short while before, all in very low spirits.

The Mayhem had taken to the stage to get in some practice. Kermit was off on the other phone, begging the film society for an extension on the contest deadline while Gonzo and Rowlf sat down to try to make heads or tails of what little film there was.

Bunsen and Beaker, after a quick discussion in low tones, went down to the Muppet Labs area, and for the next hour, mysterious whirs and beeps – and the occasional “Meep!” – were heard.

Kermit came into the backstage area, shaking his head. “It’s no use, guys, they won’t give us an extension.”

Skeeter sank down on one of the steps leading up to the dressing room. “What a day – and I didn’t get to do my big scene as the police officer.”

“What about that box in the basement?” Scooter wondered. “There’s something up with that.”

In the library, they could hear Nora having an argument with her sister.

“Heather, it’s too dangerous. You can’t come back to Castle Irene!”

“But how am I supposed to win the Hopewell Award if I can’t sell cookies,” Heather protested. “It’s the most important award for the Scouting Girls, and…”

“Heather, for heaven’s sake, there are a million other places to sell cookies, and…”

They were cut off by the sound of a knock on the backstage door.

Louise Farley stood there, holding a large bag of books. “Here,” she said, handing the bag to Nora. “You should find what you need in there.” With that, she was gone.

Nora set the bag on the table, and they started pulling out books.

“Hauntings in Hensonville…Famous Old Houses…” Kermit nodded approvingly. “Gather around, everyone!”

Everyone emerged from wherever they had gone and gathered around the table full of books.

Out on stage, the Mayhem started to launch into a rousing rendition of “Ghostbusters.”

Kermit opened one book to a certain page. “All right, Castle Irene. The house was built as a country retreat in the 1880s by Thelonious Knebworth, a steel magnate…”

“Wonder how he could walk around without getting stuck to everything?” Fozzie asked.

“He was a steel magnate, Fozzie, not a steel magnet,” Kermit retorted. “Anyway, he named the house after his wife, Irene.”

“Look at this,” Robin said. “It says that Mr. Knebworth built a lot of the town’s museums, parks and theaters...including the Muppet Theater.”

Another book was devoted to notable families in Hensonville’s history.

“Gilbert Knebworth was Thelonious and Irene’s grandson,” Scooter read. “When he was in high school, he announced that he wouldn’t go into the steel business – instead, he wanted to become a magician.”

Gonzo beamed. “Finally, someone in the family makes a smart career choice!”

“In 1925, Gilbert married his high school sweetheart, Millicent Hopewell,” Miss Piggy read. “The two of them went on tour as Gil the Great and Mysterious Mill.”

There was a large photo of Gilbert and Millicent performing onstage with their vanishing cabinet.

“That’s what you two found in the basement?” Kermit asked Scooter and Skeeter.

“That’s the one,” Skeeter nodded.

“It was their specialty, it says here,” Nora read. “Here’s another photo, of them with their stage manager.”

The caption read: Gilbert and Millicent, with stage manager and assistant Benjamin P. Vandergast.

That revelation triggered more than a few gasps.

“Benny Vandergast?” Fozzie asked in disbelief. “The guy that this theater used to be named after?”

***

The books yielded up even more interesting stories. The vanishing box was a great success – until audience members started going inside the box and never reappearing again. The police were suspicious, of course, and the Knebworths denied any wrongdoing.

Finally, at one show in 1930, the Knebworths stepped inside the box to prove that the trick was neither dangerous nor malfunctioning. They were never seen again, the book said.

The remaining Knebworths left town after selling Castle Irene and various other properties. Benny Vandergast became the new owner of the Muppet Theater, which he of course named after himself.

Other families lived in Castle Irene, but no one stayed for very long. The house was finally handed over to the city in 1960.

***

Naturally, a few people down at City Hall, not to mention other film festival contestants, wanted to hear about what had happened.

“We were lucky to get out of there alive!” Gonzo recounted for an awed audience. “The ghosts were raving, calling for our heads…”

Perry Normal smiled in a not quite sympathetic way. “Wow. Sounds awful…we’ll have to look into that on a new episode of ‘Spook Seekers.’”

Skeeter frowned. “But didn’t you say you couldn’t get in there while we were taping?”

“Hey, now, little lady, that wasn’t…”

One of Perry’s assistants came walking in. “Hey, boss, found this in the van – what’s this for?”

She dropped a box on the floor and pulled out a bundle of cloth. It was a cape – exactly like the Knebworths’ capes.

Perry’s jaw dropped. “What the heck is that?”

“Scooter, you said you saw someone wearing a cape at the house on the first day of taping, didn’t you?” Gonzo asked.

“Yeah, just like that one!” Scooter said.

“And we saw someone wearing that cape on the playback,” Rowlf added.

“I’ve never seen that before in my life!” Perry yelled. “Someone’s framing me!”

Another voice was heard yelling down the hall. “I’m telling you, that’s not mine! And I don’t know where they came from!”

A police officer marched into the hall, carrying two plastic evidence bags. Danielle Wickham was running after her, protesting loudly.

Cecil emerged from the film society’s office. “My goodness, what’s all this yelling? Danielle, what’s the matter?”

“Someone phoned in a tip about these.” The officer looked at Cecil firmly. “Mr. dePille, we’ll need to talk to you, too.”

The clear plastic bag contained another cape, identical to the one found in the Spook Seekers van.

The other one contained several stapled together sheets of paper. One page said: “Ghoul on the Hill, by Kermit T. Frog and the Muppets: Shooting Schedule, Feb. 19-Feb. 26.”

Other pages had writing scribbled on them. Another page said: “Here you are, Danielle, as requested. We invited the Muppets as a courtesy, but you are right – this little festival should be our chance to shine, and we can’t have non-society filmies like the Muppets outshining us. Good luck to you. Cecil.”

Kermit turned to Cecil, outraged. “Cecil, what is this?”

Cecil shook his head in shock. “I never wrote that, and Danielle never asked me for your shooting timetable! That’s a forgery!”

***

“We’ve been had,” Fozzie said in disbelief.
“There’s no ghost at Castle Irene, after all!”

Others joined in with their own protests.

“Cecil – he never wanted us in the festival after all,” Scooter said glumly.

“Mademoiselle Wickham really knows how to hold a grudge,” Miss Piggy sniffed.

“That Normal dude is bad news, man,” Floyd chimed in.

Kermit frowned. “I don’t know, everyone. It seems a little funny that those capes and that script showed up where they did. It’s almost TOO obvious.”

“What do you mean?” Fozzie asked. “They’ve been caught red-handed!”

“What color were their hands before?” Beauregard asked.

“Guys, I thought we agreed to retire that joke,” Kermit said sternly. “But like I said – something still seems kind of fishy.”

One of Lew Zealand’s fish went sailing by. “And we’ll retire that joke, too!”

“You think someone’s trying to frame them,” Scooter said.

“Besides…all that shaking and shrieking. There’s no way a mortal could have done all that,” Uncle Deadly pronounced from where he sat.

“All right. We’ll let the police talk to Cecil, Danielle and Perry,” Kermit said. “But we’re going to settle once and for all whether Castle Irene is haunted.”

“How are we going to do that?” Fozzie asked.

“We’re spending the night there tonight!”

Out on stage, the Mayhem hit another chorus. "I ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!"

***

Waldorf: Heh. I ain't fraid of no ghosts. Catchy line!

Statler: The ghosts aren't what you should be afraid of. This story, on the other hand...

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Ooh, this should be fun...
Can't wait to read all about the night of thrills and chills! Yeah, I also felt the thing with the film society was too obvious, not to mention too quick and unceremonious an ending. Glad to hear I was right.

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thanks, Kate. And now, here, as requested, the night of thrills and chills.

(Statler and Waldorf are setting up sleeping bags on the second-floor landing at Castle Irene.)

Statler: Well, you'd solve the chill problem if you'd fix those windows!

***

Chapter Eight: Good Night, Sleep Fright

“Let us show you our latest invention,” Bunsen said smoothly.

Beaker emerged from the basement, lugging a giant black box covered in meters, dials, bells and whistles, and plunked it down on Kermit’s desk.

“This is the Specter-O-Meter. It is the very latest in ghost-hunting technology. Turn it on, please, Beaker.”

“Mee.” Beaker leaned over and flipped a switch. The machine started to emit a soft, slow beep.

“It is uniquely designed to pick up even the slightest trace of anything ghostly, paranormal, departed…”

“Simply put, dead,” Floyd remarked.

“…within a fifty-mile radius. After this afternoon’s events, I believed that it would be prudent to have this device on hand.”

Fozzie shook his head as he walked past. “Oh, come on, there’s no way a machine can do anything like…”

He was cut off by a loud sequence of beeps from the machine.

Kermit frowned. “Uh, Bunsen, you’d better check that. I mean, Fozzie’s not a ghost.”

“Mee, mee.” Beaker pointed to something in Fozzie’s hand.

“What does that…oh.” Fozzie held up the item. It was a book called “Five Hundred More Jokes about Brussels Sprouts.”

Meanwhile, the others had started loading sleeping bags and overnight gear onto the Mayhem bus.

“Shh,” Rowlf whispered. “We don’t want to wake them.”

“Wake what?” Scooter asked as he came outside carrying his sleeping bag and guitar case.

“The bags, of course. That’s why they call them sleeping bags, isn’t it?” Rowlf guffawed as Scooter shook his head.

There came a scuffling from the Fraggle hole, as Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober and Red emerged, carrying pillows and sleeping bags.

“If you’re going ghost-hunting, we want to come too!” Red said eagerly. “It sounds like the coolest thing ever – even cooler than the rock hockey semi-finals!”

“Red, are you mad? Who knows what those Castle Irene ghosts might want to do to us?” Boober whined.

“Oh, now, Boober…I think that all ghosts are kind, if misunderstood, spirits who want to reach out to us here in the living,” Mokey said.

“That’s right,” Wembley agreed. “They’re sick of being seen as spooky and scary.”

“But what if they want to bamboozle us, or petrify us?” Boober pressed on.

“You’re right, Boober – they could want to…”

“Wembley!” Gobo rolled his eyes. "You're wembling again..."

“Toss your stuff in the back, guys…Boober, what is that?” Scooter pointed to something that Boober was holding.

“It’s my lucky flowerpot. If you keep hitting it, it keeps spooks from getting you.” Boober tapped said pot several times.

A short time later, the bus was loaded and ready to go.

As the bus was about to pull away from the curb, there came a sudden rapping on the door.

Dr. Teeth stopped the bus, looked out the door and grinned. “Well, well, we’ve got one more joining us on this most magnificent midnight special.”

The doors opened and Heather clambered aboard, carrying her camping gear and a big bag of cookies with her.

Nora opened her mouth to protest, but Kermit waved her down. “It’s all right, Nora – it’ll be a lot safer with all of us around.”

***

If anything, Castle Irene looked even spookier at night, barely visible through a mist covering Vertigo Heights.

The bus rattled through the gate one more time and pulled up directly in front of the door.

Once inside, Robin and Sweetums started to build fires in the parlor and dining room, the two downstairs rooms with fireplaces.

Bunsen and Beaker lugged the Specter-O-Meter inside and set it up on the stairs, as everyone started to spread out their sleeping bags.

Around nine o’clock, there came a resounding knock at the door.

The Muppets all looked at each other.

“Uh…who wants to open that?” Fozzie asked timidly.

“Open up, guys, it’s us,” a muffled voice said through the door.

The door creaked open.

“Jim, what a surprise!” Kermit said.

Jim, Frank and all the others stood there on the step, lugging backpacks and sleeping bags with them.

“Heard you were having a slumber party up here,” Jim said pleasantly, not at all fazed by the cold air or the spooky surroundings. “Mind if we join you?”

“We brought stuff to make s’mores,” Richard held up a big bag of miniature chocolate bars, as Karen and Jerry produced the marshmallows and graham crackers.

***

And make s’mores they did. There was also a huge kettle of cocoa, Heather abandoned her must-make-money-at-all-costs attitude long enough to pass around boxes of Scouting Girl cookies, and the Swedish Chef took the opportunity to demonstrate his new popcorn-making machine…which proceeded to explode all over the parlor.

Scooter and Gobo played a few duets on their guitars, the Electric Mayhem did a few raucous numbers, much to Sam’s chagrin, and Rowlf trotted out a few old chestnuts on his portable piano. Jim's gang showed off a few new puppet acts they were working on, Fozzie told a few jokes that might have been dead enough to trigger the Specter-O-Meter, and Lew Zealand’s fish did some formation throwing.

For a while, they completely forgot that they were there to confront a pair of ghosts. They also forgot about the problems plaguing ‘Reel Time.’

But at midnight, as the last chorus of “It’s in Every One of Us” died away, that all changed, as everyone climbed into their sleeping bags all around the house.

“Kermie?” Miss Piggy asked, as she and Kermit settled into their bags in the parlor.

“Yes, Piggy?” Kermit answered, after seeing that Robin was now curled up fast asleep against a slumbering Sweetums.

“Are you scared at all?”

“Well…maybe a little.” Kermit paused. “Are you scared?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Miss Piggy said quietly. “I try not to show it…but moi has my weaknesses.”

“It’s okay, Piggy, I do too.”

Up on the sofa, Gonzo was already sawing wood – and to that end, he had stashed a chainsaw under the sofa. Camilla clucked softly in her sleep and tucked her head under her wing.

In the dining room, Scooter, Skeeter and Nora stretched out in their bags under the dining room table, while Heather and the Fraggle five slept in front of the fire.

“I wonder if they’re going to show up,” Scooter wondered. “The ghosts, I mean.”

“If they were even here to begin with,” Skeeter mumbled through her pillow.

Nora yawned. “I don’t know…all we know is that there’s been a lot of weird stuff going on here lately.”

“What do you think it’s going to mean for Reel Time?” Scooter wondered.

“I hope it’ll still go on,” Gobo said from his spot by the fire. “Cause we all made great movies, and that’s what matters.”

“I still get top billing, remember that,” Red muttered.

In another room, they could hear Frank calling for lights out, giving rise to a few mock protests of “We’re not sleepy,” from Dave and Steve.

Slowly, the lights started to flicker out all over Castle Irene.

The fires in the fireplaces dwindled down to flickering embers, casting a dull reddish glow on the sleeping Muppets, Fraggles and humans lying around them.

All was quiet, except for snores and the occasional beep from the Specter-O-Meter.

Somewhere, in the darkness, something moved, something in a cape with symbols on it…

***

Just after two in the morning, the Specter-O-Meter let out a shrill series of beeps, startling everyone out of their sleep.

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

“By Jove, Beaker, our invention works!”

“Mee…”

“It’s the ghosts!”

“We’re all going to die!”

“Everyone! To the main hall!”

There was a mad dash to the entrance hall.

“There’s nobody here,” Scooter said.

“How odd…I was certain that the machine worked,” Bunsen said. “There must be a…”

“Please look up,” a woman’s voice said politely.

Everyone did.

Floating over them were the ghosts of Gilbert and Millicent Knebworth.

***

Finally, our mystery ghosts show themselves. What do they have to say? Who's been causing all the trouble? Will there be any s'mores left, considering all the people with sweet teeth in this chapter? Stay tuned...

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Oh, that was well worth it! Bunsen actually making a divice that works... Unfortunately it would seem that it's more like airbags in a car. An invention that, on one hand you're glad it works, and on the other hand you hope you'll never have the opportunity to find out. Anyway, can't wait to see what happens next!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

And for once, it was an invention that didn't result in injury to Beaker...at least as far as we know, since we weren't on the Muppet Labs set when they were working on it.

Chapter nine will be up tomorrow, in which the ghosts tell their side of the story...and we learn just who's been causing trouble for the Muppets.

 

[JEANYLASER]

that is awesome! I can't wait to read more suspense!

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

Thanks, JeanyLaser...and as requested, here is part the ninth. Here, we get some much-needed back story...and the evil-doers are revealed, even though they don't realize it.

***

Chapter Nine: The Spooks Speak

“I can see this is going to take a little explaining,” Gilbert said has he looked around at all the Muppets and humans gawking up at him and Millicent. “You all look like you’ve seen a ghost…wait a minute, you are seeing ghosts!” He chuckled.

They didn’t look like ghosts who would go around scaring people out of spite. Gilbert had slicked-back brown hair and what seemed to be a perpetual grin on his face. Millicent, with her mane of Mary Pickford-like curls, seemed to take a more matter-of-fact attitude toward life…or death.

“Are you the ones who’ve been scaring us?” Fozzie asked.

Millicent put her hands on her hips and floated down to the center of the floor. “Us? Causing trouble for you? Good heavens, no…if anything, we’re glad that you came up here…it gets pretty lonely in a dead old house like this.”

“And all those legends about us being a pair of hex-spreading ghouls didn’t help,” Gilbert cheerfully shook his head as he came down to join his wife. “Rumors. They’re like cockroaches, and my grandmother’s fruitcake. They’ve got staying power and they can be pretty nasty…and I’ll bet Benny had a hand in spreading some of them.”

Heather wriggled her way forward to get a better look. Suddenly, she gasped and pointed at Millicent. “You’re Millie Hopewell! My scout troop named its top-cookie-seller award after you!”

Millicent smiled. “That’s right. I was a Scouting Girl, too, around the time they started doing cookie sales. I sold at least a hundred boxes in three months. My favorites were the ones with the little bits of toffee in them, the Toffee Twirls…although I think you call them Crunch Times now…”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Kermit said, interrupting the nostalgic discussion of Scouting Girl cookies. “How did you turn into ghosts?”

“It was Benny’s fault,” Millicent said sourly. “Benny Vandergast…I imagine you know who he is.”

“What did he do?” Scooter asked.

“That little ratfink started fiddling with the vanishing cabinet. It kept going wrong during every show – people got sent out to who-knows-where and didn’t come back.” She paused. “The cabinet…what it does, we pull a switch and it…”

“Dear, should we really reveal our secrets?” Gilbert asked.

“It won’t do us any good keeping them hushed up now, Gil,” Millicent said. “It actually does send someone to another place for five seconds, and then on command it brings them back to the theater.”

“One man turned up somewhere in Toledo, I think, and another ended up in…I think it was Salt Lake City,” Gilbert mused.

“Well, at one show, we stepped in the cabinet to prove the trick wasn’t dangerous,” Millicent said. “It sent us all the way to Vermont – another few feet and we’d have been in Canada.”

“Well, dear, you did mention that you wanted to go maple-sugaring…”

“Yes, just not in the middle of a show,” Millicent said. “So we materialized out of thin air, and we didn’t get warped back.”

“So we started hitchhiking back…there was an accident along the way.” Gilbert sighed. “And we’ve been here since.”

“We’ve had to watch everything change,” Millicent continued. “Our families moved away. Benny inherited the Muppet Theater, and he had the spleen to rename it after himself.” Millicent paused. “Please tell me it’s not still the Benny Vandergast Theater.”

“Nope, it’s the Muppet Theater again, we changed it back a few years ago,” Fozzie said.

“All the legends kept people from coming up here…so as Millie said, it was a treat when you your little movie,” Gilbert said. “A real barrel of laughs…loved the scene with the flying fish and the chickens.” He grinned. “And yes, you might have seen us on camera every now and then.”

“But why did you yell at me and Heather?” Robin asked. “You yelled at us to get out.”

Gilbert’s smile faded. “I’m so sorry, young Robin. That wasn’t directed at you or Heather…you see, there was someone else in the dining room that day.”

“But we didn’t see anyone…”

“He was hiding behind the wall – there’s a little room back there, one of several scattered around the house.”

“What’d he look like? Was he wearing some really ugly checked suit?” Miss Piggy asked.

“No…he was wearing all black, with a jacket that had ‘Spook Seekers’ on it. He was fiddling with some contraption, something that blasted air through all the vents and shook the entire house.”

“And then there was that woman,” Millicent said. “Kept going on about ‘Reel Time’ this and ‘film society’ that, and how she so wanted her movie to win, and how she was sick of dealing with someone named Cecil…”

“Long story short, dear Muppets, think you’ll find that the source of your troubles is someone who’s still alive and kicking. Two someones, actually.”

“And they’ve got the same motives as Benny. Ruthlessly ambitious, and they don’t care how many backs they have to stab to get to the top.”

“Hey, weirdoes, we hate to break up the party,” Statler called from the top of the stairs.

“How did you two get in here?” Fozzie asked.

“It’s easy, we snuck in right before the last chapter,” Waldorf said. “But you’ve got someone creeping around outside.”

There was a hushed creep toward the windows.

Sure enough, there were two people outside, both carrying bulging backpacks. They seemed to be having an argument.

“Open the window,” Kermit mouthed.

Gonzo creaked open the window.

“…they’re on to us. They saw straight through that little trick we pulled,” a man complained.

“Well, you overdid it with the air compressor and the broken chandelier," a woman retorted. I’ll bet even your viewers could tell that was all a fake – how on earth did you manage to keep that spook show on the air so long?”

“Look, Maggie, do you want to win that festival and unseat your boss, or don’t you?”

“Look, forget it. Let’s just get this over with and get out of here.”

Inside, there was a communal gasp of horror.

The woman was Maggie Pye. The man was Perry Normal’s production assistant, Morty Bund.

***

So, turns out the film society's second VP is up to no good. Lot of talking in this chapter, but there will be antics aplenty to come...won't you stay tuned?

 

[Muppet Newsgirl]

I must beg your indulgences, gentle readers - it looks like chapter nine will not be posted tonight, since it looks like I'm going to be working a little late again.

 

[The Count]

Is sokay... We've waited this long, a little more won't kill us. Or will it?
BTW: Updates have been made to the FanFic Character roster, check it out if you so desire.