Chapter Eight
"This. Is. Jeopardy!"
At seven o'clock every Monday through Friday at the Muppet Boarding House, activity ceased to a virtual halt. Instruments were put down, food was left in the kitchen, and cannons were kept in the garage. This was Jeopardy time, a time where everyone's intellect and pride was on the line. Correct answers were applauded; incorrect answers were jeered. Money sometimes changed hands or paws, while household chores were often on the line during Final Jeopardy. In short, Jeopardy was serious business.
However, there was one member of the boarding house who did not find that half-hour to be as enjoyable as the others, because his bedtime was much earlier than everyone else's. Robin had to be in bed by 8:30, so oftentimes Jeopardy time was homework time.
He sat off to the side of the chaos in the living room on a small desk, which was normally reserved for paying bills and keeping track of personal appointments. He was too small for the chair, so sitting right on the desk avoided having to use a booster seat or anything embarrassing of the nature.
Tonight's assignment was math, fractions to be specific. Robin didn't mind fractions; however, these fractions were a little different. Something called 'mixed numbers', so there were things like "7/5" and "9/3". How could you have seven fifths? You couldn't have any more than five fifths. It was frustrating to him.
Meanwhile, answers and questions flew furiously.
"This author wrote several law themed best-sellers, and they were all runaway successes."
"William Shakespeare!" shouted Gonzo.
"Really, Gonzo?" questioned Piggy.
"John Grisham!," blurted out Rizzo. "That's three for me!"
"I figure if I keep saying Shakespeare whenever they talk about writing I'll be right one of these days," explained Gonzo to an aghast Piggy.
Robin was more interested in finishing his homework.
"Ugh! This is so hard."
Hillary's head perked up at Robin's complaint. She wasn't trying to participate in the question and answer fray, it was just too loud and frenzied for her voice to be heard. Despite the noise, something else had crossed her ears, perhaps because it was so non-frenzied. She scanned the room and caught Robin on the desk, puzzling over his math. She crept off the sofa and made her way to the desk.
"Hey, Robin. How's it going?"
He put down his pencil and looked up. "Not too well. This homework is hard."
"What is it?"
"Simplifying mixed numbers."
"That's not too bad."
"Well, it is to me!"
Hillary sat in the seat for "normal"-sized people and leaned over the paper. "Can I borrow this?"
Robin nodded.
She flipped the paper over and drew a circle.
"Can you divide this into thirds for me?"
Robin quickly filled in the proper lines.
"Now color in three thirds for me."
"You mean a whole?"
"Yes."
Robin colored everything in, then gave the pencil back to Hillary, who drew another circle.
"Divide this into thirds and color in two of them."
"See, you have one whole and two-thirds, right?"
"Yes." Robin seemed fairly skeptical, but Hillary's education classes had taught her to stay patient and let the lessons work themselves out. Sometimes it took a little while for the light bulb to turn on.
"Now you said a whole was three thirds, right?"
"Yes."
"So if you have three thirds and two thirds, that…"
"…is five-thirds! Five thirds!"
Robin gave Hillary a hug, to the best of his abilities. "I think I get it now, I just need to subtract the whole, and then I can have a regular fraction left over."
"Yes! Now try problem two, and I'll be back after I get myself a drink from the kitchen."
By this point, Jeopardy had ended, so the crowd was beginning to disperse. Dr. Teeth had won Final Jeopardy (the category was Synthesizers), so he eagerly tallied up all the chores and favors he won.
"So Gonzo, you have to wash my car. I want to you make sure that chrome gleams in the sunlight just like my tooth, you dig? And Link, you owe me some breakfast tomorrow. I like my waffles with plenty o'chocolate chips."
"But I can't cook!"
"Should have pondered that before you bet against the good doctor!"
Hillary stopped back from the kitchen and visited Robin, who had moved on to problem four by now.
"Look, Hillary! I'm doing really good now. These fractions are so much easier now that you showed me how to solve them."
"That's great! I'm glad I was able to help you."
Rowlf happened to notice their conversation and ambled by. "How's it going?"
"Hillary showed me how to solve these mixed numbers problems! Now I'm definitely going to finish my homework on time! She's such a big help."
A light bulb went off in Rowlf's head. "So, Hillary, you studied education in Virginia, right?"
"Yes, that was my major before I came here."
"Say, you know how I'm working at the after school program at the Institute for the Gifted and Talented Monster?"
"Yes, I heard you talking about it with Scooter yesterday."
"Well, we could use a helping hand. Do you want to come in a couple days a week?"
"Sure. I'd love to."
"Thanks! Let's shake on it."
While Hillary and Rowlf were shaking hands, Sam's eye wandered from the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune to his daughter, and he briskly walked over to the desk.
"Hello, Hillary. Hello, Rowlf. Hello, Robin."
"Hi, Sam. How are you?" questioned Rowlf.
"I'm good. Just had a brisk intellectual exercise with Jeopardy. It's too bad they didn't have more historical questions. I'm afraid they might be watering down the show."
"I was talking to Hillary, and she said she wanted to volunteer at the after-school program."
"A couple times a week, Dad. It would really help me keep up on my teaching skills."
Sam seemed flustered. "But-but are you sure you'll have time at the grocery store? They need you there."
"They only put me on in the morning shift, so I have afternoons free."
"But-don't you want to earn more money. I'm sure the manager would put you on full-time if you wanted."
Rowlf stepped in. "Perhaps there's some employee money in the coffers for Hillary."
"Thanks!"
Sam wasn't happy; he had worked hard to keep his children as far from full-time interactions with the Muppets this whole time, but now his daughter was going to be working for one of them! Possibly for no money. That was decidedly ungrateful.
"Well, Hillary, you're-you're an adult, but I better not see your work slip at the grocery store, or else I'll have to forbid you from working with those monsters."
"Thank you, Dad," said Hillary with the slightest touch of sarcasm in her voice.
--------------------
The next day, the theater was abuzz with the sound of rehearsals. Paul McCartney had arrived in from London, and was spending the morning with Kermit and Rowlf working out the musical arrangements to his solo numbers, while the rest of the gang went through their paces. Scooter was running things in his usual brisk manner.
"All right everybody! I need Thog on the stage for his ballet in two minutes! Up next is Miss Piggy, then Sweetums."
"I can't go on stage! I don't have Robin! He's at school!"
Scooter scanned the crowd of Muppets, looking for a substitute. "Hmmmm….who's pretty small….Rizzo! Rizzo? Stand in for Robin with Sweetums in this rehearsal."
"What? Me? I gotta sit on his shoulder and sing "Good Day Sunshine"? Not a chance."
"It's just for rehearsal!"
"Rizzo doesn't do cute."
Sweetums then scooped up Rizzo, ending all argument. "Come on, it'll be fun! Maybe if you do good in the rehearsal you can be a backup dancer."
Meanwhile, Piggy was on stage with Dr. Teeth, and neither of them were too happy about the situation.
"I can't believe this freak has to be the one backing me up when I sing. We're a long way from the days of Christopher Reeve."
The doctor snorted. "And we're a long way from the days of having Debbie Harry sing up here."
"Touche," said Piggy, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Just shut up and play, like Rowlf."
Dr. Teeth tickled his fingers across the keyboard, while Piggy started to fire up her pipes.
"and when I go away,
I know my heart…can stay…with my love
it's understood
it's in the hands of my love
and my love…does it…goooood
wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-woooooooa
my love….does it…goooood"
Dr. Teeth begin putting in a little fill after the chorus, something Piggy was not expecting.
"and when…and…Hey! Hey! What are you doing?"
"Just adding a little piece to the song, a little spice, a little flair, a little-"
"Cut it short, you walking thesaurus."
Their repartee continued while Scooter feverishly worked to escort the two of them off the stage. In the orchestra pit, Wayne, Wanda, Nigel and Sam were continuing to argue over their latest direction for the show.
"Look, honey, I don't know why you want to work with anyone else but me! I've got charisma, presence, hair, beauty. What else could you need?"
"But you're not KC. He's got a better voice than you ever had. Plus he still has the Sunshine Band! They're stellar."
"What?! You haven't heard my rendition of "That's The Way (I Like It)" yet? Nigel, you've heard me sing that one, right?"
"Do you guys mind, I'm trying to finish this round of Words with Friends. Is fiberrary a word?"
Sam lost his patience. "Don't you guys have a song to rehearse? I hope it's better than that violent song you sang last rehearsal."
"We've got something better. It's folky."
"Yeah, Wanda picked it out for us."
"Can I hear it? Nigel, stoke up the band."
Nigel didn't look up from his iPhone. "The band is busy rehearsing other numbers."
"Okay, then sing it a cappella."
The two of them cleared their throats excessively, causing Sam to cringe. "Are you guys chewing tobacco? Please just start singing."
Wayne started with Wanda on the echo.
"Well when I walk, when I walk on my horse upon the hill (when I walk the horse upon a hill)"
The two then switched roles.
"Well when I walk, walk walk walk on my horse upon the hill (when I walk the horse upon a hill)"
Then their two voices came together like ice cream and veal.
"and I lay me down, will my lover love me still?
a dog is here, a dog is here, a dog is there, a dog is there
my dog he got three legs, but he can't run"
"STOP! STOP! STOP!" Sam waved his arms as if he was landing a plane.
"A song about an injured dog? Can you pick anything more classless? Goodness, I don't know why I bother working with you anymore."
"But Sam, it's about something deeper, Wanda told me."
"Well, Wanda?"
She shrugged her shoulders, then confidentially leaned over to Sam. "I just tell him that so he'll agree with me. I have no idea what the song's actually about."
"Arrrgh! Nigel, don't you keep an eye on these two ruffians? Nigel?"
Nigel was absorbed in something on his phone. "Hmm? Did you say something, Sam?"
"I'm taking my lunch break!"
Sam stalked away towards the canteen, sighing. "Perhaps I need to find some new talent to work with. Maybe I could work with Robin."
******************************
Coming up next in Chapter Nine: Matty makes a phone call and the ax falls at the Four Seasons Market.
Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Jim Henson Idea Man
Back to the Rock Season 2
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
