Commercial rant time...

[D'Snowth]

Well again, like I mentioned a while back (and it's still airing) a local PSA that's like, "Kids have dreams of being astronauts, athletes, maybe even teachers, but we have a childhood obesity problem, so if your kids are fat, then they can't be whatever they want when they grow up."

 

[mr3urious]

I mentioned this in the Sesame Street parade float thread, but I think it deserves a good tongue-lashing here.

Anyone else catch that disgusting commercial for "Biggest Loser: Temptation Nation?" Now, I'm not really one of those "is nothing sacred" types, but I'm going full Sam the Eagle mode on that one.

For those who haven't seen it, it's just inspirational patriotic music playing over footage of national landmarks with food superimposed on them. As if to say "you're all fat fatsos and you should be ashamed of being so fat!" UGH. Now, I've said before this thinspirational nasty little show is pure exploitation and the audience consists of people with great metabolism making fun of the fatties running around and crying. But now they have to be this... up their own butts about it? And "Temptation Nation." How completely classy and not at all exploitational at all.

I know what you mean. I've really gotten peeved of this whole tired belief that every single American is the size of Jupiter and obesity rates will uncontrollably skyrocket to Wall-E levels in the future, when in reality, obesity rates have been pretty steady the past couple of years and have even fallen a little in some instances. It's really hard to get that fat and lazy, like you said.

 

[Drtooth]

Well again, like I mentioned a while back (and it's still airing) a local PSA that's like, "Kids have dreams of being astronauts, athletes, maybe even teachers, but we have a childhood obesity problem, so if your kids are fat, then they can't be whatever they want when they grow up."

Bull, because I've seen plenty of fat teachers in my lifetime.

 

[Drtooth]

Okay... this has been bugging me for a while now, and I need to vent. How do I explain it? Okay, Crayola apparently thinks the best way to sell crayon based activities is by giving kids obnoxiously competitive attitudes.

Now, you wouldn't think a commercial for something that carves words into crayons would involve petty insulting, but....

Somehow...somehow that's less mature than showing five year olds carve their names in there.

Okay, how about some weird thing that wraps thread around objects so they look like some awful craft activity from summer camp that gets thrown out a day after the kids come home? Nothing attitude worthy or competitive about thaaa......

Really? Really, Crayola?!?

I can't help but think of another pathetic attempt to make something randomly totally radical by adding a "strong female role model" by having them act like idiot 20 year old dudebros...

Yep. Crayola made their own "Game Day Bucket go Boom" commercial. They even freaking say Boom both times. GAH!!! YOU MAKE CRAYONS FOR KIDDIES!!! Get your head out of your...back of the...box...crayon sharpening...hole...

 

[fuzzygobo]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the crayon carver. Now that the two kids commenced their showdown (you expect Clint Eastwood to step out of the shadows), what are they gonna do next? Load the crayons into a Nerf rocket launcher and shoot each other?

Will they actually use the now-naked crayons to color in dirty pictures? Will they write hateful notes to classmates to take bullying to the next level?

Crayola? This is the best you can do?

 

[mr3urious]

Trying too hard to make crayons seem "hip" for all the Candy Crush-lovin' whippersnappers of today, I presume.

 

[Drtooth]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the crayon carver. Now that the two kids commenced their showdown (you expect Clint Eastwood to step out of the shadows), what are they gonna do next? Load the crayons into a Nerf rocket launcher and shoot each other?

That's where the commercial especially confuses me. The kids are clearly too old and apparently too "internet from 5 years ago" to actually do anything with the crayons other than waste them speaking exactly like a 50 year old businessman thinks kids speak on the internet. I'm sure older kids do use crayons for artwork, and I don't want to be an art snob and say that any real 10 year old kid looking into art professionally or as a serious hobby would only work in paints, colored pencils (the professional kind), and expensive professional digital art programs that only rich parents can get their kids. There are some bold artists out there that work in crayon. Just that these specific kids are too old for coloring books that these kinds of crayons are essentially sold for. They could have easily used a bunch of happy 5-8 year olds personalizing their crayons, but nooooooo.

I get this image of Wilbur Cobb looking execs sitting at a table, chugging Pepto Bismol (the ulcers, you know) saying "How are we gunna get dem kids off them bippidy bloop boxes an' back inta buyin' somethin' they're past the recommended age of?" Why the answer is obvious. Make them act like Internet Trolls from 2007!

But the Thread Wrapping thing is beyond baffling. Now, I know the subject of how the media portrays female roles is hot button, but I'm pretty sure that no one would agree that a commercial for something made to pretty up accessories, but making the girls competitive enough to give "Awww YEAAAH!!! SUCK IT! SUCK IT, BWOIIII!" poses isn't the forward thinking, feminist masterpiece said same 50 year olds think it is.

I reiterate....

 

[D'Snowth]

Brace yerself for this one, Drtooth:

So apparently coke had to pull a new commercial off the air because of complaints: apparently white people sharing bottles of coke with Mexicans is racist.

I really want to say that D'ump is behind this one, I really do: with the way he's so anti-Hispanic and clearly wanting to get rid of everyone in this country who isn't a conservative white, not to mention he's popular with Americans for som reason (I think they like his idealized image of an exclusively white America), why else would this be considered racist and offensive?

 

[Drtooth]

Side note. Nah, I don't believe Ronaldo Rump is so much racist as he knows his followers are, which is actually worse, but I'm not going to get into that.

But that sounds like that great paradox where even PC isn't PC enough and you wind up becoming very UnPC to be PC. In other words, when anything can be seen as racist, stereotypical, or taken a bad way, so they strip any cultural personality and personality at all.

SNL has got you covered.

That said, I remember some awful commercial (hilariously awful) for some "Asian" inspired frozen snack food who's name I can't remember or I'd post the commercial. It had the unintentionally and gut-bustingly racist tag line of "All the Goodness of Asian." Nope. Not "all the goodness of Asian cuisine" (which, even then, which Asian country? They all have different foods, but some similarities) just "all the Goodness of Asian." Those disappeared quickly.

Besides, "all the goodness of Asian" sounds like someone with a racial fetish.

 

[Drtooth]

Is there any reason that the TY "Peek-a-Boos" toy line needs to have the most annoying commercial in history? I really wish whoever was responsible for that one would have to sit through that awful ad for all eternity. It's...so...freaking...annoying.

Also, small complaint for a Pillsbury dough tube ad. The one with the introductory narration of "Who coined the term 'Side-bread?'"

Yeah. I'd like to know who coined that term as well, particularly as I've never heard it ever! It's not a thing.