Chapter Five
“Fifteen minutes to curtain, Boss!” Scooter announced as he whizzed by.
“Okay. Thanks, Scooter.” Kermit sighed, shook his head at himself and his lethargy, and took another look at this week’s schedule.
“Mr. Kermit! Could we borrow you for a moment, please?” Bunsen asked as he approached with a giddy sort of excitement quite apparent in his fidgety fingers.
Kermit quite suddenly and vividly understood how Beaker felt. The lab assistant’s absence was in no way comforting. “Bunsen, the show’s about to start.”
“It will only take a moment,” the scientist assured him. “And it’s in the interest of science!”
Kermit scrunched his face. “That may be, Bunsen, but I’d really like to survive to host this show,” he said irritably. “For as close as I am, I’d hate to waste it now. And can’t you get Beaker to do—whatever it is you need?”
“Oh-ho, certainly not!” Bunsen said. “You are much more suited for it. Besides, Beakie is still recovering from that teensy incident last week with the Muppet Labs Extreme Suction Cup. He will be helping me with the controls!”
“…How comforting,” Kermit said dryly. “Look, Bunsen, I have a show to run—“
“We just need to gather some data,” Bunsen said patiently, hopefully.
Kermit frowned. “Data? What sort of data?”
“Oh good, you’ll do it!”
“Well now WAIT a second—“
“Beakie! Could you bring out the sensors, please?” Bunsen called down the stairs.
Beaker promptly came up the stairs carrying a chunk of metal roughly the size of a kitchen sink, with a smooth indentation that looked vaguely like the inside of a helmet. There were a few lights and buttons as well.
“Now hold still, please!” Bunsen said as he and Beaker guided the contraption to fit over the frog’s head.
Kermit gulped. “Bunsen, what does this do?” he asked. His voice sounded squeakier than usual.
“It detects brain and hormone activity,” Bunsen said proudly. “Alright, Beakie, now let go!”
The contraption dropped on Kermit’s head with a heavy thunk.
“OUCH!” Kermit yelped, and he moaned, “I think I just shrunk an inch…”
“Oh, that’ll grow back,” Bunsen said cheerfully. “Isn’t that right, Beakie?”
“Meep!” Beaker dunked his head down into his lab coat and slowly raised it back up. “Mee moo,” he told Kermit, giving the frog a reassuring—or, perhaps, sympathetic—pat on the shoulder.
Kermit gulped. “Um—thanks?” he said apprehensively. “Bunsen, what is this data for?”
“Oh, this data is to help us program our new Muppet Labs Broken Heart Detector!” Bunsen said excitedly as he fastened Kermit’s chinstrap.
Kermit frowned as both scientists stepped out of sight. “Broken hea—What makes you think I have a broken heart?” he asked irritably.
“Oh, it’s simple!” Bunsen said with a chuckle. “You just found out that Miss Piggy is pregnant, and you do not know who the father is—much less are you the father, which wouldn’t be possible, anyway—and you’ve hardly said a word about it!”
Kermit scrunched up his face. “How is that proof of a broken heart?”
“Well, how about how touchy you are on the subject?” Bunsen said smugly. “Flip the switch, Beakie!”
“Mee mee!”
A huge force of energy slammed against the back of Kermit’s head, and then pushed from all directions, rattling him around inside the metal contraption. Which way was up? How many years would this take off his life? Poor Beaker.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when his brain stopped rattling and he realized the machine had stopped.
“Oh-ho, perfect!” Bunsen declared excitedly as Beaker undid the chinstrap. “Oh, thank you, Mr. Kermit! I’m sure that gave us all the information we need. We’ll see you after the show! Come along now, Beakie. Let’s start programming our Broken Heart Detector!”
“Mee mo!” Beaker lifted the odd machine from Kermit’s head and quickly followed Bunsen down the stairs.
Kermit slumped forward and dumped his head on his table, passingly aware that from his collar up, he was producing enough steam to power a small locomotive.
…Apparently, it hadn’t killed him. According to Bunsen, it had even actually worked.
…How… odd.
“Six minutes to curtain, Boss! Here’s your coffee! …Boss?”
Six minutes. Oh, good. He had time to recover.
Somewhere on the other side of all that steam, Scooter leaned over to look at him. “Boy. What happened to you?”
“…Bunsen,” Kermit managed to mumble.
“Ohhh. With the sensor, for the Broken Heart Detector? Gee, I told him to do that after the show!”
Kermit scrunched his face up. “Could you get me some aspirin?”
“Sure thing, Boss!” The go-fer went-fer.
With some difficulty, Kermit picked his head up and looked at the papers he had landed on. There was a perfect outline of where his very hot head had left burns. “…And another copy of the schedule,” he called after Scooter. Then he looked at the cup of coffee the go-fer had brought.
His head was producing more steam than the coffee.
“Here ya go, Boss!” Scooter said as he returned. “Two aspirin, a new schedule, and a glass of ice water.”
Kermit swallowed the aspirin, took a gulp of water, and dumped the rest of the glass over his head. There was a huge whoosh of steam that completely obscured his head from sight and quickly dissipated. He held very still for a moment.
He was, at least, only steaming as much as the coffee now.
He heaved a deep sigh of relief before turning to Scooter. “I think I’m ready.”
“…I’ll get a towel.”
“I’m already dry.”
“I meant for the floor.”
“Oh.”
“Sixty seconds to curtain, Boss!”
Kermit sighed, and then smiled wryly. It was just another show night at The Muppet Theater.
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I have to say I'm very excited about this story and I get giddy when I see that you have posted more!
But I think you'll be pleased with what's there already.
Please post more soon so my mind doesn't explode from running hypotheticals in my head. If you do one of those leaving us hanging for six week things i'll definitely have to sick my ferocious nagging stick your way and there will be no mercy! 
