Commercial rant time...

[CensoredAlso]

Unfortunately, I can't find the one I find most disturbing (one where a gang of Crazy Squares sprinkle more cinnamon on a single piece so they can eat it so another one can be sprinkled with cinnamon to have the biggest look of "OH CRAP" you've ever seen before he gets eaten too... that's...that's frightening).

My Dad actually loves those ads because they remind him somewhat of the Muppets' old Wilkins coffee commercials, lol.

 

[Drtooth]

Remember back when I was complaining about the hip new thing was to have shaky voiced women covering slow, moody, acoustic versions of decidedly not that versions of popular music to make some TV show or movie seem really brooding and dark? Well, I found it's male counterpart. Only this time they take the songs and make them comatose errrr... calm and soothing.

There's that not terrible, but I don't care much for it ad for Lipton's sparkling ice tea (because we all wanted ice tea flavored soda, that sounds absolutely not disgusting). But then there's one that crawled up my skin.

There's a Yoplait Greek Yogurt commercial that uses the delightfully cheeseball 1980's song "Land Down Under." So why is this commercial so horrible? I just found it online, so...

Okay. I've heard some bad song covers in the past. I watched some Oddity Archive videos about cheap song cover albums of the 70's and karaoke disks (sweet dreams if you check out the latter), and all the poor vocalists and poorly performed music and all the thick Asian accents in the world couldn't have butchered a song half as badly as this did.

I could even overlook the terrible James Taylor wannabe cover of one of my favorite guilty pleasure songs if it wasn't for the obvious problem here.

What the heck is the connection? This is Greek yogurt, not Aussie Meat Pie and Fosters flavored yogurt. But hey, they changed the lyrics, so... Yeah. They changed the lyrics, tempo, instrumentation, and tone of the song to sell yogurt. Which begs the question, Why the heck use "Land Down Under" in the first place if your product has no connection, and you have to change everything essentially but the tune of the song, thus making it irrelevant?

I mean, that's just insanely lazy. The song means nothing now, you telling me you couldn't find another song to massacre because even then it's somehow cheaper than writing generic bgm? Really. This is EXACTLY why I hate song rights. They had to use a barely sound alike on Regular Show, but yeah we'll let you completely alter the song to sell yogurt even though it makes no sense.

 

[mr3urious]

I mean, that's just insanely lazy. The song means nothing now, you telling me you couldn't find another song to massacre because even then it's somehow cheaper than writing generic bgm?

Original jingles like in the old days of advertising (as recently as the late '90s) are truly a dying art. No matter how cheeseball they are, at least they don't run the risk of tarnishing the legacy of whatever popular song is being used to sell stuff. Probably would be a lot cheaper to make, too.

They had to use a barely sound alike on Regular Show, but yeah we'll let you completely alter the song to sell yogurt even though it makes no sense.

A certain Tony Jay-voiced character would like to remind you what may have motivated the copyright holders to do it.

 

[Drtooth]

Original jingles like in the old days of advertising (as recently as the late '90s) are truly a dying art. No matter how cheeseball they are, at least they don't run the risk of tarnishing the legacy of whatever popular song is being used to sell stuff. Probably would be a lot cheaper to make, too.

By no means do I have a major problem in general with easy use of popular music in commercials (anything would have to be very specific), but there's taking a popular song and pairing it up with a product that's a no brainer. Yeah, I hate when they use those kinds of songs for prescription drug commercials, especially the tasteless "Viva Viagra" ad that ticked off Elvis's survivors.

But this yogurt commercial is baffling. If it was used for like Outback Steakhouse or some sort of connection to Australia somehow, even if they ruined it with soothing male vocals that wouldn't have been so bad. But it really feels like whoever was behind this said "Hey! You know that wacky song that kinda made fun of the US's weird love affair with Australia from the 80's? Won't that work wonderfully with a Greek product if we change the lyrics and essentially anything that makes sense about using this song?"

Just...bizarre.

 

[mr3urious]

Courtesy of TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" section:

You're telling me these people couldn't afford even a local amateur Flash animator and had to resort to Clutch Cargo-esque flapping lips slapped onto clip art with Stepford smiles that, when combined with those monotone voices, make the whole thing needlessly creepy? And those must be some knee braces when Granny's appearance is completely changed along with them.

 

[D'Snowth]

Thanks mr3urious, I've been meaning to share that commercial in this thread for a while now.

 

[Drtooth]

You're telling me these people couldn't afford even a local amateur Flash animator and had to resort to Clutch Cargo-esque flapping lips slapped onto clip art with Stepford smiles that, when combined with those monotone voices, make the whole thing needlessly creepy? And those must be some knee braces when Granny's appearance is completely changed along with them.

I'd say Clutch Cargo at least had effort. I can't even say this commercial is a trainwreck because even trainwrecks are mildly interesting. I especially love how the grandma at the beginning doesn't even match the one at the end. I really don't understand the process with this one. Don't they have the usual "not an actor" testimonials on these things? Why go for the ugliest animation style imaginable? Who is that for? I've seen awful local commercials before (cough cough cough Dwight the Knight), but this one's just baffling.

For something also baffling, but with actual production values, this commercial's been in my craw for the last month, making me glad Halloween is over. I mentioned this in another thread, but I'll show it here. Now, I could only find it in a compilation, but luckily, it's on first so I don't have to give you a time code.

Now, while I find these commercials, at best, mildly amusing, this one's just terrible and due in part to massive special effects failure. A hairless, shirtless guy getting a hair pulled on his hairless chest. Doesn't look right at all, and it looks more like they're digging into his flesh with a paper clip or Christmas tree ornament hook. I'm going to overlook the fact that if that wasn't a teenager, showing up to give kids treats shirtless in a fireman's outfit should somehow be a sex offense crime. But you know what the worst thing about this commercial was? Well, if like me you happened to catch The Splat the past couple weeks they air the commercial at least 3 times per show. So if you watch a modest hour and a half, that's at least 9 times you're guaranteed to see it.

And while I'm on the subject...

Now, I've always hated these cigarette company self-inflicted cigarette ads (except the "It's Fair Enough" sitcom commercials...those were actually good). And while I don't want to get into the whole conspiracy of how they usually warp the commercial's message to advertise their products anyway, the painful Yo Yogi-an levels of trying to be hip to the youngsters and ethnics with their viddya games and Goofy Grape are just... ugh... they're using Memes. And poorly done memes at that. What? They couldn't get Disney on board with this and use the "It's a trap" meme the right way? as in...

I find the "if cigarettes looked as dangerous as they are, you'd run like [Heck]" ones at least clever and thoughtful enough (they're from the FDA and the Ad Council so there's no bias). But all the "Truth" ads they produce today seem like they're backhandedly saying "look at how self involved and childish the Millennials are! They'll lose their hipness some day and smoke like the rest of you in time." Plus, it seems that some of their commercials tend to focus on Hookah pipes and non-cigarette forms of tobacco... so there's that.

 

[mr3urious]

Now, while I find these commercials, at best, mildly amusing, this one's just terrible and due in part to massive special effects failure. A hairless, shirtless guy getting a hair pulled on his hairless chest. Doesn't look right at all, and it looks more like they're digging into his flesh with a paper clip or Christmas tree ornament hook. I'm going to overlook the fact that if that wasn't a teenager, showing up to give kids treats shirtless in a fireman's outfit should somehow be a sex offense crime.

I thought they were giving him a purple nurple at first.

And that raises another question: if a teen's going to wear something like that for Halloween, shouldn't he be at a wild party where he could try to woo girls his age, not handing out candy to little kids?

And while I don't want to get into the whole conspiracy of how they usually warp the commercial's message to advertise their products anyway,

The one where those Truthers are riding around in an ice cream truck telling some unsuspecting kids that cigs are sold from them is one of the most obvious examples.

Also, that rainbow-puking unicorn looks like he stepped off the set of Gumball. He's animated in a very similar fluid Flash-animated manner.

Plus, it seems that some of their commercials tend to focus on Hookah pipes and non-cigarette forms of tobacco... so there's that.

Vaping is at least a safer alternative to smoking in that e-cigs aren't loaded with all those carcinogens, and there's no second-hand smoke to worry about.

 

[Drtooth]

And that raises another question: if a teen's going to wear something like that for Halloween, shouldn't he be at a wild party where he could try to woo girls his age, not handing out candy to little kids?

Kid looks kinda dorky. I still question absolutely everything about that commercial. I have a theory they wanted something more horror movie looking, but they figured something like that would never get past network censors, so they went with something that theoretically should have been less disturbing, but in the end was worse. They should have at least gone with a kid with a mildly hairy chest.

Though I have to admit, the expression on the kid in skeleton make up was priceless.

Vaping is at least a safer alternative to smoking in that e-cigs aren't loaded with all those carcinogens, and there's no second-hand smoke to worry about.

They don't mention vaping in those ads. Just Hookahs, some flavored cigarello thing, and cigars. In other words, products the companies that produce these commercials don't make. Another backhanded message from Truth. These commercials translate to "See? We're not so bad. These guys are much worse. Don't give them money. Our product is actually safer. Give it to us if you have to." The Ad council, being free from underhanded ulterior motives actually does a better job. Though I can't take the one where the kid pulls his teeth out with a giant pliers seriously. It's an inside joke thing pertaining to weird comics I drew years back. I can't get my own joke out of my head seeing that.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Courtesy of TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" section:

You're telling me these people couldn't afford even a local amateur Flash animator and had to resort to Clutch Cargo-esque flapping lips slapped onto clip art with Stepford smiles that, when combined with those monotone voices, make the whole thing needlessly creepy? And those must be some knee braces when Granny's appearance is completely changed along with them.

The voice of Grandma in this ad sounds like the spokesperson for Popeye's chicken. Buy a knee brace and get two sides and a biscuit free.