2007 Muppet Presidential Election begins

[anytimepally]

Bunsen: Would it help if i wore Bunny ears throughout the campaign?

it probably would

 

[theprawncracker]

Grover: Oh, yes, I think some cute little bunny ears would make you much more of a formidable opponent Dr. Honeydew. And a cuter one, too.

 

[Ruahnna]

Miss Piggy arrives at backstage in grand style, emerging out of her limousine decked to the nines (or in her case, perhaps the elevenses) in a smart little black suit dress with black boa trim on the collar and cuffs. Her hat is wide-brimmed and has black feather boa trim, and her four-inch black shoes have silver lucite heels. Her make-up is understated (for Piggy) and, while breathless, she seems composed. Her running mate, however, is rather frazzled and out of breath, shoving Piggy out onto the stage before taking a huge breath and sinking down weakly into a chair on the stage.
Piggy mounts the podium (which dips down but not actually sag) and adjusts the microphone with a little giggle.
Piggy: Moi is sorry for the incovenience of arriving fashionably late--and I do mean fashionably late--but Moi has been out of town on some VERY IMPORTANT BUSINESS. (Macy's was having a 30% off sale, and those don't happen every week, buster!) But Moi is back now and ready to launch her campaign.
Moi would like to gratefully acknowledge all those little people who have been so useful in getting Moi to this point in Moi's career. The hairdresses who got out of bed at outrageous hours to ensure that the country was safe from bad hair--the designers who selflessly spent hours hand-beading Moi's little black dresses for those top-secret cocktail parties--all those people who did all the boring and uninteresting things that are necessary, whose names I am too busy and important to remember.
(Frantic whispering from Piggy's running mate, Ruahnna. Miss Piggy listens but looks blank. Ru gives up on whispering.)
Ruahnna: Your platform, Piggy. Tell them about your platform!
Bewildered, Piggy shrugs.
Piggy: Um, my personal assist....um running mate has suggested that I describe my platform.)
(There is a smattering of polite applause.)
Piggy: They're um, red and strappy, about three inches tall and they match my red and white polka dot suit just perfectly, especially with the matching earrings. Of course, I must say that, as nice as platforms are, Moi actually prefers high heels for most social--
Ruahnna is waving frantically and without much success.
Piggy: (Giving Ru a look, then mugging sweetly for the crowd) Um, ha ha, just a moment, please.
There is a brief, intense conversation between the runing mates.
Piggy: (to Ru) Issues? You want to talk about issues? I can tell you about issues because I've been dating the same frog for the past--what? I don't...oh. Oh. Ooooh! Campaign issues! I get it--campaign issues.
Ruahnna: Piggy, pleeeease try to stay focused, okay?
Piggy: (remounting the podium) Um, I am going to talk about my campaign platform and the issues that are of genuine importance to all of you little people. Just as soon as I make them--
Ruahnna: (Coughing meaningfully) Piggy!
Piggy: Um, just as soon as I get my notes. Back in a bit! Kissy kissy, mmon cheres!

 

[Ruahnna]

Ruahnna: (nervously, to crowd) Um, Miss Piggy would like to announce her presidential candidacy and I promise that we will return in just a little while and talk to you seriously about the issues of this campaign.

(OOC: PLEASE forgive my lateness--I've been staying in Hooterville for the past week visiting family and had NO INTERNET HOOKUP!)

 

[theprawncracker]

Grover: Oh, hello there Miss Piggy! Are you going to wear bunny ears too, to make you cute like furry, old Grover?

 

[Erine81981]

Herry: I just got an idea. Why not hand out Bunny ears to everyone?

 

[The Count]

Scooter, passing through the backstage area... *Hears Piggy speaking and Ru apologizing for her tardiness. He takes off his glasses and does a double take, completely disbelieving that she finally arrived.

Scooter: Piiiiiiiiiigggy!! You made it! And hi Cath, sorry you were stuck in um, Hooterville as you said. *Pulls out a pack of index cards from his clipboard. Here you go, all the issues you plan to run on for Muppet president.
*To Grover: She doesn't need them Grover. She has piggy ears, and is already naturally cute.

 

[Beakerfan]

Beaker: Well I will not conform to the cuteness everyone seems to be aquiring! Btw, nice to finally have you here, Ms. Piggy!

 

[Ruahnna]

It's All in How You Accessorize...

Grover: Oh, hello there Miss Piggy! Are you going to wear bunny ears too, to make you cute like furry, old Grover?

Miss Piggy: Vous are so funny, um, blue furry thing. (to Ru) This is one of Kermit's weird friends from Sesame Street, isn't it? Moi is not planning to wear bunny ears since her own ears are as nice as, um, silk purses--which are very nice indeed, but Moi IS considering another fashion accessory. (Her electric blue eyes harden suddenly and she looks at Grover meaningfully.) Moi has a sudden hankering for a blue, fur stole....

 

[Ruahnna]

A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage – Herbert Hoover

Take-out in every refrigerator and a very cute little pair of designer shoes in every closet. – Miss Piggy

Piggy: Ahem. Moi is back after having immersed herself in the issues (and some Chanel No. 22) to talk to all you darling little people about the issues that I think are of prime importance to all the candidates.
Statler: Doh ho ho! The pig said prime!
Piggy: Knock it off you old goats! I’m running for office here!
Statler: As long as you’re running!
Piggy: Oh shut up!
Ruahnna (desperately) Piggy, honey please! They’re, um, voting members—at least, I think they are. The issues, honey? Please?
Piggy: Um, yes. The issues. After I am elected, I plan to redecorate the white house to a décor that is more attractive. I think that white is such a dull color, and it does nothing for Moi’s complexion.
Ruahnna sighs with relief and nods.
Piggy: And Moi is commited to, well, her frog, of course—kissy, kissy, Kermit!—and to getting all of Moi’s top-selling movies out to my adoring public.
Ruahnna: Here, here!
Piggy: And Moi is dedicated to removing the blight of unattractiveness that seems to pervade any public. Toward that end, Moi plans to hire a highly trained staff of fashion advisors and hair-stylists to deal with this issue. And as your president, I promise that I will do everything in Moi’s power to always look outstanding for Moi’s public. Remember, when I look good, you look good!