Thanks for being patient, guys. And now, chapter five, with a cameo by the characters from the Land of Gorch. We now turn the narration over to Camilla...and I couldn't stop laughing over this one.
Statler: First an albatross, then an eagle, now a chicken. This story's really for the birds.
Waldorf: You had to say that, didn't you?
***
Chapter Five: “It’s Gonna Cost Ya”
From the diary of Camilla the Chicken
So Kermit was now assigned to track down the lost Albatross. And we were all in it with him.
We left our luggage in lockers at the passenger terminal on the docks and set off for downtown Mis-En-Scene. From there, we searched. And searched and searched.
Kermit and Fozzie went to the police station and looked up the names of all known jewel thieves in the area. Scooter, Skeeter and Nora looked up the local antique dealers and pawnbrokers, and Miss Piggy visited some of the area’s high-end jewelry shops…though I have a feeling it was more to shop than to hunt.
Gonzo and I scoured some of the junk shops on the south edge of town – Gonzo didn’t pack pumice stones in his suitcase for nothing.
Link went to the doctor for most of the day, claiming to still be in shock over the theft.
That afternoon, we met up again. Nothing. If something as fancy or expensive as the Albatross had been sold or passed to other hands in the area, someone would have noticed. And nobody noticed.
We were all tired and footsore.
“Why don’t we try these guys?" Skeeter pointed to a sign hanging over a dingy-looking shop.
The sign said “M.T. Favog: Purveyor of clues, hot leads, tips and advice. Licensed deus ex machina.”
Kermit shrugged. “Sure, why not?"
A rusting bell over the door clanged morosely as we stepped into the incense-laden interior of the shop. At least, I think it was incense.
Most of the area behind the dusty counter was taken up by a large tan stone idol with a jowly face and a basin on his knees. “I don’t see anyone here," Fozzie said. “Let’s go someplace else…”
And then the idol behind the counter opened its mouth.
“Dis is da Mighty Favog…” the idol rumbled. “Tawk ta me.”
“Oh, um, I’m Kermit the Frog…”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen ya on da Muppet Show.”
“Gee, thanks. Listen, we’re looking for a stolen necklace…”
“Yeah, it’s called the Golden Albatross," Scooter chimed in.
“And we were wondering if you could give us a clue or something," Kermit went on.
Favog thought for a moment. “It’s gonna cost ya. One glig.”
“Hey, a glig’s like a chicken, isn’t it?" Gonzo started to reach up to where I was sitting on his shoulder.
I squawked, “You offer me up as payment and I’ll show you the real meaning of henpecked!" But seeing as I’m a chicken, it came out as “Brawk! Brawk-buck-buck-brawwwk!"
“Geez, I was just kidding!" Gonzo protested.
Favog hmmed. “But I’ll take something of equal value…” The phone rang. “Tawk ta me…look, Scred, I keep telling ya, I charge two gligs for…ya broke Ploobis’ favorite helmet? Awright, one glig…and his favorite lamp? The one shaped like Vazh? Hoo boy, are you in for it. No charge at all. ” Favog put down the phone.
“So you’ll take something of equal value to a glig?" Miss Piggy asked.
Favog nodded. “That pearl necklace ya got on would work.”
“Moi will not pawn this," Miss Piggy snorted.
“All I’ve got is a mint-in-wrapper first issue of ‘Horribly Clichéd Superhero Comics,' will that do?" Scooter asked.
Favog nodded. Scooter opened his backpack, pulled out the comic book and dropped it into Favog’s basin.
“Awright…” Favog rumbled. “Da guy who made off with your brass seagull…”
“Golden Albatross…” Skeeter corrected him.
“Golden Albatross, Brass Seagull, same thing. Anyways…ya know where Harrowing is?"
We did – it was a dingy, depressed neighborhood in the east end of Greater Burden. It was where Gonzo went to pick up replacement fuses for his cannon. But it was at least a full day’s trip away from Mis-En-Scene.
“Well, he and his guys work outta dere. Dey’re in da jewelry business. Baubles. Bangles. Bright shiny beads.” Favog rumbled.
“What’s the best way to get there?" Fozzie asked.
“It’d have to be by train," Scooter said. “Driving would take way too long.”
“The fastest train is the Muppet Express…and I think the next one leaves tonight," Nora said, looking through a train schedule.
“Where’s the station?" Kermit asked.
“It’s up on Wavering Place.” Skeeter said. “We were up there earlier.”
“Great…um, thanks for your help, Favog!" Kermit said.
As we left, a scrawny, snaggle-toothed creature slipped into the shop, carrying a battered Viking helmet in one claw. In the other, he carried a shattered lamp that had been shaped like some shapely female creature. “Oh, Favog, I’m so glad you could…”
“Just a moment, Scred…I’m reading da adventures of Neutron Man and Quark Boy," Favog said without looking up from “Horribly Clichéd Superhero Comics.”
***
Stay tuned for chapter six, "Ticket to Ride."
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