I understand exactly how you feel. The past few days my anxiety has been through the roof and as crazy tough as it is I'm going day by day and as easy as others want to make that sound it isn't, not in the least.Having one of my toughest evenings in a long time. Sometimes it's very hard to deal with all this depression and anxiety stuff without wondering WHY it's all happening. What did I do to deserve to have to deal with this? I know that "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but shoot I didn't realize this was going to be so darn hard.
It's hard sometimes to think rationally about these kinds of things. I know on some level that I had been heading down a bad road with my thought processes and decision making, and that it's going to take a long time to get better. I also know that my brain isn't exactly working like it used to, and I need to treat it differently (do less than I used to). But I can't tell myself that all the time, because thinking emotionally is largely part of my problem. When I'm feeling really sad, it's hard to tell myself that there are biological reasons behind what is happening to me.It's really not about "deserving" anything. Neurons can only take so much. They are only equipped to handle so much stimulation. Whether it's good or bad (hence why euphoria can be just as damaging), overloading the circuits wears them out. It becomes harder and harder to recover. The worst part is if you are still stuck in a life where the stimulus causing the problem just isn't going away. It's possible, but it's incredibly hard. It requires some gradual reprogramming. Cognitive therapy and, if necessary, chemical therapy will do what it can to assist. It's a slow process, but people must hold out hope. After all, it took years to get the brain to act that way, so it won't heal overnight. At any rate, it's mainly about cutting the neurons some slack so they can recuperate from the storm of neurotransmitters.