Around my birthday ever year, I become very depressed. Why is that? Because it's a harsh reminder of how I haven't accomplished anything in life. I'm about to turn 22. I have no friends, no job, no car, I've never had a girlfriend before, I still live with my parents, I basically have no life whatsoever! I also have a hard time doing many basic things. I can't cut my food, I can't do laundry, and I can't cook. I mean come on, even Chris-Chan has accomplished more than I have! At least he's had a couple jobs before (he was quickly fired from all of them but that's still more experience than me), and he has (or at least had) a car. Seriously, if the creator of freaking Sonichu himself has done more "adulting" than you, you're basically screwed! You ever seen the movie Failure To Launch before? That's basically where I see my life heading and that feeling gets worse each and every year.
I just feel so pathetic and useless. I've never contributed to society in any way. This might surprise some of the people here because I normally seem to be a very happy and positive person. But I do have a dark side that I don't feel comfortable sharing as much. The reason I don't talk much about my problems is because I don't want to feel like a whiner or a complainer. If I'm constantly going "Boo-hoo, poor me!" then people would roll their eyes and think it's all just a cheap ploy to get attention when in reality, it's far from that. In fact, I've experienced people like that online before. I used to follow a YouTube/Deviantart user named Reitanna Seishin but then every post she made ended up being her complaining about how bad her life is over and over again. I just couldn't take it anymore. At first, I felt genuinely sorry for her but the more she kept b*tching about her life, the more it became annoying and eventually lead to me unfollowing all of her social media accounts.
I've had enough now though. This time, I finally decided to just get it all out. You have no idea how much I needed that!
I just wanted everyone to know that with my birthday coming up in a little over a week, I'm not feeling depressed about it this way. In fact, I feel the opposite way!
I'm looking forward to the future, rather than complaining about things I wish I'd changed in the past which never accomplishes anything.
Even if I still have a long way to go, I've also come a long way already and that's something that is worth celebrating. I know it may not be the best idea to post in this thread without having a legit struggle with depression but I just wanted to provide an update and let you all know that I'm feeling so much better this year .
I had been dealing with some very bad depression for the last year. Bad to the point of being suicidal bad that i never told anyone about because i couldnt afford to be in a psych ward even though i probably needed it. I actually tried to jump out of a moving car into traffic.
let's just say my last job along with many other factors led me on a horrible spiral downwards. I was just all around not a pleasant person to talk to and lost a friend because of it.
but now, while i cant say im 'happy' exactly, I'm so much happier than i've been in a very long time. i've done things i didnt think were possible. like at 30 years old i FINALLY got my drivers license beating back some very crippling anxiety about driving. i've also finally stopped living in utter denial and finally admitted to myself that im trans. which is still honestly very weird to say but man it explains so much. though thats a road i havent tackled yet irl.
Shane Keating/Oscarfan/MarshalGrover/sokdrawer has given me so much anxiety throughout the past 3 years of my life, but I'm finally glad to progressively delete everything about him one by one. However, the horror will go on forever; abuse, lies, hypocrisy, false claims, poor grammar, and bizarre sentences.