Chapter Forty-Eight
Scooter shrugged. "Okay Boss," he said. He turned to the approximate direction of the front door. "Come on in, sir. Just watch out for the penguins."
"Penguins?" the guest said as he entered the kitchen.
The penguins had been practicing their flips in the kitchen, and everyone had forgotten about them, until one of them flipped straight into the visitor's chest and bounced harmlessly to the floor.
The man blinked. "Oh," he said. "Penguins. ...I see."
"Sorry about that, sir, um-" Kermit looked at the man, and the way he was dressed, identifying. "Major-" he made a move to stand, presumably at attention, but the man held a hand up and stopped him.
"As you were," the man said simply, and Kermit stayed in his seat.
Seeing the way their head honcho had almost stood, the other Muppets winced and stiffened and eyed their visitor uneasily.
"Private First Class Kermit the Frog, I presume?" the man said.
"Yes sir," Kermit said, and then he realized. "I've been discharged though, sir."
"So I've heard," the man nodded. "My name is Major Edward Thomas... Would you mind if I come in?"
"Oh, um- certainly, sir," Kermit said. He gestured to an empty chair. "Um, why don't you have a seat..."
"Thank you," Major Thomas said, and it was not until he began to move towards the indicated chair that he looked a little nervous.
Miss Piggy slowly, stiffly, began to clear the many brochures off of the table, so they would be out of the way. She tossed a few discreet glares at the man, and purposely left the brochures of wedding dresses out to be cleared away last. The man noticed, and fidgeted.
"Um-" he set his hands flat on the table. "Um, my daughter is a big fan of yours, Frog, um... she said you had a terrific show last night."
"Thank you, sir," Kermit said stiffly.
The man shifted his weight and folded his hands together. "Um- I understand you've- been doing very well for yourself... since your discharge."
"Yes sir," Kermit said. "Very well."
Major Thomas shifted his weight, unfolded and refolded his hands, uncomfortably conscious of the many eyes that were watching him and stiffly wishing him away. This house had, as a whole, moved past the military, and had thought it to be mutual.
He smiled awkwardly. "I'm no good at small talk and it's not making anyone comfortable. Should I skip it?"
"That might be good, yeah," Kermit said.
Major Thomas sighed. "You see, Pri- ...er, Frog, um- As I'm sure you're well aware, we don't have much support in this war," he said.
"It's kind of hard not to know that, isn't it, sir?" Kermit said. He wasn't enlisted. He didn't have to speak with the utmost respect to his superiors.
The Muppets stood a little straighter, with a little more confidence.
"...I suppose it would be," Major Thomas said. He shifted his weight. "You see, the military- I mean each branch of the military- well you see, um-" He fidgeted with his hands, trying to sort his words and select his thoughts... select his words and sort his thoughts... in the reverse order... or was that the right way?
The Muppets watched him fidget in the chair.
"You see it's hard to, um..." He looked at Kermit uneasily. "Would you mind if I smoke?" he mumbled.
"I'd prefer if you didn't, sir," Kermit said, gesturing to Robin. "Young lungs." He hesitated, his hand in mid-air, and then pulled his nephew into his lap.
"Right," Major Thomas said with a nod. He took a deep breath. "You see Frog, the military as a whole made a decision, and that decision was for each branch of the military to develop a- a sort of sub-branch, you see? And when each of those sub-branches comes together..." He gulped. "It'll be a television station, to be broadcast here in the States, explaining our perspective of what's happening over there."
Clifford folded his arms. "Is that the best way we can spend our military dollars?" he said skeptically.
Major Thomas set his hands flat on the table and looked at Clifford. "What are we without our country behind us?" he said urgently. He didn't have many good lines, but he was proud of that one.
But Miss Piggy said simply, "The military."
Oh.
Major Thomas folded and unfolded his hands. "Whose military, ma'am?" he mumbled. He shifted his weight and turned to Kermit. "You see, Frog," he said shakily, "We were- we were hoping that- since you are a former Marine- we were hoping you would come back, and cover our angle, um, from the perspective of the troops-"
"Absolutely not," Fozzie said as he and the other Muppets edged closer to their leader's side.
"Well now hold on a second." Major Thomas lifted his hands slightly. "It would just be reporting. You'd never even touch a gun, Frog-"
"That's not the issue," Gonzo said.
"The issue is that he's safe here," Rowlf said.
"And he wouldn’t be there!" Scooter chimed.
"He's all ready been hurt once. Isn't that enough?" Fozzie said.
"I- I realize that," Major Thomas fidgeted. "And we appreciate it, we really do, but he-" He turned to Kermit again. "You wouldn't be fighting, Frog, it would just be reporting. You've got experience with that. You did it on Sesame Street, and-"
"Oh now there’s a comparison!" Rizzo said.
"Si, Sesame Street is no war zone, hokay?" Pepe said.
Major Thomas gulped and looked at Kermit. "Frog, if- if you do come back, you'll be promoted automatically to Lance Corporal-"
"Oh now that's a great incentive," Floyd said sarcastically. "Hear that, Green Stuff? You can move up in somethin' ya never wanted to join!"
Major Thomas shifted his eyes uneasily, pressed his hands against the table, and focused his attention on Kermit. "We would put you back with your old unit," he said. "All the same guys, under the same Major-"
"But that Major loses everything!" Scooter objected.
Major Thomas looked at him. "Major Dougbertingston is one of the best in the Marines," he said firmly.
"How reassuring," Miss Piggy sighed dryly.
Major Thomas looked at Kermit. "Frog, you know we could use the help."
"And we do help!" Fozzie said. "Especially Kermit. We give to every fundraiser! Kermit even ran one!"
"We do more than our part to support the troops," Scooter said.
"We give all that we can. Don't ask for more!" Gonzo said.
The Muppets all quickly added their reasons for their leader to stay.
Major Thomas kept his eyes on Kermit, who all this time had been very quiet. "It's your decision, sir," he said, and the Muppets were silenced.
The frog had been studiously staring at the grain of the wooden table. He slowly lifted his head, looked the man in the eyes, and quietly said, "I'll think about it."
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