I got everything settled with school today but now I'm just annoyed and feeling horrible again.
One of my cousins got into college and well, I'm not impressed because she got into a school that accepts 99% of all applicants and she is one of those people who barely makes a GPA in school at all. I had a 4.1 in high school and I got into a school that accepts less than 70% of all applicants and well, I worked my butt off for that! I'm not about to be screaming from the rooftops 'YAY' for a person who has literally had everything handed to them and remains ungrateful.
On top of that, sometimes I get sick of my mother and I'll say things to her under my breath like how she should learn to speak properly (in both English and Spanish), she doesn't notice and if she does she doesn't seem to care; now my one uncle is making a big stink about it and a big stink because I don't like being called 'white girl' (I'm half white and half latina, I am not one or the other, I am BOTH) and is now calling me a racist. Dude, CHILL!!!
And yes, I constantly say that I, in general, hate most people and most things but, so? That's MY business :/ My Abuela has asked me to stop expressing that sentiment; to please do it for her and I want to but, I don't know if I can. I have been put through the ringer so many times that I have learned that I need to take care of me, me, me because no one else will. I just don't know anymore. Y'know, if I'm bothering everyone so much, maybe I should go back and stand on the bathtub ledge like I did last night with my scarf on, ready to swing it up onto the shower curtain bar but again, the few people who are special to me would be devastated but then this thought manifests, besides them, who would miss me?
Sorry to be annoying but, I'm asking for good vibes and prayers, thank you <3