Chapter Twenty-Six
“Oh, okay,” Kermit said. “Well I’m Kermit the Frog.”
“And I’m Rowlf the Dog.”
“Hey you guys rhyme!” the gold-toothed man observed. “Did you do that on purpose?”
“What?” Kermit said. “Uh, no.”
“IN-TRO-DUC-TIONS!” the crazed red creature shouted. “NAMES! NAMES!” He panted.
“Oh yeah, we gotta introduce ourselves!” the male guitarist said. “Well,
he’s Dr. Teeth.” He looked at the gold-toothed man.
“Golden teeth and golden tones. Welcome to my presence,” Dr. Teeth said. He laughed.
“I’m Floyd, I blow bass,” the male guitarist said.
“And I’m… I’m… the saxophone player looked unsure.
“ZOOT!” the drummer shouted.
“Yeah,” Zoot said. He lifted his instrument slightly. “Sax.”
“And I’m Janice, I play lead guitar,” the female guitarist said.
The drummer gave a small roar.
“Oh, and that’s Animal!” Floyd said. “Show ‘em what you do, Animal!”
To say the drummer looked excited would have been an understatement. “I want to- EAT DRUMS!” He clamped his jaw around his cymbal and fiercely tried to bite it.
“No, no.
Beat drums,
beat drums!” Dr. Teeth said.
Animal hesitated, released the cymbal, and sat up. “BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS!” He ignored his sticks and threw himself against the drums.
Floyd shouted at him. “Down Animal!”
“DOWN!”
“Back!”
“BACK!”
“Sit!”
“SIT!”
Animal’s obedience had driven him down behind the drums, so that they couldn’t see him. He stood right back up.
“Hey, what’s going on out here?”
They turned to see a purple-ish man in dreadlocks.
“We got an audience, man!” Floyd said.
“This is Clifford,” Dr. Teeth explained. “He owns this joint. Clifford, this is Kermit the Frog and Rowlf the Dog. They rhyme!”
“Intentionally?” Clifford asked.
“No,” Kermit said.
“I didn’t think so,” he said. “Nice to meet you guys.”
“Mind if I ask you a question?” Rowlf said.
“You just did, man,” Clifford said. “But shoot.”
“How did you come to own a church?” Rowlf asked.
“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies,” Clifford said.
“We’re pretty sure that means he doesn’t know,” Floyd said.
“Naw, I know,” Clifford said. “I guess I can tell.” He grinned at Kermit and Rowlf. “I guess I don’t look like someone who’d own a church, do I?”
Kermit shook his head. “Not really.”
“Well,” Clifford said, “Apparently, I inherited it from my dad. I guess he was the preacher here before it shut down.”
“Apparently?” Rowlf said.
“You guess?” Kermit said.
“Well, that’s what the folks at the orphanage told me,” Clifford said.
“Oh,” Kermit said. He realized that he had never thought of what it would be like to grow up without your own parents.
“But I’m not really the church type,” Clifford said.
“So we’re turning this place into a coffeehouse,” Floyd said.
“With good music, and organic refreshments,” Janice said.
“It’ll be so fine and laid back and mellow and profitable,” Dr. Teeth drawled.
“Yeah, but it’s takin’ more work than we thought,” Floyd said.
“So far, we’ve got coffee,” Clifford said. “But we don’t have a coffee maker yet.”
“Haven’t even set up the keyboard yet,” Dr. Teeth said.
“You want some help?” Rowlf approached the keyboard and lifted it. As he did, he realized it was snapped perfectly in half.
Dr. Teeth chuckled. “Yeah, Animal did that. We’re thinking about just keeping the organ.”
“Sah-ree,” Animal said.
Rowlf shrugged and put the keyboard down.
“You guys should come back when we open this place,” Clifford said. “We might have free tea for the grand opening, whenever that is.”
“Well I’ll see if I can come,” Kermit said.
“I’ll see if I’m in town,” Rowlf said.
“Are you on the road a lot?” Janice asked.
“Only when I’m driving,” Rowlf said.
Animal pounded out a rim shot. Then he aimed his lazy eyes at Rowlf. “BAD JOKE!” he shouted.
Rowlf nodded. “You can say that again.”
“BAD JOKE!” Animal shouted.
Kermit turned to Clifford. “So, just out of curiosity,” he said, “What kind of church was this?”
Clifford answered, “Presbyterian.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“You sure you don’t mind me staying with you?” Rowlf asked as they entered Kermit’s house.
“Of course not!” Kermit said. “You’re always welcome here, Rowlf. But I can’t believe that hotel wouldn’t allow dogs.”
“It’s typical…” Rowlf shrugged it off. They sat on the sofa. “You know I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Rowlf said.
“Oh?” Kermit shifted to face him better.
There was no one in the house, but Rowlf lowered his voice. “
The Muppets Valentine Show,” he said. “It’s a pilot, isn’t it?”
Kermit nodded. “Jim wants to do a prime-time show,” he said.
“Do you?” Rowlf asked.
“Well- I dunno,” Kermit said casually. “I don’t have anything
against it…”
“But?”
Kermit shrugged. “But I’m not really pushing for it, either. I kind of like the idea of keeping it small, you know?” he said. “But if Jim wants to grow, that’s fine with me, too.”
Rowlf set his chin in his paw. “Hm.”
“What about you?” Kermit asked. “What do
you think about it?”
“I don’t know yet,” Rowlf said. “I think… we’ll see how the pilot goes. Would Wally still host if this turns into a real show?”
Kermit shrugged. “I kind of get that impression,” he said.
“Hm.”
“Why?”
“Well,” Rowlf said, “I guess it’s not who I would’ve expected to host.”
“Who would you have expected?” Kermit asked.
Rowlf pointed at him.
“Me? No,” Kermit said. “I’m not really leadership material.”
“Oh I’d beg to differ,” Rowlf said. “After all, you
are the top choice for narrator. You just narrated that special last year. What was it called?”
“
The Muppet Musicians of Bremen,” Kermit said. “But that’s different, that’s just telling a story. It’s not like I’m in charge of anything.”
“You’re in charge of telling the story,” Rowlf pointed out.
Kermit shook his head. “That’s not the same,” he said.
Rowlf shrugged. “If you say so.”
They fell silent for a while.
“You know Kermit, you were right,” Rowlf said. “This is a really quiet house.”
Kermit smiled. “I’ll grab my banjo.” They stood up and headed for the stairs.
“You oughta get a cuckoo clock or something,” Rowlf said.
“Yeah, but the quiet’s kind of nice sometimes,” Kermit said.
“If you’re used to it, I guess,” Rowlf said. “It’s a little unnerving.” He stopped at the wall of pictures and straightened the swamp photograph. “Crooked,” he explained.
Kermit nodded. “I’ll have to have that re-taken again when I go home for Christmas,” he said. “My brother Dennis had tadpoles a couple months ago.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” Kermit smiled. “Robin’s not the youngest anymore.” He ducked into his room and came out with his banjo.
“So you’re going back to the swamp for Christmas?” Rowlf asked as they headed back down the stairs.
“Yup,” Kermit said. “I haven’t for a few years, and I kinda miss it, so…” They sat on the sofa and Kermit picked a tune on his banjo.
“Where
have you been for Christmas?” Rowlf asked quietly.
“Here,” Kermit said. He looked up at his friend, and his face darkened. “There,” he confessed. “With them.” He looked at his banjo again. “But I’m going home this year. I like Christmas in the swamp.”
Rowlf nodded. “It’s good to get away sometimes,” he said. He quietly listened as Kermit played a few Christmas carols.
Kermit thoughtfully stared at his banjo strings between songs. “Hey Rowlf?” He looked at his friend. “What’s your dream?”
Rowlf was quiet at first. “To tell the truth,” he said softly, “I don’t really know. But I know it’s not what I’m doing.”
“Well then, why do you keep doing it?” Kermit asked.
“I don’t know what else to do,” Rowlf said. “And I can’t hold still anymore. There’s nothing tying me down- no leash. So, I just go where my nose takes me.”
“Mm,” Kermit nodded.
“What’s yours?”
“Well, see that’s the thing, I don’t know either,” Kermit said. “Have I ever told you about my star?”
“Yeah, your mom’s lullaby,” Rowlf said. “Do you feel like you’re not following it?”
“No, I feel like I’m
following it,” Kermit said. “I just feel like I should be
chasing it. Like there’s something else I should be looking for that’ll sort of bind together everything I want. Like a- a connection of some sort, that brings
everything together.” He stood up, walked over to the window, and stared out into the night. “But I don’t know what.”
Soon Rowlf was at his side. “Well,” he said, “Maybe someday we’ll find it.”
Kermit nodded. “I hope so,” he said. “I hope so.”
Rowlf pressed his face against the glass and cupped his paws around his eyes. “It’s snowing,” he said.
“It is?” Kermit pressed his face against the glass. “Oh, yeah. Look at that. It’s the first snowfall of the year.”
They looked at each other, smiled, and went outside for a brief snowball fight.