And so, as all good things must come to an end...
Statler: And so do the bad things!
Here is the final chapter of "Flight of the Golden Albatross."
And Ed - you know how you commented that the Muppet Express seemed to be affiliated with Ravenclaw, 'cause of the blue and bronze color scheme? Well, the rescue train in this scene appears to be affiliated with Gryffindor.
***
Chapter Thirteen: All Change
From the diary of Camilla the Chicken
Just before six-thirty, the controllers at St. Pancreatitis station got the following message:
“Train No. 924, eastbound Muppet Express, off the tracks in Failed Pass. Carrying 135 passengers and 20 crew. Send rescue train and a towing crew to Milepost 127 on Vin’s Gully freight route. Also, Albatross thief and two accomplices on board – send police.”
Kermit had a slight bruise on his upper arm, and his clothes were streaked with coal dust. Miss Piggy’s clothes were grimy and smoky from having stood directly behind the plume of smoke from the engine.
Amazingly, Gonzo refrained from making any jokes about smoked ham.
Percy, Lizard and Weasel were ordered into one of the empty compartments, and kept under guard while we waited for the police to arrive.
Since dinner had of course been delayed, the Chef and Rizzo started handing around bowls of radish-potato stew (since they’d lost the spinach soup) from the dining car. Alan opened up the buffet in the lounge car and started bringing out snacks and drinks.
Scooter looked up from his bowl and peered out the window some time later. “I hear a train coming.”
A pair of engine headlights appeared on another track, just outside of Failed Pass. A whistle sounded, and the Muppet Express’s engine blew its whistle in response.
Crews with flashlights came down to escort us up. With them came a group of uniformed police officers.
“Leave your luggage behind,” they called. “You’ll get it back when the train is towed in later tonight.”
The police first took Percy and his two henchmen up to the rescue train in handcuffs.
They also confiscated the pieces of stolen jewelry that were found in Percy’s compartment. Miss Piggy recognized some of them as the bracelets she had given her cousin.
The police also found: a list of safe combinations from the Maldemer, a stolen pass key, a diagram of a train coupler, a highlighted train route map and passenger lists from both the Maldemer and the Muppet Express.
Slowly, the passengers stepped off the train and started trudging along the tracks toward the rescue train.
But of course, we weren’t leaving the Albatross behind. It was tagged as evidence and taken off the train in Fozzie’s care. Link (remember Link?) kept saying, “Oh, thank you, thank you.”
A few drops splattered down on us. It was starting to rain. “Okay, everybody move!” Jerry called.
It was a funny-looking crowd moving up the tracks, with Kermit and Miss Piggy walking at the head of the line.
Skeeter had sprained her ankle in her spectacular dive for the Albatross, so Big Bird was helping her walk.
“Wow, Skeeter, that dive was really incredible. You ought to come by the Rock and give lessons sometime,” Red was eagerly saying from her perch on Karen’s shoulder.
“Yes, truly brave and inspirational,” Mokey chimed in from where she rode on Big Bird’s shoulders.
Doc and Sprocket marched along under the shelter of a bizarre-looking umbrella that seemed to have a downspout attached.
Richard had lent his coat to Nora, Scooter and Rowlf (who had Wembley, Gobo and Rizzo riding on their shoulders), and they held it over their heads like a canopy. Richard himself was using a few old editions of the International Herald Tribune.
Gonzo still rode around Dave’s shoulders, and Boober peered out of one of Dave’s coat pockets, moaning about being train sick.
Sam was silent, but appeared disgusted at having socialized with a notorious thief.
After a long, wet walk, we all arrived at the rescue train, a line of eight red and gold coaches pulled by a steam engine in the same colors.
Jim, Frank and the chief conductor were the last to board. “That’s everyone,” called the conductor.
As we chugged off, a large yard engine with a towing crew aboard started to move down to where the Muppet Express was.
The usual crowd of reporters was waiting for us when we pulled into platform four at St. Pancreatitis. An hour or so later, in the waiting room, Nora was sitting with her journal in her lap, talking to a female reporter from Scooter’s paper, the Observer.
Skeeter looked up from where she sat with an ice pack on her ankle and a map of the Valley of the Kings in her lap. “They’ve brought the train in!”
The Muppet Express wasn’t badly damaged, but the brakes needed to be repaired and the dining car needed to be cleaned up, due to all the food that had spilled.
We were allowed to go back on board and collect our suitcases, and the porters started to unload the larger baggage from the baggage car.
And then we all headed our mostly separate ways: Miss Piggy and Link to Le Cochon d’Or, Sam to Embassy Row, and the rest of our group to the Furry Arms hotel.
An article in the paper the next morning said that Percy would be charged with multiple counts of grand larceny. He would also be charged with tampering with a mode of public transport, endangering the lives of the passengers, assaulting members of the train crew…the list went on.
Three days later, the Albatross went on display in a big ceremony at the Museum of Really Valuable Ancient Junk, and we were there.
And by we, I don’t just mean me, Gonzo, Kermit, Fozzie, Scooter, Skeeter, Miss Piggy and Nora – I saw a lot of the other passengers from the Muppet Express. There were Jim and Jane and their gang from car 12, and Doc and Sprocket and the Fraggles, and Rowlf, and the Swedish Chef…
Despite the hair-raising ride, business on the Muppet Express hadn’t suffered all that much. Indeed, Mr. Slowly arrived on the next one to see the opening of the Albatross exhibit.
He beamed at the Albatross in its display case before turning to face us. “Kermit, I did hear about that unpleasantness on the Maldemer and the Muppet Express, and I want to thank you, and your associates, for recovering the Albatross.”
“We’re glad we could help,” Kermit said modestly. The rest of us nodded.
Mr. Slowly nodded, and then a thought seemed to come to him. “You know, I have a jeweled tortoise shell, at least hundreds of years old, that I think the museum would like to have next. Link, once you get back to Algae-On-Pond, won’t you…”
We all sighed, “What the hey.”
----The End----
***
Waldorf: (hiding under a chair) Wake me up when it's over, all right?
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