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What’s the ugliest part of your body? What’s the ugliest part of your body? Some say your nose. Some say your toes. But I think it’s your mind. Frank Zappa From the album “We’re Only In It For the Money”

They made it as far as Washington state, but they didn’t swarm the whole country.

That’s part and parcel at concerts. But I’ve been at a number of football games when things got out of hand in the stands. Fifty thousand spectators ranked up on beer ( I never stripped or painted myself). All it takes is for the referee to make one bad call, and you have a riot.

I’ve been to enough concerts and baseball and football games with crowds of fifty thousand or more. That’s not bad until you have to get to a bathroom or something to eat. Then you have to be careful stepping over people. Same thing in the movie theater. The size of the crowd doesn’t bother me...

Charley Pride died on Saturday. He was 86, Although COVID got him, his health was suffering in recent years. For those who may not know, Charley Pride was one of the very few Black Country singers. His biggest crossover pop/country hit was 1971’s “Kiss An Angel Good Morning “. But he had 29...

New Year’s Eve in Times Square is overrated. I’ve never been there ion New Year’s Eve, but I have been at the spot where the ball drops. The intersection of Broadway and 7th Avenue. To get the best spot, people arrive a day or so early and claim their patch of ground. Once you’re there, you stay...

Well, it will be a first to see Times Square empty. I hope they still drop the ball. Just like Thanksgiving, I’m making a big spread and having four people over. I wish I could borrow Mr. Spock’s transport beam and beam you over here. As crowded as my little house will be, I got room for one more.

Remember earlier this year those killer wasps that came over from Asia? Killed a lot of bees and a few people? For a couple days that was gripping news. Now it’s all but forgotten.

In Sunday School when I was little, they gave us certain Bible scriptures- John 3:16, Romans 8:28, Luke 4:28, etc. I thought the numbers afterwards were the time they said it.

My Top Ten VoiceOver Artists (feel free to add yours) 1) Mel Blanc 2) Jim Cummings 3) Billy West 4) Gary Owens 5) June Foray 6) Charlie Adler 7) Dallas McKennon 8) Paul Winchell 9) Arnold Stang 10) Casey Kasem

No. I mean at least I use my fingers. I don’t strap it on my face like a horse.

Over the years, I’ve donated a ton of stuff to Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc. and I never saw any of my stuff again. Either they have such a high turnover, or they ship it to other stores.

But then again, his brother Moe was happily married for 50 years.

That’s not necessarily true. 1) Someone can still come along and become your salty mate for life. 2) I didn’t get married until I was 32, so you still have a 4year window. 3) Even if you never get married, you still might beat the odds and live to be 100, like a Tibetan monk. I wouldn’t write...

Yes. You move to Miami where it’s consistently 80 degrees year round. That way you’ll never get taken by surprise. Sometimes solutions are right under your nose.

On the subject of Santa Claus (having played one), little kids really believe in you. Even more than the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. When little kids tell you their heart’s desires, that’s a big deal, and not a role you take lightly. During my 2-hour Santa gig, most wanted various toys (the...

He shot himself in the foot with a Nerf gun! That’s priceless! 🥶🥶🥶🤪🤪🤩

Did anybody catch the video on YouTube about the woke Santa? Over the weekend, a little boy visited a mall Santa. He wants a Nerf gun for Christmas. Santa said no, the kid burst out crying, the video went viral, and Woke Santa got canned. I played Santy Claus once (with a lot of pillows to...

My wife bakes. She gave me a little taste of what she’s making Christmas Day. There are these little pastries, very big this time of year, called petit fours. These tiny little cakes are layers of sponge cake with jelly between them. Then they’re frosted and decorated. They’re so small you can...

I got a Christmas card from my uncle, which is fine. I’m thankful for that. It’s just a little odd the card was addressed to a place I lived three years ago. My uncle knows my current address- he helped me move in! u’n grateful my uncle retired from law. As absent-minded as he can be...