Chapter 5
Skeeter, Janice, and Camilla were all perched in the hallway, looking in on the living room, and all the boys gathered around the television. "Brawk bawk?" Camilla asked Skeeter.
"Yup, we’ve gotta get ‘em in there," Skeeter said.
"But, like, why?" Janice asked.
"Because," Skeeter snapped. "Clifford, Floyd, and Gonzo are in there! If they see us pick up new guys, they’ll know we mean business!"
"Like, okay," Janice said. "But do I have to wear a suit?"
Skeeter rolled her eyes and groaned. "Just get in there and pick a man!" Skeeter said, shoving Janice into the living room.
"Um, like, hi," Janice said to the group of men in the living room, a group that consisted of Sam Eagle, Zoot, Johnny Fiama, Sal, Lew Zealand, Scooter, and of course, Clifford, Gonzo, and Floyd.
"Hey, hey!" Floyd called to Janice. "‘Bout time you came around! Pop a squat next to your main squeeze, baby!"
"Um, like, no thanks," Janice said. Janice looked the room over at all the available men. Clifford and Gonzo were ruled out, Sam would just be too weird, Lew smelled like fish (and Janice was a vegetarian), and Scooter was Skeeter’s brother. So, that left Johnny, Sal, or Zoot.
"Like, Johnny," Janice said quietly. "Do you like, like, veggie wraps?"
Johnny slowly turned to look at Janice. He rose his eyebrow. "Sal, what is she talkin’ about?"
Sal shrugged. "I think she’s talking about those wussy green things in bowls!"
"Grapes?" Johnny asked.
"No, no, that ain’t it," Sal said. "They’re called like... sailors! Yeah! Sailors!"
"Salads, you buffoons!" Sam shouted.
Johnny and Sal looked at each other and shrugged, returning to their T.V. time.
Janice sighed. She looked at Zoot, who was conked out in an armchair. She looked over to Skeeter and Camilla, Skeeter motioned for her to get Zoot while she had the chance.
Janice walked over to Zoot and tapped him on the shoulder. "Zoot, would you like, totally want to get an organic cup of coffee with me sometime?" Janice asked the snoozing saxophonist.
Zoot cocked his head slightly. "Wha’?" he asked quietly.
"Would you like to, like, rully go out with me sometime?" Janice reiterated.
Zoot’s mouth hung open slightly as he glanced over at Floyd. "I’m uh-"
"Like, great!" Janice said. "See you later!" Janice trotted off prominently past Floyd, who just stared at her.
"Yes!" Skeeter squealed quietly, grasping Camilla’s wings and bouncing. "Alright little red hen, you’re up!"
Camilla nodded. "Brawk!" She trotted out into the living room, not even glancing at Gonzo. She waddled right up to Sam Eagle and pecked at his chest.
Sam bent his head slowly downwards to look at Camilla. "May I help you?"
"Brawk," Camilla clucked. "Bragawk byuck bawk, brawk. Buck bragawk?"
"You what?" Gonzo shouted.
"What?" Sam asked. "What did she say?"
"She- she said-" Gonzo gulped. "She- she fancies your- your wings!"
Sam looked from side to side. "Um... well- I- your wings are very... fluffy?"
Gonzo’s mouth fell open. "How- how dare you, Sam?"
"Well, I am not exactly sure," Sam said. "Um, what did I say?"
Camilla pecked at Sam’s chest again. "Brawk! Bagawk, byuck bawk?"
Sam looked at Gonzo. "Um, what did she say?"
Gonzo’s eyes widened. "Sh-she said- ‘wanna go dancing, stiff knees?’"
"Brawk?" Camilla clucked forcefully.
"Well, I suppose I could-" Sam began.
"Bawk!" Camilla clucked, grabbing on to Sam’s wing with her beak and pulling him away.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Sam asked himself aloud.
As Sam and Camilla left the living room, Gonzo turned to Floyd. "Wh-what just happened?"
Clifford chuckled. "You guys got dumped!" he said.
"Yeah, and I get paid!" Sal said to Clifford. "Ten bucks!"
"Not yet you don’t, chimp!" Clifford said. "My girl hasn’t dumped me yet."
"Yet being the key word there," Scooter said as he watched Skeeter walk over towards Johnny.
"Oh, hey!" Lew shouted towards Skeeter. "Are you looking for a new boyfriend, too?"
"Uh, well- yes! Johnny, let’s go get ice cream, whadaya say?" Skeeter asked quickly.
Johnny rose his eyebrows. "Uh, yeah, Skeeter, we can go."
Sal laughed and held out his hand towards Clifford. Clifford slammed down a ten dollar bill into Sal’s hand. Sal turned to Johnny, laughing.
"Hey Sal, lend me ten bucks so I can go buy Skeeter ice cream," Johnny said.
"But Johnny, I just-"
"Sal," Johnny said. "Just look at ‘er, huh? Gimme the ten bucks."
Sal muttered and passed on the money to Johnny. Skeeter grasped on to Johnny’s hand and cast a glance towards Clifford. She grinned triumphantly and left the house with Johnny.
"Wow," Lew said.
"Yeah..." Gonzo whispered.
"I was the only one who didn’t get a girl!" Lew said. "Go figure. Oh well, c’mon Kristen," he said to his boomerang fish as he left.
Clifford, Floyd, and Gonzo all looked at each other. "Ya’ll," Clifford said. "We’ve been completely-"
A loud explosion from the kitchen cut Clifford off. "Ya doorsky por lee hoppin struse!" The Swedish Chef coughed as he barreled out of the now-smoking kitchen.
Clifford sighed. "I’ll call the fire department. Again."
<~><~><~><~><~>
Caffeine. That’s what she needed, caffeine.
"C’mon bacon grease, we’re getting coffee," Piggy said.
"But that stunts my growth," Link whined.
Piggy groaned. "Moi definitely needs caffeine."
They entered the small café and ordered their coffees. A de-caf vanilla latte for Link, and a triple shot caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream and caramel for Piggy.
"Miss Piggy," Link said to her. "I really enjoy being your boyfriend."
"Cram it, Hogthrob!" Piggy shouted. "You’re not really my boyfriend."
Link frowned. "I’m not?"
"No," Piggy said. "Vous are just acting like it, to help moi win back that good-for-nothing frog."
"If he’s good for nothing, why do you want to win him back?" Link asked.
Piggy guzzled down her coffee. "Have ya looked at him?"
Link stirred his coffee around. "So... you’re just using me?"
Piggy looked down swiftly. "Um, well, you see, moi is-"
"Because if you are," Link interrupted. "I’m just glad for the publicity."
"The what?" Piggy asked.
Link pointed to the window of the café behind Piggy. She whipped around and saw two men taking her and Link’s picture.
A grin slowly spread across Piggy’s face. "Ooh, this could be fun."
Link scratched his head. "Do you think I have to sign a release form to be in those pictures?"
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