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>dies from exhaustion< Ok, here it is....it's like, the longest chapter in the history of the universe, so hopefully there's something here that works even if it's not the most impressive bit I've ever written. I've had this whole caroling scene in mind forever, but putting it into writing turned out to be incredibly hard: but try and bear with me. Honest reviews are appreciated, so please let me know whether it took two hours to read because of sheer confusion. 
And Figgie, I must apologize that so far your 'romance' has been as bland as a beige wall. 
Will get better, promise!! (which mean, I hope!)
CHAPTER FIVE
“Ok...everyone...settle down now...” Kermit waved his baton in a a futile effort at organization. “Please --um--can we just get a few carols down, and then back to the separate acts...”
No one was really listening, arguing and jabbering with each other was the easiest way to relieve the cold. Dr. Teeth and the rest of the band stood idly by with their instruments at hand, waiting on some kind of a miracle to make it quiet enough to begin.
Floyd nodded at Animal. “Detonate, man.”
Animal knew very few words. He understood a few more, but translated half of them to mean one thing. Drums. He let loose on them in a fury of noise and banging and growling and yelling, drowning out the talk in the room until all eyes were on him wondering whether a sedative would be needed.
When he was finally calmed down, Kermit turned to start. “OK...thanks Animal, Floyd.” “You know what they say, fight fire with fire right?”
“...Yeah. Ok everyone: Nigel, you ready back there?”
“Sure Kermit.”
“Alice?”
“I'm taking the solo right?”
“Nooo..that would be moidear.”
“Piggy....let's not start that again.”
“Oh, moi is sorry. I forgot the rule was age before beauty.”
“Scooter?”
“I'm getting hot chocolate for the monsters, boss.”
“Well drop it and help Nigel for now, OK?
“OK...”
“Alright, now from the first note...and listen you guys, I'm not stopping for anything this time...so keep on singing no matter what. Here we go...”
They launched off shakily, remembering during the second bar what song they were singing and what solo they had and flinging in late and off key, with extra enthusiasm on the next line to make up for it.
Alison took the lead with the first verse:
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree!
Kermit joined her, a little early on account of his frazzled nerves.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Two turtle doves...
Fozzie cut in:
And a partridge in a pear tree!!
“Fozzie, that isn't your line.”
“Oh, I'm so sorry!”
“It's all right, just be quiet now.”
Miss Piggy jumped in, growling the beginning of her line for silence:
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Three French hens!
“I wish someone would get me three French hens!”
“Gonzo, shush!”
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Now it was Rowlf's turn:
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
--Four calling birds,
--Three french hens,
“Mee-ow!”
“Brawwk!”
…. Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Miss Piggy launched in again:
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Five...golden....
“But wait Piggy!”
“What?!”
“You already had a line!”
“This is *always * my line, Kermie dear. Now step aside and let moi sing it?”
The tone in her voice told him he better not have an argument.
Five golden rings!!
--Four calling birds,
--Three French hens,
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
It was Fozzie's turn, and as usual he stood blank-faced, until Nigel graciously took his part: On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Six swans a swimming,
Five golden rings!!
--Four calling birds,
--Three French hens,
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Scooter grabbed his line:
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...!
“Whhaaa!!!”
His pitch was good, but in flinging his hand out to meet the chorus, he had inadvertently sent a thermos of hot chocolate flying—on to Nigel. There were horrendous, traumatizing screams echoing in the background as miss Piggy finished her line without a cue. Five...golden rings!
Four calling birds,
>scream<
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Lew Zealand commenced:
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Eight fish a flying!
“What? That Is not your line, as you know perfectly well!”
“Sam! Lew!”
“Is so!”
>screams from Nigel<
“Will somebody get him some water?!”
“I'm on it boss!”
“No! Take your cue!”
“...Five...golden....rings!!”
“ --Four calling birds,”
“--Three French hens,”
“….uhm.....Two turtle doves,”
“And a partridge in a pear tree!”
Gonzo surprised everyone by taking coming in on the right line. And surprised absolutely no one by forgetting the rest of it:
“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Nine....Ah, gee....something....something...”
“ Eight fish a-flying!”
“Wrong!!”
“Seven swans a swimming,”
“Six...” >splash< “I'm fine, alright?! ...geese a-laying,”
“Five golden rings!”
“Four calling birds,”
“Three French hens,”
“Two turtle doves,”
“And a partridge in a pear tree!”
Fozzie opened his mouth in an attempt at what would have been Nigel's line, only to be cut off by Animal, tired of waiting around.
“ON THE TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME...”
He opened his shaggy brows a moment and caught sight of Alice.
“WO--MAN!!!”
That ended it. Animal was off after the lead singer in a flash, who left the stage screaming. Gonzo's tiny attention span short circuited and he wandered away after a passing hen. A wet, scalded and thoroughly fed-up Nigel marched off snatching his baton from Kermit on the way out. Scooter took the chance and made some excuse to hop out of the chaos zone. Lew and Sam continued to argue ending with Lew taking childish pleasure in throwing fish in Sam's face, the latter throwing an American hissy-fit. Miss Piggy stood boiling and Fozzie hid behind his hat.
Kermit turned around to face his lone audience member, stretching at the neck of his tuxedo uncomfortably.
“It's uhm....always better when we've had more practice.”
J.P. Gross put his cigar butt out on the arm-rest of his seat. “Course' frog, whatever you say. Was--that supposed to be funny?”
Kermit gulped. “Did you think it was?”
“Nope, but it wasn't artistic or musical either. Not sure what you were going for.” “Uhm...Yeah well, I didn't exactly ask you down here to show you that.”
“I didn't think you were that dumb.”
“Um...you may have noticed...it's a little cold in here...”
J.P. Glanced around speculatively at the lofty, dilapidated, Benny Vandergast Memorial theater he owned. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“Well...we were wondering....”
“If I could fix the heat right? Let me finish: I also noticed the surplus of cots and crazies, and this morning on my way to the office I noticed something else: a nice lookin' family moving into the boarding house where my nephew and his nutty friends stay: so I figured either ya'll got real friendly and decided to share your home with someone else and their furniture, or else you were evicted and are now living in my theater.”
Kermit wasn't sure how to reply. He wished there would be an explosion, but they never came at convenient moments, like when miss Piggy wanted the spot he had just given to the attractive female guest star...
“So which is it frog?” J.P. Insisted.
“Well, we kinda had a mix-up with the landlord, you see, and...” He swallowed. “She just kicked us out-- all of us. And now I'm not sure what to do. I had kinda hoped you would help me out.”
“How so?”
“By fixing the heating system? Or..repairing some of the holes in the place...or, both? Maybe?”
J.P. Lit another cigar. “Did it ever occur to you frog how much more money I could make if there was one of my shopping centers here instead of this dump?”
It hadn't, really. Kermit was suddenly rooted to the spot. “I guess...a lot...”
He shook his head. “But you wouldn't do that! I mean, we've known you for years...we've rented from you for as long as the show's been in business, and you can't say it hasn't been going well.”
“No, can't say that frog. And I haven't torn the place down yet. That's the way I'm helpin' you out. Eventually this place will tumble down on it's own, but until that happens, why put off the inevitable? I've had ample opportunity to kick you people out, but I haven't, cause' I'm a good guy. And besides that, the nephew can be pretty annoying when he wants to.”
Kermit made a face that couldn't show how disgusted he was. “Funny. You sound just like our landlord giving us the reasons why she had to boot us out of our home.”
J.P. Grosse shrugged. “That's life. Especially during Christmas. You'd be amazed how ugly things turn when your on the other side of the financial scale. And that's all I'm saying, you have to look out for yourself, you know? There's no such thing as charity coming back to you when you can't afford it.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At about the third hallway, Alice started to get almost actually a little scared of Animal. It wasn't as if she hadn't been warned a billion times about his proclivity for chasing pretty girls, but she had neglected to ask exactly what happened in the event that he caught them. She turned blindly into a doorway, thinking if she swung off she might be able to throw her pursuer. No good, she could hear him coming. She turned to see how close he was, and ran smack into someone else coming from the opposite direction.
She was knocked back onto her haunches, as was Henry.
“Oh! I'm sorry...” He stood back up, grabbing Alice's hand and pulling her to her feet before he realized who she was. He caught sight of her eyes, and jumped back as if he had been bitten.
“Oh...hi.” He mumbled.
Alice smiled and made as if to reply, but Animal came running through the back hallway. “WO-MAN, WO-MAN!!”
Henry turned towards him calmly. “Hey Animal, I think Floyd's calling you.”
Animal stopped and blinked as if he were trying to remember what he'd been doing. Then he turned and shuffled back through the theater halfheartedly.
It was only when her giggles subsided that Alice realized she was clutching Henry's arms. Now it was her turn to hop back.
“Hi.” She said, smiling to make up for her embarrassment. “And thanks.”She had never felt happier being uncomfortable.
“Your welcome.” Said Henry, trying not to stare at her pretty face up close.
Alice had noticed it though. The singer chewed her lip, trying to stifle a smile. “Uhm....I'm Alice.” She said.
“I'm Henry.”
“Nice to meet you. Um...how did you learn that trick about Animal?”
Henry shrugged. “Well Floyd seems to be the only one that he listens to, so I just made a lucky guess. He was probably getting bored anyway.”
“You must be pretty used to them by now, huh?”
Henry shifted. “Well actually, I've only been working here for about a week. They needed extra stagehands for the Christmas show. I'm still not sure whether I'll stay on after that.”
“I know how you feel. I'm booked on the Christmas program...”She trailed off. “They're fun people, aren't they though?”
“Crazy.”
“Sure, but fun.” Henry smiled.
“They sure are.”
They stood and smiled at each other for a moment.
“I heard you singing today....you sing, really well....” Henry tried hard not to stutter, but the words didn't sound like he wanted them to when they came out.
Alice's blush was encouraging. “Thanks.” She managed. “Well...” She glanced at the empty hallway. “I...probably need to...go...practice, or something...” She smiled at him again. He tried smiling back, but he couldn't seem to master the action anymore.
“See ya later, um, Henry.”
He watched her till she was out of sight. Then stood for a long time afterwards, trying to decide whether that had gone well or not.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“It's the red cord, Beau...”
“Hey, hurry it up alright?”
“Don't rush us! Beau, could you...watch the remote!”
“Johnny Fiama can rush whoever he wants!”
“Si, si, hokey. Put on the movie so we can see the ladies!”
Scooter was tangled in the pile of cords Beauregard was insistently heaping upon him from the box of electrical equipment from the house.
“We're watching Polar Express Pepe, it's already been decided on.”
“I don't believe that hokey! That's a terrible movie. Santa Baby is way better hokey!”
“Aw, well I still wanna watch Santa's Coming to Town.”
“Tough Robin, I wanted to see A Christmas Carol.”
“Guys, Rizzo, please don't start that again.”
“It ain't right man, It's a Wonderful Life is our holiday tradition. Like Piggy growing out of last years Christmas dress.”
>collected nervous snickers as the group glanced around to see if Piggy was on the premises<
“You know, I'd really like to see White Christmas instead."
“Oh Fozzie, we've seen that a billion times already.”
“Same thing with this one!”
“Yeah, nobody wants to watch this movie Scooter.”
“You did a minute ago!”
“Did not!”
“Si, not enough ladies hokey!”
“Well I say we boycott this movie and vote on another one!”
“Oh Gonzo, don't make trouble!”
“Who's making trouble?!”
Kermit watched them, waiting for an opportunity to speak. He hated bad news with a passion. He hated having to give it even more so.
“Uh....hey guys.......everyone.........QUIETTT!!!!” Mission accomplished. They all turned and looked in his direction. “Hey...um...” He took a deep breath. “I've been checking over the budget and, with that move and what we just spent on extra cots and blankets and everything...plus the groceries this week. Well....it's gonna be pretty tight, for a while.”
He watched their reaction. No panic, just a familiar wondering whether Kermit was telling the whole story, what he meant, ...if he could handle whatever was wrong.
“Any word from J.P.?” Asked Rowlf.
“Yeah Kerm, what's he say?”
Kermit swallowed in his habitual 'It isn't good news' way. “He's not fixing anything.” He said quietly. Now there was some panic.
“What?! But the weather report says it's gonna get even colder tonight!”
“How are we gonna get an audience, the auditoriums freezing!”
Scooter hopped off his stepping stool. The go-fer looked almost guilty.
“Do you want me to talk to him, boss?”
“I don't think it'll do any good Scooter. Thanks.”
“Kermin, what are going to do hokey? It's a deep freeze in here, hokey?!”
“Kermit--” Fozzie tapped him on the shoulder mournfully. “I called my mother. She's already in Honolulu and the house is filled with college kids....I'm sorry.”
“It's OK Fozzie.” Kermit raised his voice against the worried murmurs of the group. “Look guys, it's not any of your fault, alright? I want you to know that first of all. Secondly, I want you to know that we're still going to stay together and pull through. This is just a minor set-back....an oversight on the finances...and besides, we're the Muppets, since when do we need money to put on a show?” He was smiling despite the circumstances as the last thought struck him, the image of them all stuffed in airport lockers, living off of quarters and free bowls of soup. “Now look: Uncle Deadly has offered to try and fix the boiler...that will at least give us one room of warmth to sleep in...”
“How tight are we talking of a budget are we talking Kermit? As in, pay-cut tight?”
Kermit swallowed. “As in, I wasn't even counting on the pay checks.”
The room was silent. Understanding crept through it along with a cold draft. Kermit forced himself not to let the silence become too oppressive. “I'm not sure exactly, but I...wanted to let you know.” Quiet again. “And, um...how about we watch Holiday Inn?”
“No Kermit!!”
"No way!"
“Uncle Kermit, we saw that last night!”
“BOR-ING, BOR-ING!!!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kermit watched them haggle and laugh and shove one another good naturedly. The Lord willing, a little conflict now and then was perfect to take their minds off other things. He wondered whether their jumping at the chance of an argument was as faked as his own opinions about a Holiday movie.
“Kermie dear?” Miss Piggy's lavender-gloved hand was on his shoulder.
“Yes Piggy?”
“Do you like moi's new dress?”
Kermit turned to behold her in a sweeping dark green dress, sleeveless with a turtle neck. She was holding a red ribbon around the waist, squeezing a little possibly.
“Hilda still has to finish this sash...I haven't quite decided whether I like it yet. Do you think maybe white would be less...intrépide?”
“You're gorgeous, Piggy.”
Something about the blunt, distractedness of his words, or the tender but quiet way he said them, alarmed her.
“Kermie, sweetheart, what's wrong?”
He couldn't make his eyes meet hers, but he knew it was no use trying to cover. He didn't have to look to feel the blazing determination to find and fix whatever was hurting her frog.
“It's just.....getting to be a little too much I guess.” He said, quietly so that none of the group would overhear.
“The money?”
He nodded. “How did you know?”
“Kermie, my love, moi does not have to point out that we are living in a theater. And besides, when dear Hilda does something dangerous like suggesting moi cut back on Christmas shopping---well then I know something is wrong.”
“I'm sorry piggy.”
She grabbed his chin with her hands, and turned him around to face her. “Now vous is going to stop that apologizing, this instant, you understand?” She growled. “Moi will not put up with it.”
Kermit smiled. “And what are you going to do about it?”
“Well....is there any mistletoe above us?”
Kermit didn't take his eyes off her. “I don't think so.”
“But we don't know for sure, now do we?”
Kermit's smile increased. “Nope.”
“Well, better safe then sorry....”
And Figgie, I must apologize that so far your 'romance' has been as bland as a beige wall. Will get better, promise!! (which mean, I hope!)CHAPTER FIVE
“Ok...everyone...settle down now...” Kermit waved his baton in a a futile effort at organization. “Please --um--can we just get a few carols down, and then back to the separate acts...”
No one was really listening, arguing and jabbering with each other was the easiest way to relieve the cold. Dr. Teeth and the rest of the band stood idly by with their instruments at hand, waiting on some kind of a miracle to make it quiet enough to begin.
Floyd nodded at Animal. “Detonate, man.”
Animal knew very few words. He understood a few more, but translated half of them to mean one thing. Drums. He let loose on them in a fury of noise and banging and growling and yelling, drowning out the talk in the room until all eyes were on him wondering whether a sedative would be needed.
When he was finally calmed down, Kermit turned to start. “OK...thanks Animal, Floyd.” “You know what they say, fight fire with fire right?”
“...Yeah. Ok everyone: Nigel, you ready back there?”
“Sure Kermit.”
“Alice?”
“I'm taking the solo right?”
“Nooo..that would be moidear.”
“Piggy....let's not start that again.”
“Oh, moi is sorry. I forgot the rule was age before beauty.”
“Scooter?”
“I'm getting hot chocolate for the monsters, boss.”
“Well drop it and help Nigel for now, OK?
“OK...”
“Alright, now from the first note...and listen you guys, I'm not stopping for anything this time...so keep on singing no matter what. Here we go...”
They launched off shakily, remembering during the second bar what song they were singing and what solo they had and flinging in late and off key, with extra enthusiasm on the next line to make up for it.
Alison took the lead with the first verse:
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree!
Kermit joined her, a little early on account of his frazzled nerves.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Two turtle doves...
Fozzie cut in:
And a partridge in a pear tree!!
“Fozzie, that isn't your line.”
“Oh, I'm so sorry!”
“It's all right, just be quiet now.”
Miss Piggy jumped in, growling the beginning of her line for silence:
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Three French hens!
“I wish someone would get me three French hens!”
“Gonzo, shush!”
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Now it was Rowlf's turn:
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
--Four calling birds,
--Three french hens,
“Mee-ow!”
“Brawwk!”
…. Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Miss Piggy launched in again:
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Five...golden....
“But wait Piggy!”
“What?!”
“You already had a line!”
“This is *always * my line, Kermie dear. Now step aside and let moi sing it?”
The tone in her voice told him he better not have an argument.
Five golden rings!!
--Four calling birds,
--Three French hens,
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
It was Fozzie's turn, and as usual he stood blank-faced, until Nigel graciously took his part: On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Six swans a swimming,
Five golden rings!!
--Four calling birds,
--Three French hens,
--Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Scooter grabbed his line:
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...!
“Whhaaa!!!”
His pitch was good, but in flinging his hand out to meet the chorus, he had inadvertently sent a thermos of hot chocolate flying—on to Nigel. There were horrendous, traumatizing screams echoing in the background as miss Piggy finished her line without a cue. Five...golden rings!
Four calling birds,
>scream<
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Lew Zealand commenced:
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, Eight fish a flying!
“What? That Is not your line, as you know perfectly well!”
“Sam! Lew!”
“Is so!”
>screams from Nigel<
“Will somebody get him some water?!”
“I'm on it boss!”
“No! Take your cue!”
“...Five...golden....rings!!”
“ --Four calling birds,”
“--Three French hens,”
“….uhm.....Two turtle doves,”
“And a partridge in a pear tree!”
Gonzo surprised everyone by taking coming in on the right line. And surprised absolutely no one by forgetting the rest of it:
“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Nine....Ah, gee....something....something...”
“ Eight fish a-flying!”
“Wrong!!”
“Seven swans a swimming,”
“Six...” >splash< “I'm fine, alright?! ...geese a-laying,”
“Five golden rings!”
“Four calling birds,”
“Three French hens,”
“Two turtle doves,”
“And a partridge in a pear tree!”
Fozzie opened his mouth in an attempt at what would have been Nigel's line, only to be cut off by Animal, tired of waiting around.
“ON THE TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME...”
He opened his shaggy brows a moment and caught sight of Alice.
“WO--MAN!!!”
That ended it. Animal was off after the lead singer in a flash, who left the stage screaming. Gonzo's tiny attention span short circuited and he wandered away after a passing hen. A wet, scalded and thoroughly fed-up Nigel marched off snatching his baton from Kermit on the way out. Scooter took the chance and made some excuse to hop out of the chaos zone. Lew and Sam continued to argue ending with Lew taking childish pleasure in throwing fish in Sam's face, the latter throwing an American hissy-fit. Miss Piggy stood boiling and Fozzie hid behind his hat.
Kermit turned around to face his lone audience member, stretching at the neck of his tuxedo uncomfortably.
“It's uhm....always better when we've had more practice.”
J.P. Gross put his cigar butt out on the arm-rest of his seat. “Course' frog, whatever you say. Was--that supposed to be funny?”
Kermit gulped. “Did you think it was?”
“Nope, but it wasn't artistic or musical either. Not sure what you were going for.” “Uhm...Yeah well, I didn't exactly ask you down here to show you that.”
“I didn't think you were that dumb.”
“Um...you may have noticed...it's a little cold in here...”
J.P. Glanced around speculatively at the lofty, dilapidated, Benny Vandergast Memorial theater he owned. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“Well...we were wondering....”
“If I could fix the heat right? Let me finish: I also noticed the surplus of cots and crazies, and this morning on my way to the office I noticed something else: a nice lookin' family moving into the boarding house where my nephew and his nutty friends stay: so I figured either ya'll got real friendly and decided to share your home with someone else and their furniture, or else you were evicted and are now living in my theater.”
Kermit wasn't sure how to reply. He wished there would be an explosion, but they never came at convenient moments, like when miss Piggy wanted the spot he had just given to the attractive female guest star...
“So which is it frog?” J.P. Insisted.
“Well, we kinda had a mix-up with the landlord, you see, and...” He swallowed. “She just kicked us out-- all of us. And now I'm not sure what to do. I had kinda hoped you would help me out.”
“How so?”
“By fixing the heating system? Or..repairing some of the holes in the place...or, both? Maybe?”
J.P. Lit another cigar. “Did it ever occur to you frog how much more money I could make if there was one of my shopping centers here instead of this dump?”
It hadn't, really. Kermit was suddenly rooted to the spot. “I guess...a lot...”
He shook his head. “But you wouldn't do that! I mean, we've known you for years...we've rented from you for as long as the show's been in business, and you can't say it hasn't been going well.”
“No, can't say that frog. And I haven't torn the place down yet. That's the way I'm helpin' you out. Eventually this place will tumble down on it's own, but until that happens, why put off the inevitable? I've had ample opportunity to kick you people out, but I haven't, cause' I'm a good guy. And besides that, the nephew can be pretty annoying when he wants to.”
Kermit made a face that couldn't show how disgusted he was. “Funny. You sound just like our landlord giving us the reasons why she had to boot us out of our home.”
J.P. Grosse shrugged. “That's life. Especially during Christmas. You'd be amazed how ugly things turn when your on the other side of the financial scale. And that's all I'm saying, you have to look out for yourself, you know? There's no such thing as charity coming back to you when you can't afford it.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At about the third hallway, Alice started to get almost actually a little scared of Animal. It wasn't as if she hadn't been warned a billion times about his proclivity for chasing pretty girls, but she had neglected to ask exactly what happened in the event that he caught them. She turned blindly into a doorway, thinking if she swung off she might be able to throw her pursuer. No good, she could hear him coming. She turned to see how close he was, and ran smack into someone else coming from the opposite direction.
She was knocked back onto her haunches, as was Henry.
“Oh! I'm sorry...” He stood back up, grabbing Alice's hand and pulling her to her feet before he realized who she was. He caught sight of her eyes, and jumped back as if he had been bitten.
“Oh...hi.” He mumbled.
Alice smiled and made as if to reply, but Animal came running through the back hallway. “WO-MAN, WO-MAN!!”
Henry turned towards him calmly. “Hey Animal, I think Floyd's calling you.”
Animal stopped and blinked as if he were trying to remember what he'd been doing. Then he turned and shuffled back through the theater halfheartedly.
It was only when her giggles subsided that Alice realized she was clutching Henry's arms. Now it was her turn to hop back.
“Hi.” She said, smiling to make up for her embarrassment. “And thanks.”She had never felt happier being uncomfortable.
“Your welcome.” Said Henry, trying not to stare at her pretty face up close.
Alice had noticed it though. The singer chewed her lip, trying to stifle a smile. “Uhm....I'm Alice.” She said.
“I'm Henry.”
“Nice to meet you. Um...how did you learn that trick about Animal?”
Henry shrugged. “Well Floyd seems to be the only one that he listens to, so I just made a lucky guess. He was probably getting bored anyway.”
“You must be pretty used to them by now, huh?”
Henry shifted. “Well actually, I've only been working here for about a week. They needed extra stagehands for the Christmas show. I'm still not sure whether I'll stay on after that.”
“I know how you feel. I'm booked on the Christmas program...”She trailed off. “They're fun people, aren't they though?”
“Crazy.”
“Sure, but fun.” Henry smiled.
“They sure are.”
They stood and smiled at each other for a moment.
“I heard you singing today....you sing, really well....” Henry tried hard not to stutter, but the words didn't sound like he wanted them to when they came out.
Alice's blush was encouraging. “Thanks.” She managed. “Well...” She glanced at the empty hallway. “I...probably need to...go...practice, or something...” She smiled at him again. He tried smiling back, but he couldn't seem to master the action anymore.
“See ya later, um, Henry.”
He watched her till she was out of sight. Then stood for a long time afterwards, trying to decide whether that had gone well or not.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“It's the red cord, Beau...”
“Hey, hurry it up alright?”
“Don't rush us! Beau, could you...watch the remote!”
“Johnny Fiama can rush whoever he wants!”
“Si, si, hokey. Put on the movie so we can see the ladies!”
Scooter was tangled in the pile of cords Beauregard was insistently heaping upon him from the box of electrical equipment from the house.
“We're watching Polar Express Pepe, it's already been decided on.”
“I don't believe that hokey! That's a terrible movie. Santa Baby is way better hokey!”
“Aw, well I still wanna watch Santa's Coming to Town.”
“Tough Robin, I wanted to see A Christmas Carol.”
“Guys, Rizzo, please don't start that again.”
“It ain't right man, It's a Wonderful Life is our holiday tradition. Like Piggy growing out of last years Christmas dress.”
>collected nervous snickers as the group glanced around to see if Piggy was on the premises<
“You know, I'd really like to see White Christmas instead."
“Oh Fozzie, we've seen that a billion times already.”
“Same thing with this one!”
“Yeah, nobody wants to watch this movie Scooter.”
“You did a minute ago!”
“Did not!”
“Si, not enough ladies hokey!”
“Well I say we boycott this movie and vote on another one!”
“Oh Gonzo, don't make trouble!”
“Who's making trouble?!”
Kermit watched them, waiting for an opportunity to speak. He hated bad news with a passion. He hated having to give it even more so.
“Uh....hey guys.......everyone.........QUIETTT!!!!” Mission accomplished. They all turned and looked in his direction. “Hey...um...” He took a deep breath. “I've been checking over the budget and, with that move and what we just spent on extra cots and blankets and everything...plus the groceries this week. Well....it's gonna be pretty tight, for a while.”
He watched their reaction. No panic, just a familiar wondering whether Kermit was telling the whole story, what he meant, ...if he could handle whatever was wrong.
“Any word from J.P.?” Asked Rowlf.
“Yeah Kerm, what's he say?”
Kermit swallowed in his habitual 'It isn't good news' way. “He's not fixing anything.” He said quietly. Now there was some panic.
“What?! But the weather report says it's gonna get even colder tonight!”
“How are we gonna get an audience, the auditoriums freezing!”
Scooter hopped off his stepping stool. The go-fer looked almost guilty.
“Do you want me to talk to him, boss?”
“I don't think it'll do any good Scooter. Thanks.”
“Kermin, what are going to do hokey? It's a deep freeze in here, hokey?!”
“Kermit--” Fozzie tapped him on the shoulder mournfully. “I called my mother. She's already in Honolulu and the house is filled with college kids....I'm sorry.”
“It's OK Fozzie.” Kermit raised his voice against the worried murmurs of the group. “Look guys, it's not any of your fault, alright? I want you to know that first of all. Secondly, I want you to know that we're still going to stay together and pull through. This is just a minor set-back....an oversight on the finances...and besides, we're the Muppets, since when do we need money to put on a show?” He was smiling despite the circumstances as the last thought struck him, the image of them all stuffed in airport lockers, living off of quarters and free bowls of soup. “Now look: Uncle Deadly has offered to try and fix the boiler...that will at least give us one room of warmth to sleep in...”
“How tight are we talking of a budget are we talking Kermit? As in, pay-cut tight?”
Kermit swallowed. “As in, I wasn't even counting on the pay checks.”
The room was silent. Understanding crept through it along with a cold draft. Kermit forced himself not to let the silence become too oppressive. “I'm not sure exactly, but I...wanted to let you know.” Quiet again. “And, um...how about we watch Holiday Inn?”
“No Kermit!!”
"No way!"
“Uncle Kermit, we saw that last night!”
“BOR-ING, BOR-ING!!!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kermit watched them haggle and laugh and shove one another good naturedly. The Lord willing, a little conflict now and then was perfect to take their minds off other things. He wondered whether their jumping at the chance of an argument was as faked as his own opinions about a Holiday movie.
“Kermie dear?” Miss Piggy's lavender-gloved hand was on his shoulder.
“Yes Piggy?”
“Do you like moi's new dress?”
Kermit turned to behold her in a sweeping dark green dress, sleeveless with a turtle neck. She was holding a red ribbon around the waist, squeezing a little possibly.
“Hilda still has to finish this sash...I haven't quite decided whether I like it yet. Do you think maybe white would be less...intrépide?”
“You're gorgeous, Piggy.”
Something about the blunt, distractedness of his words, or the tender but quiet way he said them, alarmed her.
“Kermie, sweetheart, what's wrong?”
He couldn't make his eyes meet hers, but he knew it was no use trying to cover. He didn't have to look to feel the blazing determination to find and fix whatever was hurting her frog.
“It's just.....getting to be a little too much I guess.” He said, quietly so that none of the group would overhear.
“The money?”
He nodded. “How did you know?”
“Kermie, my love, moi does not have to point out that we are living in a theater. And besides, when dear Hilda does something dangerous like suggesting moi cut back on Christmas shopping---well then I know something is wrong.”
“I'm sorry piggy.”
She grabbed his chin with her hands, and turned him around to face her. “Now vous is going to stop that apologizing, this instant, you understand?” She growled. “Moi will not put up with it.”
Kermit smiled. “And what are you going to do about it?”
“Well....is there any mistletoe above us?”
Kermit didn't take his eyes off her. “I don't think so.”
“But we don't know for sure, now do we?”
Kermit's smile increased. “Nope.”
“Well, better safe then sorry....”
Brackets. I understand. I guess my mind is still stuck in the formatting system of a scripty-type essay I've been writing for class. All the action takes place inside of those, and the rest is dialogue. No excuse, I know, just a lazy default way to write. And forever? Forever means: since October when I got to feeling Christmasy and listened to 12 Days of Christmas again. That forever. Here's to hoping your head doesn't still hurt! I'm off to take my learner's test, wish me luck!
