Fantasy Never Hurt Anyone...
They couldn't remember the last time fall had been so late. Here it was the middle of November, and the leaves were just starting to turn. But once they started, they turned quickly, and by the middle of the week not a single leaf remained on the trees. This meant that Gina had a lot of raking to do, and the muppets were more than happy to help, seeing as there wasn't much else to do.
So mornings were spent lounging around the cabin or the pond, taking as long as possible to wake up. Afternoons were spent raking up the clearing, and early evenings were dedicated to exploring the woods around the cabin. But days were getting shorter, darkness was falling sooner, and every day they marvelled at how quickly night descended. Three days danced away before their eyes. None of them could quite grasp that it so much time had already passed, yet at the same time it seemed as though they had been there for a year. Time seemed warped and they almost wondered if it really existed at all.
On the evening of the fourth day at the cabin, the muppets found themselves relaxing around the pond. Kermit, Robin, Rowlf, and Fozzie were goofing around, pretending they were frog scouts and letting Robin be the troup leader. Due to the circumstance, of course, they decided they were really frog-dog-and-bear-scouts. Robin was testing them for some sort of merit badge that didn't really exist.
"OK, scouts!" He said. "Now pull that log out onto the water and balance on it!"
"That's the craziest merit-badge test I've ever heard of," Kermit said.
"You should see what Miss Appleby puts us through," his nephew told him.
They laughed as they pulled the old log into the pond, and each took a turn trying to balance on it. Rowlf fell in fairly quickly, leading to some loud heckling from the other muppets who were watching. They were even harder on Fozzie, and he fell in even quicker. Kermit did very well until he tried to show off- balancing on his arms, then on one leg, then the other leg, and then no legs. He splashed into the water and laughed at himself as he swam to the banks.
By now the other muppets had tired of heckling and they wanted to participate as well.
"It's easier to balance if you look at a fixed point," Dr. Teeth said, wobbling a bit as he tried to demonstrate. He fell in after a moment or two.
Floyd was next. "It's easier if you touch your nose," he said. He probably could have stayed on for quite a while, but Animal decided it was his turn.
"BALANCE! BALANCE!" he shouted, knocking Floyd off the log and laughing. Floyd wasn't quite so amused, and the other muppets couldn't help but tease him.
Then Gonzo took a turn. "It's easier to balance if you do it while you pat your head, rub your tummy, and jump up and down on one leg!" He proclaimed.
"Gonzo!" they all said in unison. Gonzo got on the log and began to balance. He patted his head, rubbed his tummy, started to hop, and hopped right off the log.
Miss Piggy then announced that she was going to show them how it was done. Floyd told her she couldn't- she would sink the log. He was promptly karate-chopped.
Before Miss Piggy could get on the log, Robin decided as "scout leader" that balancing one at a time was too easy. So he and his uncle balanced together. They stayed up longer than anyone else had thus far. Next Floyd and Janice tried together, but Animal once again "joined" Floyd on the log, and all three of them collapsed into the pond.
Floyd raised his head out of the water. "Alright then, Animal," he said. "Three at a time!" And they clambored back onto the log. It didn't last very long.
Then someone decided it was record-setting time. Soon Fozzie, Rowlf, Kermit, Robin, and Miss Piggy were all balancing carefully on the log.
"It looks like Piggy's end is lower!" Floyd called out. Miss Piggy glared at him. Rowlf wasn't too keen on the idea of falling in again, so he changed the subject.
"Can you believe we've been here for four days already?" he said.
"Yeah," Fozzie said. "It seems like yesterday that we were trying to get away from those-"
He stopped. No one had mentioned the grey men for the entire time they had stayed at the cabin, and he certainly didn't want to be the one to bring it up again. But it was too late. An uncomfortable silence settled on the pond.
Kermit let it sit for a moment before speaking. "We'll get out of this, guys. Don't worry."
"How?" Robin asked. "How are we going to get out of it?"
"Well, that's the part I haven't figured out yet," Kermit admitted. "But we will. And when we do, we'll go back to the theater, and we'll put on that show."
"And then I'll be able to do some new stunts!" Gonzo said.
"Yeah," Fozzie said, "And I'll do my comedy act."
"Rully, and like, we can all play again," Janice added.
"Kermie?" Miss Piggy asked. "Will moi still have my skits?"
"Of course," he said. "You'll have Vet's Hospital, and Pigs in Space, and some others, too."
"Oh, thank you, Kermie!"
And they all started talking about how great it would be to get back to the theater. Kermit looked around at his friends, amazed that they were still balanced on the log. He smiled and thought to himself, It helps to have a conversation.
He looked at Miss Piggy and noticed the distant, glazed look in her eyes. He wondered what she was thinking about. Then he turned to Robin, who was asking him something...
...The theater was packed with people, all cheering to see her. Important people, too. Reporters, celebreties, even the President of the United States, all there for her. She stepped gracefully on stage and they roared with applause. She wouldn't even have had to perform, just seeing her was enough to please them. But she loved to perform. She crossed the stage, smiling, waving, "Kissy kissy!" and "Moi loves you all!" and "Yes! Thank you!"
She took her place in center stage with a spotlight gleaming down on her. The audience fell silent, waiting on the edge of their seats to see what she would do.
She smiled. The piano began to play, and she began to sing, crisp, clear, with Kermit watching from the wings, silently rooting her on.
When the lights go on
And I take that bow
I hear you applauding
I'm living for now
But it's not in your cheers
It's not how loud you scream
It's that you think I'm perfect
I'm living my dream!
It's ecstasy to hear you roar
You shout to me and beg for more!
And I'm just who I want to be:
Your very best celebrity!
Some one snaps a picture
I flash them a smile
You fans make me feel
It's all worth my while
No one can tell me
What I'm supposed to do
I'm just living my life
I'm only in full view!
It's ecstasy to hear you roar
You shout to me and beg for more
And I'm just who I want to be:
Your very best celebrity!
It's ecstasy to hear you roar
You shout to me and beg for more
And I'm just who I want to be:
Yes I'm just who I want to be:
Exactly who I want to be:
Your very
Best
Celebrity!
They loved every moment of it, and when she finished, they screamed for more. "Encore! Encore!" came the calls. Roses were tossed on stage. The whistles and the applause were almost deafening. But she was done. One must ration what one gives to the loving public.
She waved to them all, with another flurry of "Kissy kissy" and "Thank you all," preparing to depart from the stage. But first she took a deep, gracefull bow..."
SPLASH!!!
The balance of the entire log was thrown off, sending her, Kermit, Robin, Rowlf, and Fozzie all crashing into the pond.
They waded slowly out of the water. Everyone was laughing except for Miss Piggy. She was trying to save her ego and figure out what had happened at the same time.
"Can't show off for too long, can we?" She smiled, trying to act naturally. But before anyone else got a chance to call her bluff, Gina came out of the cabin.
"DINNER TIME!" she called, and the muppets raced inside to see what she had cooked up.
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