Chapter Thirty-Four
The Next Day
July 1, 1975
“I thought I didn’t have to worry about it,” Kermit said as they walked.
Bernie held his hands out apologetically. “It’s not
much to worry,” he said. “You just have to keep saying no until-“ He stopped himself.
Kermit looked at him. “Until what?”
“Um- until nothing,” Bernie said. “Just keep saying no.”
“Easy enough,” Kermit said. He remembered the feel of gunmetal on his back and frowned. Just how easy was
easy enough?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The stuffy meeting room was getting stuffier. Bernie Brillstein shifted in his seat and set about spinning a new series of arguments in his mind. He shot a glance at Kermit.
The frog held a strong, blazing gaze across the table. His face was so still and steady that one might have wondered if he had turned to stone.
He hadn’t, of course.
Though for the potency of his glare, the man he was looking at probably should have.
The man he was looking at was Doc Hopper, who looked about angry enough to explode.
They were engaged in a cutthroat staring contest. It had started when Hopper had realized that no matter what clever threat he vocalized against the frog’s life, career, and reputation, he was not going to get what he wanted. He was now contemplating how to threaten his family.
At his side, his green-hatted assistant, apparently named Max, was taking advantage of the prolonged silence to catch up with his furious scribbling of every spoken word. When he finally caught up, he looked over his records at every threat, each one met with a peaceful rebuttal. Something about it didn’t add up.
A pound on the door broke the silence. “MR. HOPPER?” a deep voice demanded.
“WHAT IS IT?” Doc Hopper bellowed.
“POLICE! OPEN UP!”
Hopper stiffened. Max looked up. Kermit sat a little straighter. Bernie cracked a faint smile.
“Max,” Doc Hopper said, “Go open the door.”
Max gulped, dropped his pen and notebook, and nervously scuttled to open the door.
Two uniformed officers marched in. “Doc Hopper?” one of them asked.
Doc Hopper stood up. “What can I do for you, officers?” he asked with a courteous smile.
The first one clamped handcuffs onto him. “You’re under arrest for harassment. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
“Now hold on just a minute!” Hopper cried. “What proof have you got?”
“Proof of
harassment?” Bernie said incredulously. “What about all the death threats you’ve made?”
“DEATH THREATS?” Hopper acted stunned.
Kermit stood up. “You’ve threatened my life ten times in this meeting alone,” he said.
“You can’t prove that!” Hopper said. “Officer, that’s their word against ours, it can’t be proved, it’s two against two!”
“It’s three against one,” Max corrected. He had retrieved his notebook from the table and began showing it to the second officer. “Here’s all of the past few months-“
“MAX!” Hopper screamed.
Max looked him straight in the eyes and spoke firmly. “I’m sorry, doc.” He clearly was not sorry at all.
“See Kermit?” Bernie said. “I told you that you didn’t have to worry.”
“I’ll try not to doubt you again,” Kermit said. “But you could have told me the police were coming.”
“But then you’d think about that instead of saying no,” Bernie said.
“A method to the madness, huh?” Kermit said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Just trust me, Kermit,” Bernie said. “Ninety five point six percent of the time, my best interest is your best interest.”
“What about the other four point four percent?” Kermit asked.
“Hardly worth mentioning.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Two Days Later
July 3, 1975
“Hey Fozzie,” Gonzo said as they watched the extra car drive away from the gas station, “Who do you think will be in charge of us while Kermit’s in the swamp?”
“I don’t know,” Fozzie said. “What do you think?”
“Probably Jim,” Gonzo said.
“But he’s with Kermit now,” Fozzie said. “Who’s in charge until he gets back?”
“Whoever’s in the driver’s seat,” Gonzo said.
“Well how do we decide who drives?” Fozzie asked.
Gonzo thought about it. “I don’t know.”
Fozzie sighed. “Let’s just leave it up to the humans.”
Gonzo got an idea. “Hey, I know,” he said, “
I could be in charge!”
Fozzie hesitated. “Let’s just leave it up to the humans.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“HI-HO EVERYONE!”
“UNCLE KERMIT!”
They swarmed out of nowhere.
“Uncle Kermit Uncle Kermit!”
“Did you go to Hollywood?”
“Uncle Kermit what’s Hollywood?”
“Are you gonna be
famous?”
“Mr. Henson’s here too!”
“Hi Mr. Henson!”
“Rowlf!”
“Who’s Rowlf?”
“That’s Rowlf!”
“Uncle Kermit!”
“Uncle Kermit!”
“Uncle Kermit!”
Kermit, Jim, and Rowlf laughed as they were bombarded with young frogs and questions. Somehow they made their way into the swamp.
“Uncle Kermit, can I come with you this time?” Robin asked, perched on Kermit’s back.
“Well I don’t know, Robin, we’re going to be pretty busy for a while,” Kermit said.
“I could help!” Robin said.
“MIT!” Maggie ran over, stopped and stared. “Holy Mosquitoes- it’s all
three musketeers!” She threw her arms around Rowlf. “We haven’t seen you in
ages, Bud!”
“Rowlf,” the dog corrected.
“Bud,” Maggie insisted.
Kermit chuckled. “For a second there, I thought you said Bug.”
“Oh that’s funnier!” Maggie turned to Rowlf again. “Maybe I’ll call you Bug.”
“I’m not a bug, I’m a dog,” Rowlf said.
“Yeah, but you’ve
got bugs,” Maggie said as she picked a flea off of his back.
“Maggie!” Kermit scrunched up his face.
“Boys!” a cheerful voice rang out.
Kermit turned to greet its owner. “Hi Mom!”
The lady frog gave each of them a hug. “It’s wonderful to see you all again,” she said in her forever gentle voice.
“Great to see you too Mom,” Kermit said.
“Our pleasure as always, Mrs. the Frog,” Rowlf said.
“How are you doing, Mrs. the Frog?” Jim asked.
“Oh I’m fine, fine,” she said. She called over her shoulder. “James, come see your son!”
“I’m right here, dear,” James the Frog said. He was standing at her side.
She looked at him. “Oh,” she said. “You are.”
“Hi Dad,” Kermit said.
“How was Hollywood?” James asked. “Why are you back?”
“Well see-“
“We went there-“
“Auditions were crazy-“
“I got two days off-“
“And there’s this agent guy-“
“We made it-“
“Lord Lew Grade-“
“Bernie Brillstein-“
“Hopper got arrested-“
“Gonna have a show-“
“Some old theater-“
“On the way there-“
“We stopped by-“
“The rest are still going-“
“We’re just saying hi-“
“I’ll stay for Independence Day-“
“And that’s pretty much it!”
James looked at his wife. “Did you get any of that, Jane?”
“About half,” she said. She smiled. “It’s good to see you, boys. Now don’t get too comfortable because dinner’s almost ready and we all know you’ll all run and tackle each other for it…” She walked off to finish making dinner.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Day
July 4, 1975
Kermit, Croaker, and Goggles sat on Kermit’s favorite log as dusk began to settle.
“It was nice to see Rowlf and Jim yesterday,” Croaker said.
“Mm-hm.” Kermit kept his eyes towards the sky.
“Yeah,” Goggles said. “And it’s nice that you got to be here for the Fourth, Kermit.”
“Well that was the plan originally,” Kermit said. “I mean, before Bernie came to the swamp and all.”
“You’ll still come and visit us, right?” Goggles asked.
“Of course,” Kermit said. He gave Croaker a teasing glance. “I’ve gotta keep an eye on Maggie.”
“You’re not doing a good job of it,” Croaker said. He nodded towards the group of male frogs all vying for Maggie’s attention at the edge of the pond.
Kermit scrunched up his face. “Sheesh,” he said, “Typical.”
Croaker grinned. “Yeah,” he said, “But watch this.” He hopped across the lily pads towards Maggie.
Kermit shook his head. “One of these days I’ve got to have a talk with Maggie,” he said.
“About what?” Goggles asked.
Kermit shook his head, and then watched as Croaker reached Maggie’s clump. Within moments of his arrival, his hand was on her back, and the other frogs were starting to leave. Kermit scrunched up his face. “Sheesh.”
“How does he do that?” Goggles wondered in awe.
Kermit looked at Goggles, then at Croaker, and then back at Goggles. “Why don’t you go ask him?” he said mischievously.
“Right now?” Goggles asked.
“Sure!” Kermit said. He smiled as Goggles hopped off, and then sat back and watched, waiting for his friend’s question to make his sister squirm.
“Uncle Kermit?” a small voice said.
Kermit turned to see Robin treading water just behind the log. “Hi Robin,” he said, and he gestured for his nephew to join him.
Robin splashed onto the log and sat next to his uncle. “Uncle Kermit,” he said, “What was Hollywood like?”
“Hm. Well, it was full of people,” Kermit said. “Everything was fancy and flashy and exciting, and it always felt like something
big was about to happen.”
“Are you gonna live
there now?” Robin asked.
“Nope,” Kermit said. “I might visit there sometimes, but I’ll still live in my house.”
“Can I come with you?” Robin asked.
“You mean to Hollywood?” Kermit asked. Robin nodded. “Well, we’ll see. Maybe some time.”
Robin leaned against his uncle’s side.
“Aw, you’re all wet still!” Kermit teased as he put his arm around the small frog.
They heard a loud
pop above them and looked up as the first fireworks lit the sky for Independence Day.